Dianthus Caryophyllus; A Soonhoon Fic 04

6 weeks since I found out. 4 weeks since they found out. Luckily no one else found out. Im glad we had our own dorm rooms. Ok, correction. It was not exactly our own dorm room as it had connecting doors and a shared toilet. Luckily, I was paired with soonyoung, but since he knew my condition it was not as bad. But, I knew the members were starting to grow suspicious of me. I have been running to the toilet so much these few days just to throw up, especially when all of us practiced together and he was there. Especially when he was being touchy with the others. I could tell that it was getting worse, and to stop it from worsening, I could only distant myself from him. But that was almost impossible as we literally breath the same air 24/7.

Today was our rest day. I usually spent it producing or sleeping, and today I chose to do the latter. But the flowers in my heart had other ideas. I puked into the plastic bag I placed next to my bed for the umpteenth time that morning, as the connecting door clicked open. He probably came to check on me after hearing me retching yet again.

Carnations, light red, pinkish ones. Signified admiration. Admiration of his skills, his voice, and his body.

He sighed, walked over and picked up the bag, disposing of it before giving me a new bag and wiping the blood of my lips and passing me some water.

“Thank you” I whispered out, taking a sip of the water.

“ji, you are suffering so much from this… Do you plan to get the person to like you or the operation.”

“I-I dont know…” He must have heard my tone falter as he picked me up and sat on the side of my bed, rocking me in his arms. 

The thing was, I hate being treated like a baby like what he was doing now, but with him, it was different…

“You know your condition will only slowly worsen as each day passes. It will eventually choke up your airways. Hoonie, you will be in a lot of suffering…”

“I-I will take it. I rather d-die of l-love.” I could never imagine being ripped off the ability to have romantic feelings for someone, especially if it was for him.

“Are you sure? It will become very bad, like all the air is sucked out of your body, like someone is strangling you, but instead of a few seconds, its for days, weeks, even months. It’s mentally and physically exhausting… Are you absolutely sure? It would only get worst as the disease progresses.”

“How do you know huh, not like you are the one with unrequited love here! Not like you are the one who is throwing up blood and petals constantly every day! Not like you are the one who finds it hard to practically breathe the same air as who you like!” I burst, I did not really mean it, but I was already very worked up and sensitive. Him acting as if he knew what it was like to suffer from the illness just made me even more angry and I broke. His body was shaking slightly after I shouted but I waved it away due to my anger. 

“You are not the only one who went through this.” He looked at me in the eye. The gaze was intense, like I struck a chord in him I was never meant to strike. He put me down harshly on the bed and walked away, not looking back once and slamming the connecting door shut before locking it. 

My body was immediately racked with coughs, I reached out to the new bag he placed and coughed into it. Both yellow and red flowers laced with blood came out, but this time, it was buds, not petals. Another sign of my worsening condition. This time, no one was there to help me. I felt this heaviness in my chest, was it guilt for shouting at him? 

Before I fell asleep, I could not help thinking if he went through this before. But no it isn’t possible. We knew each other since we were 16 and if the same thing happened to him, we, or at least I would be able to tell right?