“What are you doing here at this hour?!” Chaewon scolds her younger sister and slaps her lightly on the arm, the moment she breaks their heartfelt hug that lasted a good five minutes.
“I came to see you play obviously. I couldn’t have missed it,” Eunchae says with a cheeky grin. “Congrats on your win! I’ll brag about you tomorrow at school.” She pulls Chaewon in for another hug and lifts her off the ground.
Despite being just 16, she’s already taller than Chaewon, and Sakura thinks she’ll soon catch up to Yunjin in terms of height.
“Anyway, aren’t you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?” she asks teasingly, once she sets her sister back on the ground.
Chaewon’s face turns crimson, and she lands another slap on Eunchae’s denim clad arm. Yunjin lets out a laugh behind them, earning herself a glare from the midfielder.
“Yunjin is not my girlfriend. And you know her already.” Another slap follows, but this time aimed at Yunjin.
Sakura laughs at the exchange, but luckily, since her mouth is covered by the scarf, Chaewon doesn’t notice.
“Riiight,” Eunchae drawls doubtfully. “Nice to finally meet you, Yunjin unnie.” She hugs the blonde.
“Hey kiddo, nice to meet you, too.” Yunjin pats her on the head affectionately.
Then looking over Yunjin’s shoulder, Eunchae’s eyes meet Sakura’s.
“Kkura unnie!” she exclaims and then almost tackles Sakura to the ground as she throws herself at her, embracing her tightly.
“Hi, Eunchae,” Sakura mumbles against her scarf a little out of breath.
“Wow, you’re even prettier in real life,” the girl says as she pulls away from the hug.
“And you’re even cuter,” Sakura says, chuckling.
“No, unnie. Lately, I aim to be cool rather than cute,” Eunchae says, making a finger gun under her chin as she grins from ear to ear.
It elicits another chuckle from Sakura. The girl is simply too adorable, and Sakura has to resist the urge to pinch her cute round cheeks.
Eunchae’s gaze then falls onto Kazuha who stands beside them, all meek and awkward.
That’s when Sakura reminds herself that Kazuha doesn’t understand anything from what they’re saying. She has already picked up enough Korean from Chaewon and Yunjin to even hold a decent conversation with them in their language, but Kazuha must feel really confused and left out right now.
However, Eunchae is a smart kid and so, she immediately switches to Japanese.
“And you are?”
“Ah, I’m Kazuha. Nice to meet you,” Kazuha says cheerfully.
Eunchae tilts her head to the side, regarding the girl with curious eyes. “Are you Kkura unnie’s girlfriend?” she asks out of the blue.
Kazuha’s eyes widen and so does Sakura’s as they exchange an embarrassed glance.
“A-h, Eunchae.” Sakura smiles awkwardly, pulling her scarf higher up her nose. “Kazuha is our friend and teammate. I’m sure Chaewon has mentioned her to you.”
Eunchae purses her lips and shakes her head. “She didn’t. She only ever talks about Yunjin.”
“Eunchae,” Chaewon sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “No one is dating anyone. Better tell me why you’re here alone at such a late hour. Do parents even know you’re here? Oh my God, don’t tell me you ran away from home!”
“Oh come on, you know they wouldn’t have let me go if I asked them. But I plan to go back home, so technically, it means I didn’t run away?”
“You sneaked out? Eunchae, what if something happened to you?” Chaewon scolds her sister, sounding more worried than angry. “Not to mention that you’ll get in so much trouble when they find out.”
“Meh, what can they do other than ground me?” Eunchae says with a shrug. “Besides, I haven’t seen you for so long already. I missed you.” She wraps her hands around Chaewon’s arm and leans her head on her shoulder.
Chaewon crosses arms at her chest, though her expression remains soft. “Promise me you won’t ever sneak out like that again.”
“Fine.” Eunchae rolls her eyes. “I won’t. Scout’s honor.”
“Okay, let’s get you home then.” Chaewon goes to pick up her forgotten duffel bag, but Yunjin beats her to it.
“Let me take this. You must be tired,” the blonde says as she takes the bag and slings it over her shoulder.
Chaewon agrees with a slight nod. The blush on her cheeks doesn’t escape Sakura’s notice, and she can imagine the girl swooning internally at the gesture. Eunchae must be thinking the same thing as she smirks at the two.
“Hey, you know I wouldn’t snitch on you to the parents, if you did have a girlfriend, right?” Eunchae tells Chaewon once they leave the stadium’s premises.
The two of them are leading the way with the younger girl hanging off her sister’s shoulder.
Chaewon sighs. “I know, but I don’t think they’d care anyway.”
“Yeah, true,” Eunchae agrees, but there’s an angry edge to her voice. “I hate that they keep telling me I shouldn’t be even talking to you. By the way, I still only speak to them when it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Eunchae…” Chaewon doesn’t sound like she’s happy to hear that.
Sakura wonders whether it’s okay to be listening in on this conversation, but then neither of them makes any effort to make it a secret. And so, only Kazuha remains oblivious to its content.
“But at least, you’ve found people who care for you.” Eunchae glances over her shoulder with a grin. “I miss you though.”
“I miss you too,” Chaewon says, leaning her head against her sister’s arm.
“The moment I’m eighteen–”
“I know, I know. You’re moving to Japan to live with me,” Chaewon chuckles.
“I’m serious. I’ve been studying Japanese real hard,” Eunchae says, switching to Japanese again. “And I’m sure Kkura unnie will help me study too, right?”
“Of course,” Sakura confirms.
“I can help as well,” Kazuha chimes in.
“Ah! Kkura unnie!” Eunchae suddenly leaves Chaewon’s side and goes to grab Sakura’s hand. “You have to try this tteokbokki. They’re the best ones in the city!” she exclaims as she starts dragging Sakura towards a street food vendor across the street.
“Eunchae, we were supposed to go straight home.”
“It won’t take long. I promise.” Eunchae pouts, looking at her sister with puppy eyes.
“Fine. Just make it quick,” Chaewon relents, fishes out some banknotes out of the pocket of her jacket and hands them to Eunchae.
“Thank you,” Eunchae sing-songs. “Kazuha unnie, keep an eye on these two for me, please.” Since she doesn’t know how to say it in Japanese, she explains it by pointing with her index and middle finger to Kazuha’s eyes and then at Yunjin and Chaewon.
But judging by Kazuha’s puzzled frown, she doesn’t seem to get what’s going on, so Sakura fills her in on the details.
“Sure. I will.” Kazuha winks at Eunchae and salutes her playfully.
Finally, Sakura and Eunchae cross the street and join the queue.
“Kazuha unnie seems really friendly,” Eunchae remarks, bouncing on the heels of her feet.
“She is,” Sakura agrees.
“And she’s pretty too.”
Sakura narrows her eyes but hums in agreement nonetheless as she leans out to check the state of the queue in front of them. There’s just six people waiting so it shouldn’t take long.
“You two would look cute as a couple.”
She turns to the younger girl not at all amused by her comment, but Eunchae keeps on smiling innocently.
“Has Yunjin or Chaewon put you up to this?” Sakura asks.
“Nope. But since you’re asking this it seems like I’m not the only one who has noticed.” The girl’s smile widens. “I observed you two from afar before I’d joined you, you know?”
Sakura arches an eyebrow. “And?”
“And you totally didn’t look like you had the biggest crush on her,” Eunchae says, tone laced with sarcasm.
Sakura feels her cheeks burn. “Eunchae–” she’s ready to shoot down her allegations, but the girl cuts her off.
“Hey, all I’m saying is don’t be like my sister.”
“Huh?”
“Needlessly scared and stubborn,” Eunchae says it like it’s obvious. “I’m still hoping she’ll confess sooner rather than later.”
Sakura stares at her, taken aback. “You’ve talked about Yunjin with her?”
“Plenty of times.” Eunchae rolls her eyes in an exaggerated manner. “But she always says that I’m a kid and I know nothing. And maybe I don’t, but I’m not stupid. I know she likes Yunjin. And I’m pretty sure Yunjin likes her too.”
“She does,” Sakura agrees, and adds, “but me and Zuha, we’re just friends.”
Eunchae then mumbles something in Korean, but the meaning eludes Sakura.
It’s finally their turn, and they buy two servings of the spicy rice cakes. Immediately upon their return, Chaewon asks Eunchae to let her try some, and the younger girl whines that she should have just asked her to buy her too but hands her the cup anyway.
Sakura starts eating hers but notices that Kazuha keeps glancing at her cup while chewing on her bottom lip. She clearly wants some as well but seems to be too shy to ask, and so, Sakura does it for her.
“Want some?” She chuckles when the girl nods eagerly.
Sakura hands her the cup, but Kazuha looks oddly disappointed at the gesture. Briefly, she glances at Chaewon as she proceeds to feed Yunjin. She doesn’t make any comment about it though, and just stuffs her mouth with two rice cakes, humming in appreciation, then returns the cup to Sakura.
Did she want me to feed her? Sakura thinks to herself but decides she must be reading too much into it and just focuses on her food.
They continue their journey through Seoul’s sleepless streets, Eunchae’s chatter about her school and friends filling the silence between them until they reach their destination – a tall apartment building. Chaewon approaches it, looking a little apprehensive, as though something scary is about to jump out of it and attack them. Meanwhile, Eunchae already has tears in her eyes.
“Unnie,” she sobs as she holds onto Chaewon for dear life. “Don’t leave. Take me with you.”
Chaewon tries to cheer up her sister, promising another visit, but to no avail. Yunjin then also starts crying and goes to hug the two. Sakura maintains her composure, although barely, and also joins them in the group hug. Kazuha soon follows and she’s the only one without any traces of tears in her eyes, but the small smile on her lips speaks of affection and sympathy.
Sakura can tell because her face is right next to hers when she leans her cheek against Eunchae’s shoulder as she hugs her.
Once Eunchae settles down a little, they let go of her, and she walks to the building, waving at them until she disappears behind the entrance’s door. It’s at this moment that Chaewon bursts into tears, holding onto Yunjin who whispers soothing words to her.
They make their way back to the hotel, and Yunjin suggests Chaewon comes with them rather than return to the hotel where the team stays. The midfielder agrees right away. She clings to the blonde all throughout their walk, and despite how great the match went for her, all Sakura can see on her friend’s face is the heartbreak caused by having to leave her younger sister’s side.
She thinks about it before she goes to sleep in the darkness of the hotel room. As much as she’s exhausted, both physically and mentally, she finds it hard to fall asleep. There’s just too many thoughts swarming in her head.
Thoughts about Chaewon and Eunchae, and their situation with their parents. About Chaewon and Yunjin, whether tonight is the night when everything changes for them. And about Kazuha, who by now, has gained a permanent residence in her head and try as she might, she just can’t evict her out of it.
Partially, she blames it on Chaewon and Yunjin, and after today, even on Eunchae, as they all have been giving her weird ideas to ponder about. And on Kazuha herself. On her confusing words and looks that may or may not mean something more.
All of a sudden, the room brightens as a message appears on her phone. She reaches to grab it from the nightstand, surprised to find out that it’s Chaewon who wrote to her. Apparently, she’s not the only one having problems sleeping.
ChaeChae ðŸ¯
are you awake?
yeah
ChaeChae ðŸ¯
would you go for a walk with me?
i don’t want to wake up yunjin
sure
She gets up and gets ready as quietly as she can then leaves the room.
They first go to a 7-Eleven where Chaewon grabs herself a cup of kimichi flavored noodles which, as she states, she has been craving ever since she landed in Seoul but didn’t have a chance to eat, since the whole team had to adhere to a strict diet.
“These are soo good,” Chaewon says and proceeds to slurp her noodles as they leave the store and start walking towards a nearby playground. “Here, try it.” She offers some to Sakura, once they sit down on the swings.
“I’m fine, thanks,” Sakura politely declines the offer.
She’s not really in a mood for spicy noodles at almost 1 am.
Chaewon shrugs. “Suit yourself.”
Sakura waits for her friend to finish her late night snack before she asks, “Chae, did you want to talk about something?”
She figures the girl didn’t drag her here just so that she could eat her favorite cup noodles.
Chaewon gives a small nod, staring at the ground beneath her feet. “Eunchae said some stuff today, and I figured you might be wondering what she meant by them.”
Sakura did wonder, but she suspects this is more about Chaewon wanting to talk to someone rather than feeling a need to explain herself. Either way, she signals her to go on.
“You see, when I was sixteen I had a girlfriend, and long story short, my parents caught us kissing one day. Since then, they’ve been treating me like I don’t exist. They made it clear to me that they want me to stay away from them and Eunchae because–” she pauses, her jaw shifting as if saying these words would cause her physical pain, “they were afraid I’d do something to her… ” she says barely above whisper, wrapping arms around herself, and it takes a moment for her to continue again.
“I always told myself that I didn’t need them. That I didn’t care what they thought of me. As long as I had soccer, and Eunchae was on my side, I’d be fine.” She kicks at the ground, causing her swing to sway a little and creak jarringly. “But it was a lie. I was hurt and I did care. Like I could understand my step-dad hating me but my mom?” She looks at Sakura like she’s asking her to help her understand it, but all Sakura can offer is just a sad look of sympathy.
And although she may not have any answers to that, she knows how it feels when someone who’s supposed to be the closest to you betrays you. She felt it when her mother told her to quit soccer. When she basically told her to choose between her and her dad.
Briefly, Chaewon’s gaze drifts to the starless, dark sky above them.
“Do you remember how I told you Minju quit soccer because she stopped enjoying it?” she asks, her voice trembling slightly. “That was a lie too. She quit because she got involved with a player from the men’s team. They’re getting married later this year. She sent me an invitation.”
“Oh…” Sakura doesn’t really know how to react to this revelation but understands now why Yunjin was so upset.
“Don’t get me wrong. She didn’t cheat on me. We split up amicably. And honestly, I’ve never blamed her for breaking up with me. Whenever she wanted to show me some affection, it always took me back to that moment when my parents caught me in the act, and I would just freeze up. Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, guilty…,” her voice starts cracking, and she again pauses for a moment.
“But I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Always having that moment of shame burned at the back of my mind. Always afraid that they’ll catch me again. I don’t want to hide anymore. There’s nothing wrong with me…,” her voice trails off and a single tear slides down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it. “Anyway, there’s someone I like. But with the way I’m right now, I don’t think I deserve her.”
“Have you talked to her about it?” Sakura asks cautiously.
Chaewon shrugs. “I don’t really know what to tell her.”
“The same thing you just told me.”
“You think she’ll understand? She’s…”
“Unique?” Sakura prompts with a smile.
Chaewon’s eyes go comically wide, and she opens her mouth like she wants to say something but no sound comes out. Sakura resists the urge to roll her eyes at her friend.
“I’m certain she will. Trust me on this one,” she reassures her. “Now let’s get back to the hotel. It’s freaking cold out here.” Sakura pulls her jacket closer to herself, shivering.
“How did you…?” Chaewon mutters, still looking completely awestruck as if Sakura has just read her mind or did something else equally magical.
“You’re not as subtle as you think, Chae,” Sakura says as she helps her stupefied friend stand up from the swing.
The same goes for Yunjin, of course, but Sakura keeps this fact to herself, at least for now.
They return to the hotel, but before Sakura leaves to her room, she asks Chaewon about that thing Eunchae told her earlier which she didn’t understand.
“It’s like a slang expression for saying someone’s really stubborn. Why?”
“Ah, nothing. Just heard it somewhere,” Sakura dismisses Chaewon’s curious stare with a smile. “Good night, Chae.”
“Good night, and thank you for coming to see me and for everything else,” Chaewon says. “It means a lot to me.”
“Kim Chaewon, are you being sappy with me?” Sakura teases.
“Shut up.” Chaewon swats at air since Sakura stands too far for her to reach her arm.
They both laugh in hushed voices, mindful of their surroundings.
“Hey, I’m always here for you if you need me,” Sakura says once their muted laughter subsides.
Chaewon and Yunjin were the ones who helped her get through her injury. If not for them, she’d be in a much darker place. So she’s glad she could repay Chaewon and help her, if only a little.
Chaewon acknowledges her words with a smile, and then they leave to their respective rooms.
Inside, Sakura is surprised to find the nightstand lamp on and Kazuha sitting upright in bed, as if she woke up with a start, looking frazzled and, upon closer inspection, completely flushed and feverish. She runs fingers through her hair, breathing raggedly.
“Do you have a fever?” Sakura comes up to her and puts the back of her palm to her forehead. It’s hot. “Don’t tell me you’ve caught a cold. Seriously Zuha, you need to start dressing warmer,” she mutters as she goes around the bed and starts digging through her suitcase.
“Here, put this on.” She takes out an oversized t-shirt and throws it to the girl.
Kazuha stares at it then back at Sakura. “It’s fine. I don’t have a fever. I just had a dream,” she says, her voice a little raspy.
“A dream?” Sakura quirks a doubtful eyebrow.
“Or I guess a n-nightmare,” Kazuha stammers while folding the t-shirt neatly.
“Oh.” Sakura plops down onto the bed and gives the girl an apologetic look. “Sorry then. If I was here, I could have woken you up.”
“It’s okay. It was just a dream, after all,” Kazuha says, and yet Sakura senses a tinge of disappointment in her voice.
But she may as well just be imagining it. It’s late, after all, and she’s tired.
“Um, you couldn’t sleep?” the girl asks as she hands the t-shirt to Sakura.
“Yeah, and then Chaewon texted me. She wanted to talk.”
“About Yunjin?”
“Well, yes, but without really naming her. Although, I did let her know that I know.”
“And what was her reaction?”
“She was shocked, which was pretty funny.”
Kazuha chuckles with a nod and doesn’t pry into further details. Her skin is still a little flushed, from her cheeks to her neck to…
Fuck… I’m doing this again…
Sakura tears her gaze away and clears her throat. “I’ll go get change and head back to bed,” she says and flees to the bathroom.
Later, after they say their second good nights, and Sakura closes her eyes, she starts thinking about what Eunchae had told her. She’s a smart kid and as observant as her older sister, but she was wrong. She isn’t stubborn, nor does she have the biggest crush on Kazuha.
But maybe? Possibly? Quite likely, she has a small crush on Kazuha. Yeah, that’s what it is. Just some silly crush. And like, who doesn’t have a crush on Kazuha, right? Half of their team is crushing on her. Plus, Sakura lives with Kazuha, so while her teammates are only subjected to Kazuha’s charms during their training, she has to deal with them almost 24/7. It’d be impossible for her not to have a crush on the girl by this point. She’s just a human, and she has her weaknesses. But that’s okay. She just has to ignore it and wait it out. Surely, it’ll soon pass.
Frustrated with these thoughts and how they chase away her sleep, she opens her eyes and rolls onto the other side. Once her gaze adjusts to the darkness, she can make out Kazuha’s sleeping form. She’s lying on her back, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, and Sakura glares at her like it’s all her fault. And she knows it isn’t, but also, in a way, it is, and it’s all just so fucking confusing. Because here she is, losing her sleep over Nakamura freaking Kazuha. Again. While the girl is sleeping blissfully, unaware of all the havoc she wrecks in Sakura’s head.
Though upon a closer look, she may not be sleeping so blissfully after all, because Sakura notices she’s mumbling something under her breath. Trying to make sure it’s not another bad dream, she shifts a little closer, careful not to wake her up, and holds her breath, listening.
“Sakura…”
Sakura’s heart leaps to her throat. At first, she thinks she misheard it, but then Kazuha repeats her name again, in a low breathy whisper.
“Sakura…“
It will pass. Sakura swallows as she bites the inside of her cheek hard enough to taste copper on her tounge. It will pass. It has to…
She moves away from the girl, returning to her earlier position at the edge of the bed and squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to calm down her beating heart and forget everything that just happened.
I just wish you would make it easier for me, Zuha…Â
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