Falling | Mxm (Completed) Chapter 43

edited

“Ask what you want while I’m still in the mood of opening up!”

Edwin looked at Aiden, but he didn’t know what he wanted to ask first. There were a thousand questions in his mind, but before he knew it, this flew out of his mouth, “Are you okay?”

Aiden lifted his eyebrows and scratched his chin. “Isn’t that a little too broad? Gotta be more specific.”

“Considering it all, how are you feeling?”

“Are you kidding me?” Aiden chuckled. “I feel like shit.” He took a sip of the coffee and sank into the couch, throwing his head back.

“Your mother, you said you can’t trust people because of her. What was the cause? What makes you feel that way about her?”

Aiden didn’t look at him and kept on staring at the ceiling. He exhaled harshly before answering. “My father, the biological one, he left when I was 9. There was only my mom and I, and we kinda had to live with my grandparents. We couldn’t afford anything on our own. But they weren’t the most easy people to live with. As a kid, I was in denial most of the time. That nothing was wrong. That my life was just like everyone else’s. My grandfather, he… he had a very harsh personality. I was 9, and I didn’t know anything, but they all expected me to act according to their rules. I never had the opportunity to be a kid. I had to grow up fast to just know the rules, figure them out so that I wouldn’t make anyone upset. So that they wouldn’t tell me that I was scum just like my father. I really hate that man for telling me these things. It may sound like I’m spoiled because of holding the grudge, but I was a kid. I didn’t deserve to be compared to the man who had left me.” Aiden paused and took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “One time after a big fight, I cried for the whole evening. I had no personal space, no room of my own, so I just sat in the corner, and cried while no one cared enough to ask if I was okay. And then my aunt and mom came back from work at night, my aunt gave me a death glare when I told my mom to please get a house and move out. She said they didn’t have to keep me there. That it wasn’t their responsibility. That night was when my mom lied to me for the first time and I still remember the hurt. She said- she said not to worry, that she’s gonna get a house as soon as possible and we would be free from this torturous home. Two days after that, I asked her when we’ll be leaving and she laughed at me and said ‘Are you stupid? I can’t afford a house.’ I felt so disappointed and then it continued. Them crashing me without asking why I was introverted as fuck, and over time, she would promise me a better day. And she would always, always break her promises. She would build my hopes up to crash them into a million pieces. And because I loved her so much, I believed her each time. And then came along the man who had a family but my mom started going out with him. He would pay for a few things and he got us a house, so we were able to finally live separately. And again, she lied to her own family about having a good job that paid enough so that she could have these things. I hated that. I hated that I knew the truth but had to cover for her when they called and asked where she was. She made me lie. And then after a while, they broke up. I don’t know the reason cos I wasn’t home much. I started working at 12. I would just do anything to earn a little bit of money for myself and I would join every club at school to learn stuff. That’s how I got into programming and the piano. And then Mr. Evans came along. He’s a good man. He really is. They got married, and they changed my last name to his. And then they got Max.” Aiden smiled at the mention of his brother’s name.

“But why do you not like visiting them? You said he’s a good man. Why don’t you call him father?”

Aiden hummed. “That’s a bit hard to answer. I don’t really know how to put it into words.” He paused, chewing on his lip. “My life hasn’t been easy, really. I’ve been abused on so many occasions and because no one ever told me the boundaries that I had to put on people or the way they treated me, I had to learn it the hard way. And by learning them on my own, I started to hate the people I knew as family for not warning me beforehand. I don’t like visiting cos as I said last night, I hate the fact that she never asked how I was. And when I look at her, all I see is the things she put me through and I don’t wanna hate her. She’s my mom and I can’t hate her, so I keep my distance. And in his case, I can never call anyone father. Because the person who was supposed to be there left, and although he was an asshole, no one can replace his role. I’m happy he left, but I don’t really wanna have a replacement.”

Edwin didn’t know how far he could dig, but he wanted to know and he wanted to make Aiden pour it all out, as he was somehow sure he had never talked about these before. He just wanted to make him put it out.

“You… were abused? Like, sexually? Or-?” He asked carefully.

“I wasn’t raped if that’s what you’re wondering.” Aiden cut him off. He got off the couch and grabbed his mug, heading to the kitchen.

“I actually told you more than you asked for. So I guess that’s enough therapy for today. Hm?”

“I’m happy you decided to share. I’ll always be happy if you share more. Letting it out is a good way of letting it go.”

“I think I told you I hated the doctoral conversations, Edwin.” Aiden’s gaze was intimidating, so much that it made him look away and scratch the back of his neck.

“You don’t have to go to the hospital today?” Aiden asked, walking back to the couch.

“No, I have a day off.”

Aiden hummed and sat right next to him, leaving no space between them.

“Do you want me to leave? It’s okay if you-”

“Shut up, Edwin! Let’s watch a movie, shall we?”

Edwin’s eyes widened at his words and nodded hesitantly. Aiden put his hand on his thigh, squeezing once before letting go and grabbing the remote.

“What do you wanna watch? And nothing scary, please!”

That made Edwin laugh, and somehow the tense atmosphere changed into a friendly one again.

“Hmmm, what about hangover? I’ll never get tired of that movie.”

“1,2 or 3?”

“How about we binge-watch all of it?”

“Cool!” Aiden smiled widely and played hangover 1.

They laughed together. Edwin would yell at the screen sometimes to make the actors somehow obey what he was saying. It was hilarious, and Aiden dared to say he laughed more at Edwin than at the comedy that was playing. The boy was so active when he was watching a movie.

About halfway through the second movie, Edwin laid his head on Aiden’s shoulder, and later on it landed on his chest as he began to sink into the couch further to be more comfortable. He could put his arm on the backrest, but he liked it when he was in contact with Edwin, so he put his right hand on Edwin’s waist as he was halfway lying on him over his lap. It seemed too nostalgic. Ian did something similar, but he would have his head on his lap, not his chest. Aiden found himself drowning in their memories. These two even had the same habit of yelling at the screen, only Edwin was way gentler. Ian would practically throw things at the TV if he didn’t like the plot. He found himself comparing the two unwillingly. Ian was as sassy and as dominant as he was. Edwin, on the other hand, was a pure and innocent soul who had sacrificed his dreams for his sister and was now here to take care of him, although they hadn’t known each other for long.

Something rushed through his head, and he almost hated himself at the moment. He had never talked about Lili with him. He was just like his mother. He pretended to care while he never actually bothered to ask the boy who was taking care of him so wholeheartedly about losing his sister. That made him jump up, making Edwin shocked and sit up when he grabbed his wrist a little too tightly.

“Edwin!”

“What? What’s wrong?!” The boy’s eyes showed pure concern as he was looking at the older.

Aiden frowned, too disgusted with himself and not knowing how to look at the other person’s eyes without feeling ashamed. They were right when they said you’ll end up being like your parents no matter how much you hate them. He was always away like his father, and he was as ignorant as his mother. So he did the one thing he could think of. He pulled Edwin in his arms as fast and as tight as he could. Wrapping one arm around the younger boy’s mid-waist and putting the other on his hair, he started caressing the strands gently. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Why? What happened?!”

“I… I just realized that I never asked you how you feel and whether you’re okay.”

Edwin’s tense body relaxed at the realization, and he wrapped his arms around Aiden’s waist. “I’m fine. It’s hard and I miss her so much, but I lived with her my whole life. I have to believe she’s doing better now, doing what she wants. So I- I have to be fine to be able to continue.”

Aiden continued stroking his hair as Edwin let more of his weight rest on the older’s body. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask before. I’m just a self-centered piece of shit. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. You have enough on your shoulders.” Edwin replied as he started rubbing a hand on Aiden’s back.

“No, that’s just an excuse, and not even a good one. You’re here for me whenever I need you, and yet I failed to be there for you when you needed me. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Stop apologizing already. I said it’s oky and I don’t like lying either. So you have to believe me.” With that, Edwin placed a soft kiss on Aiden’s neck.

His body reacted as if it had missed the touch, and acted before his brain could tell him to stop. He made Edwin pull back a little, just enough for them to be able to look at each other, and then he leaned in and let their lips touch. Edwin didn’t hesitate to kiss back. They kissed while sitting in front of each other for a while with Aiden’s hand at the back of the other’s head, fingers tangled in his soft blue hair, massaging his scalp. Edwin grabbed his t-shirt and pulled him forward with its help while he himself lay back on the couch, making Aiden get on top of him. Once again, Aiden’s body acted on its own as he rubbed the younger’s thigh up and down before he grabbed it and put it around his hip. Edwin followed the movement and wrapped his other leg around the older as well, crossing them behind his back while melting into the kiss that was getting deeper and more heated by the second. Aiden let his hand get under the beautiful man’s shirt, roaming on his golden skin as he began sucking on his neck hungrily in a way that made Edwin feel so much pleasure. It made him moan and Aiden reacted to the sound, getting a little rougher as his hands removed the shirt from the boy under him, looking at him so beautifully with those big eyes and those full lips that were slightly parted, panting. His brain told him to stop, but his body didn’t seem to follow as he leaned down and started sucking and biting on the skin, down to his torso. The blue-haired boy sounded so perfect that he wanted to hear more. He was greedy like that. Still fully dressed, he opened the zipper of the younger’s jeans and took them off along with his underwear. Leaning down again and placing kisses and biting on the inner thighs, he felt how Edwin’s hand tugged his hair tightly while moaning a little bit louder. He knew he wanted to make him feel as good as possible. Maybe as a means to thank him for all he did. Or maybe just because he loved being close to him.