Four days have passed since their trip to Seoul, and nothing has changed. It was quite disappointing, to say the least.
After her conversation with Chaewon, Sakura thought she would notice some kind of shift in her dynamic with Yunjin. Like maybe some more of that hard to explain in terms of friendship tension, complete with lingering glances and awkward exchanges. Nothing groundbreaking. Surely no announcement of them dating, but just anything that would indicate that Chaewon shared at least a fraction of her feelings with Yunjin.
Yet as she observes them throughout today’s training, Sakura is pretty certain Chaewon hasn’t told Yunjin anything, since they’re acting the same way they always do – constantly bickering and teasing each other. And slowly, she starts thinking that maybe their whole trip to Seoul was just some bizarre fever dream she had.
Except it wasn’t. All of it was real. Including that part about her sleeping with Kazuha in one bed and hearing the girl whisper her name.
She tries not to think about it too much, assuming the dream must have been about soccer simply. But then she wonders what kind of dream about soccer could possibly require whispering someone’s name in a raspy, needy voice…
“Sakura? Are you okay?” Yunjin asks her after she saves another one of her shots which didn’t lack in strength but was aimed straight at the goalkeeper. “You seem a little…tense.”
“I’m fine,” she mutters, the tone of her voice suggesting quite the opposite.
Kazuha gives her a bit of a nervous look as she waits for her turn to begin the drill. But Sakura ignores it and gets back to the end of the line.
“Is everything oka–?”
“Yes!” she cuts off Chaewon who stands in front of her.
Several heads turn in her direction, but she doesn’t pay attention to any of them as she observes how Kazuha misses her shot, the ball flying way over the crossbar. At least she’s not the only one with a shitty aim today.
During their lunch break, they decide to stay on the field. The day is a bit chilly, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue, a perfect autumn weather. Fortunately, Sakura’s dad has already left the stadium, so she doesn’t have to be mindful of his watchful gaze.
She sits down on the grass cross-legged and takes out her bento that she prepared yesterday.
“You know what I think, Kkura?” Yunjin asks as she sits down next to her with her chicken sandwich she got from the stadium’s cafeteria. “You,” she points the sandwich at her, a piece of lettuce flying out of it almost hitting her in the face, “need to get laid.”
Sakura rolls her eyes and sweeps away the piece of lettuce from her lap. “Yunjin, please. I don’t have time for relationships.”
So apparently, the blonde didn’t give up on her matchmaking agenda entirely. Just excluded Kazuha from it.
Speaking of whom, the girl is still practicing her kick-ups instead of taking a break. But they leave her be. She’s lost in her own world right now, having the time of her life, judging by that goofy grin plastered on her face. It somehow fascinates Sakura how the girl can find so much happiness in such a simple activity.
“Who said anything about relationships?” Yunjin mumbles around the sandwich in her mouth. “I’m talking about, you know, some casual, no string-attached, one night-stand, good old hook-up.”
“Come to think of it, have you been with anyone since Kaname?” Chaewon chimes in, plopping down next to Yunjin and takes a bite from her sandwich.
Sakura raises her eyebrows pointedly at her. She doesn’t understand where this sudden interest in her love life comes from.
“Kaname?” Kazuha echoes as she appears next to Sakura out of thin air, crouching and placing the ball between them. “Kenjou Kaname? The same one that left to play for Kawasaki Frontale? Our biggest rivals?”
“The one and only,” Yunjin confirms with a toothy grin.
Sakura knows that if she knew the full story behind her and Kaname’s relationship, or whatever that thing between them was, she wouldn’t be so gleeful when mentioning it, but she supposes she has no one but herself to blame for it.
“You were dating her?” Kazuha asks, which in itself is already surprising, but Sakura is even more taken aback by how bewildered she sounds.
She wonders what’s so shocking to her. The fact that she dated a woman? A fellow teammate? That she dated in general? Or that she dated Kaname specifically?
“We didn’t date. Not exactly. It’s complicated.” She waves her off.
And as much as she doesn’t want the girl to pry any further into this matter, it somewhat frustrates her how Kazuha just accepts that vague non-answer with a mere nod and an unreadable expression on her face. Was that really enough to appease her curiosity?
She watches as the girl starts picking at the grass, plucking a few leaves and tossing them aside. She swears sometimes she just wants to crack open her skull and finally find out what’s in there except for the sunshine and rainbows, and soccer, of course.
“I know!” Yunjin claps her hands, interrupting her thoughts. “We should hit the lesbian bar tonight. I can be your wing woman,” she says and throws her arm over Sakura’s shoulder.
“Ugh, no thanks.” Sakura winces, removing the arm.
She has never enjoyed going to clubs or bars. They’re too noisy, and there’s too many strangers she doesn’t care about nor wishes to get to know. She visited a few with Kaname, and it was enough for her.
“I’ve never been to a lesbian bar,” Kazuha remarks offhandedly.
Sakura’s hand holding an onigiri stops mid-way to her open mouth.
Does this mean she wants to go? Was Chaewon right about her sexuality? She sure looks like she thinks she was, as she shoots Sakura a knowing smirk. But somehow, Sakura still isn’t convinced, because who really knows what Kazuha has meant by saying that.
“Oh we are so going,” Yunjin says, eyes shining with anticipation.
Suddenly losing her appetite, Sakura places her onigiri back into the bento box and hands it to Kazuha. “You can have the rest.”
Ignoring the puzzled look the girl gives her, she takes the ball and stands up.
“Count me out. I have better things to do,” she says as she starts doing the kick-ups.
“You have no one to do and that’s the problem.” Yunjin grins cheekily.
Sakura kicks the ball, aiming straight at the goalkeeper’s head, but Yunjin easily catches it, toppling over in laughter.
🌸ðŸƒ
Much to Sakura’s satisfaction, the topic of going to the bar doesn’t come up again during the training. But later at home, when she sits on her bed, relaxing and reading her manga, she suddenly hears shuffling noises coming from the corridor outside the door of her room, and she knows that’s not Hana-chan.
She glances at the clock on the nightstand; it displays 9:00 pm. Frowning, she puts aside the manga and leaves her bed. When she opens the door, she sees Kazuha kneeling on one knee while lacing her sneakers.
“You’re going out?” She blurts out the question as the girl stands up and she takes in her appearance.
Kazuha sports a pair of low waisted, ripped jeans and a black tank top that exposes her toned abs and shoulders. Her usually straight hair now cascades down her back in gentle waves. And Sakura thinks she looks…good. Maybe even a little too good. So when the scent of Kazuha’s flowery perfume reaches her, she has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from looking too flustered.
“Yeah, to the bar with Yunjin and Chaewon,” Kazuha states simply, reaching for her denim jacket that hangs on the coat rack.
Sakura frowns, crossing arms at her chest. “You know, you need to be more assertive. You don’t have to agree with Yunjin’s every idea. If you don’t want to go, just tell her.”
Kazuha arches an eyebrow. “But I want to go?”
“You want to?” Sakura’s frown deepens.
So she is gay?
“Yeah, it can be fun.” The girl shrugs, shoving hands to the pockets of her jacket.
Or is she just curious?
Sakura gives her another once over. The waistband of her boxers is showing above the waistband of her jeans. Regardless of her reasons to go to that bar, she clearly has no idea what awaits her there.
They’ll eat her alive.
Sakura imagines all the women ogling Kazuha the moment she steps in. And so, she decides that she cannot let her go there alone. Well, technically, she won’t be alone since Yunjin and Chaewon are going with her, but that doesn’t mean much.
As Sakura sees it, their outing will play out in one of the two ways. Either Yunjin and Chaewon will at some point ditch Kazuha, becoming too occupied with each other, and then the girl will be left to fend for herself, or Yunjin will try and encourage Kazuha to ‘loosen up and have some fun‘ in which case the end result will be the same as that of the first scenario.
“Okay, give me like fifteen minutes. I’ll go with you,” she says.
“But you said—”
Sakura lifts her hand, silencing the girl. “Just wait here.”
She closes the door and heads straight for the closet to try and find some kind of bar outing appropriate attire. After some deep digging, she fishes out, from the very bottom of her closet, a denim mini skirt and a black top. Then she applies make-up, fixes her hair, sprays some perfume, and after giving herself a once over in a mirror, she deems herself decent enough to show up in public.
She leaves her room and finds Kazuha occupied with something on her phone.
“Okay, I’m ready. We can go,” she announces, once she ties her doc martens and grabs her black zip-up hoodie.
She exits the apartment but stops when she realizes that Kazuha isn’t following her. Looking back at the girl, she finds her still standing in the corridor, staring at her with her eyes wide open and mouth hanging slightly ajar.
Is she having second thoughts?
“Zuha? Are you going? Or have you changed your mind?” she asks as she steps back into the apartment.
“Yes, I mean, no, I mean–” Kazuha closes her eyes and takes a sharp inhale.
Sakura quirks an eyebrow.
Definitely has second thoughts, she thinks but awaits the girl’s decision.
“Let’s go,” Kazuha finally says and all but rushes through the door, leaving Sakura behind.
They get a taxi and spend the entire ride in silence. Kazuha preoccupied with something on her phone, frantically scrolling through it while nibbling on her lower lip. She jolts startled when the GPS announces they’ve arrived at their destination.
Sakura doesn’t quite understand why the girl insists on going to that bar, seeing how anxious she is about it, but perhaps, she’s one of those people who like to step out of their comfort zone once in a while to try new things.
Just to what extent she’s willing to try?
She mentally slaps herself for that inappropriate thought. She isn’t here to witness the limits of Kazuha’s curiosity, but to help her in case she finds herself in a situation that will prove too much for her.
Speaking of which, the poor girl already looks like she’s about to have a heart attack, and she hasn’t even stepped her foot inside the bar. Still, she follows Sakura into the narrow alleyway without any signs of backing out.
Yunjin and Chaewon are already waiting for them in front of the entrance.
The blonde whistles obnoxiously when they approach them. “Damn, you two look like some celebrity power couple.”
“Huh?” Sakura frowns, looking down at her outfit then again at Kazuha who’s a fidgeting mess beside her.
Okay, so maybe the denim of Sakura’s skirt matches that of Kazuha’s jeans, and sure, they both wear black tops, but that hardly can be seen as a ‘couple look‘. Plenty of people wear such clothes nowadays.
Besides, Yunjin shouldn’t be the one to speak, seeing as her flannel shirt matches Chaewon’s checkered, pleated skirt, and they literally look like girlfriends going to some rock concert.
But she doesn’t get a chance to point that out as Chaewon starts to whine, “Can we get inside already? I’m getting cold.” She rubs her hands up and down her arms, and Sakura cannot phantom why she’s only wearing a t-shirt without any jacket.
It may be just the beginning of October, but it’s already quite cold, especially in the evening. However, when Yunjin sheds her shirt to wrap it around Chaewon’s shivering body, everything starts to make sense.
They couldn’t be more obvious even if they wanted to. Sakura shakes her head at them, smiling.
Even in the barely illuminated alleyway, Chaewon’s blush is evident on her cheeks as she mumbles her thanks.
“No problem.” Yunjin beams then finally leads them inside.
After they pay the entrance fee, they descend a set of steep stairs leading to a dimly lit hallway, its black walls plastered with old faded rock band posters. Sounds of music, chatter, and clinking glasses fill the stuffy air, getting louder the closer they’re to the main door.
As they’re about to enter, Sakura tugs at the sleeve of Kazuha’s jacket, stopping her. The girl turns around to face her, but her gaze immediately drifts down to the ground.
“Zuha?”
“Uh-m?”
For some reason, Kazuha just refuses to look at her. Letting out a sigh, Sakura reaches to cup the girl’s cheek, gently guiding her head up to meet her eyes.
“Zuha, if at any point you’d like to leave, just let me know, okay?” Sakura says, making sure to look straight into Kazuha’s startled eyes.
Although the girl told her she wanted to come here, Sakura wants to make sure she knows there’s no pressure to stay, if she feels uncomfortable. Kazuha has this awful habit of just going along with whatever idea not only Yunjin but anyone proposes, never protesting to anything as if afraid of causing problems if she does.
Sometimes you need to be more like that three-year old kid who refused to stand up from the pavement until you got your ball. She cannot help but to smile at the memory which suddenly invades her thoughts.
“O-okay.”
Kazuha’s quiet voice pulls Sakura back to the present, and all of a sudden, she’s hyper aware of her palm against the girl’s cheek, of how warm it feels and of that deafening thudding in her ears, which she cannot blame on the muted music coming from behind the doors.
She quickly retreats her hand and tries to shove it to the back pocket of her skirt, only to realize, at a third attempt, that her skirt doesn’t have back pockets, and so she rests it on her hip, trying to make it look casual.
“Guys, stop making out and get in here.”
They both jump at the sound of Yunjin’s voice. The blonde is poking her head through the door, lips stretched in a devious smirk.
“We weren’t–” Sakura starts her rebuttal but seeing Yunjin’s grin, decides not to take the bait. “Never mind. Come on, Zuha.”
She takes Kazuha’s hand and leads them inside.
The gauche decor of the place hasn’t changed since Sakura’s last visit to the bar. The walls are the same shade of deep red, adorned with portraits of women. Some look new to her, or perhaps she simply has never paid enough attention to them so they only appear as such. The dim lights cast shadows over the faces of the patrons, making it hard for her to tell whether there’s anyone she knows.
Glancing at Kazuha, she tries to gauge her reaction. But it seems to be neutral as she looks around the place with nothing much except slight curiosity painting her features.
They follow Yunjin to a booth where Chaewon already waits for them, sitting on a red leather sofa with brass studdings. Just as they join her, a tall waitress in white shirt and black slacks approaches, placing a yellow drink on the table before her.
“Here’s a drink from the lady sitting by the bar,” the waitress says and points towards the said woman who even from afar exudes an aura of elegance and sophistication, wearing black dress and high heels.
With a small nod and a charming, red-lipped smile, the stranger raises her glass, smoky eyes undoubtedly locked on Chaewon.
“Oh.” Chaewon blinks, flustered.
“Wait please.” Yunjin stops the waitress who is about to slip away. She then grabs the drink, takes out the straw and downs it in one go, handing the empty glass back to the waitress. “Thanks,” she says and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.
Taken aback, and a little amused, judging by the hint of a smile on her lips, the waitress nods and walks away.
Chaewon crosses her arms over her chest, but there’s a note of amusement lacing her voice when she says, “That was my drink.”
Yunjin shrugs. “Consider it a favor. I know you hate Piña Colada.”
“Well, that still wasn’t nice,” Chaewon retorts, keeping up the pretense of being offended.
“I’ll buy you a new one. One that you actually enjoy like Sex on the Beach.”
“…”
Sakura’s lips twitch in barely contained laughter, and she has to cover them with her palm. Next to her, Kazuha’s shoulders shake slightly as she copies Sakura’s action.
“Or a Mojito?” Yunjin’s attempt at damage control is completely futile.
Chaewon sits frozen, eyes wide as saucers and face glowing red, almost blending with the sofa behind her.
“Oh my gosh!” They all jump startled at Yunjin’s sudden outburst. “I love this song! C’mon Wonnie, dance with me!” She takes Chaewon by the arm and drags her out of the booth.
Sakura and Kazuha watch as the two disappear in the sea of swaying bodies on the dance floor.
“They are so…” Kazuha’s voice trails off.
“I know, right?”
They look at each other and burst into chuckles. Then Kazuha takes a seat on the sofa while Sakura considers whether she should sit next to her or across from her, until the girl pats the empty spot beside her, leaving her with no choice.
They shed their jackets, order two non-alcoholic drinks and sit in silence, bobbing their heads to the music. From time to time, someone tries to approach their table, but Sakura chases them away with her glare. She probably shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe not all of them have bad intentions. She should just let Kazuha explore her options, whatever that may mean.
But the girl doesn’t seem to mind that it’s just the two of them. She looks much more relaxed now, her lips curled up in a soft smile as she’s sipping on her red-orange drink.
“Sakura, long time no see.”
That voice…
Sakura freezes; she wishes she didn’t, but she does. Her throat constricts, almost painfully so, and her grip around her cold glass tightens.
Slowly, she looks up at the woman who stands beside their table. She’s dressed in black jeans and a white oversized shirt with the top three buttons undone (Sakura cannot be sure, but she thinks there’s something smudged on her collar). Her face, framed by her short, stylishly tousled hair, as handsome as ever, sharp eyes and prominent jawline. In her hand, a glass of what Sakura guesses is whiskey or bourbon.
“Kaname. Long indeed.” Sakura doesn’t bother to mask the venom in her voice.
But Kaname doesn’t seem to mind it as she takes a seat across from her. Throwing one arm over the back of the sofa, she crosses her legs. Her movements languid like that of a cat.
“It’s refreshing to see you outside the field.” She takes a sip of her drink and winks at Sakura from over the rim of her glass.
Sakura averts her gaze away from her and notices how Kazuha’s eyes dart between them, awkward and nervous.
“And you must be Nakamura Kazuha,” Kaname says, voice dropping an octave lower, and Sakura’s attention snaps back to her.
She notices how Kaname shamelessly drags her eyes up and down the girl’s body.
Stop looking at her, the voice inside her head rages. And before she’s able to rethink her actions, she sidles up to Kazuha, lifting her arm to slip underneath it.
“She’s with me,” she announces and rests her head on Kazuha’s shoulder.
“Oh.” Kaname doesn’t hide her shock, and it almost comes off as mocking. It probably is. “You two are dating?”
“Yes,” Sakura says, flatly.
She can feel just how rigid Kazuha’s body is against hers, but thankfully, the girl doesn’t deny her words nor question her actions.
“Huh, I see,” Kaname muses, moving her glass in slow circles.
“We’re keeping it low-key, right Haachan?” Sakura looks up at Kazuha with an easy smile and wraps her arms around her stiff torso, further pressing up against her side and leaving no space between them.
She wishes the girl wouldn’t look like a deer caught in the headlights, but she knows how bad of a liar she is, so she figures it cannot be helped.
Still, she tries to communicate with her eyes for Kazuha to try a little harder and play along. Her efforts wasted as the girl keeps staring at her in complete stupor, looking as if her soul has all but abandoned her body. As a last-ditch effort, Sakura pinches her back gently and that does the trick.
“M-mhm,” Kazuha squeaks out, nodding with a stilted grin.
Somehow Sakura finds it endearing just how bad the girl is at this. Her wooden acting elicits a small chuckle from her. And perhaps Kazuha catches onto it, because the tension leaves her body and her smile melts into a genuine one, soft and familiar.
Kaname clears her throat, catching their attention. “Of course, understandable,” she says with a smirk that looks all too familiar to Sakura.
It’s the one she would give her whenever she knew she had the upper hand. Whenever Sakura let her stay another night, despite knowing Kaname would never feel anything for her. But back then she was young and naive.
Just like Kazuha is now.
Fixing Kaname with a glare, Sakura tightens her hold on Kazuha. She won’t let her mess with the girl like she did it with her. Charm her way into her heart then use her and toss her aside. No. Not on her watch.
The intense stare-down between them ends with Kaname backing out when she slowly rises from the sofa. “It was nice meeting you, Sakura,” she says, sounding bizarrely honest. “See you soon on the field.”
And soon it will be. Their next match is against Frontale. Sakura can’t wait for it.
Once the woman disappears out of her sight, Sakura loosens her grip and slides away from Kazuha. The gravity of her actions catches up to her with the force of a jackhammer, and she feels her face pulsing with heat.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what possessed me,” she apologizes to Kazuha and slumps against the sofa, running fingers through her hair as she tries to figure out how to explain herself. “It’s just I know she wouldn’t have backed out. Even if you told her you were straight, she’d come onto you. And she’s not–”
“Oh, I don’t think I’m straight,” Kazuha interjects, smoothly.
Sakura sits up, eyes narrowing as she repeats slowly, “You don’t think…?”
“I mean…” Kazuha’s tongue swipes across her bottom lip, a barely perceptible action and yet it captures all of Sakura’s attention. She surges forward for her straw and takes a sip of her cold drink while the girl continues, “I never thought about it before, and I’m not sure how to exactly label myself. I was actually doing an on-line quiz about that when we were in the taxi.”
Sakura smiles, amused but not in a mocking manner. “An on-line quiz?”
“Y-yeah,” Kazuha stammers. “I didn’t finish it, though. But I’m pretty certain I’m not straight. I think in middle school I had a crush on my history teacher who was a woman. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I was too obsessed with soccer to ever think about it more,” she chuckles awkwardly.
“So you came here to make sure?” Sakura asks.
It’s a logical conclusion to assume, but then, logic and Kazuha do not always go hand in hand.
“Aa-h, not really.” The girl gives her a lopsided smile. “I hadn’t really thought about it when I accepted Yunjin’s invitation.”
“Then why did—?”
“How did you know?” Kazuha cuts off Sakura’s question. “That you like women, I mean.”
Sakura ponders for a moment, twirling the straw in her drink.
“It was also in middle school,” she says. “You know, at that stage when the locker room conversations start being all about boys. Quickly I realized I had nothing to say during those. To me, the prettiest person in school was our class president, a girl.”
Sachiko Suzuki. She reminded Sakura of the characters she saw in yuri mangas. Poised and elegant with long, dark hair and skin like porcelain. She had the prettiest smile and was friends with everyone. The kind of girl Sakura’s mom would love to have as her daughter.
Sakura, like many others at school, admired her silently from afar. She knew there was no chance Sachiko liked girls, but now that she thinks of it, even if by some miracle she did, she still wouldn’t have approached her. She was pretty and nice, but they had absolutely nothing in common. Sachiko was attending piano lessons in pristine white dresses; Sakura was chasing the ball, getting her knees scraped.
“Sakura?” Kazuha’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts.
She blinks and the girl’s smiling face comes into focus again. “Yeah?”
“Why did you assume I was straight?”
Because it’s less scary like that? Because if I didn’t, all the things you’ve said and done, all those soft smiles and looks, what would they mean then? Would those still be just expressions of fan’s admiration? Or maybe…
Or maybe she shouldn’t be even going down that route. It’s too treacherous. Surely has no happy endings.
“I-I don’t know,” she replies, and then reminds herself of the black and white jersey at the bottom of her closet and doubles down on her lie, “I guess because how uncomfortable you were when that Juventus player hit on you?”
“Oh, that.” Kazuha makes a wry expression. “She just wasn’t my type, I guess.”
“You have a type?” Sakura probes, tentatively, against her better judgment.
“Well, it’s more like I know whom I don’t like, if that makes sense? Besides, I think we can guess what she wanted, considering they were returning to Italy the next day,” Kazuha says with a knowing smile.
“Right, yeah, I guess that does make sense,” Sakura agrees.
So maybe the girl isn’t as naive as she takes her to be. Not that this changes anything, really.
“Sakura, would you like to dance? With me?” Kazuha asks, gaze sharp and grin wolfish, hinting at mischief.
It’s the kind of look she wears before she enters the field, confident but at the same time, carelessly playful, almost flippant.
“Dance?” Sakura echoes, thrown off by that sudden change in the girl’s demeanor. “I don’t really dance.”
Kazuha chuckles then inches closer to her, the rough denim of her jeans grazing Sakura’s thigh where her skirt ends, the sudden sensation sending shivers down her spine.
“Oh but you do.” Kazuha leans in closer, lips glistening in the dim lights. “When you’re dribbling, swaying your hips as you’re passing the defenders. Twirl around them with your roulette spins.”
Sakura swallows thickly, snaps her gaze back to Kazuha’s eyes. “I-It’s not the same.” She lets out a nervous laugh.
“It is,” Kazuha assures and offers her hand for her to take. “Come on, let me prove it to you.”
Sakura digs her fingers into the soft leather of the sofa like she wants to command them to stay there forever. Because she shouldn’t agree to this. It’s a bad, dangerous idea. But Kazuha’s eyes remain soft even when they speak of bad ideas, even when they tempt and confuse, and Sakura hasn’t learned yet how to say no to them.
Her heart starts pounding rapidly in her chest, chipping away at her resolve, until nothing is left of it, and she takes Kazuha’s hand, letting the girl lead her to the dance floor.
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