It costed $11,000 to bury mother. Or was it $11,350? I’m not too sure. Death is becoming more expensive and if it was up to me, I would’ve buried the cadaver in our backyard. Charles did not appreciate the suggestion and threw his glass of water at me. He said it was rude. Rude to who? It wasn’t like mother’s cadaver will be offended.
People made too much fuss about the dead. The body inside the casket is just that- a cadaver. It’s a place holder for the person mother was three days ago. Or four days ago, again, I’m not too sure. But mother, my mother, merely stopped existing. Humans do that- suddenly stop existing all together.
In front of the casket, the priest continued to read from the bible, something from Revelation.
Did the priest come from the bundle that the funeral home offered? I should’ve just asked Charles to read and save a couple of dollars. Working the cashier doesn’t really pay well.
Standing behind the crowd allowed me to observe their expressions. Tears fell from Annie’s eyes as Charles rubbed her arm, Aunt Lorienne sobbed, almost overpowering the priest’s gospel, to her right stood the funeral director. I briefly wondered whether it’s morally acceptable to profit from someone’s grief, loss, and pain. But then again, morality is subjective, so perhaps it is. After all, everyone is merely doing what they can to survive.
Some commotion in front took my attention. Two men started to lower the casket. Flowers were thrown. Aunt Lorienne sobbed even more which reminded me of the angry cow at a dairy farm I happened upon one time.
“That’s gonna be me soon.” A woman’s voice to my right reached me, along with some slight sniffling no where near Aunt Lorienne’s uncontrollable howling.
“Me too,” I agreed. The woman beside me snapped her head towards me and stared for quite a while until I decided to meet her eyes. She was closer than I anticipated and so I took a step away. Dark blonde hair- could’ve been mistaken for a light brown- framed her face, wide green eyes stared at me. I did not know what she was thinking or why she was making a certain expression but I didn’t particularly felt the need to understand.
The woman’s eyebrows furrowed. She quickly wiped her wet cheeks. “You’re sick too?”
“We all are born sick, aren’t we? Which is why we were baptized.”
If there exist no proof of such original sickness, how should I know if I really do have one? Were there symptoms that could be identified and associated to such sickness?
“Well–yeah in Christianity but…that wasn’t– I meant if you were physically sick? Sick enough that you will be …you know?” She nodded slightly towards the men covering up the hole.
“No, I don’t think I do.” I haven’t gone to see a doctor in several years. “Not that I know of.”
“Sabine!” Charles called me over to the shade of a tree and I went over. His arms were crossed, eyebrows furrowed but it did not have the gentleness of when the woman did it earlier. “What was that?”
Looking around me, I searched for what he might be referring to. The tent? The priest? The flowers? There were too many things around for me to pinpoint which one in first guest.
“Fucking idiot.” Charles groaned, stomping his feet, reminding me of the boy in the bookstore two days ago throwing a tantrum when his father did not buy him the slime by the counter. “I told you before to stand in front and yet you were at the very back, even having the audacity to fucking gossip.”Â
“It was too loud in front. Aunt Lorienne’s crying was–” I glanced behind me, hearing her sobbing still, “is unpleasant. Better at the back.”
He shook his head and mumbled, “I can’t believe this.”
In the middle of the ceremony I have noticed some sweepers staring at Aunt Lorienne when she started howling. It was likely they were startled, distracting them from their job. “I’m sure you thought it was a bit too much as well.”
“Oh fuck off Sabine!” Charles’ outburst caused the man behind the trunk of the tree to flinch a little. He’s been there before us, smoking, and now eavesdropping. “That was mom being buried and you don’t seem to care at all! Not even a single tear! Nothing!”
I understood that this is a burial. Burials are supposed to be sad. Everyone is sad, therefore, I should be sad. But I’m not. Still, I forced myself to be.
Charles crossed his arms, glaring at me. “Why are you making that face?”
“What?”
“You look constipated.”
“I’m not. I’m sad, is all.”
“No, you’re not. You don’t feel a single fucking thing, so don’t even try to pretend that you’re grieving, because everybody knows you’re not.”
“I didn’t say I was grieving. I said, I am sad.”
Charles laughed and I briefly wondered whether I accidentally told a joke, but then I noticed he wasn’t actually smiling. “You’re a heartless bitch. That’s what you are.” He probed my chest with his finger, face turning red as his spit went everywhere. Charles turned around and sauntered towards the juice and snacks stand, the only thing he paid for.
Movement from the other side of the trunk caught my attention. The man crushed his cigarette with his brown leather shoes. He stood almost one head taller than me, brushing strands of brown hair that fell on his eyes. “Sorry for your loss.”
“Yes, I did lose quite a sum of money.”
“Oh.” He looked at me funny. “No, I meant your mother.”
“Oh. Yes, I suppose.” I shrugged.
“You suppose?”
The man stared, waiting for something. I stared back, not knowing what it was. He shook his head, smiling. “I’m Finn Astor.”
“Okay.”
“Your name?”
“No, that’s your name.”
“I meant, what’s your name?”
“Oh. Sabine.”
The man–Finn nodded, his pearl white teeth showing with a barely noticeable gap in front. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Okay.”
Finn started fidgeting with the cuffs of his navy long sleeves, shifting his weight to his left leg. “And um… I know this is a bit inappropriate, especially that it’s your mother’s burial but…” Clearing his throat, he stepped a tiny bit closer, glancing sideways for a second. “I want to give you an offer.”
By then everybody was preparing to leave, some have left already. “What offer?”
He breathed in and out deeply. “Okay. This is gonna sound weird but–You see, my older sister was diagnosed with brain tumor. It was only last week that we found out that it was a Glio stage 4 and she–well, the prognosis is 1-2 years but she doesn’t want to get treatment. I’ve been trying to convince her but nothing. She’s won’t change her mind.” Finn had both of his eyebrows raised and I suspected that he wanted me to say something.
“Where’s the offer in that?”
“I didn’t say yet. Well, the offer is… I’ll pay you to be with my sister.”
Before mother died from a heart attack, she was still strong enough to carry a jug of five liters of water and so there was really no need for me to take care of her. It was only the two of us living in her house so I did not have any experience taking care of other people other than myself. “I work as a cashier. I’m not familiar with taking care of dying people.”
Finn shook his head frantically. “No, that’s not what I’m asking. You don’t have to take care of her– although it will be greatly appreciated if you do, but all I’m asking is you keep her company.” He sighed, running his fingers along his hair. “She doesn’t have any close friends. Been too caught up with her work to make one.”
“What do I get from this?”
“$200,000. I’ll give the half for down payment once you agree, and then the rest after a year. And if my sister makes it for more than one year, I’ll add another $200,000.”
$200,000 is enough for me to buy a small cottage in the woods and live there until I die, away from all the people, from all the misunderstandings, from the expectations imposed on me, and away from the world I could never belong in. It was a great offer, one that I could not refuse, especially if the cost of it was low. “It follows then, that if your sister dies in 366 days, you’ll be paying me $400,000.”
“Well, that’s.” He scratched his head, eyes wandering to the surroundings before going back to me. “Umm…Yes?”
“Is that a question?”
“No. Yes, I’ll pay you $400,000 if unfortunately- I most certainly hope not- my sister dies in 366 days.” Finn covered his face with his hands, shaking his head. “Oh dear god.”
“Okay, then. I agree.”
“Oh wow. Okay. Really?”
“Yes.”
I’ve got nothing to lose from his offer, but a lot to gain.
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