march, age twenty
The moment that Lucas handed in his dissertation, printed and bound and perfected to the limit of his capabilities, was up there with the best feelings in his life secondly only to the way his boyfriend made him feel. He couldn’t describe the elation of turning in fifteen thousand words of literary theory and analysis, a solid year’s hard work condensed into one document that would make up a full quarter of his degree. Mira had handed hers in on the same day, the two of them taking the obligatory photo with their work before they gave it away to be marked.
Ever since he had decided on his thesis question, he had chipped away at the work and the most immense relief rolled off his shoulders when it was out of his hands at last: there was no more he could do, the decision taken away from him. Twelve months of effort would be judged within a couple of read-throughs by his supervisor and an external examiner, a thought that terrified him too much to dwell on it. So he didn’t.
The last day of the second semester of his final year. It was the home run now, a few weeks off before the last couple of university exams he would ever sit. That was hard to believe, a truth that he struggled to digest. After eight years of misery at primary school and seven questionable years at high school, he had toiled his way through two third of his three-year university course and aside from the occasional blip – namely Carey, from whom he had distanced himself one they had left the flat they had shared – he had loved it. The work challenged him at last; the people cared about the subject and they had earned their place.
He had earned his place. He had proved himself time and time again, churning out top marks over and over as though he had been bred to do so. The first time he had failed to reach the threshold for a first in an assignment, he had been so distraught that Mira had thought something terrible had happened. She had laughed when she had realised his distress was the result of a two-one, and she had welcomed him to the real world with a hug and a cup of tea. She was firmly lodged in two-one territory, with only the occasional first under her belt, but she didn’t care. Most people didn’t: any classification of degree from one of the world’s top universities would have them set for life.
But Lucas wanted only the best. He wouldn’t settle for anything less and with the brain he possessed, it was likely that he would never have to. He had the capacity to do whatever he wanted, excelling whether he turned his mind to numbers or novels and a first-class honours from Cambridge would give him that extra impetus, the extra something to push him up above his peers. Now he was so close he could taste it, desperate for that last proof that he could do it.
The Easter holidays marked the last time that he would have to sacrifice his free time in order to push his knowledge above and beyond, cramming his brain full of facts that he would have to spew onto a page in an exam. It would all be over in six weeks. The thought simultaneously excited and terrified him: he would be done; he would have done it, but it would be over. No longer would he have the safety net of his degree, the excuse to be unemployed. As soon as he graduated in July, he would become yet another statistic. Jobless graduates, their prospects even lower than the generation before them.
That was a problem for another day. Right now, rather than let himself sink into the depression of realising that life may not be as rosy as he wished it could be, he packed a suitcase with a week’s worth of clothes and supplies to head down to Brighton. No longer was home his first priority when he had time off university. Asher had taken over that spot, the first person he wanted to see when he had a break.
The past year had been the most stressful, tying up the loose ends of his education. Visits to his boyfriend had been the first to go when he had needed every ounce of free time to work on his assignments and polish up his dissertation and since starting the semester almost three months ago, he had only seen Asher a handful of times. It killed him to be apart for so long; it killed him even more that the ways for them to stay in touch at university were in constant decline.
Asher hated to text, the simple task rendered almost impossible by his dyslexia. Phone calls had replaced the typed conversations until recently, when his hearing had deteriorated to the point that the distance of the phone line rendered it impossible for him to keep up a conversation. Video chats had taken over after that, though it wasn’t easy when Lucas was too busy to devote all his attention to the computer screen and Asher’s hearing was too poor for him to grasp every word if he couldn’t see Lucas’s lips.
For a whole week, they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. There wasn’t an ounce of malice involved: there just wasn’t the time. Lucas cursed himself for not carving out more time for his boyfriend but when every word he typed meant so much more now, he couldn’t afford to put a foot wrong. Now that the hardest part was over, he ached to hold Asher once more, to hug him and kiss him and make up for all the time that they had been apart.
His phone buzzed on his bedside table as he folded a few t-shirts into his bag. Rocking back onto his heels from his knees, he stood and swiped to answer when he saw his friend’s name on the screen.
“Hi, Mika,” he said, dropping down onto the edge of his bed.
“Hiya!” she said, her voice as bright as ever. “I just wanted to let you know that we’re about ten minutes away.”
“Oh, great,” he said with a smile, adding a bag of toiletries to his packing before he began to curl the wire of his charger around its plug. “Do you want me to meet you somewhere?”
Mika murmured to Tom away from the phone for a few seconds. “Do you mind if we stop off for a drink somewhere instead of driving straight down?” she asked. “Tom just needs a bit of a break from driving before we head down to Brighton.”
“Yeah, sure. That sounds good,” Lucas said. He couldn’t wait to spend an entire week with his three closest friends, he and Mika celebrating the handing in of their dissertations while Asher and Tom rode on the coattails of their partners’ successes.
It had been Asher’s idea to invite everyone down to Brighton for the first week of the Easter holidays, booking a house on Air BnB for the first seven days of the break. Mira and Mawar had already had plans, jetting off to Spain yesterday evening, though they had been gutted to miss out on the group trip. Mika and Tom hadn’t needed much persuading to make the trip down to Brighton, a little time to get away from their families: when they both commuted into university, they didn’t get those kinds of chances very much.
Lucas had been prepared to get the train down, as much as he hated trains. Every time he had visited Asher at university, he had had to psych himself up to fork out the extortionate cost of a train ticket as well as mentally prepare himself for a hot, busy ride. It was worth it to see his boyfriend, and he would have done it this time if Tom hadn’t offered to make the detour to Cambridge to collect him. Ever since getting his driving license at last, within a couple of weeks of his twentieth birthday, he had tried to drive as much as possible to get used to being on the road. It scared him a little, but it terrified Lucas, who had yet to have a single lesson.
“Got any recommendations for somewhere to grab a decent cuppa and a bit of cake?” Mika asked. “Oh, and Tom wants to know where we should park. D’you know where’s best?”
Lucas gave them directions off the top of his head to the most suitable car park for the coffee shop he wanted to take them to, a student-friendly place that never batted an eye if he worked there for a few hours when he felt the need to get out of the house.
“Awesome, we’ll be there in ten!” Mika said. “Are you ready?”
Zipping up his bag once every pile he had laid out had been packed inside, he nodded. “I am. I’ll head over now. See you soon.”
One thing Lucas hadn’t expected when he had started university was just how much he would fall in love with the city. That had never been a high priority for him when the root of his application had been focused on the strength of the university and what it offered for his academic ability, with little consideration for the area in which he would be studying. He hadn’t thought it would matter much when he planned to spend the majority of his time in his flat or the library, but he had been wrong.
Cambridge was beautiful. Even after almost three years, the city still took his breath away as he wandered around the streets in awe of the architecture. He loved to walk along the riverside and take in the fresh air when he needed a break from his laptop screen, heading down the road in search of a drink to clear his head. Lush greenery stood out against old buildings that reflected in the ripples of the river, the perfect backdrop to a spring walk.
It took exactly ten minutes for him to reach the café once he had hung up the phone. It had come into sight within eight minutes: he had slowed his pace to ensure that he was bang on time and either Mika’s guessing game was on point or she had done the same. She and Tom rounded the corner as Lucas made it to the door. He laughed when he spotted them.
“Perfect timing,” he said, holding open the door for them.
“You know me,” Mika said. She hugged him once they were inside. Tom did the same with a smile.
“How are you?” he asked. “That must feel good to be done with it.”
“It feels fantastic,” Lucas said. He joined the short queue with his card in his hand, ready to pay for all three of them when Tom and Mika had gone so far out of their way to collect him. Cambridge wasn’t exactly on the way to Brighton from Farnleigh, adding a good fifty miles and two hours to the journey – not including the stop for refreshments – but Tom had insisted.
“What d’you want?” Mika asked.
“No, I’m paying.” Lucas held up his card. “You grab a table and tell me what you’re having.”
Tom shook his head, passing a twenty-pound note to Mika for her to order. He had come on in leaps and bounds over the past decade or so but he did his best to avoid as much anxiety as possible: ordering was a no-no, something that Mika didn’t mind. “It’s on me,” he said.
“No it’s not. You guys drove here – that’s more than enough.” Lucas stood his ground. He didn’t have much to offer when it came to anything that involved money, stretching his student loan out to cover his food and his rent with the slightest leeway for the odd treat, but he could cover the cost of three coffees and cakes.
“Tom’s paying,” Mika said, “so you might as well just go and get that table and tell me what you’ll have or I’ll end up guessing and you know I panic when they put me on the spot.”
“You’re not paying!” Lucas said. Tom watched on, vaguely amused by the two of them.
“Well, I’m going to get the table while you guys figure it out,” he said.
“Wait, hold on, I don’t know what you want,” Lucas said. He smiled.
“Mika does.”
Mika wiggled the twenty-pound note at Lucas. “Look, you can be as stubborn as you want but Tom’s mum told us to buy you a drink,” she said, “so I’m buying you a drink. You know Maddie.”
Lucas did. Tom’s mother was his grandmother after all. As much as he didn’t like to back down, he also knew that Maddie meant what she said and that if she asked Tom, he wouldn’t be able to lie to her. “Fine,” he said. “You can buy this one. Or hammy can, I suppose. But I’ve got all week to pay you and Tom back for this.”
Mika frowned. “We offered,” she said. “You didn’t ask us to get you. Tom offered to do it, so you don’t owe us anything. We can’t offer you a favour and expect reimbursement. You know how awkward he’d feel if you tried to repay him.”
The two of them stepped to the front of the queue, where a perky barista wore a radiant smile that didn’t fade when she asked, “Hi! What can I get you guys?”
“I’ll have an iced tea and a slice of cheesecake,” Mika said. “Also, a medium hazelnut hot chocolate with cream – no marshmallows – and a piece of the millionaire’s shortbread. And…” He glanced at Lucas, who sighed and gave in, putting his card away.
“I’ll have a pot of Earl Grey,” he said.
“Anything to eat?” asked the perky barista. Mika nudged him with her elbow.
“A cookie? Cake? What d’you want?” she asked. “Come on – we’re both eating. Don’t make us look like utter pigs.”
Lucas rolled his eyes at her. The barista tried to hold back a chuckle at the exchange, nodding and tapping it into the till when he asked for a piece of flapjack with his tea. Mika handed over the cash with a smile that verged on smug for getting Lucas to back down and she took the numbered wooden spoon with her change, the two of them joining Tom.
“Mum just texted,” he said, showing Lucas the message from Maddie. “I said we met you at a coffee shop and she said I better have bought you a drink.” He looked up at Mika. “Did I?”
She handed him the change. “You did indeed. You bought him a brownie too.” Dropping down next to him, she gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” he said, dropping the change into his pocket. “Looking forward to this week?” he asked Lucas, who took a deep breath and nodded. He was more than ready, beyond excited.
“I miss Asher so much,” he said. “I can’t wait to see him again. It’s crazy how long a week can feel when we never have time to speak.” He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I hate it.”
“I can’t imagine that,” Mika said, her hand on Tom’s knee. “I don’t think we’ve ever gone a day without talking.” She pursed her lips as though she was trying to remember. “Actually, have we? Have we ever not spoken for a whole day?”
Tom looked thoughtful for a moment. “Only when you went to Japan a couple of years ago,” he said, “and that was only because of the time difference so it doesn’t really count.”
“Wow,” Lucas said. “You talk every single day? Since when?”
“Quite a while,” Mika said with a delicate laugh. “Way before we got together and we’ve been together four years. Wow. Reckon we can keep it up?”
“Realistically?” Tom raised his eyebrows and shook his head. “Probably not. But I want to.”
Their drinks and cakes arrived. Lucas let his tea steep for a while before he drank it, cutting into his flapjack in the meantime. Tom and Mika cut theirs in half, sharing the shortbread and the cheesecake between themselves. It was the little things like that, watching the two of them being such a couple, that made Lucas miss Asher even more. He broke the silence to distract himself from the ache in his gut.
“Do you two think about the future much?” he idly asked before he took another bite of his brownie, dunking his teabag in the boiling water. Seeing Tom’s drink, part of him wished he’d ordered a hot chocolate too but that was overridden by the wish to have a fun night with Asher without worrying about everything he’d eaten and drunk throughout the day.
“A lot,” Mika said, nodding. She stirred her tea and sipped from the straw. “We’ll both graduate next year and hopefully we’ll be able to find jobs and move in together after uni. That’s the dream.”
“It’s not just a dream,” Tom said. “We can do it. Rent in Farnleigh is pretty low – even if we were both working minimum wage, we’ll be able to afford the rent on a flat.”
Lucas was surprised by how easily and openly they had answered his question, how together they seemed to have their lives. “You’ve thought seriously about this, huh?”
“Mmhmm,” Mika hummed. She smiled. “It’s only a year away. I don’t want to put my life on hold because we weren’t ready for it. We’ve both got savings – it’s really paid to live at home – so there’s no reason not to get in there as soon as we can.”
Tom put his arm around her shoulders and smiled. When he looked at her, there was such love in his eyes, as though she was the only person he ever wanted to look at. She was a beacon in his life; she picked him up when he was down, dusting him off and putting that smile right back on his face. That wasn’t always easy with a mind like his, one that tortured itself beyond recognition sometimes, but she had the most intense love and the most enduring patience.
Mika brought her drink to her lips, leaning against her boyfriend. “We’re going to get married one day,” she said. The admission came out of nowhere, a shock to Lucas’s ears.
“Wait, what?”
“We’re not officially engaged or anything,” she said with a laugh, “but once we’ve got somewhere to live and we’re settled in work, yeah, we’ll get married.” She squeezed Tom’s knee. He gazed at her with a gentle smile on his lips. “We plan to spend the rest of our lives together,” Mika continued. “It’s just a matter of having the money and the stability to make that happen.”
Lucas couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. On one hand, he had always know that only a tragedy could tear Tom and Mika apart but on the other, he hadn’t expected them to be so sure about their future.
“We’re adults now,” Tom said, registering the surprise on Lucas’s face. “Mika’s nearly twenty and I’ll be twenty-one this year. It’s not like we’re just saying this out of the blue. We’ve thought and talked about it a lot.”
“No, no, I think it’s nice,” Lucas said. “I love you guys. I just didn’t realise how much you’d thought about this kind of stuff already.”
Tom shrugged. “We’ve known each other for twelve years and we’ve been together for four,” he said. “Age kind of becomes irrelevant when you’re with the person you’ll be with for the rest of your life, I think. We’ll still be together when we’re thirty; what’s the point in waiting until then to make these kinds of decisions just because it’s … what, a more acceptable age?”
“It’s sweet,” Lucas said with a smile.
“You get it, right?” Tom asked. “Like you and Asher?”
He nodded. He wanted everything Mika and Tom were striving towards. “I can’t imagine life without him.”
*
Asher was waiting for them when they pulled up in the parking spot outside the flat he had rented for the week, somewhere a little more private and with a lot more space than his university bedroom. The single bed was ok for a night or two but it could get a little cramped and there certainly wasn’t enough space for Tom and Mika to comfortably sleep in there too.
Lucas tipped out of the car and made a beeline for Asher, the two of them crashing together in a tight embrace. It had been more than a month since they had last seen each other in person, six weeks that had dragged by so painfully slowly.
“God, I’ve missed you so fucking much,” Asher said, stealing Lucas’s breath with a tender kiss.
“I can’t explain how happy I am to see you,” Lucas said, melting in Asher’s arms, wrapped up in his warm body. “I miss you.” He didn’t want to let go. Neither did Asher. They hugged on the pavement as though it had been years since they had last felt each other’s touch.
“Hey, Ash,” Mika said, waving over at him. He didn’t hear her words but he caught the motion of her hand out of the corner of his eye and he lifted his gaze to her, waving right back.
“Hey, guys!” He pulled Mika in for a hug, and then Tom too. “It’s so good to see you all.”
“It’s great to be down here,” Mika said. “I love Brighton so much. We really owe you one, Asher. How much do we owe you?”
“Just your company,” Asher said with a grin. Her clear voice carried towards him on the sea breeze. “You can repay me in anecdotes and catch-ups.”
“Speaking of catching up,” she said, “Tom and I were thinking we might go for a wander, take in the sights and give you guys a bit of time?”
Asher couldn’t even pretend that wasn’t something he wanted. “That sounds great,” he said. “Not to boot you off the second you’ve got here or anything, but there’s a ton to see round here. Maybe we could meet up for supper later?”
“Sounds like a plan,” Tom said with a definitive nod. “Let us know what you’re doing and we’ll meet up.”
He and Mika left hand in hand once they had thrown their bags into the flat. Once they were gone, Lucas wrapped his arms around Asher once more, resting his forehead on his shoulder to just hold him for a few seconds.
“Hey,” Asher said, his voice soft and sweet. “We’re not ever going that long again, ok? That just about killed me.”
“Me too.” Lucas sighed and tipped his head back to kiss Asher. “Never again. My dissertation’s done, handed in and everything. I’m all yours.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Asher said with a laugh, one hand on the back of Lucas’s head as he kissed him again, relishing in the sensation they had both painfully missed in the weeks they had been apart. “Fancy a walk?”
They walked hand in hand down to the stony shore, few words shared when they both wanted to relish in the feel of each other’s palms and the rhythm of their pulse and the breeze in their hair. There wasn’t much point trying to talk as they walked down the road, so much background noise going on around them that Asher couldn’t pick apart the voice right next to him from the car zooming past or the gaggles of people chattering away.
The hearing in his right ear had never come back. Eight months after waking up without it, he had grown reluctantly used to half his world in silence but his hearing in his left ear had continued to deteriorate. He had been fitted with a hearing aid before he had returned to university, but there was only so much that amplification could do. He’d already had to have it adjusted three times. When it came to ever hearing normally again, the future looked bleak.
“How are you?” he asked when they reached the beach and he laid down a blanket. Lucas lay to his left, his cheek against the soft material so his words were directed right at Asher’s ear.
“Relieved to have finished my thesis; stressed that I graduate soon; over the moon to see you again,” he said, one arm behind his head and one laced with Asher’s hand. “I’m sorry I’ve been so rubbish recently.”
“Don’t apologise,” Asher said. “And you haven’t been rubbish at all, you silly goose. You’ve been really busy. I’m just glad you’re here now. I’ve been so excited for this week.”
“Me too,” he said with a sigh. “It’s been a very strong light at the end of a very long tunnel. How’re you? How’s this week been?”
“It’s finally here.” Asher shifted onto his side to kiss Lucas before he dropped on his back again. “Pretty quiet, actually. Mum and Dad came over a few days ago and just left last night. They’re off to … I’m not sure, actually. Maybe the Caribbean?”
“Oh, wow. Nice,” Lucas said. Ever since Bishop had been declared in remission, he had committed to doing everything he had dragged his feet about before cancer had ruined a year of his life. He had quit his job, devoting his time to his children and his wife, and he and Ishaana travelled as much as they could. They had been to Italy as a couple as soon as Bishop had been well enough to enjoy a holiday and the family had spent a couple of weeks over Christmas in New Zealand when the long, dark nights at home had got to Bishop.
“Very nice,” Asher said. “We should do something like that next year, once I graduate. We should take a trip somewhere.”
“We should,” Lucas mused. “We’ll have to start small, though. I’ve never even been on a plane.”
Asher grinned. “You’re so cute. We could go to Amsterdam or something. Somewhere close and Anglicised, else I’ll never be able to understand the locals when hearing them is hard enough without throwing an accent into the mix.”
“How is your hearing?” Lucas asked. Asher took his hand, his fingertips exploring his palm.
“Could be worse,” he said. “It’s going to get a bit better, I hope.”
“What? How?” Lucas propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at Asher. He shifted on the blanket to dislodge a stone that poked into his hip.
“I’ve done a bunch of research and I’ve talked a lot with my parents and my GP and my audiologist,” he said, “and I’m going to get a cochlear implant in the summer, in my right ear.”
“Oh my goodness,” Lucas said, his heart lifting a little. “You are? And it’ll definitely work?”
Asher nodded. “I had the CT scan. The audiologist seemed fairly confident that the implant will restore my hearing in my right ear. Not like normal, of course.” He sighed, mulling over the one thing that got him down the most. “I’ll never be able to hear like I used to. I know that and I knew that before but I was in denial and it really sucks, to be honest.”
“But you’ll be able to hear better,” Lucas said. “What about your left?”
“The audiologist says that at this rate of deterioration, I’ll be profoundly deaf within two years.”
“Without the implant?”
“Yeah. My hearing aid will eventually stop working, the doctor said, ’cause there’s only so much they can amplify sound before the problem is that I can’t hear at all. That’s what happened with my right ear, it just happened all at once,” he said. “Basically, if I don’t get the implant then I’ll be totally deaf in two years.” He looked over at Lucas, a drop of sorrow in his eyes. “I can’t go deaf. I don’t know what I’d do if I never heard your voice again.”
“You’re not going to go deaf,” Lucas said. Asher laughed.
“I definitely will,” he said. “That’s unavoidable.”
Lucas rolled his eyes. “Ok, but you can get the implants. And that’ll help, right?”
“Right. It’s just a big thing. I know it’s going to happen and I really need it to, but it’s surgery, you know? It scares me a bit.”
“It’ll be worth it,” Lucas said.
“What if it doesn’t work?” Asher asked, his voice turning serious. “And don’t just say that it will: what if it doesn’t?”
“Then you get better at sign language,” Lucas said. “Look at Lottie. She can’t hear at all but it doesn’t make her any less like any other eight-year-old. It’s not the end of the world.”
“But Lottie’s never been able to hear,” Asher said, his voice quietening as though he was losing confidence in himself. “It’s different. I’ve spent twenty-one years being able to hear.”
Lucas squeezed his hand and shifted closer to him. “Whatever happens, you’ve got me. And lucky for you, I’m qualified to teach sign language.”
Asher smiled. “You’re a very convenient boyfriend. You’re right.”
“Which bit?”
“The lucky bit,” Asher said. “I’m so lucky to have you.”
*
The four of them reconvened for a picnic on the beach, wrapping up warm when the wind picked up a bit of a chill. They huddled together as they ate bits and pieces that Asher and Lucas had bought on their way back to the flat, bundled up in blankets with bigger stones holing down various packets.
It was getting dark by the time they headed back to the flat, the sun setting beyond the sea until only the bright moon glittered over the ocean. The sky was black when they retired to their rooms, yawning and stretching as the day caught up with them. Tom was shattered after so long behind the wheel, he and Mika curling up and falling asleep within minutes of heading to their rooms.
Once Lucas had showered and brushed his teeth, he lay down on the left side of the bed. Asher climbed in a minute later, nestling close to Lucas. He kissed him lazily, cupping his face in his hands.
“I don’t tell you how much I appreciate you enough,” he said. “This has been a rough year for both of us but you’ve always been there for me even when you’ve been so busy with your degree and I’m just whinging about my ears.” He kissed him again, his eyes closed. Lucas lifted himself up, straddling Asher before he lay down on top of him to control the kiss.
“Because I love you,” he said. “I’d do anything for you, Asher. I love you so much, no matter how stressed I am.”
“I mean it,” Asher said. “I couldn’t have done this without you. Every time I freak out you’re right there and I love you so much but I don’t even know how to show you.”
“You already do.”
“I need you,” he said. “I hate when you’re not here. I hate it when we’re not together. It just … it really sucks.” He rolled Lucas onto his back and sat up, looming over him with his knees either side of Lucas’s thighs. “What if you moved down here next year?”
Lucas frowned. “What? What d’you mean?”
“You could move down here in September,” Asher said, growing a little more animated as he thought it through. “We could rent a flat down here while I do my third year and you could work down here. It makes sense – you’ve graduated and what’s the point in me looking for a roommate when that could be you?”
Lucas let out a nervous laugh. “Asher, I can’t afford to move to Brighton,” he said slowly, as painful as it was to say that. Every fibre of his being wanted to yell yes, of course! But he couldn’t. “I can’t even afford to move out of my parents’ house.”
“But if you could,” Asher said, “would you want to?”
“Of course!” he cried out. “I’d love to. That would be a dream come true. I have actually dreamt that before. But I just can’t right now. Maybe when you graduate we could get a flat in Farnleigh?” His heart sank, gutted to have to say no to his dream.
“I want to live with you,” Asher said, determination in his voice. “You can’t go back home next year, Lucas. You can’t be that far away. I can’t take it.”
“Neither can I,” he said, “but I can’t afford to rent a place down here. I just can’t.”
“Don’t worry about that.”
He frowned. “What?”
“You don’t need to worry about money.”
He sighed. “I do need to when I don’t have any. We can’t rely on your parents, Asher. I don’t want to spend my life relying on your parents.”
“We won’t have to.” His smile grew as his passion ignited for the idea. “I’ve got savings and I got access to my inheritance fund when I turned twenty-one. It’s my money, not my parents’. Mum and Dad said it’s there for me to do whatever I want with it, and I want to use it to rent a flat with you. You can move down here and get a job for a year while I finish my degree and then we can see what happens next.”
It was hard to resist with that charming smile looking down at him, that charming smile that met his lips and teased the desire out of him. He so desperately wanted to do that, his stomach flipping at the thought of living with his boyfriend. Just the two of them, no roommates or parents or siblings.
“I want to,” he said, only just loud enough for Asher to hear, “but I can’t owe you that much.”
“You wouldn’t owe me, Lucas,” Asher said. “Put it this way: I have to get a flat anyway and if you don’t move in with me, I’ll be living on my own and paying the same rent so it just makes sense for you to move in with me. You don’t owe me anything. You’re my boyfriend and I love you and I want you to live here with me.”
He bent down over him, their noses brushing together as he kissed him again.
“How sure are you?” Lucas asked. Asher beamed.
“I’ve never been surer of anything except how much I love you.”
“Really?”
“Truly and utterly and completely. I really mean it. Whether you move in or not, I’ll be renting a one-bedroom flat and I want to share that bedroom with you. It kills me when we’re apart.”
“I hate it,” Lucas said. “I really hate it so much.”
“So do it. Move in with me.” He lay down next to Lucas, his hand on his chest. Lucas smiled, his heart fluttering.
“Ok,” he said. “Ok, I will. I’ll do it.”
“You just made a brilliant decision,” Asher said, kissing his cheek and his jaw, trailing his lips down his neck to his bare chest. “I love you so fucking much, Lucas.”
Lucas rested his cheek on Asher’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “Are we really going to do this?” he asked, laughter on his lips at the realisation of how big a step he had just taken in the space of a few minutes.
“We really are,” Asher said. He grinned, a little cheek in his smile. “Consider it practice for the future.”
+ – + – +
sorry for the delays. i’m on holiday at the moment with my very intense family which makes it virtually impossible to have the time or energy to write but i shall persevere. enjoy!
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