Damien
I can’t help but blame them
It’s their fault
If I would have stayed at the hospital that night I could’ve stopped them from getting in that accident.
Now they’re in the hospital, and have been in here for the last few weeks. The doctor’s doesn’t even know how they’re still alive.
I’ve been trying to ignore Milo and Caleb, but they’ve have been stopping me every time they see me to talk. I’ve told them none stop that I’m not in the mood. But them being the stubborn people they are, keep trying to talk.
I don’t want to talk to them
I felt bad for coming home late that becauseW of them, and because of that my parents could die.
I hate that I still love them, I want to hate them. I want to hate them so bad. Because I could have saved my parents from the accident.
I hate them, I should hate them, I just can’t seem to bring myself to break up with them. I just fucking can’t. Something in me slaps me every time I think about it. Because I love them. And inside me, knowing that I’ve made them cry several times, it burns me to my core.
I hate how I feel like, I hate that the people I’ve been trying to hate for the past few weeks makes me hate myself for trying to hate them.
“Uncle mike, do you think they’ll be alright?
“I don’t know Damien, the fact that they’re still here is surprising enough to me and the doctor’s.” He sighs, sitting back into his seat. “Shit just keeps happening. First this, then with my wife. Life just fucking sucks.”
“What happened with your wife?”
“Recently I’ve been distant with her, and kinda snappish towards her because she’s been trying to help me, which I don’t mean to be snappy, but she might be thinking about signing for a divorce soon. I need get my shit together if I want to keep her.”
“Damn… well I hope you guys get through it together. Going through shit alone isn’t healthy.”
Hypocrite
“Yea, thanks Damien. I’ve been thinking about telling her about my sister and her husband being in a car accident. I just need a right time to tell her.”
“Tell her as soon as you get home.”
“I will, what about you? You going through some shit like that?”
“… Yea, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Well, don’t do the shit I did. I blamed the person that I cared about, and I might lose her because of it.”
But I could have saved them
No you could not have saved them. You would have just been in a hospital bed yourself, with people crying over you.
Ding!
I pull my phone out and see Milo has texted me
__________
Milo💞
Milo💞:
Damien, we need to talk
If you aren’t home within 10 minutes this relationship is over
Read 2:24 P.M.
_________
“I need to go Mike.” I stand up, my gaze lingering on the message a bit longer before shoving my phone into my pocket
“I’ll text you if something happens.” He tells me and I nod before quickly leaving the hospital, hopping on my motorcycle and speeding home.
~~~
I open the door and walk deeper into the house. I see Caleb and Milo standing, waiting for me. Caleb seemed a bit sheepish, stressed, worried. Milo on the other hand looked resentful, irritated, and those expressions only grew once he saw me.
“What?”
Milo attempted to say something, looking as if he was volcano about to erupt but was stopped by a palm over his mouth.
“Damien, what’s been going on?” Caleb asks desperately, but softly.
I felt myself already getting irritated. I’ve told them tine and time again that I don’t want to talk to them, I’m not in the mood to talk to them.
“Caleb I already fucking said I’m not in the mood to talk.”
“Don’t curse at him, your a grown man, talk to him like one. You aren’t a teenager anymore, stop acting like one.” Milo threatened, crossing his arms, nails digging into his skin as he glared at me.
“We just want to know what’s been going on with you. We’re worried about you, and we just want to help, but you’ve been pushing us away.”
I say nothing
The same sentences were running through my mind. Something Im sure I shouldn’t tell them. But I wanted to, and I’ve been wanting to tell them about it for the past few weeks.
“Damien, speak. Use your words when he’s talking to you.” Milo hisses with frustration lacing his already irritated tone.
“Don’t tell me what the hell to do.”
“Damien, please we just want to help-“
“Fine, you sons of bitches want to know what’s happening in my life? My parents were in a bad car accident with an 18 wheeler and have been in the hospital for the past few weeks.” I watch as their eyes widened, guilt and distress fill their eyes. Caleb’s hand’s covers his mouth. Milo’s brows raise and mouths agaps in disbelief.
“And I-” My breaths hitch as I feel water building up in my throat. Overwhelmed by all the shit I’ve been suppressing for the past few weeks.
Don’t you dare fucking blame them for it. You know it isn’t they’re fault. You just want to use them as a scapegoat instead of blaming yourself.
“Fuck- I-” Water had finally made it to my eyes, and blured my vision, I tried blicking it away, but tears only got stuck in my lashes. “And I’ve been blaming you for it, because I don’t want to believe that it’s my fucking fault!”
“Damien- you- it’s not your fault-” Caleb tried to assure me, but I interrupted him.
“It is! If I hadn’t left, then maybe I could have stopped it. I could have stop the accident!”
Milo walked up to me, stood there for a second before grabbing me by the collar and pulling down to his eye level. His grip on my collar so tight as he stares at me with emotions I’m not able to depict.
He raised his hand, before I knew it he slapped me. Hard.
“What the fuck is wrong with yo-“
“Shut the fuck up Damien!” He shouts, silencing me and everything around us. The silence is deafing around us. I don’t know what his next word are, but before he says them he takes in a deep breath.
“We’re your boyfriends, and we love and care for you so much. Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We could have helped you through it, maybe took some off the burden off your shoulders.”
“… I couldn’t, I wanted to hate you because I tried forcing myself that it was your fault. But deep down I knew it wasn’t, it was mi-”
He slapped me again, now with the same force but it definitely still stung.
“Stop saying that stupid ass shit. It’s not your fault, it never was, and it never will be.” He breathes, “These past few fucking weeks you’ve been lying, snappy, secretive, and hostile-“
“I’m sorry I-“
“I’m not finished Damien Hudson.” He threatened coldly. “We were going to break up with you and move out because we were sure that you didn’t want to be together, or found someone else. We thought you stopped loving us Damien.”
“I do- I could never stop, even if I wanted to.”
I tried, and I tried for weeks to stop loving them. But I just couldn’t. I wanted to hate them, I tried hating them, but I couldn’t.
“I couldn’t stop loving you.” I pulled him into a hug, seeing Caleb over his shoulder I beckoned him over to join us, he walked over and I pulled him in. I held them tight and close, my breathing slowed as I felt them desperately hug back.
I haven’t held them in weeks, touched them or anything. My grip tightens on them, as if I loosened my grip even a little they’d slip out of my grasp and leave me and move away forever.
I almost lost them
Again
But this time it was gonna be because of me
“You aren’t going to leave or move away right?” I mutter in the quietness, to not break the loving tender moment we shared.
“You have to promise to never to this again. I don’t think I can take something like this from you again.”
“I promise.” I said, taking in a breath. After several moments we pull away. Caleb has tears filling his eyes, yet his lips are curled up.
“You’re so cute.” I smile as I wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting for the past few weeks, I promise to make it up to you guys.” I grabbed both of their hands and pressure kisses on the back of their palms.
My phone rings and I grab it putting it up to my ear.
“Yea uncle? Something happened?”
“Yea… they woke up. I’m in the room with them right now.”
“Shit- really?”
“Yea, get your ass here.” He hangs up the phone, and I shove my phone in my pocket before looking back up at the two that stare at me curiously.
“My parents woke up.” I explain to them, and they smile.
“Well then go to them, we’ll be here when you get back.” Caleb nods as he finished wiping the tears the soaked his face.
“I want you guys to come with me.”
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