Dianthus Caryophyllus; A Soonhoon Fic 03

“Soonyoung, why are you here, your recording is one hour later.” I was surprised as soonyoung stormed in poker-faced, instead of the usual bright, cheery smile that could light up anyone’s day.

“What’s wrong? is it a dance that went wrong? If it is, its fine.” 

I knew how annoyed and angered he could get when our choreographys were not what he wanted. It was the cause of why he was angry most of the time, which was in fact, very rarely shown to others. However, he ignored me.

“Hyung, are you okay? What happened?” He continued to ignore me, but I found his eyes travel to behind me – the table.

I could tell he wasn’t going to budge. I sighed before…

“Soonie~~~ Please tell me why you are angry…”

I hardly used that nickname, because I did not want to let the others know of our nicknames for each other, nicknames we had made up when we were younger.

“Do not use that nickname.” I was shocked at the harsh tone he used. He never talked to me like that…

“When are you planning to tell us huh. Or maybe you did not even plan to tell us. Are we even you fellow members? Your brothers? Or just some acquaintances. Am I your hyung? Or an acquaintance? Or even a stranger?”

“T-Tell y-you about w-what?”

I was confused, until everything pieced together in my brain.

“Show me the bin you are hiding under your table.”

“I’m hiding nothing?” I was clearly shaking internally because the person whom I did not want to get notified of it most was none other than him but I kept my composure. 

“If you were hiding nothing you would not hide it and be ok with showing me the bin under the table.”

He hit me right on the spot. 

“I’m not hiding a bin.”

He merely shook his head at my answer.

Using my leg, I pushed the bin further under the table and used my small frame to cover it, hoping that he would not be able to retrieve it. However, the illness had weakened me, wrenching me weak in comparison to him. My desperate actions were all wasted as he pushed me away and retrieved the bin.

He took a glance at it, face morphing to an expression that portrayed was it worry? concern? fear? pity? I don’t know. It was an expression he never showed before. But as quick as that expression appeared, it disappeared, leaving him stone-faced once again.

“Who is it.”

I pursed my lips and said nothing, looking down to the floor.

“Who is it” He pestered, seeing me not budging.

I stayed quiet again, but my strong front was starting to break. 

I felt a lump at the base of my throat. Not a figurative one, but a real one, itching to come out right there and then. Shit. Not now. Not now. But it rose to the top of my throat and I could not force it down even though I kept swallowing to try and do so. Without thinking, I quickly yanked the bin from his hand and threw up in it. The silky petals that filled my cavern along with the coppery taste of blood extremely unpleasing. I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist to hold me up and rubbed circles on my back.

I hated myself for throwing up in front of him.

He took a piece of tissue and surprisingly wiped the blood off my lips gently. Before putting the bin away and leading me to the couch.

“Sleep. You need to rest. We can record later.”

I was shocked. I did not expect that.

“Just sleep. I’ll stay here.” He gave me a scarf to use as a makeshift blanket. The disease was surely taking a huge toll on my body as I easily fell asleep of exhaustion.

~~~

I tried not to stare at him as he slept on the couch, busying myself by cleaning up the bin and warming my vocals up for the recording. However, I could not help glancing at his sleeping figure.

It has been 6 years, but I still question my choice now and then. If I had not been a coward and did not do the surgery, would we be together? Or would I have died knowing I had deeply loved someone. 

If I was the cause of his hanahaki, surely I would be extremely guilty of that choice, more than I already am ad have been the past 6 years. 

I tried to push all the negative thoughts away. I need to be strong for him. I walked over to the couch and gently kissed his forehead before resuming whatever I was doing, not realising the small upturned curve of his lips.