Holidays were never a huge thing in our household. Mom thought they were unnecessary and are too much work with all the cooking and decorating, only to put them down again after a week. Kate invited me over to spend Christmas with the three of them but I declined knowing it would be a bore considering that Charles wasn’t particularly fond of me after my last visit at their house, where I almost dropped their baby head first.
It was his fault for insisting that I hold the baby so I can keep in touch with my motherly instincts. We now both think I don’t have it in me.
“Look, I’m just worried for you, okay?” Charles sighed once he saved the baby from potential death in my arms. There’s a budding mustache and beard on his face and it surely did not look good on him. I stared at it, debating whether I should point it out.
“What for?”
“When you get old and can barely even walk, who’s gonna take care of you, huh?”
“I’ll die before I turn 50.”
“How are you sure? What if you live longer than that?”
“I’ll kill myself, don’t worry.” I smiled with a shrug, but Charles cried and told me to get out.
That was the last time I saw him– three weeks ago.
I did not do anything for Christmas, no fairy lights nor Christmas tree even. New year too passed by quickly and before I knew it, it was already the middle of January. By then, I have not seen Sophie for almost a month. She and her brother went to visit her relatives and spent the holidays with them. For the most part, she called me twice a week and messaged me almost everyday until I lost my phone and didn’t have any way to contact her.
My nap was interrupted by the obnoxious ringing of the doorbell. The time showed a quarter before five. I have not invited anyone over seeing as I don’t have friends, and Charles did not notify me.
Without making any sound, I reached the living room, peeked slightly through the window. The blonde whom I have not seen in a while stood in front of the door, tapping her foot on the floor repeatedly. She wore a nude knit sweater with a patterned white scarf hung loosely around her neck.
It was still quite cold outside and so I did not waste any more time opening the door.
The moment I swung the door, Sophie’s hand that was about to ring the doorbell once again stopped midway. She turned to me with her mouth open before pursing her lips, then opening it once again. Those green eyes that I thought about whenever I looked at the trees outside stared at me.
“Come i–” A body flung to me and I stumbled backwards at the force of it, my arms instantly latching to the girl in front of me for balance. I shiver at the cold hands pressed on both my cheeks. “Wha–” I couldn’t even complete the word before Sophie’s lips touched mine, different taste but the same softness I remember. Lightly, she nibbled my lower lips before probing my mouth with her tongue. I followed her lead.
Movies and books always described kisses as fireworks in the dark blue sky, colors bursting making a spectacle, sometimes they say it’s a flame igniting so many feelings inside of you. I always thought it was scary, to feel such disturbance, to be able to feel everything all at once, how overwhelming. But this kiss was blue and green, it was the calmness and safety of the forest and the reassurance that no matter how uncertain tomorrow can be, the sky is always there.
When Sophie pulled away slightly, we were both out of breath. Her eyes remained close as she breathed heavily, the tips of her lips stretching upwards.
As I looked more closely, her wrists were a lot thinner than I remembered and her scrunchy was wrapped loosely now.
A slap on my shoulder made me step back. “Why did you suddenly stop answering my calls! Did you block me? ‘Cause I swear… You don’t even know how angry I am with you.” She poked my chest repeatedly.
“You don’t look angry.”
Her eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinted, and a frown appeared on her lips. “Now, do I look angry?”
“No. You look cute.”
Turning around, she muffled a scream though it was still quite loud. Facing me again, Sophie wrapped her arms around my waist, hiding her face by the crook of my neck. “I missed you.”
During the time that Sophie was away, I wore the knitted sweater she made six times and would constantly look at my mood ring. Norm said that I was probably missing her. Now I know the signs of missing someone.
Nobody has ever missed me. People don’t take notice when I’m gone, sometimes even when I’m still there. When I was a kid, mom would often forget that I was with her at the grocery and would leave me there accidentally. The first time that she left me, it took her three and a half hours to notice and pick me up.
I like that Sophie missed me, that my presence is wanted by someone. I felt… light. Like, I want to dance even when I’ve never danced. I want to sing even when I have a terrible voice. “I missed you too.”
“If you don’t want to go, you can tell me. I don’t mind.”
“I’d have told you before I even step inside the car if I didn’t.”
“Right. Right. Sorry. It’s just…my relatives can be a bit much.”
“A bit and then much? That’s contradictory.”
“I mean, they can be rude, insensitive, judgmental. Those kind of things.”
“Noted.”
“Okay.” Sophie breathed a sigh before taking my hand and squeezing it lightly. Something about my hand must’ve caught her attention as she glanced down. “You’re still wearing it.” She touched the mood ring that had been on my finger since she’d given it to me. A smiled appeared on her face, successfully halting her fidgeting.
After two minutes more of stalling, Sophie finally decided that it’s time to get out of the car. The parking space by the driveway was full of shiny black cars, the one that almost always came with a driver. A brunette in a casual suit was bent over a Mercedes trying to calm down a child that was crying. With a loud sigh, she gave up and stood straight with her arms on her hips. The woman turned on our direction just as we neared her.
“Sophie!” Immediately she left the child in the car to greet Sophie with a hug. The woman looked gorgeous and expensive up close with her light brown eyes and long eyelashes. Her brown hair shone and moved perfectly as she swayed slightly, there was no doubt she spent hours in the salon. My hair was always frizzy that I’m tempted to ask her about the products she use.
A nudge on my left side jerked me out of the admiring daze the woman, who was already back to talking to her child, put me in. Sophie raised an eyebrow at me.
This is what I don’t like with people, they talk without words. A raised eyebrow can mean “I find you hot, let’s have sex,” it could also mean “What are you looking at, lowly human being?” Which one they mean depends a lot on context, context that I have difficulty assessing.
Leaving the woman behind, Sophie led the way inside where Finn, the host, greeted us first. I congratulated him on the promotion, the occasion for the party. Apparently, it’s sort of a tradition to hold a party whenever someone in the family got promoted in the medical world.
“Oh, honey, you look terrible.” An old woman possibly in her 70s shook her head with a pout when her sight landed on Sophie. We had been walking around the garden with Sophie introducing me to her relatives, conversing lightly though Sophie did most of the talking while her relatives looked at her with a frown.
“Thanks.”
With her wrinkly hands, the woman stroked Sophie’s hair looking at her like a three-legged dog. “You know what I mean.”
After lunch passed, people were scattered socializing around the garden and I found myself seated next to Sophie, among the bunch of relatives who were older than us. Each of them held a glass of red wine that was constantly refilled by a waiter once drained.
I was getting bored but thankfully Finn had a tabby cat that kept me entertained as it sat on my lap like I’m the one who’s been feeding it.
“Honestly dear, we are all appalled by your decision not to go with chemo.” The attention has shifted to Sophie and everyone’s eyes suddenly gravitated on her. I’m pretty sure I’m in their sight as well.
“Maybe if you have continued med school you’d know better.” Sophie told me in passing that almost all her relatives are doctors or researchers in the medical field.
“Too late though.” A blonde teenager who sat on the arm of the couch shrugged, attempting to take a glass of wine, only for his hand to be slapped away.
“I mean, not to be unsupportive but the arts are merely hobbies,” the woman who slapped the boy’s hand away said. Her sunglasses were half the size of her face.
“You are being unsupportive.” I felt all eyes on me the moment the words left my mouth. Sophie stiffened beside me.
“What?”
“You said ‘not to be unsupportive’ but you’re being one.”
Her laughter sounded weird and her eyes twitched.
“There he is! Finn, darling, come here. Any interesting surgery lately?” And just like that, everyone’s attention was elsewhere.
“I’ll go get some water.” Sophie patted my lap and excused herself from everyone who were too busy to notice.
Placing down the cat on my lap, I followed Sophie into the house, dusting the cat fur off my jeans. There was no way I’d willingly be alone with those strangers who kept looking me up and down.
I found Sophie leaning on the counter with a glass of water already in her hand when I reached her. I’ve just drank a glass of wine and was not ready for another liquid and so I leaned on the counter on her right.
A groan on my right disturbed the silence in the kitchen where only the two of us were present. “Sabine, I wanna go home.” Sophie straightened up and repositioned herself in front of me, leaning the crown of her head on my shoulder. Her hair smelled of strawberries.
“Let’s go then.”
Lifting her head up, she showed me a lazy grin. “It’s… It’s okay I was actually just whining.”
Her hair has been slightly ruffled and so I combed it with my fingers. “You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”
I interpreted Sophie’s silence as her debating.
Walking away is an easy way to make unpleasant things disappear quickly.
Sighing, I extended my arm, offering my hand for her to take and be her escape. “Let’s go.”
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