Time passed and Akashi was still in the hideout. He hadn’t gone out, not even once, but, it’s not like he had somewhere to be… So, he remained inside.
Sasuke and he hadn’t talked for a while… He didn’t exactly know how much time passed from that night…
They hadn’t talked after their… actions…
They just stayed quiet… Silently staring at the ceiling above their tired bodies…
Akashi wondered what was on the boy’s in that moment… After they were done…
The red-headed boy, himself, knew what he had felt in that moment… He felt nothing…
Absolutely nothing…
Nothing, except a fleeting moment of something akin to melancholy… He didn’t know why… Or at what that was aimed at… But, he had an idea…
The last time he had done anything like that was with Shinya… And it was done out of love…
But now… He did it with a person he did not love…
With a person he felt nothing for…
Love…
He still wondered what it was… Was what he felt for Shinya love? Or was it love because Shinya had said he loved him? He didn’t know… He didn’t know…
He didn’t know…
What did Sasuke feel in that moment? Was what he felt towards the redhead called ‘love’?
Akashi didn’t know whether to pity the boy or not… He knew he will never come to feel the same way… The thing called ‘love’ was no longer available for him to feel…
If he had ever felt it at all…
_
The Nine-Tails stayed quiet after their last meeting and Akashi didn’t know whether it would be a wise choice to go and visit it… It clearly showed that it had no intentions of speaking with Akashi when it forcefully expelled him from his own mind.
But, the boy wished to speak to it.
So that he did…
_
“Yet again, after everything, you still come back here…?” Its deep, rumbling, voice resounded through the dimly lit sewers. Akashi had no intentions of going back now… He was here and he will talk with it…
“Why is that such a bad thing?” The boy asked, walking closer through the waters under him. The giant crimson bars towered over him… They towered over the fox, too.
“Because you still don’t understand”. Akashi was taken aback at that… He doesn’t understand? What is there to understand? The fox? He already knew what it went through… “No, you do not”. It said as if it read his mind… Could it do it here? When he is in his own mind? He knew it could read his thoughts when he is thinking, but it never showed that it could while he was in the sewers… “I can, but I never saw reason to tell you that…”. Akashi should have known…
“What is it that I do not understand?” He questioned, walking even closer to the cage that kept the might beast bound. “Tell me… What is it that I do not understand?” The answer he got was silence… The fox stayed quiet, its crimson orbs staring through the darkness of the cage…
Just…
Staring…
“Tell me!” As soon as he raised his voice, a clawed hand thrust through the space between the bars and the boy moved to the side, evading it. Not expecting what was going to happen next, he got grabbed when the hand whipped to the side.
“You understand nothing…”. He was brought closer to the cage, leaving only inches between him and the beast. “You’re the same as every human who came before you… You cause pain to others…”. It growled out, barred teeth flashing white before the boy.
What…?
He caused pain to others…?
Was that what the fox just said…?
“You dumb fox…”. The words were said so softly, they sounded like a whisper. “I never wished to cause pain to others…”. The grip which was tight around him, grew loose, but not enough for him to be released. “I never wished for any of this… You know?” He glanced at the being before him and could no longer see the rage and anger he saw the first time they met face-to-face.
The only this he could see… was loneliness…
“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it… You still did it… And that fact cannot be changed”. That was the truth… But, Akashi no longer regrets his actions… He had done what he had done and, as the fox said, that fact cannot be changed.
Can anyone blame him?
He was in pain and he wanted the pain to end… He wanted the pain to disappear… So, can anyone blame him?
The only way for pain to disappear was for the world to disappear alongside it…
“I just want to end pain… Is that a bad thing…? Is that something I cannot wish for? Something I cannot achieve?” Akashi asked, lowering his head and breaking eye contact with the fox. “Is it something which is impossible for me?” He didn’t receive and answer, instead, he was lowered down and released.
“You cannot end my pain”. His head snapped up and he was met with an indifferent expression. “I am doomed to forever roam this world… From one host to the other… My pain is immeasurable compared to yours… Immeasurable…”. Unconsciously, his fists clench at his sides as his teeth grit together.
“I can! I can and I will!” He exclaimed, violet eyes lit aflame. He will end the fox’s pain… He will end everyone’s pain, including his own… He will… He definitely will…
“You cannot!” The fox roared and the nine tails raised behind it, wildly whipping around. Akashi could almost feel the pressure they were creating. “Nobody can!” Its teeth flashed at him, but he wasn’t afraid…
He was afraid no more…
“You are wrong!” He yelled back at the beast. “Just give it all to me! Give all of your pain to me!” His hand clenched above his heart.
This was something he needed to do… This was something unavoidable…
“I will take it all! Every last bit of it! I will mix it in with mine!” There was desperation in his tone.
“You will no longer have to bear it anymore!” His throat felt raw from all the harshly yelled out words, but he ignored it and took a better look of the fox in front of himself.
Its tails slowly lowered onto the ground, limp.
Its teeth were bared no longer.
Its eyes… Its eyes were wide as it stared at him.
Now, as Akashi took a closer look at it, he realised… This fox had needed to hear those words for a long time… For a long, long, time.
“I understand everything… And you cannot push me away… We are bound for life, you know?” He never expected they would end up like this… His younger self despised the beast in front of him… He, not too long ago, felt pity for it…
And now… He understood it… He finally understood it… He understood everything there was to understand…
“I know”. The fox whispered out, lowering its head to stare at the ground. “I know”. It repeated, blinking its crimson eyes. Akashi felt his heart throb at the sight before him. Then, he reached a hand through the cage bars and placed it on the fox’s fur. It whipped its head up and stared at the boy with wide eyes.
“Your pain is my own… Be sure to remember that, okay?” His lips curled up into a slight smile as he stared at the fox.
He pulled his hand back and took a step away from the cage…
Then, he disappeared.
“Okay”. The fox answered into the empty sewers.
_
When Akashi came to, he found himself back inside his room. No matter how much time passed, nothing had changed inside it… The walls were still a pale, sickly grey, as well as the ceiling above him. The only things that the room had, were a bed and a small table.
Not that he needed anything else… There was no need for anything else…
He let out a breath and dropped back onto the bed.
The fox… It was the only one who was with him his whole life… Not intentionally, of course, but it still counted, right?
And yet… He didn’t know its name…
He wondered what it was.
A knock resounded through the room and he sat up, snapped out of his thoughts. “Come in”. He leaned back onto his hands and watched as the door opened.
Well… This was unexpected…
“What brings you here… Sasuke?” He raised his brows at the boy’s unresponsive behaviour. Something was definitely wrong and Akashi wasn’t sure if he wanted to know it’s about. He straightened up as Sasuke closed the door behind himself and walked towards him.
Something which he wasn’t expecting to happen, happened.
As soon as he was in front of him, Sasuke reached his arms forward and wrapped them around Akashi’s shoulders, settling himself on his lap. The arms tightened their grip and the raven-haired boy leaned his face into the redhead’s neck. He said nothing as he just sat there, holding Akashi in his arms…
Or was Akashi holding him in his arms?
He raised his arms and placed them on Sasuke’s back. “Is something the matter?” He questioned, but the only answer he received was Sasuke’s deep breath.
Something was wrong.
“No”. That was a lie… An obvious lie… He closed his eyes for a few moments, before he opened them and placed his hands under Sasuke’s thighs, picking him up.
The boy said nothing at that.
Akashi turned them around and sat Sasuke on the bed, kneeling in front of him. “Look at me”. Sasuke released the grip he had on him and leaned back, placing his hands on the edge of the bed. Now that Akashi could take a better look at him, he realised what was wrong.
He looked tired… Was he not sleeping well?
They hadn’t talked in days… Maybe even weeks? Akashi wasn’t sure how much time had passed after he got here…
Time held no importance to him…
He reached a hand forward and placed his palm onto the boy’s cheek. Not even a second later, Sasuke closed his eyes and leaned into his palm, breathing out a deep breath.
In that moment, Akashi leaned forward and closed the distance between them. The other boy’s eyes snapped open and he stared at Akashi.
Onyx clashing with violet.
He pulled back and leaned away, tongue darting out to swipe across his lips. “Now, tell me”. Akashi placed his hands on the boy’s knees, tilting his head to the side.
He practically watched as Sasuke’s resolve crumbled away.
How easy it was to make him talk…
“I…”. The raven-haired boy started, but closed his lips shut a moment later.
“You what?” Akashi tapped his fingers atop the boy’s leg, playing an invisible tune. Seeing that Sasuke wasn’t going to talk, Akashi reached his arms forward and wrapped them around his shoulders, leaning his lips close to his ear. “You can tell me everything, you know?” He whispered, brushing them across his jaw and neck.
“I can’t sleep at night…”. Sasuke spoke up and lowered his forehead onto Akashi’s shoulder. “His face keeps flashing in my mind”. Akashi felt his heart stutter inside his own chest.
Who would have thought they would be in a similar situation?
Even though the nightmares about Shinya had stopped… He still couldn’t completely remove him from his mind… It hurt to remember him and he wanted to get rid of the pain…
He wanted to get rid of the memories he had of Shinya…
But he knew… He knew it would take a long time to do that… The memories couldn’t just be erased, even if he wanted just that…
He wanted to erase everything there was to remember about Shinya…
Those moss-green eyes of his which lit up every time they looked at his own violet ones… Those silly grins of his which he threw at him after he said his jokes… Those rosy cheeks of his which flushed bright red each time something embarrassing happened…
That ebony-black hair of his which was so dark, not even the harshest rays of sun could be reflected upon… That beauty mark of his which was directly above the bottom part of his spine… That deep voice of his, which could reach such high notes when he laughed that obnoxious laugh of his…
His strong arms which could carry Akashi for miles and miles if needed… His soft lips which Akashi used to adore so much…
He wished to forget every single thing…
Not knowing what else to do because of the painful memories, Akashi tightened his arms around the raven-haired boy in front of him. Both of them were in pain…
Pain caused by people who they killed with their own hands…
Itachi cared more for Sasuke than for his own life…
Shinya cared more for Akashi than for his own life…
Those people chose them over their lives… Even gave their lives for them…
Akashi felt Sasuke tremble in his arms and he almost let himself do the same…
Almost…
_
In that moment, they did nothing, expect hope…
Hope for their pain to be erased.
![[Mtl, Bl] Zombie King’s Guide To Pretending To Be Well-Behaved](https://i3.wp.com/readawrite.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/28508.jpg?resize=165,225 "[Mtl, Bl] Zombie King’s Guide To Pretending To Be Well-Behaved")
Comment