may, age 21
Lucas waited with bated breath, his back straight and his hands dug deep into his pockets as he shifted from one foot to the other. He hated waiting. It always made his antsy, too apprehensive to even waste minutes scrolling through his phone. His inbox was already impeccably clean, never an email out of place, and he had no unread messages in his inbox. His apps, the few that he had, were meticulously colour-coded and every notification was tended to as soon as it popped up.
The wind picked up. He curled his fingers around his phone, wishing it would buzz just to give him something to do. Asher should have been out fifteen minutes ago and Lucas had been waiting ever since he had gone in to finalise his last piece of coursework, slowly freezing as the May weather felt more like a February chill flooding his bones. Gritting his teeth, he shifted again to lean against the wall.
After three years of toiling over his degree, producing endless works of art both in his sketchbook and on the computer, Asher’s time at university was coming to an end. With no formal exams in June, the end of spring marked the end of his illustration degree. All that was left was to hand in his final portfolio, the selection of the year’s work that he had spent hours organising and perfecting.
It had been hard to keep the flat tidy with pencils and paint strewn over the place, a stray canvas often propped up in the sitting room. Although the digital side of Asher’s course was the most popular among students, he had taken up a few modules in physical art, dabbling in as many mediums as he could. A whole bookshelf had been taken over by his array of charcoals and acrylics, canvases and boards stacked up among watercolour pads and print-outs of his graphic design.
The chaos hadn’t bothered Lucas as much as he had thought it would. At least, he had learnt to deal with the organised mess that the flat existed in: everything had a place, even if that place meant being constantly buried under three feet of paper. He and Asher had come to an agreement: as long as there was order in the bedroom, the rest of the flat could be an absolute tip. Lucas just needed that sanctuary, and he could deal with whatever else went on around him.
When his phone rang, the sudden vibration took him by surprise. With a jump, he whipped his mobile out of his pocket, expecting to see Asher’s name on the screen but his sister’s flashed up on the screen. With a smile, he swiped the green arrow to answer the call.
“Hi, Audrie,” he said, glancing up at the glass doors. No sign of Asher. “What’s up?”
“Hey, Lucas,” she said. “I miss you, little brother. I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. Just wondering if you’re coming home any time soon or if I’m going to have to drag my arse down to Brighton.”
“It’s only been a few weeks,” he said, doing the mental maths before realising he was wrong. Almost two months had passed since Audrie’s twenty-sixth birthday, the last time he and Asher had headed back to Farnleigh.
“It’s been seven!” she cried out. “I don’t want to sound like a pathetic clingy sister but I miss you and Ash.”
“The others aren’t enough for you?” he joked. “I’d have thought if anything, you’re overexposed to all your young siblings.”
“You’d have thought so but nope. I finished my PhD, Lucas. I don’t know what to do with myself without the horrendously debilitating stress,” she said with a laugh. “I’m sure Coop’s going to miss me yelling at him for no good reason. So, what’s your answer? When are you two getting your butts up here?”
Lucas leant away from the wall to peer through the doors again. A couple of people filtered out of the arts building, their faces a picture of nerves and excitement. Movement at last. “Today, actually,” he said, squinting at the faces as though he wouldn’t instantly recognise his boyfriend. No matter how poor his vision, how much he needed a new pair of glasses, he could always spot Asher in a crowd.
“Yes! You mean it?”
“Yeah.” He dropped back onto his heels and he smiled. Audrie had hardly changed in the time that he had known her: seventeen years had passed since they had met and she was just as excitable a woman as she had been a girl. All that age had done was enrich her emotions: she was even more passionate about the environment now, never having lost the desire to change the world.
“Asher’s just handing in his last pieces of work and then we’re driving up for the weekend,” he said. “We’re having supper at his tonight and we’re having brunch with Dad and Cora on Sunday, probably going to pop in at home tomorrow.”
“Awesome!” Her grin was evident in her voice, the sunny tone that leapt out of the phone as though attached to a spring. “Reckon you can carve out a few minutes to pop over for a cuppa if you get here in time today? I’m off today and Cooper finishes at … five, I think. Five-ish.”
Lucas tucked his free hand under his elbow, nodding to himself. “I’m sure that can be arranged.” He checked his watch. Bang on midday. “I think we’ll be back by five at the latest, I hope. Depends on traffic and how much longer it’ll take Asher to come out.”
There was a moment’s pause before Audrie slowly said, “You two have been together for nearly four years. Surely any coming out now is a bit superfluous?”
Lucas frowned and then he laughed, rolling his eyes. “Coming out of the building, you idiot. I’ve been waiting for him for ages. Obviously he doesn’t need to come out to me.” He shook his head at his sister’s moment of foolishness. She was as smart as they came, a phenomenal head on her shoulders, but even she was victim to a dumb moment sometimes.
“Ok, ok, I’m sorry,” she said, laughing. “So you’ll come over for tea?”
“We will. How is everyone?”
“Great, great. Everyone’s great. I know Mum and Dad miss you loads and Lottie’s been asking when you’re coming back. Issy and Tillie were there the other day when I popped over and they miss you too.” She sighed. Lucas heard the clink of a teaspoon in a mug. “You have a lot of siblings who want to see your face. I bumped into your dad, too. He said he’s a little overrun by female energy at the moment. I think he needs a bit of masculinity back in the house.”
Lucas spluttered a laugh. “He might have to look a little harder then, unless he’s got a secret other son somewhere.” He stood to attention when he caught a glimpse of Asher out of the corner of his eye. “Hey, Audrie, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you later!”
“Alright, safe travels! Love you,” she said with a kiss.
“Love you too.” He hung up, his grin as wide as ever when he registered the elation on Asher’s face, pushing through the doors before he broke into a jog for the few steps between the two of them. Lucas was almost knocked over by the force of the hug, stumbling against the wall.
“How was it?” he asked with a laugh, his cheeks pink with glee.
“I’m done.” Asher pulled away, the most infectious grin on his lips. “Holy fuck, I’m finished. Oh my God.” He blinked a few times and threw his arms around Lucas again. “Thank you so much, Lucas. I fucking love you.” His words were muffled against Lucas’s ear, his grip tight and a quiver in his voice.
“I love you too,” Lucas said, his voice dropping. “I’m so proud of you. Though I don’t know what you’re thanking me for.”
Asher snorted. “Are you kidding? You’ve been so fucking amazing this year. You’ve been working full time and yet you’ve put up with me driving us both crazy and I couldn’t possibly love you more, I don’t think.
He took a shaky breath and swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “Fuck, I don’t know why I’m crying.” He laughed and shook his head, drying his eyes and blinking hard. “Must be something in the water. Shit, I can’t believe that’s it.” He ran both hands through his hair and linked his fingers at the back of his head. “Now we just have to play the waiting game.”
“You’ve worked so hard,” Lucas said. “I know you’ve done amazingly. You’re so talented, Asher. You’re phenomenal.” He leant forward, inching up on his toes with one hand on Asher’s chest to kiss him, his lips gentle and his eyes closed.
There had been times at the start of their relationship that he had been scared to let his love shine in public. Holding hands made him nervous when people’s eyes lingered and kissing was out of the question. But down south, nobody cared if he hugged his boyfriend, if they shared a modest kiss and entwined their fingers as they strolled along the promenade. Lucas wasn’t at all one for public displays of affection, preferring to keep that for home, but there were times that all he wanted to was to be wrapped up in Asher.
“Am I the luckiest or am I the luckiest?” Asher’s lips moved against Lucas’s, his nose nuzzling his cheek. Lucas shook his head.
“I am, actually.”
“Nope.” Asher winked. “That title’s mine, baby.”
Lucas wrinkled his nose. He hated being called baby and Asher knew that. He knew all the things he could say and do to push Lucas’s buttons, which he often did with a glint in his eyes. He got off on teasing his boyfriend, a good judge of what was in good faith and what was pushing the line. He almost always knew when to stop, or what was too far. Only a couple of their arguments had sprung out of his inability to read the situation.
“I’m not your baby.” Lucas stepped back though his hand never left Asher’s chest.
Asher grinned, his hand slipping to the back of Lucas’s neck, running his fingers through his soft hair. He leant close, his lips grazing his earlobe as he lowered his voice and murmured, “Who’s your daddy?”
Lucas recoiled, jerking away with a look of horror plastered across his face. Eyes wide, his mouth dropped open with a grimace. Inhaling deeply, he narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend’s cheeky grin.
“I have two,” he solemnly said, “and you are neither of them.”
Asher cracked up. That word always got a rise out of Lucas: he couldn’t bear anyone but his younger siblings using it, hating how its innocence had been corrupted.
“Speaking of family,” Lucas continued to distract Asher from his teasing, “do you mind if we pop in to see Audrie and Cooper for a cup of tea?”
“I’d love to! You know, Audrie’s my favourite of your older siblings.” He beamed when Lucas snorted a dry laugh. “So, how about we get a wiggle on?” He checked his watch, his lips pursed. “If we leave now and traffic’s alright, we could even be there for four … plenty of time to hang out with Audrie before supper.”
“Sounds perfect.” Lucas slipped his hand into Asher’s and squeezed, their silent signal of love and security. If ever things got too much for either of them, an unfortunately frequent occurrence in the midst of Asher’s final year of university, sometimes that was all it took to reassure each other.
Winter had been hard, the days short and dark with mounting deadlines for both of them as Asher slaved over his art and Lucas thumbed through manuscript after manuscript, but they had made a pact of transparency. It had worked: being honest about their stresses, the little bugs on their minds, had stopped them from taking things out on each other. No matter how bad the day, they had always had those long, cold nights to cuddle up together.
*
“Morning, sleepy butt,” Asher said with a sunny grin when Lucas shifted and yawned, screwing up his face and bumping his glasses askew on his nose when he rubbed his bleary eyes.
“Hey,” he said, yawning again. “How long have I been asleep?”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
Lucas squinted in thought. “You were making a bet about when Dylan and Benji are going to get married and I said you sound like your mum … I can’t remember anything after that.”
Asher dropped down into the driver’s seat and slammed the door, twisting the key in the ignition. “That was three hours ago. You’ve been out cold. I was beginning to worry you’d been spiked or something.”
Luas raised his eyebrows. “Did you spike me?”
“Yeah, I slipped roofies into your water bottle.”
He pressed his lips into a line. “There we go then.”
Asher chuckled and pulled out of the petrol station. “Well, I hope you had a good beauty sleep. I made a playlist of songs that have the same rhythm as your breathing.”
Lucas chuckled and adjusted his seatbelt. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine, it was cute. You feeling ok?”
“Mmm. I won’t sleep tonight though.”
That earnt a wink. “Suits me.”
Lucas took a swig of his water and glanced out of the window. He recognised the area, only about twenty minutes away from home. “Sorry you have to do all the driving,” he said, though that couldn’t be helped. Almost five years had passed since he had turned seventeen and he had never had the slightest desire to get his provisional license or sit behind the wheel of a car. The very thought of driving terrified him.
“Good thing I like driving,” Asher said. “You’ve got your own personal chauffeur.”
He turned the radio down a notch. Although his cochlear implant had revolutionised his life, and the upcoming summer would mark a year since he’d had it – the same date that he was booked for the surgery for his second implant – he struggled if there were too many noises going on at once. He no longer strained to hear his boyfriend’s voice but the radio interfered.
“Are we heading straight to Audrie?” he asked as he approached a roundabout. One exit led directly to the centre of Farnleigh and Audrie’s flat; the other headed in a more countrified direction towards his own house.
“Up to you. Did you want to head home first?”
Asher shrugged. “I’m not fussed. We’re going there later anyway, might as well go and see Audrie first.” He indicated left, following the majority of cars on the road. The chilly breeze from earlier had turned into a cold wind a few minutes later, it brought the rain with it, heavy droplets slashing the windscreen as fast as Asher’s wipers could go. It was early but the sky was grey and the road was illuminated by headlights peering through the downpour.
“Home sweet home,” Lucas murmured, following the flying scenery with his eyes until he couldn’t keep up anymore, heavy lids drooping. It was only when the car came to a stop that he opened his eyes again and saw his sister’s building outside the window. Asher turned off the engine and nudged him.
“Wakey wakey, time for cakey,” he said as he got out. Lucas suppressed a yawn and undid his seatbelt, stretching his aching legs when he got out of the car. The rain had eased up in the twenty minutes for which he had dozed again, leaving deep puddles in the uneven road. Sidestepping each one, he and Asher headed into the mini supermarket that Audrie lived above, picking up a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers.
Lucas hated going in empty handed. Although Audrie was his sister and she had no expectations of him other than his company, he liked to take something for her and Cooper each time he went over. Wine in hand, he knocked on the door and waited with Asher by his side. A few seconds passed before they heard footsteps on the other side of the door and it flew open. Audrie threw her arms around both of the boys, pulling them into the flat.
“It’s so good to see you guys!” she cried out, hugging them so tightly that Lucas spluttered. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too,” he said, stooping to embrace his big sister. Asher held out the flowers that were still dripping a little, a bright and fresh bouquet that livened up the kitchen with splashes of every colour.
“You guys are too sweet,” she said as she arranged the flowers in a vase that she half-filled with water. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
Lucas shrugged. “It’s the least we can do,” he said. “You’ve done so much for me – now that I’m earning, I can at least get you flowers. And wine!” He held out the bottle of prosecco. Audrie hesitated before she took it.
“Thanks,” she said. Then she laughed. “Might have to take a rain check on that, though.”
Lucas frowned. “Huh?”
Audrie put the wine away in the fridge and her hand rested on the door after she closed it. Lucas’s gaze followed, landing on the black and white picture stuck to the fridge with a couple of magnets. He had seen plenty of those over the years.
“Oh my God!” Asher was the first to react. “You’re pregnant?”
Audrie wore a coy smile that grew when she nodded, her cheeks going pink. “Kinda,” she said, taking the ultrasound off the fridge. After gazing at it for a moment, she handed it to her brother. Lucas was lost for words, staring at the fuzzy image that would make him an uncle.
“Wow, congratulations,” Asher said, pulling her into another hug. She laughed when he wrapped his arms around her.
“Thanks, Ash. Though I think Lucas might be having an embolism.”
Lucas opened his mouth but he didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t tell Mum and Dad yet, ok?” She took the scan from him, running her thumb over the indistinct blur that was her baby. “We haven’t told our parents yet. We only found out a few weeks ago and Coop and I kind of want to get used to the fact that we’re going to be parents before we tell our parents that they’re gonna be grandparents.“
“Oh my goodness,” Lucas said at last, his words hardly higher than a whisper. “You’re really pregnant?”
“Mmhmm.” She placed her hand over her flat stomach. “About ten weeks.”
With a frown, he did the maths in his head. “You’re due around Christmas?”
“Christmas Day,” she said with a grimace. “Pretty shitty timing, I know, but we weren’t exactly planning this.” She let out a dry laugh and flipped on the kettle. “I’ve been wanting to tell you ever since I found out. It’s been so hard keeping it a secret.”
“And your parents don’t know?” Asher asked. He held back a laugh when he glanced at Lucas, who was still processing the information.
“We decided we’d tell them at twelve weeks,” she said. “I know it’s not that big a deal considering, you know, I’ve been married for two years and we have our own place, but I don’t know how Mum and Dad are going to react.”
“I bet they’ll be over the moon.” Asher nudged Lucas. “Don’t you think?”
“I…” He took a deep breath. “I just … how’re you pregnant?“
Audrie laughed and squeezed his shoulder. “Well, Lucas, sometimes when a husband and wife love each other very much, they have a special cuddle and nine months later, the stork drops a baby down the chimney.” She teasingly pushed him. “In all seriousness, it’s all my fault.”
“What, getting pregnant?” Lucas asked. “Kind of Cooper’s fault, don’t you think?”
Audrie rolled her eyes. “Ok, fault is the wrong word. But we figured out the maths and it lines up with the week I had an ear infection, and the anti-biotics kinda messed up my pill.” She took a deep breath. “Apparently that’s all it takes to go from a couple to parents.”
“Wow.” Lucas slowly nodded to himself as he processed everything he was hearing. “You’re going to be a mum.”
“I am.” The was a nervous quiver in her voice. “You’re gonna be an uncle. You both are.” She smiled at Asher, whose heart jumped when she included him in the little family circle.
“That’s … amazing.” Lucas wrapped his arms around his sister, gripping her tightly. “This is amazing. Oh my goodness. You’re having a baby.”
“Finally sunk in, huh?” She chuckled. “I’ve known for a whole month and it’s still totally unreal. We even heard its heartbeat a couple of weeks ago and … yeah. Kind of hard to believe there’s a baby in there.” She patted her stomach and looked down, though there was no evidence that anything was different. She had always been petite, still able to wear some of the clothes she’d had when she’d started high school fifteen years ago.
“And you’re ok?” Lucas asked. “How are you? How’s Cooper?”
“I’m fine,” she said with a smile. “The last few weeks were pretty rough but I’ve been fine the past couple of days, so…” She held up her hand, her fingers crossed. “Cooper’s so excited. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. He legitimately cried at the ultrasound. He can’t wait to be a dad. If he’s scared, he’s hidden it very well.”
The kettle whistled when it came to the boil and she took three mugs out of the cupboard without needing to ask for orders. Making herself a cup of herbal tea, she spooned hot chocolate powder into the other two.
“And you?” Lucas asked. “Are you scared?”
“Terrified.” Her laugh wasn’t convincing. When she turned around, her eyes were wide as though she couldn’t believe what was happening. “You have no idea how scary this is. I’m terrified.” Passing the two hot chocolates to Lucas and Asher, she beckoned them over to the sitting room and sat down with a sigh. “I know it’ll be fine. I mean, Mum and Dad both had way shittier experiences of becoming parents for the first time.”
Lucas nodded. Sometimes it struck him how fast his mother had had to grow up. He was now almost two years older than she had been when she had become a mother, and he still felt like a child. “You should talk to them,” he said. “I know you want to wait, but they’re your parents. If you’re stressed, they’re probably the best people to talk to.”
“I know,” she said quietly. She took another deep breath and nodded to herself. “Maybe this weekend. I don’t really know how to break the news with minimal emotional impact.”
Asher laughed. “With your parents? Impossible.” He sat with his arm around Lucas’s shoulders, his fingers idly playing with his boyfriend’s hair. “If the past … God, like, eighteen years have taught me anything, it’s that your parents are very emotionally charged. Your mum’s going to weep.”
“I know, right?” Audrie shook her head. “Maybe I’ll just, like, write an email. Oh! Maybe I’ll tell one of the triplets and see how long it takes to get back to Mum and Dad.”
“Tell Julian if you want Mum to know within five seconds,” Lucas said. “They’re practically attached at the hip. And if you never want her to find out, tell Harvey. He’ll forget as soon as he sees a funny shaped leaf.”
Audrie grinned. “Got them down pat,” she said. “Oh my goodness, I’m so glad I’m not having triplets. That runs in the family, doesn’t it?”
Asher raised an eyebrow. “Not to cause an existential crisis or anything,” he said, “but you’re not actually related to your mum. And it’s only the mother’s genes that matter.”
“I know,” she said with a laugh. “Don’t worry, I’m aware of that. But my aunt had triplets and I think there were a couple of sets of twins somewhere on my biological mother’s side of the family.” She pursed her lips. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. This one is, well, it’s just one. That’ll screw us over enough as it is.”
“You’ll be fine,” Lucas said. “Mum and Dad are the most experienced parents you could want, and hammy and hara.”
She gave him a nervous smile, curling both hands around her mug. “I know. I’m just stressed about how much Cooper and I are going to have to change. Our whole life is going to be turned upside down by the end of the year. I was trying to find better work for when I finished my PhD but that’s had to go on hold.”
“Are you working?”
“Mmm. I’m at the aquarium still,” she said, “and Cooper just got promoted to laboratory manager, which is fantastic and that’ll help a lot, I think. But I’m still terrified.”
Overcome with a rush of sympathy for his sister, feeling her fear in her voice, Lucas set down his drink and moved to perch on the arm of her chair and he hugged her. He held on longer than he was ordinarily comfortable hugging someone, as though his embrace could inject a little positivity into his sister. When he pulled away to see her smiling, he felt like he had succeeded.
“Thanks, Lucas,” she said quietly. “I know it’s going to be fine, and there’s definitely a part of me that’s really excited to be a mum.”
“Do you know what it is yet?” Asher asked.
“I’m guessing a baby?”
He laughed and rolled his eyes. “Like, a boy or a girl?”
She shook her head. “They can’t tell until about twenty weeks,” she said, “but we’re not going to find out. I don’t want to know.”
“Really?” Lucas tilted his head to one side. His mother had always wanted to know, though the sonographer had never been able to tell with the triplets.
“Yeah. It’s not going to change how we prepare. I couldn’t care less what kind of genitals my baby has. I really don’t care.” She lifted her shoulders and let them drop. “I hang out with the girls and I think about what it’d be like to have a daughter, and then I play with the boys and think about what it’d be like to have a son, and both those feelings are equally terrifying and amazing. I … I really don’t care.”
“That’s good,” Asher said. “That’s how it should be. I would never care if I was having a kid.”
Lucas glanced over at him, his eyes widening slightly behind his glasses. He returned to the sofa, sitting down next to Asher, and occupied his hands with his hot chocolate.
“Yeah,” Audrie mused, almost to herself. “There’s so much else to actually worry about, anyway.”
Her brother scowled. “Don’t say that.”
“Hey, you’d be shitting yourself too if you found out you had to grow a person inside you and be totally responsible for not screwing it up for, well, forever. The next thirty weeks, I’ll be worried I’m doing pregnancy wrong and then the rest of my life worrying that I’m a bad mum.”
“Audrie,” Asher said, his voice suddenly serious. He leant forward, his elbows on his knees. “You don’t even have a kid yet and you’re already an amazing mum. You’re going to be great at this. You and Cooper will be wonderful parents and we’ll try to be cool uncles.” He tipped his head at Lucas, who nodded.
Audrie put down her tea and tucked her hands under her thighs. “Thanks, guys. I guess we’ll see.”
*
Asher’s whole family was there for supper when he and Lucas turned up at seven o’clock, easily spending a couple of hours with Audrie – and Cooper, who had seemed ecstatic to be able to share his glee about his wife’s pregnancy. They were the last to turn up, walking in on a family reunion as Ishaana chatted to Dylan while Bishop cooked and Aaron threw himself into playing with Sadie and her dolls’ house.
“This smells incredible,” Lucas said once they were all sitting around the table, waiting for Bishop to bring through the meal he had cooked up. He had gone all out, throwing himself into his Bajan heritage with the flying fish and cou cou that he had cooked. Lucas’s stomach rumbled impatiently, growling when he laid eyes on the food.
“Mmm, looks amazing, babe,” Ishaana said. She sipped a glass of wine and filled Sadie’s glass with water, offering the jug around the table.
“I thought it was about time I mixed it up a bit,” Bishop said as he set down the food in the middle of the table. “My mother’s probably turning in her grave, though.”
“Are you kidding? You’re an amazing cook!” Aaron cried.
“She never quite liked how I cooked cou cou,” he said, nodding at the cornmeal and okra dish that was the national food of Barbados, where both of his parents had been born and raised. “She thought I bastardised it.”
“I bet it’s fantastic, hun,” Ishaana said. “Now, let’s eat!”
The food was served out. Lucas waited hungrily until everyone had something on their plate before he dared to dig in, breaking into the perfectly crispy fish. The first bite was heavenly. After years of being a fussy eater, hardly straying from the few meals his mother made for him when he was a child, Lucas had learnt to broaden his palette. He had tried and enjoyed the Jain meals that Ishaana made; he had grown to love his stepfather’s Korean cooking, even when it was spicier than he was used to, and now he relished in the flavours of Bishop’s Bajan cuisine.
Dylan looked around the table as they ate, glancing at each of his siblings before his eyes landed on his parents. “Hey,” he said to no-one in particular, halfway through piling up his fork with his next mouthful, “isn’t it weird how we’ve all got Barbadian in us except Mum?”
Asher looked up with slightly quizzical eyes, caught off guard by Dylan’s random observation. “Well, obviously,” he said.
“I just think that’s weird.” Dylan shrugged. “We all have at least a bit of Barbadian in us,” he said, glancing at Sadie, “but Mum doesn’t have any in her.”
Ishaana glanced up, her eyes flicking between her sons before she dropped her gaze to her food and murmured, “I did last night.”
Lucas’s cheeks turned instantly red, his skin flushing hot when he heard her utterance. The words were too low for Asher to pick up on, and they meant nothing to Sadie, but Aaron and Dylan didn’t hold back their reactions, while their father simply chuckled.
“Oh my God!” Dylan cried out. “Mum! Seriously. Oh my God. We’re eating.”
“That was so uncalled for,” Aaron muttered.
“Jesus. Way to gross us out.”
Asher looked up. “What? What’d she say?”
Dylan wrinkled his nose. “I said she doesn’t have any Barbadian in her and she said she did last night.” He pulled a face, one of absolute horror. Asher barked a laugh, spluttering on his mouthful. He grinned and nudged Lucas under the table, who sharply kicked out to stop him from saying anything.
“Hey!” Ishaana said. “What’re you kicking me for?”
Lucas stopped in his tracks, his eyes painfully wide. Both Ishaana and Asher were sitting opposite him. His trajectory was a little off, accidentally whacking her shin. “I’m so sorry, Ishy,” he said, mortification flooding him. “That was meant for Asher.”
Asher could hardly contain his laughter, on the cusp of wheezing as he tried not to lose it at the table. Lucas wanted to leave the table, to run off and cool his cheeks, but now all eyes were on him now.
“Whatcha kicking my baby brother for?” Aaron asked, false anger in his voice.
“I think,” Asher said, “it’s because-“
Lucas kicked out again, this time getting Asher square in the shin. He gasped, swallowing what he was about to say with a laugh and a pained wince.
“Huh?” Dylan asked. Then his face cleared. “Oh. Oh my God. TMI.”
“What?” Aaron asked. Dylan leant across to whisper in his brother’s ear and Lucas was sure that his skin couldn’t burn any hotter. Aaron laughed out loud and shot a wink across the table.
“I hate you all,” Lucas muttered, focusing on his food. “Not you, Sadie.”
“Ha!” She beamed. “Luca still likes me. He doesn’t like you, you’re all gross boys.” She screwed up her nose. Asher laughed.
“Oh, Sadie,” he said. “I don’t think you know Lucas very well.”
Lucas was on the cusp of leaving, if only to calm down his embarrassment, until Aaron came to his rescue, having settled his amusement.
“Anyway,” he said, “let’s move on. I have an announcement to make.”
Ishaana perked up at that. “Ooh, are we about to learn what kind of girl floats your boat?”
“What? Um, no,” he said.
Ishaana grinned and sipped her wine. “No woman will ever be good enough for my little boy,” she said, reaching out to ruffle his hair as though he was younger than his twenty-seven years. He pursed his lips.
“Well, that’s true, actually,” he said. “But what I was going to say is that I got a new job, and it’s in Farnleigh, so I’ll be around a bit more.”
“Wait, go back a step,” Asher said, frowning. “What’s true?”
“That no woman will ever be good enough for him,” Dylan filled in.
“Because…?” Asher raised his eyebrows, waiting for Aaron to finish the sentence.
“Because…” He trailed off. “I’m not particularly interested in women?”
All eyes were suddenly on him. Ishaana clasped her hand to her chest.
“Oh my goodness, are you coming out?”
“Well, I was trying to tell you about my new job,” he said. “I start as a counsellor at Riverside Counselling next week. It’s private, so much better pay, and I’ll be working in schools a couple of days a week.”
“That’s amazing, baby,” Ishaana said, “and I am so proud of you, and I’d love to hear more, but I feel like we’re kind of sidestepping something big here.”
“My new job?” He looked from his mother to his father, acting as though he didn’t know what they wanted to hear. Asher took it upon himself to dig a little deeper.
“Are you gay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Aaron said, as though it was no big deal. It wouldn’t have been, if it wasn’t the first time he had ever addressed his sexuality to his family. Not far away from thirty, he had never hinted at anything, never had any relationships – at least none that he had felt they needed to know about. “So, this job is a pretty decent upgrade from the work I was doing in Manchester.” His voice faltered as he tried and failed to divert the conversation.
“Oh my God.” Ishaana laughed. She threw her arms around Aaron, hugging him at an awkward angle. “You never said anything!”
He shrugged. “I’m telling you now.”
“How come you never said anything before?”
“I don’t know, I guess I just never felt like I needed to. It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything.” He shrugged again and picked up his fork. “I always figured I’d just, you know, tell you when there was something worth telling you. If I was straight, I’d never have to tell you. I’d have just brought a girl home. So I thought I’d just wait until I had a guy to bring home.”
Dylan nodded and pointed his fork at his older brother. “That’s what I did,” he said. “Solid tactic.”
Asher looked at Lucas. “I guess that’s kind of what I did too,” he said with a laugh.
“Oh, honey,” Ishaana said with a chuckle, patting her youngest son’s hand. Intuition had told her about Asher long before he had realised it himself.
“It’s not what I did,” Lucas said, adding his two cents to the conversation. On some level, he had always known he was gay, and he had never hidden that from his family, who had known for almost as long as he had.
Ishaana gave him a soft smile, recalling the night that he had tearfully come out to her, a whole decade ago now. The years had flown by since then, her own children slowly unfurling themselves to her.
“Well, there we go,” Aaron said, leaning back from the table. He laughed. “Probably should have done that a long time ago.”
“Mmm,” Bishop said. “I must say, you would’ve saved me a lot of money if you had.”
“Wait, what?” Aaron frowned. “How?”
Ishaana tried to restrain her grin, but he didn’t miss it.
“Oh my God.” His voice was deadpan. “You made a bet, didn’t you? Did you seriously make a bet? Mum?”
She held her thumb and finger a centimetre apart. “Just a little one,” she said. “Come on, babes. You know we bet! What’d you expect us to do?”
“What was it?”
“Well, let’s just say that your dad owes me a grand now.”
A series of jaws dropped. Aaron pulled a face.
“You bet Dad a thousand pounds that I’d come out?” he asked, disbelief lacing his voice.
“Um … yes.”
“Jesus Christ. Wow.” He looked up at his father, his expression changing a little. There was a trace of hurt in his eyes. “So I guess you bet I was straight, huh?”
Bishop held up his hands. “Only based on statistical probability,” he said. “Nothing to do with preference, not at all. Your mum and I love all of you no matter what. Unconditionally. I just want you to be happy.” He smiled. Aaron softened. His father was genuine, and he had never shown anything but undying love for his children. “You know your mother and I just like to have a bit of fun.”
“But a thousand pounds?”
Ishaana rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on. It’s no big deal. We have a shared bank account.”
Sadie looked up at her oldest brother, quietly taking everything in. She was an inquisitive creature but when her family overwhelmed her, she sat back to let their words wash over her, taking on board everything she could comprehend. “Do you like boys?” she asked.
“I do,” Aaron said. “Well, I like men. I’m not really into the whole, you know, being a paedophile kind of thing.”
Ishaana laughed and shushed him. That wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to have to explain to her eight-year-old daughter, who absorbed everything her brothers said as though she was a sponge.
“So,” she said, taking a big mouthful of her wine. There was a twinkle in her eyes, a glow in her cheeks. “None of my kids like girls, huh?”
“I do!” Sadie squeaked. Both of her parents burst into laughter.
“Full house, eh?” Bishop raised his glass to toast his wife’s, as she put her arm around her little girl’s shoulders.
“All my best friends are girls,” Sadie said with a knowing nod, pressing her lips together. To her uncomplicated primary school mind, boys were gross and she had more fun with her gaggle of girlfriends anyway.
Asher cuddled his sister. “You do you, stinkybutt.” He stole a chunk of fish off her plate when she wasn’t looking, though she caught sight of the theft out of the corner of her eye.
“Hey!” she yelled, lunging for the fork. She grabbed it from him and defiantly ate the piece he had tried to nab, staring him straight in the eye as she chewed and swallowed. “That’s mine.”
“That’s my girl,” Ishaana said. “Protect what’s yours.” She looked up, making eye contact with each of her children, and Lucas too. Then she smiled, her gaze softening. “I will always do that.”
+ – + – +
i hope you enjoyed this chapter! this coming week marks my first full week of classes and i hope that means i’ll be able to write more – the discipline of university really helps me a lot, especially as i finish at 12:30 three days a week. i can’t thank you all enough for your amazing patience with me and this book, and your continued support. it really means the world to me.
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