The way Claude’s expression turns into surprise and then slowly morphing into gentle and tender protectiveness as Athanasia stares up at him with wide eyes —
She could feel all the emotions exuding from him. His small smile of amusement and happiness turns somber. He brings his index finger to Athanasia’s hand, to which the Princess refuses to let go once she caught a hold of him.
She smiled as Claude looked at her, even more surprised than before. She chuckled as she could literally hear his heart racing, “…isn’t she adorable? “
“…yes. ” Claude breathed out, “…she looks just like her. “
Y/n could only gulp harshly, ” Yes. Except for her eyes, of course. ” She stepped closer to peer at Athanasia’s smile, “…they look like yours. “
“…N/n…”
” Mhm? “
Claude hesitantly gave Athanasia back to her, “…will she forgive me? ” He whispered softly, “…for being such a bad father? Will Diana forgive me for abandoning the precious child she left for me to cherish? “
Y/n could only stare back at him, lips pursed. He didn’t snap out of it yet? Maybe it will happen later…
“…I don’t know about Diana. ” She breathed out, “…but it isn’t too late for Athy. Love her and cherish her as she grows up. You can tell her one day what happened and ask for her forgiveness. “
Claude nods slowly, hands shaking as he poked Athy’s cheek, to which the baby giggled again. Claude let out a breathless laugh, he immediately moved to hug her, albeit gently as Athanasia was still in her arms.
” W-What—”
” Thank you. “
“…”
” Thank you for giving me courage to face this. ” He breathed out shakily,
” N/n, I love you so much. “
Her smile that was slowly growing faltered, eyes turning blank at his words while all her heart did was skip multiple beats and stomach twisted in both giddiness and dread.
She sucked in a sharp breath, blinking away her tears and humming. ” She’ll grow up well. ” She brought Athy close to her heart, ” Won’t you, Athy? Do forgive your father for being an idiot. “
” Hey! “
– – –
“…it’s been weeks. ” Claude groaned, “…why is she so busy? “
Felix had no answer. All Y/n ever told him was she’s busy everytime he goes to her with Claude’s messages. She always looked as if she had exhausted herself beyond limit, gaunt and tired of everything.
He had tried asking her to rest but he only got a reassuring smile in response. He knew she was trying her best to avoid Claude.
And the way he has seen Claude around Y/n, even he believed it would be good for them to stay apart.
It pained him to know that Claude’s affections towards Y/n will be short-lived, who knows how he will react once he finds out about everything?
And it will be torture for Y/n to go through it. Therefore, by avoiding Claude, she was being cruel to the both of them.
Lately, Claude has spent a lot of time with Princess Athanasia. Felix and every servant of the place felt relieved to see him trying his best.
Only Y/n seemed missing to witness such lovely moments. But again, he knew…it was for the best.
However, he could no longer bring himself to just watch her work herself to the point of exhaustion, he appeared in front of her office with a tray full of strawberries dipped in chocolate, just as she liked.
He could try and convince her to rest a friend, right? He gulped, knocking.
“…Y/n, may I come in? “
” Mhm…what’s the deal today? ” He heard her muse as she signed away on her papers, ” You’ve finally dropped formalities with me. I never thought getting you to just say my name would be so expensive, Felix. “
He flushed, “…it’s not like that. It’s just..extremely inappropriate of me to be that disrespectful. “
” Oh? ” She set her pen down, ” So you’d rather keep your distance, is what you’re saying? You could have said so. I wouldn’t force you to—”
” NO! “
She blinked, taken aback.
” I VERY MUCH CONSIDER YOU MY BEST FRIEND! WE GREW UP TOGETHER! ” He huffed, setting the tray down with a loud slam, “…it’s just…” He coughed in embarrassment, “…I’ve been trained to be a knight for Claude ever since I was young. It feels wrong to…deny it. “
Y/n could only smile softly as she took a strawberry, ” no one is asking you to deny it. ” She reassured, making him sit,Â
” You’re still the Crimson Knight, Claude’s personal guard and whatnot. It’s just that at times, you ought to speak up as our friend rather than a subordinate. “
“…I’ll keep that in mind. “
” I’m not saying it for me. Apart from me, Claude has only ever known your presence as a constant anchor in his life. You can only do so much as a guard when it comes to his emotions…”
Lately, he noticed, Y/n’s speech has turned rather passive. She talks as if she will be leaving soon, it makes him anxious. Did she think Claude would kick her out sooner or later?
He hoped not. He knew Claude won’t ever do that, he just hoped she would have some faith too. He hoped she won’t be too scared of everything, as she looked right now.
The look in her eyes as she sadly ate the dessert he brought said she was ready to leave everything behind if Claude wanted her to.
No, he wanted her to be more stern with her feelings too.
“…after eating this, ” He gulped softly,
” Do you want to go for a walk? “
” Sure. ” She smiled at him, tired eyes turning into crescent moons. ” I need some fresh air anyway. “
” Yes. You’ve been too cooped up in this study. ” He muttered, ” Also..Claude wanted to see you for dinner later. “
She paused, ” Oh…”
Felix pursed his lips, “…should I let him know you’re busy? “
Y/n bit her lip, “…no. Let him know I’ll join him. “
He blinked, nodding softly.
” Okay. “
– – –
“…Claude? You called me for dinner and you’re not even there—”
She gasped as she felt herself being pulled in and the door being slammed shut. ” Hey, what are you—”
” I’m really mad at you. “
She blinked, confused glare softening as she saw Claude’s dull eyes, “…what did I do this time? “
“…Claude…”
” I know…you’re only keeping yourself busy to avoid me. I can tell…” He breathed out shakily, “…N/n, can’t you tell me instead? Tell me what I did wrong and I will try to fix everything. “
He pathetically asked, hugging her as his hands trembled, “…there’s something very strange ever since I’ve woken up because of that curse. You don’t…treat me the same anymore. Do you not love me anymore? Is that why…no…”
He pulled away, “…was I too clingy? I’ll try not to be, so—”
” Claude! “
‘…this pathetic state doesn’t suit him. What have I done? I drove him into a corner knowing he’s unstable…all because I wanted to find my peace…’
She held onto his face, pressing her forehead against his as she tried not to cry, “…I’m sorry. I’m not avoiding you and none of what you said is true. “
“…but…you can’t deny what you feel. ” He smiled sadly, as if he knew she’s lying, “…N/n, I can tell you always pull away from my touch, as if you’ve been burnt. I can tell you’re uncomfortable at times whenever I say I love you…why is that? “
She frowned, clenching on to his robes.
“…what have I done? I can’t understand it at all. “
‘...no, what have I done? ‘
She cursed inwardly, “…I’m sorry. ” All she could do was let him live this lie, she didn’t want him to be in pain. ” It’s all my fault. I…felt like I didn’t belong in a picture where it’s you, your daughter and Diana were supposed to be. “
She wasn’t lying, that’s how she has always felt. Heck, even the commoners in this empire knew Claude only married her to fill the empress’s seat and to have greater control over the vassals.
When he had taken in Diana as a concubine, the situation had turned more ridiculous along with rumors..it was only because Claude had made sure to show her power that she still had respect among the nobles and the commoners.
All she has ever done, from the start, is to only watch from afar and feel content. She would watch from her window as Claude and Diana take walks, he would smile.
God, he would smile so lovingly and genuinely that it put her at ease every time.
So when Claude was being affectionate towards her, she wanted more and more as a new day passed. She feared this greed of hers will push him away from her once he gets all his real memories back.
She’s scared.
No, she’s terrified.
She sighed shakily, ” I’m sorry. “
end.
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