Seated on the couch of her apartment, Mia dug into a takeout container of Chinese food. The television was on in the background, playing some sort of reality TV show that Mia didn’t care for. Though Julian had offered to keep her company in the evening, Mia had declined, needing some time to herself. Despite the loneliness that threatened to sneak in, Mia had realized finally that who she needed space from besides Leila was Julian as well.
As Mia finished up her dinner, she glanced around at the overflowing trash can, figuring she should take it out. Since Leila had left, Mia hadn’t cooked much. Often, she and Julian would go out, she’d order takeout, or she’d just bring back some extra pastries from the café to eat as a meal. Now that Leila wasn’t around to eat with her, cooking didn’t spark that same joy as it once did.
Mia reluctantly put on her shoes and lugged the heavy trash bag down the hall to the trash chute. Once she returned to the apartment, drowsiness began to overtake her. She let out a loud yawn and stretched her arms. Mia reached for her phone on the couch, figuring she’d put some pajamas on and get ready for bed, when suddenly she noticed an unread text.
Hey. I’m planning to come back tomorrow night after work. See you then.
Mia stiffened. She glanced down at the text, not sure how to reply. If she wasn’t careful, all the words would pour out of her; how much she missed Leila, how sorry she was, how foolish she had been. Mia began a long paragraph, but she erased the text, figuring those were words best meant for Leila to hear.
Instead, all she wrote was, See you then.
Glancing around the apartment, Mia realized that, not only had the trash been overflowing, but the whole place was filthy. Mia hadn’t spent much time cleaning in the past two weeks in Leila’s absence. She certainly couldn’t leave the place like this for Leila to come home to.
Though she had been tired only moments before, Mia spent the next hour and a half sweeping and mopping and vacuuming. Once all the counters had been cleaned, the couch cushions fluffed, and the dishes put away, Mia stood back and stared at the clean apartment. Suddenly, everything felt a lot brighter. Though it was night, she opened up the curtains and allowed the stars and moon to shrine through into the living room.
Hopefully she’ll be happy to see the apartment like this, Mia thought.
Later that night, when Mia crawled into bed, she was hoping she’d fall asleep quickly, but her mind raced with thoughts. Staring at the ceiling, Mia was wracked with fear and excitement for the following day as she thought of Leila returning.
What do I tell her? Mia asked. How will she react? Will she not want to be my roommate anymore?
Mia knew it was pointless to think too deeply, but the thoughts tormented her late into the night until exhaustion finally took its course. When she awoke that morning, she felt groggy and disoriented and realized with disappointment that Leila wouldn’t return until that evening.
“Of all the days I have off, today had to be one,” Mia grumbled.
After her cleaning spree the evening before, there wasn’t much else to do. Mia ran a quick trip to the grocery store to buy some essentials, but killed only a measly hour of time. She spent the rest of the day lounging on the couch with the television on in the background. Her eyes were fixated on the clock hanging on the wall. She watched its hands tick slowly, wishing the hours would pass by sooner.
Then, as the sun began to set, fear began to take hold of Mia. She suddenly wondered why she had been excitedly anticipating Leila all day. All day she had conjured up what she was going to say to Leila, but now the words were fleeing from her mind. She suddenly wondered if she’d even have the courage to speak to Leila at all.
As the clock ticked past five, Mia was pacing around the living room. Suddenly, she heard the keys in the door. She turned, about ready to run to her room and hide, but somehow, she remained standing in place. As the door opened, Mia turned, watching Leila enter.
She looked different, though Mia wasn’t sure how so much could have changed in the past two weeks. She looked older, more mature perhaps, and that bright bubbly smile of hers seemed to have vanished.
“Hey,” Mia said meekly.
“Hi,” Leila said, flashing her the shadow of a smile.Â
Fuji was meowing loudly in his pet carrier. Strangely, Mia found his meow comforting. She was surprised she had missed his loud yowl. Leila set him down, and Mia watched as the cat crawled out and immediately made way to his favorite couch cushion. Mia was tempted to laugh, but she knew she needed to say something to Leila. Anything.
As Leila began placing her bags down on the table, Mia lingered. Her eyes turned to the door to her bedroom where she could hide, then back to where Leila was standing in the kitchen. She was bent over, looking through the fridge.
“Um, are you hungry? I can cook something. Sorry. I wasn’t sure where we were on with the schedule now,” Mia said. Inwardly, she cursed herself. No. This wasn’t what she wanted to talk about.
“Someone brought pizza into the office in the afternoon, so no worries. I was just looking for a snack,” Leila said.
As she rummaged through the fridge, Mia took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry!” Mia exclaimed, somewhat louder than she intended.
Leila turned back from the fridge to look at her.
“I-I shouldn’t have been inviting Julian over so much,” Mia murmured. “It wasn’t right for me to break our house rules like that and not tell you when he was coming. And I’m sorry he locked Fuji in your room. I talked to him the other night. I told him he’s not allowed over as much.”
Leila paused and blinked at her. “Oh. Okay, thank you…”
Mia still stood. She knew there was more she had to say. Leila was grabbing her things, looking ready to head to her room, but Mia continued.
“And I’m sorry for being stubborn,” Mia continued. “You’re right. I was avoiding you. I didn’t want to talk about all those things I shared with you that night, even though I gathered the courage to finally tell you about them. I mean, you know me. I have a hard time being vulnerable. Ugh, what I’m trying to say is, I missed you. I’m glad you’re home, and I’m sorry for all that stupid stuff I said before.”
Leila smiled weakly at her. “Thanks for saying all that. It sounds like we both said things we regret.”
Both? Mia thought.
“I shouldn’t have said all that to you either,” Leila murmured. “What you said was right. It wasn’t appropriate for me to share my feelings with you. Julian is your boyfriend, and you love him. I need to accept that. So don’t worry. You won’t hear me say anything like that again. I know I’m just your roommate, and that’s how it will always be.”
Mia wasn’t sure why, but Leila’s words stung. She’d already told herself she wouldn’t break up with Julian, and yet, hearing those words escape from Leila’s mouth, she felt that she and Leila would never reach that level of intimacy they had before their fight.
“Oh. That? It’s okay,” Mia said.
Why do you love me? Mia wanted to ask. Why do you love me even after I shared all those horrible things about myself with you? She held her tongue. It was clear Leila didn’t want to discuss her confession any longer.
“I have something else to tell you,” Leila said. She pulled her hairtie out, allowing her long, dark hair to flow down her back. Mia recognized that Leila was nervous almost immediately, yet she stood with such confidence and poise.
“Remember when I said supervisor talked to me about expanding my career?” Leila asked.
Mia nodded.
“And how part of that includes relocating?”
Mia stiffened suddenly, but she nodded once more.
“I’m not sure I’ll get it, but I’ve applied to a job in Connecticut. I know I didn’t talk to you about it. I’m sorry. It was a decision I needed to make on my own,” Leila murmured.
Mia felt her heart shatter into pieces, but she had to remain strong. With all her might, she plastered a smile on her face. “I know you’ll get the job, Leila. When would it start?”
“In the new year. I know that complicates things with the lease—”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out. I always do,” Mia said. She spoke quickly, knowing if she hesitated, the tears would start to flow.
“Really?” Leila asked. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?”
“Don’t worry about me. Worry about making sure your job application looks good,” Mia said.
“Thanks, Mia,” Leila murmured.
“Um, I’m heading off to bed. Welcome back. Let me know if you need anything,” Mia said. As soon as she stepped into her room and shut the door, her body slid down against the wall. Burying her face in her knees, she began to cry quietly.
I really did fuck everything up, Mia thought.
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