Head Over Heels Âœ“ 27 / hear me

july, age nineteen 

It took everything Lucas had not to cry, his throat thick as he gripped Asher’s hand and clenched his jaw. His eyes stung. It felt wrong to cry; he didn’t ­want to cry but it hurt to hold back his tears. Swallowing hard, he took a shaky breath and the first tear rolled down his cheek. Asher squeezed his hand right back. He looked up at the stained-glass window, the sun pouring through in red and blue that painted the tasteful flowers. The church was beautiful, and it was full.

Asher dropped his eyes to Lucas and bumped him with his shoulder, running his thumb over the back of his hand. “Don’t cry,” he said so quietly that he barely heard himself. He sat to Lucas’s right: he had insisted on sitting there. Lucas hadn’t questioned the simple request when he asked so much more of his boyfriend every day.

“Sorry,” Lucas said. He didn’t know why he was crying, nor why he was apologising, but it didn’t make a difference to the wobble of his chin that he couldn’t control as he looked up at his big sister. Audrie was a vision of beauty standing at the altar, a graceful lace veil fluttering down the back of the wedding dress she had wanted to wear ever since she was ten years old.

It had belonged to her grandmother first, the dress that Maddie had worn when she had married more than thirty years ago. Her mother had worn it next when she and Truman had wed fourteen years ago. Since then, her four aunts had said their vows in the same gown and now she was the first of the third generation of Langley women to wear it. She hoped her sisters would too.

“She looks beautiful,” Asher said. Lucas nodded and smiled, looking down at their entwined hands before he lifted his eyes back to his Audrie. He knew how excited she had been for this day, more than a year in the making, and she looked incredible. He had never doubted that she would. Her eyes shone and her cheeks sparkled with a dusting of shimmer, her make-up the immaculate work of her aunt, Claire, who made a living off her skills.

Charlotte nudged Lucas, her eyebrows pulled up above her glasses in concern when she saw the glisten in his eyes, the trail down his cheek. She crossed her arms and opened them up before she traced her finger down from her eye to her chin. Don’t cry. Lucas smiled and swept his hand down his torso then brushed his hand in circles over his chest.

“I’m happy,” he said. Charlotte softened her shoulders and smiled, snuggling against her big brother to watch the rest of the ceremony.

It was a simple service. Audrie hadn’t wanted anything elaborate. Her sisters had dressed up as bridesmaids to walk her down the aisle, her father’s arm in hers, but now she and Cooper stood alone at the front of the church with the minister as they spoke their vows. The year had tested them as Audrie had begun her gruelling PhD, using stable carbon isotope composition of otoliths to explore to effects of climate change on marine fish. It was a big task, a time-consuming project, but she had set aside the time and the money to wed the love of her life and the day had finally arrived.

Lucas hated to cry. He hated that even when he was over the moon, beyond elated for his sister and Cooper, his body’s first response was to cry. He wasn’t alone though: his mother sat four seats down, his sisters occupying the space between, and she was trying not to ruin her make-up as she wiped away her tears. She had first met Audrie as an eight-year-old, becoming her stepmother by the time she was ten and just a few months later, she had filled out the adoption paperwork that would allow her to drop the prefix. She counted Audrie just as much of her child as the seven she had birthed, and she wept her joy to see her daughter on the happiest day of her life.

The triplets were under strict instruction not to ruin their big sister’s special day. That was an easy ask of Harvey who hardly ever caused a disruption when his mind was too busy interrupting itself, the world around him consuming his attention. With a pop-up book in his hands, he could be entertained for a while. Truman held Freddie on his lap to stop him from running havoc when he deemed the ceremony too dull; Sarah had her arm around Julian to let him know she knew he was there.

Liliana, now thirteen, had volunteered as tribute to discipline any misbehaving children. She loved any and every chance to have a snippet of power, copying her parents in the way she talked to her little brothers if they were being naughty. It didn’t work quite so well on Felicity, who was growing up to be a cheeky ten-year-old, and she struggled to convey tone when she signed to Charlotte, but the boys were only two. To them, she was an adult with almost as much authority as their parents.

Cooper signed his vows, making sure Charlotte could see his hands as he translated the promises he made to Audrie. She did the same, offering her little sister a tender smile that shone through in her voice when she vowed to stay by Cooper’s side for better or for worse, to love him for the rest of her life.

She had already loved him for five years. She couldn’t wait for every moment that was yet to come.

Asher put his arm around Lucas’s shoulders when Cooper embraced Audrie, their bodies one as they shared their first kiss as a married couple.

“You’re so soft,” he said. He pressed his lips to Lucas’s forehead. “I love that almost as much as I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lucas said. Asher watched his lips and he smiled, letting out a long sigh. He rested his temple against his boyfriend’s, his thumb moving in soft circles over Lucas’s knuckles. The two fitted together as though they had been designed to find each other, their hands a perfect complement. Gazing at the ecstatic couple in front of them, now husband and wife after five years devoted to each other, Asher wondered if someday that would be them. Lucas prayed that it would.

*

After the wedding, Audrie and Cooper didn’t hang around for too long at the simple reception they had put together. It wasn’t much, a reflection of the funds they’d had and their insistence that they didn’t rely on their parents’ bank accounts, but it suited the two of them down to a tee. They had always been an understated couple who did everything for themselves, their love a private affair. Audrie had never wanted anything flashy, no desire to be the centre of attention for any longer than it took for her to profess her love for Cooper.

As Lucas came out of the bathroom, he was ambushed by his sister. He jumped out of his skin when Audrie darted into his line of vision, still wearing the grin that hadn’t left her lips since the moment she had woken up that morning. The day had gone off without a hitch, the weather even joining forces with her joy to illuminate her smile, and all that was left to do was set off for her honeymoon.

But not without seeing her brother first. She wrapped him in a tight hug before he could even utter a hello, squeezing the breath out of him until he spluttered.

“Hey,” she said, practically bouncing on the spot with the force of the excited energy buzzing through her veins. “I’m married!”

“About time,” Lucas said with a laugh. “You looked stunning, Audrie. You both did – you’re such a perfect couple, and you both looked amazing up there. Congratulations, Mrs Hayes.”

“Actually, I’m keeping my name,” she said. “I just prefer it, to be honest, if that isn’t too self-centred.”

“It’s your name,” Lucas said. “You’re the one who has to live with it for the rest of your life.”

“You know, that’s exactly what Cooper said. I don’t know why I got so nervous about telling him I didn’t want to change my name – I kind of felt like I saying I hated his.” She laughed like a song; light caught on the sparkle that dotted her dimpled cheeks. “This is the best feeling in the world.”

Lucas hugged her again, trying not to crease the bright yellow dress she had changed into. Multi-coloured flowers were stitched into the sunny handkerchief hem that flowed around her knees, the pretty dress custom made by her textiles teacher and seamstress aunt, Martha. Her hair was down, black waves flowing over her shoulders, and her floral perfume thrust Lucas into a summer garden in full bloom.

“Better than getting your degree?” he asked. Audrie nodded without hesitation. “It’s not even on the same scale,” she said. “This is a whole new kind of unbelievably happy. This feels so much more real. It is so real.” She held up her hand, light dancing on the silver band that hugged her dainty engagement ring. “I can’t wait for you to know what this feels like.”

Cooper came up behind her and put his arms around her waist, pressing his lips to the top of her head. She looked up at him, the back of her head against his chest. He kissed her forehead and when she turned around, her arms looped over his shoulders to pull herself up to his height, he kissed her lips.

“Hey, Lucas,” he said when he pulled away, his new wife still encased in his arms. “Or should I say brother-in-law?”

“Hi, Cooper,” Lucas said. His stomach was still fluttering after what Audrie had just said. “Congratulations!”

Cooper wore a warm, comforting smile. He had a fatherly face: kind eyes and a neat beard. “Thanks.”

“Do you mind if I steal my wife away for a couple of weeks?”

“Are you heading off already?” Lucas asked. Audrie nodded.

“As much as we love you guys, we kind of just want to be alone together,” she said, nestling against her husband. “Our flight’s in about three hours; we should probably get a wiggle on. Time to Greece the wheels.”

Lucas rolled his eyes at the terrible pun. “Which part of Greece are you going to?”

“All of it,” Cooper said. “Fourteen days and six cities. I think we’ve earnt this.”

“You’ve earnt it,” Audrie said, glancing at him. Cooper had spent the year working ever since he had graduated with a first in his oceanography master’s, saving every penny that they didn’t spend on rent or food to treat themselves to a fortnight honeymoon abroad. Audrie sighed a happy sigh and looked up at him. “I owe you one.”

“You’re my wife now, Drie. What’s mine is yours.” He kissed her nose. “Shall we go and say by to your parents?”

She nodded and hugged Lucas once more before she left with Cooper’s hand in hers, heading over for what would probably be a lengthy goodbye from her parents and her siblings. Lucas turned around to find Asher, sauntering over once he spotted him keeping Freddie out of trouble.

“Hey,” he said as he approached. “They’re heading off now.”

Asher continued to chat away to Freddie. Lucas stood to his right, a little out of sigh but less than a meter away.

“Asher,” Lucas said. “Hey. Asher.” He frowned. “Are you ignoring me?”

It was only when he stepped forward that Asher noticed him, catching a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. He grinned his charming grin and shifted Freddie on his hip as though he was his own child. Lucas was sure Asher would make a wonderful father, a thought that sent an odd shiver down his spine.

“Oh, hey!” he said, bouncing Freddie. “I was beginning to wonder where you’d got to. Where’ve you been?”

“I was talking to Audrie and Cooper; they’re heading off now…” He trailed off, his frown deepening a little. “Did you not hear me just now?”

Asher shifted his eyes away. “Sorry, I was talking to Freddie,” he said. “I didn’t notice you. You ok?”

“Yeah,” Lucas said, stuffing down his concerns. Today was a happy day and it should stay that way. He didn’t want to ruin the mood by getting into an argument with his boyfriend about his hearing. “How’s it going over here?”

Asher let Freddie down when he struggled, smiling after him when he toddled over to see his father, before he angled himself towards Lucas, that soft smile remaining on his lips like the echo of a love song. “It’s great,” he said. “I swear, like, half the town showed up today. Audrie’s pretty popular.”

“She is,” Lucas said with a smile. His sister had the ability to befriend everyone on a genuine level: she really cared and in turn, people cared about her.

“Did you say she’s heading off now?”

He nodded. “They’re flying out to Greece in a couple of hours so they might need to hurry up with their goodbyes.”

“Well…” Asher sidled over to him until their toes touched and their faces were just a few inches apart. Asher was taller – he always would be – but Lucas wasn’t short. He took after his father rather than his mother when it came to height, the top of his head just an inch short of six feet, but both of Asher’s parents were tall. He had lengthy genes that stretched him out: he had matched his father’s height since he was eighteen.

“Well?”

“If the bride and groom are heading off, how about we go and grab a bite to eat?” Fancy heading into town for lunch?” He wiggled his eyebrows, his lips twitching. Lucas smiled and nodded, taking a sip of his fizzy wine, and he tipped his head back ever so slightly, leaning forward until his nose touched Asher’s and they kissed. They only broke apart when Asher began to laugh while their lips were still together.

“What? Is it my breath?” Lucas rested his hand on Asher’s chest, leaning back with a look of horror on his face.

Asher shook his head and kissed him again as though to prove himself. “No, you silly mule,” he said. “You taste like prosecco.”

“Why’d you laugh?”

“Because you taste like prosecco,” Asher said again. “Your tongue’s all fizzy.” He grinned. “I like it.” Taking Lucas’s glass from him, he took a sip and kissed him, the bubbles alive on his tongue as he pushed it against Lucas’s. “So, we’ll wait until Audrie and Cooper have left and then I spy with my little eye, something beginning with U and I.” He poked Lucas’s chest. “And don’t correct my grammar when I’m trying to be cute.”

*

Although the wedding had ended at midday, it was after one before they managed to peel themselves away from the reception. Lucas got caught up in the sea of his relatives before he was rescued by Tom and Mika, who pulled him away back to what they had designated the kids’ corner, though none of them were children. Asher had turned twenty more than half a year ago, a milestone that both Lucas and Tom would reach before the year was up. Mika had only just turned nineteen a month ago but she had an old head on her shoulders. She hadn’t been a child since she was five years old, really.

Not that she cared. For the twelve years that Lucas had known her, she had consistently been one of the happiest people he had ever known. She was excelling in her linguistics course at Callaghan with two years to go on the master’s programme while Tom had just finished his first year of an English degree at the same university. As though the two didn’t spend enough time together already, they had been reunited when he had started his degree, commuting in together each day even if one of them had no classes. They were young but Lucas had a feeling it wouldn’t be too long before they decided to make their relationship even more official than it already was. If he was the type to bet, he would have put down a wager that they would be engaged not long after they had both graduated.

The four of them hung out together with Liliana, who liked to pretend that she was a grown up by hanging out with her brother and his friends. None of them minded – she was an inoffensive girl who found people her own age to be boring, preferring the superior intellect that came with Lucas and his group. It was only when Asher’s stomach began to rumble that they decided to head off at last, bidding farewell to everyone they passed.

It was with a breath of fresh air that they burst out of the reception and into the day. Lucas felt a sense of the utmost relief wash over him when he escaped the stifling crush, even if it was his family. Especially as it was his family, the people he couldn’t escape so easily. It didn’t matter how much he loved them, nor how much Asher’s father’s illness had made him appreciate his parents: he needed time away sometimes to recharge his battery.

“Freedom,” Asher said with a laugh, fanning his face. Lucas reached out to take his right hand but he ducked round to the other side, offering out his left instead. Lucas glanced across at him.

“Do I have a bad side?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“You seem to have an issue with being on my left,” he said. “Is that my bad side?”

“You don’t have a bad side,” Asher said with a laugh. “I dunno, I guess I just like being on this side.”

Lucas hadn’t noticed that before. Not that it bothered him. He shrugged it off and squeezed Asher’s hand, heading over to a new restaurant that had recently opened up at that end of town. They had been there a couple of times before: the food was good and for once it was bright enough that Lucas could read the menu without having to squint. He hated atmospheric lighting: he liked to be able to see what he was eating rather than play a guessing game with every mouthful.

Asher joked that he was an old man. His parents teasingly said the same sometimes, his mother wondering how her little boy was older than her. He liked quiet afternoons and reading in the garden; he hated crowds and dim lighting; he loved crosswords and reading the newspaper. If that made him an old man, he didn’t care.

When they got close to the restaurant, Asher slowed and hung back. Lucas almost tripped when he kept walking after Asher had stopped.

“What?”

“Can we go somewhere else?” Asher asked. “I don’t really feel like eating here.”

“I thought you loved it here?”

“I just don’t really want to go there.”

Lucas sighed, his frown returning. Something was a little off and he wasn’t sure what but Asher was acting differently. He just didn’t know why. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Asher shrugged. He sighed. “It’s just loud in there. I want to be able to talk to you and the music’s a bit loud.”

“Oh.”

“Let’s just go to Brunch Box,” he suggested with a smile, nodding his head in the direction of the all-day brunch café that didn’t play anything unless the owner was featuring new music by someone from the town. “Is that ok?”

“Yeah, sure,” Lucas said with a smile. “Did you know they’ve started doing brunch tapas? Like, mini brunch foods from all over the world so you can mix and match what you have.”

“No! Well, now we have to go there. I fucking love tapas. And I love brunch.”

They got a window seat in the bright, airy café that was decorated with luscious plants and minimalist paintings on the simple white walls. The occasional mirror gave the illusion of there being more space than there actually was and it was quiet, the only sounds coming from the whirs in the kitchen and the gentle chatter from the patrons.

“That’s more like it,” Asher said with a contented smile. “I don’t know why everywhere always has music playing.”

“And you call me the old man,” Lucas said, tutting. Asher rolled his eyes.

“I just like to be able to hear you when we talk.”

“You know, you would be able to if you went and got your hearing tested.”

“I will,” he said, skimming his eyes over the menu as though he could take anything in that way. He hated that he struggled so much with his reading but he also hated to admit how much he relied on the shaded glasses that helped with his dyslexia. He wore them as little as possible, relying on Lucas to read out the menu.

“You’ve been saying that for years but you’ve never actually done it,” Lucas said. “I don’t know why you keep putting it off when it’s you who’s suffering.”

“I’m fine,” Asher said, his voice tightening. “It’s not a big deal.”

“You might be fine but your hearing isn’t,” Lucas said. When Asher frowned, he huffed. “Come on, that’s not exactly a controversial statement. You of all people know that. It’s hardly romantic when I have to yell sweet nothings in your ear.”

“I can hear you just fine,” Asher said. “Unless you’re yelling right now?”

“I’m not yelling,” Lucas said. He was talking a little louder than he ordinarily did, though that was just something he had grown accustomed to doing when he was around Asher.

“So I’m fine.”

Lucas sighed. “Ash-“

“Just drop it, Lucas,” he snapped. Lucas recoiled as though Asher’s words had slapped him, the harsh tone jumping out of nowhere.

“Consider it dropped,” he said, holding up his hands. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you mad.”

Asher sighed and dropped his shoulders, lifting his eyes from the menu to Lucas. “It’s fine,” he said. “Sorry for snapping.”

“Is everything ok?”

He nodded. “Let’s just order.”

Lucas didn’t push it any further than that.

A whole host of miniature brunch dishes littered the table, the two of them picking and choosing what took their fancy. Lucas had never been much of a sharer but Asher had always been an exception to that rule. He enjoyed sharing his life with his boyfriend, whether that was sleeping in the same bed or eating off each other’s plates when something was just too good to resist.

“I think every meal should be like this,” Asher said as he took a slice of bacon from the dish beside Lucas. “Why just have one boring old meal when you could have a little bit of every meal?” He tapped his plate with his fork. “This is the future of food, I think.”

“I think this might have been the future a while ago,” Lucas said with a laugh. He cut into a miniature fried egg, the perfect yolk oozing over a piece of perfectly crispy bacon. His mouth watered at the sight as he brought it to his mouth, letting out an audible groan of appreciation. Asher pointed his fork at Lucas’s plate.

“Watch it, bacon,” he said. “That’s my job.”

Lucas’s laugh caught him by surprise and he choked when he inhaled his mouthful, clearing his airway with a forceful cough and a slap to his chest. “And you say your mum’s bad!”

“Where d’you think I get it from?” He chuckled. The mood had lightened since the food had arrived and Lucas decided to put the miniature spat down to hunger, whether or not he truly believed that.

“You get it from the gutter,” he muttered. Asher winked.

“You should join me down here. Just enough space for two if you don’t mind getting a little cosy.”

“Since when have I minded getting a little cosy?”

Asher played footsie under the table, a coy smile on his lips. “Want to come over and get a little cosy later?”

Lucas held back the full force of his grin, the effort showing in his pink cheeks and his twitching smile. “I suppose I could get on board with that.”

Asher jigged his eyebrows. “Climb aboard.”

*

The boys whiled away a couple of hours over their lunch and a few more as they had wandered around town and ended up lounging around in the park. Asher had put down his jacket on the grass for Lucas, who had lain on the coat and used his boyfriend’s stomach as a pillow. They weren’t alone when they eventually made home just after seven. Following the sound of voices, they found Aaron in the kitchen with Sadie, doling out a portion of spaghetti into a bowl for her.

“Hey,” Asher said. “What’re you doing here?”

Aaron had moved out a few years ago: it was no longer common to see him hanging out in the kitchen but there he was, making supper for his little sister. “I came over for lunch earlier and Mum asked me to babysit,” he said. “How was the wedding?”

“Perfect,” Lucas said. “Hey, Sadie.”

“Hi, Luca,” she said.

Asher shrugged off his slightly grassy jacket. “How come you’re babysitting?” he asked. “Where’re Mum and Dad?”

“At the hospital.” Aaron opened himself a beer and took a sip.

“What? Why? Why’re they at the hospital?”

“Dad got called in so Mum drove him in,” he said. Asher’s eyes widened. Lucas recognised that gut-wrenching fear in his pupils. Aaron noticed it too. Glancing over at Sadie, who was happily slurping her spaghetti, he crossed the kitchen and nodded at the door to the hallway. Lucas and Asher followed him out. “Look, don’t freak out in front of Sadie, Ash.”

“Why did he get called into the hospital? What’s wrong?”

“Calm down,” Aaron said, his voice firm. “I don’t know. He just got a call from his doctor saying that they got some results back and they needed him to come in to talk about them.”

Lucas felt his whole body go tense. Beside him, so did Asher’s.

“That’s not good,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s never good, Aaron. Oh my God. No. No.”

“Asher!” Aaron took him by the shoulders, holding him still and looking into his eyes. He had grown up a lot in the past year, halfway to thirty, as he stepped up to the role of being the oldest child. The oldest son. If his father died, he would be man of the house. “We don’t know anything. That’s literally everything Mum told me – she said she had to drive Dad to the hospital to talk about some results that just came back. I don’t know what that means but you can’t freak out like this. It might be nothing.”

Asher was shaking. Lucas held his hand, his fingers automatically crushed by his boyfriend’s fearful grip. “You don’t get called into the hospital at fucking seven o’clock at night if it’s nothing.”

“They didn’t – they left a couple of hours ago. You need to get a grip, Ash. They’ll be back soon. There’s no point getting yourself all worked up if it’s nothing.”

It was too late for that though. Asher’s brain had latched onto the worst-case scenario and it had run with it, his face losing a little colour and his grip on Lucas’s hand tightening before he let go, storming down the hallway to the conservatory. Lucas and Aaron heard the door crack shut a moment later.

“I fucking hate this,” Aaron said. There was a crack in his voice as he rubbed his forehead. “God. This is all so fucking shit.” He took a deep breath and blinked a couple of times. That was the closest to tears Lucas had ever seen him: he had always been such a trooper but more than a year after his father’s diagnosis, his strength was wearing thin. “I need to get back to Sadie,” he said.

“I’m going to talk to Asher,” Lucas said. His gut churned and his chest felt tight as though someone was sitting on his ribcage. He headed after Asher, a hurry in his step to catch up with him when he saw him standing in the middle of the lawn with his hands in his hair, his elbows pointing up. When he got closer, he heard him crying.

“Asher,” he said, though he knew there was no way Asher had heard his name. He jogged closer. “Asher,” he called louder. He turned around, his cheeks wet and his head shaking.

“I can’t lose my dad,” he said, pawing at his tear-streaked skin. “He can’t die, Lucas. He can’t leave us. I can’t lose him. I can’t.”

Lucas held him, letting his boyfriend sink against him as he sobbed, letting out months of unshed agony that he had bottled up, putting on a brave face for his sister and distracting himself with university, but his first year was over now, his family at the forefront of every single day. Lucas wished there was something he could do, that he could say everything would be ok, but nothing he could say came with any kind of guarantee. He had no idea what the evening held. He didn’t want to say everything would be ok and be wrong.

“I can’t do this,” Asher wept, clutching one hand over his eyes. “I feel like I’m losing everything.”

“You’re not losing everything,” Lucas said. He wanted to murmur but Asher needed more decibels than a murmur allowed.

“I … I have this thing,” Asher said, pushing past the lump in his throat. “Like, a bet with myself. I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t lose my hearing and my dad. I just can’t. So if I let my hearing go, then my dad will be ok,” he said, mumbling his words. “God, it’s so fucking stupid, I know. I feel like I’m just clutching at straws all the time but I keep dropping them. I don’t know how to pick them up. I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do if my dad dies and I go deaf.”

Lucas took Asher’s hand in both of his, swallowing his own heartache, the dull thud in his chest at seeing his boyfriend so distraught. “You’re not going to go deaf,” he said hopelessly. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier, Asher – I didn’t mean to upset you. Your hearing’s going to be ok.”

Asher shook his head, his face crumpling. “It’s not.”

“It wi-“

“It’s already gone,” he said. Lucas drew a sharp breath.

“What?”

“My right ear,” he mumbled. “It’s completely gone, Lucas. I can’t hear a fucking thing on that side.”

“Oh my…” He trailed off, his face falling. He felt his blood drop to his feet as though a plug had been undone. “Asher, I … oh my goodness. What? Why? Since when?”

“This morning. I woke up and it was gone.” He slowly dropped down onto the grass, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Lucas didn’t think twice before he sat down beside him. The day made a little more sense now, he thought, putting his arm around Asher’s shoulders and holding him close.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it was Audrie’s wedding. I didn’t want you to worry. There’s so much going on right now, I just … I don’t know. I don’t know. I’m so sorry I snapped at you earlier. I was just freaking out already and I didn’t want to have to deal with it.”

“It’s ok,” Lucas said. “We can deal with it together, though. You need to go and see the doctor. Does your mum know?”

Asher shook his head. “She’s been really stressed this week, with Dad’s appointments and Sadie’s summer holiday started,” he said. “I didn’t want to have to tell her oh, by the way, I just woke up half-deaf. I thought maybe I just needed to pop my ear or something and it’d come back but it’s not even muffled. It’s just gone.”

Lucas held him, swaying slightly. It felt like forever passed in the few minutes that actually did before Aaron appeared at the conservatory door. He headed down the garden to meet them, not bothering to yell from the house.

“Hey, Ash,” he said, loud enough that Asher looked up. “You need to come inside. Mum and Dad are home.”

He got to his feet, laden down with dread. “What is it?”

Aaron shrugged. He looked utterly hopeless. “I don’t know,” he said. “They only just got back. Mum told me to come and get you. She said we need to talk. Just … come inside.” He turned to head back to the house. Asher bent over and threw up, his churning emotions getting the best of him.

Lucas rubbed his back, screwing up his face to stop him from crying too. Whether Aaron knew or not, his tone had been a little too flat for his liking, every worst-case scenario playing out in his mind. “Let’s go in,” he said, holding Asher’s elbow. “You need to go in.”

Asher took a few deep breaths. He was shaking, his hand quivering as he ran it through his hair. Lucas wasn’t sure he had ever seen him such a mess before. He had seen him cry but not like this; he had never worked himself up to the point of vomiting. Lucas took him by the arm, leading him up to the house.

“Are you going to tell your parents?” he asked as they headed into the kitchen where Ishaana gasped when she saw the state of her youngest son. Bishop was leaning against the counter, tall and thin. Ever since he had switched from chemotherapy to radiotherapy, his hair had begun to grow back short and grey.

“Asher, honey,” Ishaana said. “Are you ok?”

“No,” he said. It was the truth. It hurt.

“What do you need to tell us, baby?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “Just say it. What’d they say?”

“Dylan’s not here,” Aaron said. “I put Sadie to bed already.”

“He and Benji are in Spain,” Bishop said. He poured himself a glass of water to smooth out the cracks in his voice. “I’ll speak to him when he gets back. I’ll talk to Sadie in the morning.”

“What did the doctor say?” Asher asked again. “Just spit it out, Dad. What did they say?”

“It’s gone,” Bishop said. A tentative smile grew as though saying those words out loud made it even more true. “I’m cancer-free.”

Asher clutched onto Lucas to stop himself from falling to the floor. He felt as though he could simultaneously drop to his knees or soar. His father’s words were muffled but the smile on his face said it all. “What?”

“My latest results came back,” Bishop said. “The chemo and the radiotherapy worked. The cancer’s gone.” He heaved a heavy breath. “I’m in remission.”

Aaron threw himself at his father, almost knocking him over. Asher struggled to hold himself up until Bishop pulled him over to join the embrace, hugging half of his children with glistening eyes. Lucas stood with his hand over his chest, his brain computing so much that his thoughts flatlined and he didn’t know how to move. Ishaana smiled at him and opened her arms, and he sank into her embrace as though she was his mother and Bishop was his father. He spent enough time with the family that they could be.

He didn’t know what to say. There was nothing he could say to sum up the gravity of the moment but nothing really needed to be said until Ishaana reached behind herself and pulled a bottle of champagne out of the cupboard.

“I think it’s high time we celebrated,” she said, peeling off the gold foil to pop out the cork. Letting go of Lucas, she stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss her husband as he hugged their sons, her arm around her shoulders.

“When did you buy that?” he asked, looking at the bottle in her hands. Ishaana dropped her gaze to the label of the bottle she had bought in tears one day along with a packet of aspirin, and the cashier had given her a pitiful smile.

“The day you were diagnosed,” she said softly. “I knew we’d need it eventually.”

+ – + – +

i hope you enjoyed this chapter! a little bittersweet perhaps, but leaning more heavily on the sweet side! 

p.s. my wattpad block party post is up today which you can find in the block party summer 2017 book on kellyanneblount‘s profile! enjoy a sneak peak of AYK!