There was silence to his soul.
He was like fall leaves under frost.
He felt the chill in his blood; coldness bringing the synapses of his brain to a standstill.
Was this how it felt to be empty?
It was like a void. A dark void. A never ending dark void which consumed everything, and he was left with nothing.
His mind felt hollow…
Was he real? Was any of this real?
Something was missing… Something was missing… Something was missing… Something was missing…
A part of him was gone…
He could feel it in his bones…
It was gone and it was never coming back…
Who would have thought this was how it would feel…? He thought he would have felt relief… Something akin to freedom, perhaps? But, the only thing he felt now, was nothingness.
Just imagine it… He spent his whole life with that part of himself there… Present… Always watching and listening…
Sixteen full years… It was always there…
Through the hardships… Through his childhood… Through his childish adventures… Through the pain… Through the anger… Through the hate…
It was there through his lust for world destruction… Always present… Always there…
He was never alone…
It was a part of him he was forced to sever.
There was nothing that could subside the hollowness which laid bare in the depths of his soul.
Nothing.
_
The first thing that greeted him was the sun’s scorching light.
That light… Even thought it was supposed to bring him warmth and comfort, brought nothing but coldness into his being.
Its warmth pierced through his hollow soul, but no warmth remained…
It just passed through.
The wind blew no more… There was no breeze to lick at his wounded soul…
The dried grass tickled at his cheek, but he couldn’t move… Every nerve in his body felt numb.
Why was he even alive?
He could feel the coopery taste of blood in his mouth, but it didn’t matter to him. He felt weak… Too weak… It felt like he couldn’t even stand upright on his feet.
Slowly raising his chin from the ground, his hands threaded through the dried grass under him and he felt it crunch between his fingers. The muscles in his body burned and his arms shook, but he continued, gritting his teeth at the pain. Then, just as he pulled himself up, his arms lost their strength and he collapsed back down.
This time, he had landed onto his back, staring up at the bright-blue sky through the thick leaves.
Even breathing hurt.
A sudden cough ripped out of his lips, making him choke up as he tried to take in a deep breath. He couldn’t even raise a hand over his lips…
Everything hurt.
The blood splashed against the inside of his mouth and he could do nothing, but feel it trickle down the side of his lips. He needed to get up… He had to get up… He had to do something…
Anything…
His body begged him to stay on the ground, but he had no such intentions…
His muscles screamed out in protest as he forced himself into a sitting position, a sharp exhale escaping through his lips. He raised a heavy hand to clamp it over his mouth as another cough ripped through his body. Damn it… He grit his teeth as even more blood splashed against his skin.
His eyelids felt heavy as he looked around himself. He was in the same place as he was before he met up with the Nine-Ta-!
… With Kurama…
The inside of his chest throbbed at the thought…
He had done it… He had destroyed him… He killed him with his own hands…
Just like he did with Shinya…
Was this fate? To have him kill the ones he cared about?
His body froze up as another cough ripped out, making him bend over from the force of it. He moved his head to the side and spat out even more blood, staining the dried grass a dark, crimson, red.
Why was he even alive?
Wasn’t the loss of Kurama lethal to him?
Then why?
Why was he the one who was left alive?
He was prepared to face death… He really was… He was supposed to go along with Kurama, but now…
Kurama is gone and he is still here…
Completely and utterly…
…Alone…
_
The ringing in his ears didn’t stop.
No. It didn’t stop.
No. It didn’t stop.
No. It didn’t stop.
No. It didn’t stop.
No.
It will never stop.
_
The clock ticked and tocked inside his head.
Time was running out, it said.
Time was running out, it said.
Time was running out, it said.
Time was running out, it said.
It said.
Time is running out.
_
Does he get up or does he stay down?
Get up? Stay down?
Get up? Stay down?
Get up? Stay down?
Get up? Stay down?
What did he do?
Nothing.
_
His mind was in shambles.
_
To look, but not to see.
To hear, but not to listen.
To touch, but not to feel.
_
Why was he alive?
Why was he left in such a state?
Why didn’t he just… die?
_
Just decide.
Decide!
Decide!
Decide!
Decide!
His mind screamed at him.
But he did not listen.
_
Do you want to live?
Do you want to die?
Just pick one.
Just pick one.
Just pick one.
Just pick one.
Which one?
_
The sun went down.
The moon went up.
The sun went up.
The moon went down.
The sun went down.
The stars came out.
The sun went up.
The stars went down.
_
Repeat.
_
Repeat.
_
Repeat.
_
Shackles held his body down.
Iron binds forced his hands into the ground.
Heavy chains wrapped around his lungs.
… … …
If he were ever to be drowning…
…That is what he imagined it to feel like…
_
No escape.
No escape.
No escape.
No escape.
… Is there a way out?
_
When the first tear slipped down, he continued staring up at the sky.
Then, the second one joined it.
After that, he no longer bothered to count the rest that followed.
_
“Stop crying”. The tears continued falling.
“Stop crying”. It did nothing.
“Stop crying”. They didn’t stop.
He just wasted his breath.
_
Vulnerability gnawed at the back of his mind.
He was out in the open.
Weakened…
He didn’t even know if the weakness he felt was permanent or not…
Will it pass him by soon?
Will it always be present?
Which one is it?
Which one would be better?
…He didn’t know…
_
Unfocused eyes fluttered open and briefly closed soon after, the sun’s bright rays bringing pain upon the first touch. Akashi slowly raised a hand to block the harsh light and his eyes widen at the revelation.
He moved his arm.
He managed to move his arm without it being painful.
Blinking, he extended his hand forward and watched as the brightness of the sun cast a glow upon his pale skin.
Taking his chances, he placed his hands onto the ground and pushed himself forward onto his knees. A quiet wince left his lip as his right knee twisted to the side.
Seems like the bone didn’t heal yet… He can work with that…
He will work with that.
Taking a deep breath, he bent his knee and placed his foot onto the ground. Slowly, and carefully, he raised himself up and his legs wobbled, causing him to grab the tree besides him.
It worked… He was strong enough to stand on his two feet.
He straightened up and his lungs were soon filled with fresh air. Its coldness seeping into every pore of his being.
Glancing ahead of himself, he saw nothing but endless rows of giant trees. He breathed out and closed his eyes in the process.
There was still something he had to do… Something that needed to be done…
Violet eyes slid open and a newly lit flame burned bright within them.
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