Head Over Heels Âœ“ 5 / just kids

april, age 8

April was unseasonably warm, a week-long dry spell giving the grass time to dry for the children to play on the field at lunch time. Lucas stood on the side lines, watching as Asher did a cartwheel in front of him with a grin on his face.

“See? It’s easy,” he said, getting to his feet again and brushing his hands off. “You can do it too.”

Lucas shook his head. “I don’t want to get my hands dirty,” he said, staring at the field. Asher held out his hands.

“It’s not bad – it’s dry today. Look.” He wiggled his fingers in front of Lucas’s face. “My hands aren’t dirty. You can wash them at the end of lunch, too.”

Lucas surveyed the field, watching as children from every class ran and played and did cartwheels. Some of the girls in his class were doing handstands, wearing shorts underneath the dresses that fell to their waists when they flipped upside down. They were trying to outdo each other, a couple of them able to walk on their hands. He couldn’t think of anything worse, using his hands to walk when he already hated how dirty his feet got.

“I can’t,” he said, shaking his head. Asher launched into another cartwheel with a beam as though it would be that easy to convince his germophobic best friend to get to second base with the field. When he swung his legs over, he almost knocked out Adler who jumped back with a shriek.

“Careful!” she cried out. “You nearly hit me.”

“Sorry,” Asher said, a little out of breath. “I didn’t see you. Can you do a cartwheel?”

Adler gave him a smug smile and nodded. Lucas just watched the two of them. He hated when they spoke, as though Asher was somehow betraying him by talking to someone he hated so much. An angry ball unfurled itself in his stomach every time he heard Adler’s voice, as though she had the power to set off a chemical reaction in his belly. He watched through narrowed eyes as she launched into a cartwheel: she did three in a row.

“You do one, Lucas,” she said when she finished, brushing her hands off on her chequered summer dress. He shook his head.

“I don’t want to.”

“Can you?” She was challenging him now, her hands on her hips. One of the oldest in the class, her birthday a few weeks before Asher’s, she took that to mean that she was some kind of superior authority. While Lucas wouldn’t turn ten for more than four months, she had enjoyed that age for half a year already.

He shook his head. “I don’t want to do a cartwheel.”

“Because you can’t do it,” she said.

“Because he doesn’t want to, Addie,” Asher said. Lucas hated when he used that nickname, as though they were friends.

“Why?” She frowned as though she couldn’t imagine any reason Lucas wouldn’t want to give it a go. They had been in the same class for six years now, not including the year of half days in Nursery, and yet she either didn’t understand his sensitivities or she didn’t care.

“I don’t want to get dirty.” He pulled the sleeves of his bright red school jumper over his fingertips.

“It’s not dirty,” she said. “It’s just grass.”

“I don’t want to touch it,” he said, his heart fluttering as he felt himself getting worked up.

“You’re being a baby,” she said. “You can touch grass, don’t be stupid.”

“Go away,” he said, struggling to look her in the eye.

“If you do a cartwheel.” She stood her ground: she was tall, coming eye to eye with him, and he shrank under her stare.

“He doesn’t have to, Addie,” Asher said. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It’s weird! It’s only grass, it won’t bite. You’re such a freak.”

“No I’m not,” Lucas said quietly, his lip quivering. He hated that she could get to him so easily.

“You are. Only weirdos don’t touch the grass,” she said.

“You’re a bully,” he said, blinking hard. “Go away.”

“No.”

“Just go away, Adler!” he cried out. “I don’t wanna talk to you!”

“You’re such a freak,” she said with a huff. “It’s just grass, you don’t need to cry.” When she stalked off, she shoved past Lucas, knocking him off his balance. He was only saved from falling to the grass when Maddie raced over and caught him.

“Adler! Get back here,” she snapped, her harshest teacher tone slipping into her voice. Adler stopped in her tracks and turned around, a little wide-eyed to have been caught by the teacher. “What’s going on here?”

Lucas snivelled, burrowing against his grandmother. “Adler called me a freak and a weirdo and she pushed me,” he said. He didn’t care if he was a tattletale – he didn’t have the friends to lose.

“Adler, why did you do that?”

“I didn’t mean it,” she said. Maddie didn’t believe that for a second.

“You need to apologise right now.”

She scuffed her feet in the grass and muttered, “Sorry.” When she turned to head back to her friends, Maddie stopped her.

“Not yet, Adler,” she said. “I want you to go inside and wait for me. We need to have a little chat.”

“But Mi-“

“No, I don’t want any buts, Adler. Go and wait in Year Six and I’ll be with you in a minute,” Maddie said, pointing at the door to her classroom. She wasn’t looking forward to being Adler’s teacher next year: she seemed like a bit of a piece of work. The girl skulked off to the classroom and Lucas ran his sleeve across his cheeks to dry his eyes. Maddie crouched down to his level. “Hey, Lucas. What happened?”

“I didn’t wanna do a cartwheel because it’s dirty,” he said, “and she called me a freak and a cry baby and she wouldn’t go away. I hate her. She’s a big bully. She’s always mean to me.”

Maddie rubbed his arms and stood. “I’m sorry, Lucas. I’m going to go and talk to her now, we can try to sort all this out. You and Asher enjoy the rest of lunch, ok?”

Lucas nodded, watching his grandmother leave, and turned to Asher. He stood awkwardly to the side, not knowing what to do or say.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be on the grass,” he said at last, and he gave Lucas a winning smile. “Wanna go to the benches?”

Lucas nodded, following his best friend. He didn’t need Adler, or anyone else for that matter, when he had Asher.

*

Sarah sighed as she watched Lucas eat an hour after getting home from school. He and Audrie sat opposite each other in the conservatory, hardly saying a word as they ate. Lucas had been quiet ever since he had got back though he wouldn’t tell her what was wrong and his teacher hadn’t mentioned anything when she had picked him up. Half of Audrie’s attention was on a piece of maths homework she was doing as she ate, scrawling in answers with ease.

“Everything ok?” she asked. As she sipped her tea, one hand held Liliana on her lap against her neat six-month bump. The baby – a girl, as she had found out a few weeks ago – was already an active little thing, kicking and squirming all day and night. “You’re very quiet, Lucas.”

“I’m fine,” he said, occupying himself with his jacket potato. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened at lunchtime when his mother would only fuss. He had always had Audrie and Maddie on hand to complain about Adler, their words more useful when they knew her and yet were a little more removed than his mother.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded and pushed his plate away when he was done. Liliana reached out for the three plum tomatoes he had left. She bit into one, the seeds and juices squirting out, and she gasped.

“It sprayed me!” she cried out, holding up the deflated tomato and tipping her head back to look up at her mother.

“You mucky pup,” Sarah said with a laugh, wiping tomato juice off Liliana’s chin with her own sleeve. Her top would be going in the wash at the end of the day anyway, she argued: she might as well use it to clean up her dirty daughter. Liliana was coming up for her third birthday soon, already far more advanced than her brother had been at that age. As soon as she had started to talk, her vocabulary seemed to have grown every day and Sarah knew she would miss having her around the house when she started school in a few months.

“I like tom-toes,” Liliana muttered, chewing the one that had squirted her. She kicked her legs as she sat on her mother’s lap and when she felt something nudge her back, she squealed and jumped down, almost knocking her glasses off her nose. “What’s that?” she cried out. Sarah laughed and patted her stomach.

“I think the baby’s telling you to move,” she said. Liliana glared at her mother’s bump and wagged her finger.

“Bad baby,” she scolded. “My mummy too.” She clambered back onto Sarah’s lap with a little help and stole another of Lucas’s discarded tomatoes.

*

Lucas was lying on his bed with a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone gripped in both hands, reading it for the umpteenth time, when Audrie knocked and came in before he answered.

“Hey,” she said, dropping down onto the armchair by his window.

“Hi.”

“What happened today?” 

“It was nothing,” he muttered. Audrie launched herself off the chair, dropping to her knees at the side of his bed.

“Lucas,” she said, her voice getting serious. “I’m your sister! You’re supposed to tell me everything. I tell you everything, don’t I?” Her cheeks went pink, remembering when she had finally admitted a few months ago that she liked Dylan. She knew better than to have a crush: she was ashamed of herself for letting her feelings get to her when she was only fourteen, but she couldn’t help the squirm in her belly every time they spoke and the way he was her favourite person to hang out with.

“Yes,” Lucas admitted. He was no liar.

“So tell me what’s wrong.” She frowned, trying to decipher what it could be. “Was it something to do with Adler again?”

He nodded, gritting his teeth. “She’s a mean, horrible bully and I wish she wasn’t in my class,” he said. Audrie folded her arms on his bed.

“What happened?” she asked, resting her chin on her hands. Lucas slipped the bookmark between his pages and shut the book, setting it down on his bedside table with the hard cover perfectly aligned with the corner. He sat up, his legs crossed.

“Don’t tell Mum.”

“I promise,” she said, holding up her little finger and looping it with his.

“And don’t tell Truman.”

“I won’t,” she said, and then she paused. “As long as you’re not in danger or anything.”

He shook his head. The only danger he was in was danger of losing his temper and crying in front of Adler every time she irritated him. It wasn’t hard for her to rile him up when he was already so intolerant of everything she said and did. With Audrie paying attention to his every word, he repeated the whole lunchtime debacle word for word, each syllable etched onto his mind. He could hear Adler’s voice as he repeated what she had said; he could feel his tears coming back when he told his sister how she had pushed him, how Maddie had taken her inside for a talk.

“She’s horrible!” Audrie cried out. “That’s not ok, Lucas. That’s really not ok. I hope hammy told her off.”

He didn’t know what had happened, though Adler had been considerably quieter when she had returned to the classroom at the end of lunch. She hadn’t spoken a word to him, avoiding eye contact.

“I hate her,” he said. “I really hate her, Audrie. She’s horrible and she’s rude and I hate her.”

“I hate her too,” Audrie snapped. Her blood was boiling, her protective instinct kicking in with full force. Ever since Lucas and his mother had moved in with her and her father five years ago, she had taken him under her wing, doing whatever she could to make life a little easier for him. Before she’d been given the words to explain her brother, she’d understood that he was different but that had only made her love him even more. “She sounds like a total bi- a, uh, a bit of a meanie.”

“A lot of a meanie,” Lucas said. He tried not to cry again but his lip wobbled and Audrie jumped to her feet, pulling him into as tight a hug as she could muster. She wasn’t particularly strong but she was stronger than him, her iron grip soothing him before he could end up in hysterics.

“I don’t know what to do,” he said, sniffing to stop his tears.

“I’ve got a plan,” Audrie said. “Wait here.” She darted off to her bedroom and came back a moment later with her laptop. Sitting next to Lucas, she balanced it on her lap and her fingers whizzed over the keyboard as she typed in her password. As much as she loved to write things out by hand, experimenting with handwriting and different stationery, she couldn’t justify wasting so much paper when she could use her computer without ruining the environment a little more with each sheet of paper she used.

“What’re you doing?” Lucas sat with his back against the wall, his arms around his knees.

“I know Adler’s sister,” Audrie said, loading up the messaging site on which she was friends with Bryn Jensen.

“Which one?”

“Bryn.”

“How?”

“She was my study buddy last year,” Audrie said. When she was in Year Seven, Bryn Jensen had been in Year Thirteen, the two of them paired up as part of the school’s buddy system. Each new child was paired with someone in the sixth form to give them a helping hand. Audrie and Bryn had also been in a handful of school clubs together and now, after not doing as well as she had hoped in her exams, she was redoing the year.

“She’s old,” Lucas said.

“She’s nineteen. But she likes me. We do astronomy together. She said I’m the coolest girl in Year Nine,” Audrie said with a grin.

“What’re you going to say to her?” Lucas asked. He watched as Audrie loaded up Bryn’s profile page and clicked ‘Send Message’ at the top, frowning as he imagined what she might say. “Don’t say anything bad. Don’t make it worse.”

“I won’t.” Audrie bit her lip as she composed a message in her head. When there was a knock on the door, both she and Lucas snapped their heads up as though they had been caught doing something awful.

“Audrie? Are you in there?” came Sarah’s voice.

“Yeah.”

The door opened. Sarah stepped in with Liliana on her hip. “Everything ok in here?”

“Yup,” Audrie said with a smile. “Are you ok?”

“Mmhmm. I was just wondering if you might be able to watch Liliana if Dad and I head out for a drink,” she said.

“Your dad? Or my dad?”

“Your dad,” Sarah said with a smile. She let Liliana down onto the floor when she squirmed. “I’ll rephrase: can you babysit your brother and sister for a couple of hours while my husband and I go out for a drink?”

Audrie laughed. “Yeah, of course.” She patted the bed as though Liliana was a dog, and the little girl scrambled up to worm her way under her sister’s arm.

“I don’t think we’ll be hours but we might end up having supper,” she said, glancing at her watch. “Actually, we almost definitely will. Can you have Liliana in bed by seven thirty?”

Audrie nodded, hugging her baby sister. “When will you be back?”

“Nine-ish?” Sarah said, smoothing her top down over her bump. “So Lucas, you need to be on wind-down by then, hun. In your jammies.”

He nodded. He had never seen a reason to try to wriggle out of the bedtime his parents set him when he had nothing to stay up for and the longer he was in his room before he fell asleep, the more he could read. He was always careful not to fall asleep while he was reading: he couldn’t bear the thought of wrinkling the pages or even marking them in the slightest, his books kept in pristine condition in a tall bookshelf.

“Thank you. I’ll see you later,” she said, stepping into the room to give each of her three children a kiss. “Be good for your sister,” she added when she hugged Lucas and then Liliana. “I don’t want to hear of any naughtiness when Audrie gives me your behaviour report because I’ll have no choice but to pass that information onto Santa Claus.”

Liliana widened her eyes at the thought. Lucas kept his words to himself: it had been a couple of years since he had stopped believing in Father Christmas, more of a natural realisation over a period of time rather than a shock revelation, but all four of his parents had insisted that he keep up the act for his younger sisters. It was a bit of fun if nothing else.

“Don’t tell Santa!” Liliana cried out.

“I won’t have to as long as you’re good,” Sarah said, stroking her daughter’s stubby plaits. “It’s bed when Audrie says so.”

Liliana nodded and gave her mother one last hug before Sarah headed off to meet her husband at the pub and the three of them were alone. Audrie returned her attention to her computer, a few random characters typed into the message to Bryn when Liliana had kicked the keyboard.

“What’re you saying to Bryn?” Lucas asked.

“I’ll tell her I need help with some physics homework,” Audrie said. “She won’t come over if I say we’ve got a problem with her little sister.”

“She’s coming over?” Lucas asked, his eyes going wide.

“Well, we’ll see,” Audrie said, “but it’s easier to talk to people face to face. I don’t want to sound meaner than I am!”

Lucas hugged his knees tighter. When Liliana crawled across the bed to him, he dropped his legs to let her sit on his lap: he had never shut his sisters out of his personal space, and he wrapped his arms around her with his chin on her head as he watched Audrie type.

Audrie Song: Hi Bryn, are you free? Sorry to bother you but I’m a bit stuck with some physics homework!

All three of them stared as the message sent and almost immediately, three dots bounced on the screen. Within seconds, Bryn’s response had come through.

Bryn Victoria Jensen: hey drie 🙂 yeah sure, no problem. if you want you can come over & we can figure it out 🙂

“She’s nice,” Lucas muttered, as much as it pained him to admit that anyone related to Adler could be anything but horrible.

“She’s lovely,” Audrie said, tapping out a quick response. Bryn’s reply came back instantly.

Audrie Song: Actually I’m babysitting my brother and sister right now so I can’t 🙁

Bryn Victoria Jensen: no worries, i can come over if you want? we can do it over messenger if you want but i’m not very good at explaining myself haha. i can be with you in like 2o mins if you want?

Audrie grinned, nudging Lucas. “See? I know what I’m doing,” she said, sending off a quick thank you to Bryn before she shut her laptop.

*

Twenty-three minutes later, Bryn’s car pulled into the driveway and Lucas grabbed Audrie’s hand, a sudden wave of fear rolling through him. He had gone along with her plan this far but now he was losing confidence, suddenly terrified of what Bryn would say or what she would be like. Audrie seemed to know what she was doing, riding on the adrenaline of protecting her little brother at all costs, even if that meant an awkward conversation with a sixth former.

“Hey, Songs,” Bryn said with a smile when she got out of the car. “Are you an album when you’re all together?”

Audrie laughed. Lucas couldn’t. He stood with Liliana in front of himself, his arms around her shoulders, and warily watched Bryn as she came towards the house. She looked like a grown up version of Adler with long, dark hair and olive skin, but she had a friendly smile and a twinkle in her eye.

“Hi, Bryn,” Audrie said. “Thanks for coming over.”

“No problem,” Bryn said, following the three Song children through to the conservatory. “I was only at home with Dad and Addie anyway. What can I help you with?”

Lucas hung back with Liliana, taking her back into the kitchen to make her a drink she didn’t want, and he listened to his sister talk.

“I have a confession to make,” Audrie said. She sat on the sofa, one leg tucked beneath herself. “There isn’t actually any physics homework.”

“There isn’t?” Bryn frowned, resting her elbow on a cushion.

“No,” Audrie said, “but I do still have a problem that I need your help with. I just didn’t think you’d come if I told you.”

“You’re kinda scaring me, Audrie. You’re not … you’re not in trouble are you?” She lowered her voice and when Audrie twigged what she meant, she hurriedly shook her head.

“No! No, it’s not about me. It’s about Adler,” she said, which only got a deeper frown from Bryn.

“My sister?”

“Yes.” Audrie clasped her hands. “I know it’s not your problem but I thought you could help.”

“What’s going on?”

Audrie pulled her lips between her teeth. As much as she hated to drag Bryn into the equation, her hatred of anyone who hurt Lucas was stronger. “She’s kind of been bullying my brother,” she said. “She calls him names and she teases him because he’s … he’s a bit different, and it really upsets him.”

Bryn sighed, dropping her head into her hand. “For fuck’s sake,” she muttered. “Sorry, Audrie. Sorry. I had no idea. How long’s it been going on?”

“Since Reception,” she said, recalling the details Lucas had told her over the years. “He said she started being mean to him after he and Asher had a fake wedding and it keeps getting worse and he’s really upset.” She played with her fingers. “I just thought maybe you could talk to her.”

Something changed in Bryn’s expression and she sat straight. “Wait, so she started bullying your brother when he got married to a boy in their class? In a pretend wedding? Five years ago?”

Audrie nodded. “She said it was weird and wrong.” She realised how stupid it sounded but she was merely repeating what Lucas had told her and he had the craziest recollection. He could remember events scene by scene, word for word, as though always preparing to be an ideal police witness. “Do you think you can talk to her, maybe? I just don’t want Lucas to be sad.”

Bryn nodded, heaving a sigh. “I think I know what this is about,” she said, pushing her hair off her face with both hands, letting out a groan. “For fuck’s sake. I told them they needed to deal with this better. I’m really sorry she’s been so bad, Audrie, I really am. I had no idea.” She looked up at Lucas, who hovered in the doorway with Liliana’s hand in his. “Hey, Lucas. I’m going to talk to Addie. I’m really sorry she’s been so mean to you.”

“Do you think you can help?” Audrie asked. Bryn nodded.

“I think so. Well, I’ll see what I can do. I think I know what Addie’s problem is.” She stood, scratching the back of her neck. “Look, I’ll talk to her tonight, ok? God. I had a feeling this might all blow up. I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Thanks,” Lucas said quietly.

“I’ll make sure Addie apologises,” Bryn said. “I should get back; I’ll have a word with her.” She hugged Audrie. “Thanks for telling me, Drie.”

“I thought you’d want to know.”

Bryn smiled. “Better than making a whole big song and dance of it,” she said, chuckling at her unintentional pun. “See you on Monday.”

After Bryn had left, Audrie scooped Liliana up onto her shoulder and stood face to face with Lucas. “See?” she said, raising her eyebrows at him. “This is why you tell me things. Because I can help. I can fix things.”

Lucas gave her a smile. “Thanks, Audrie.”

*

On Sunday afternoon, Sarah sat in the conservatory with her daughter on her lap and her parents sitting opposite as they chatted over tea. Truman was away for the weekend, off to visit his mother, and she had opted to stay at home when she wasn’t really feeling up to a four hour drive. Now she was in charge of more children than her own after Asher had stayed over the night before and Tom had come with his parents. There should have been five children in the house but Audrie had slunk off into town an hour ago when Dylan had texted her.

“Baby’s kicking,” Liliana said, both hands planted on her mother’s stomach.

“I think she’s going to be a little football player, the amount she kicks,” Sarah said with a laugh. Even in the midst of her third pregnancy, she still wasn’t used to seeing a tiny hand or foot push out her stomach.

“You joke,” Maddie said, “but I was never kicked so badly as when I was pregnant with the twins, and not just because there were two of them. They were violent in there, I swear, and look at them now – Anna’s captain of the football team and Ella’s a swimmer.”

“Our little sportsters,” Nick said with a chuckle, sipping his coffee.

“By that logic, I must never have moved,” Sarah joked.

“You didn’t!” Maddie cried. “I got so worried sometimes. We joked that you must’ve been reading in there and I think that’s true.”

“Did I kick?” Liliana asked. Sarah rolled her eyes.

“All the time, baby. You spent your whole life kicking my bladder.”

Liliana grinned. “I wanna be a dancer.”

“There you go,” Nick said, nodding at her. “A baby that kicks is a child that moves. Definitive proof.”

When there was a knock on the door, Sarah hauled herself to her feet to answer it, grabbing Liliana’s hand when she tried to race past. “Hold on, baby,” she said, opening the door. She didn’t recognise the man on the other side. “Hello?”

“Hi,” he said. “Are you Mrs Song? Lucas’s mum?”

Sarah nodded and frowned, hitching Liliana up onto her hip. “Yes … why? Sorry, who are you?”

“Peter Jensen,” he said, offering his hand. She shook it, still not sure who he was. “My daughter’s in Lucas’s class. Adler?”

“Oh,” Sarah said. She knew the name from the occasional time Lucas had cried about her. Peter gave her an awkward smile, reading her face.

“It’s, uh, well it’s come to my attention that there’ve been some issues,” he said. “My daughter Bryn said she was talking to Audrie on Friday, apparently Addie’s been bullying Lucas. I had no idea until Bryn told me.”

Sarah didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t been expecting a visit, nor had she realised that there was so much going on she wasn’t aware of. Lucas had mentioned Adler a few times before but never in more detail than saying that he didn’t like her. He had never mentioned bullying before.

“Addie’s with me, she’s come over to apologise to Lucas,” he said. “I thought it best if we sort this out before it gets worse at school.”

“Um, ok,” Sarah said. “How do you know where I live?”

“Bryn gave me your address,” he said. “She’s friends with Audrie: she’s at St Matthew’s.”

“Oh. Ok.” Sarah stood back, opening the door a little wider. “Well, come in, I suppose. Lucas?” she called up the stairs. He appeared at the top with Asher, and his face fell when he registered Adler’s face. “Lucas, baby, Adler’s come to talk to you.” She beckoned for him to come downstairs and he did, slowly, like a dog crawling on its belly. “Apparently you two haven’t been getting along?”

He nodded, his eyes full of fear. “I don’t want to talk to her,” he whispered. “She’s mean to me, Mum.”

“Well, that’s why you need to talk,” she said. “You need to let Adler apologise and you should talk. Why don’t you two and Asher go down to the den?”

Asher and Tom came down the stairs, joining a reluctant Lucas. Peter awkwardly stood in the doorway, watching as the children disappeared downstairs and Liliana ran after them.

“Come in, I suppose,” Sarah said, wrapping her cardigan around herself as she led him through to the kitchen. “My parents are here at the moment. Do you want a cup of tea or anything?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, tea would be good. Milk, no sugar. Sorry to just drop in on you like this.”

“It’s ok.” She put on the kettle. “I didn’t realise Lucas was having such problems at school, to be honest. He tells Audrie more than he tells me. I think they’ve got some kind of secrecy pact.” She took out a couple of mugs to make a tea for Peter and a fresh one for herself. With both cups in her hands, she led him to the conservatory. Peter followed behind her. When he noticed Maddie and Nick sitting at the table, he did a double take. Maddie lifted her eyes to him and slowly sat straighter. Nick looked from his wife to Peter and back again before he stood.

“I’m going to go and check on the kids,” he said, coughing as he excused himself, much to Sarah’s confusion. He disappeared, passing Peter without any more than an awkward nod of his head.

“Maddie,” Peter said, the word trailing off in his mouth. “What…?” He looked back to Sarah, who was staring at him in utter bewilderment. “Wait.”

“Sarah’s my daughter,” Maddie said, the slightest edge to her voice. “Lucas is my grandson.”

Peter couldn’t seem to wrap his head around that. He had rarely done school pick-ups when Bryn and Everly had been in primary school, and he and Maddie had hardly spoken since before Sarah’s birth. “I…I didn’t realise. Jesus, Maddie. Wow.”

“You’ve met Sarah before,” Maddie said.

“I know. It’s just, time flies,” he said. “You must’ve been tiny when I last saw you. It must be … what, twenty-five years?”

“I have no idea,” Sarah said with a frown, sitting down at the table. She glanced at her mother, but Maddie’s eyes were fixed on Peter. “I take it you two know each other?”

“We did,” Maddie said. “Peter was my first boyfriend. Actually … I don’t think we ever put a label on it, did we?”

Peter dropped his head and stepped into the room, pulling out the seat opposite. Sarah raised her eyebrows.

“You two dated?”

“We were friends,” Peter said. Even after all the years that had passed, more than three decades, those words stung Maddie.

“We were friends in high school,” she said, “and we had a car wreck of a relationship after university.”

Sarah pressed her lips together, feeling a little awkward to be sitting between the two of them. She could feel the tension in the air, radiating off both her mother and the father of her son’s bully.

“So that’s why Dad just left?” she asked.

Peter gave Sarah half a smile. “Your dad’s not my biggest fan,” he said. Maddie raised an eyebrow. “Your family … not my biggest fan. I should’ve known Lucas was a Langley. Of all the people for my daughter to have a problem with.”

“No!” Maddie snapped, fire in her eyes. “You don’t get to say that. Your daughter is a bully, Peter. She has been for years. She’s rude to my grandson, she picks on him. On Friday, she made him cry and she shoved him.”

“What?” Sarah cried out, her cheeks paling. “Mum, what? Why don’t I know this?”

“Because I dealt with it, hun.”

“Clearly not, if it’s been going on for years!” She felt as though she could cry, her heart aching. “I should know these things, Mum. You’re supposed to tell me.”

“I’m not supposed to worry you,” Maddie said, turning to Peter. “Adler’s had letters home before about her behaviour – you can’t act like this is a surprise.”

“It is,” Peter said. “I had no idea.”

“What a surprise,” Maddie muttered, years-old anger coming back to the surface when her family was involved.

“I mean it, Maddie. I didn’t know. Adler’s never told me.”

Maddie took a deep breath, adjusting her position in the seat, and she calmed her voice before she said, “That’s why the letters are sent home. To the parents. That’s you and your wife, in case you didn’t know that either.”

“We’re divorced,” Peter said. “We got divorced when Addie was little.”

Maddie sat back in her seat. She didn’t know what to say to that. Sarah had no words whatsoever, still trying to process the fact that her mother had known her son was being bullied and she hadn’t told her. “Oh.”

“Twenty years of marriage and three daughters and I still don’t know how to deal with women,” Peter said. She scowled at him.

“Oh, yes, because you handled Ryan so much better,” she said, her nails digging into her palms before she told herself to back down. Sarah’s ears perked up but there was too much swelling her brain for her to dwell on that. “Sorry. This isn’t about us. This is about the fact that your daughter’s behaviour is appalling and to be honest, I’m baffled. I never thought your children of all would be homophobic, but Adler seems pretty insistent that boys can’t be with boys and girls can’t be with girls.”

“It’s … it’s complicated,” Peter said. Sarah watched him, struggling to keep up with whatever history had gone down between him and her mother.

“So uncomplicate it.”

“Addie didn’t take the divorce well,” he said. “It’s been … nearly seven years now, but she’s still taking it really badly. I started seeing someone else a few years ago and she didn’t take well to him.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows, instantly trying to tone down her reaction.

“Addie spends a lot of time with my ex and her boyfriend and he can be a bit … snippy. He doesn’t like me,” he said. “I was talking to Bryn yesterday, after she came over to talk to Audrie, and she thinks that maybe Addie’s still angry.”

“I don’t get it,” Sarah said, frowning. “If you’re with a guy then why is Addie so rude about gay people?”

“I don’t know, maybe she thinks that’s why her mum and I broke up. It’s not – we just fell out of love. That’s all. But I think maybe she’s got it into her head that it’s my fault. Bryn thinks of herself as a bit of a psychologist; she said she reckons Addie picks on Lucas as some kind of a … a figurehead, I don’t know.” He sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I’m no therapist – I can’t say why Addie’s lashing out for certain – but I talked to my ex yesterday. I think there’s probably a lot going on under the surface that I just haven’t picked up on. If she’s still so angry about the divorce and my sexuality then that’s something we need to deal with. Professionally, I mean.” He shrugged his shoulder hopelessly. “I don’t get to spend a ton of time with my kids. I just didn’t know.”

Sarah sat in shock. She hadn’t realised the extent of the problem: the teasing she had seen was just a chip of the tip of the iceberg, so much more that Lucas hadn’t shared with her.

“I’m sorry,” Peter said. “I really am. For everything – I know I’m a black mark in your family but I don’t want that to extend to Addie just because she’s my daughter. She’s a good kid. She can be angry sometimes, yes, but she’s just a kid.”

“I know,” Sarah said. “Look, I’ve got no history here. I didn’t know who you were and whatever problems you and my mum have, those are your issues. That’s nothing to do with me. The only thing I care about is that my son can feel happy and safe at school.”

“Yes, exactly,” Peter said. “I really didn’t know she was having so much trouble. If I’d known, I would’ve stepped in sooner. That’s why I’m here now. I want to nip this in the bud.”

*

Lucas hugged his arms to himself as he stood in the den with Asher and Tom behind him, and Adler trailing after him. He didn’t want her in his house. He didn’t want her ruining anything else: he couldn’t stand to have her near him.

“Why’re you here?” he asked.

“To say sorry,” she said.

“Because your dad told you to?”

“Well, yes,” she said, “but I am sorry too. My sister said I upset you.”

Lucas said nothing for a moment. “You did,” he said at last.

“Sorry.”

“If you’re sorry,” Asher said, interrupting, “then you have to stop being mean forever. Otherwise you’re not really sorry.”

“I am sorry,” Adler said. She looked as though she was on the verge of tears, which shocked Lucas. He had never seen her look vulnerable before. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Bryn said I don’t think before I speak.”

She didn’t. She had no filter, talking too much and letting out the words that hurt others. It was only after a carefully-worded telling off from Maddie followed by a bit of a lecture from Bryn that she realised the damage she had done.

“Promise not to be mean anymore,” Lucas said.

“I promise.” She held out her hand. “Maybe we can be friends.”

Lucas looked over at Asher. The two of them shared a look for a couple of seconds before Lucas said, “Ok.”

She opened her arms but he shook his head.

“Lucas doesn’t hug,” Asher said. Adler nodded and dropped her hands, stopping herself before she said that that was weird. She smiled instead.

*

After Adler and her father left, Sarah headed into Lucas’s room. He was reading, his nose buried in his book, and he hardly even noticed her come in until she was right by his bed.

“Hey, baby,” she said softly, sitting down on the edge. “So, I talked to Adler’s dad today when he came over with her. I didn’t realise things were so bad. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Hammy knew,” he said. Sarah pressed her lips together tightly, trying not to cry. Her emotions were running wild, hormones coursing through her body. When the baby kicked, she patted her stomach.

“I know, baby, but I’m your mum. I should know these things. If you’re having problems at school, you should always tell me or Truman, or your dad, or Cora. We can help you if you tell us. What was it she said that upset you the most, hun?”

Lucas bit the insides of his cheeks, closing his book with the bookmark nestled between the pages. He knew the answer to that question. The thing that had stung the most was when Adler had told him that boys couldn’t be with boys. Those words had bitten him, leaving a mark. With every year that passed, he felt that old feeling stronger and stronger, something stirring in him when he spent time with Asher.

But he couldn’t bring himself to tell his mother that. Even if Adler was sorry, and he had forgiven her, he couldn’t help but dwell on what she had said. It was wrong. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to think he was wrong too.

Sarah lay down next to him and she took his hand, holding it over her stomach as the baby kicked. “You were like that once, you know,” she said. “I carried you inside me for nine whole months, until you were strong and healthy. Do you know what I said when the doctor told me you were a boy?”

He shook his head. Sarah squeezed his hand.

“I said that I didn’t care. All I wanted was for you to be a healthy, happy baby. I didn’t care if you were a boy or a girl. And Lucas, I mean that. All I want is for you to be healthy and happy. I don’t care who are you; I don’t care who you like. As long as you’re happy. I’m just scared you’re not happy, and I want to help.”

Lucas rolled onto his front to hide his face when he felt like he would cry. Sarah covered her face with one hand, her shoulders shaking when she began to sob. She couldn’t help it, anguish rocking her.

“Don’t cry, Mum,” Lucas said, his voice muffled. “Why’re you crying?”

“Because I don’t know how I can help you,” she said, her voice weak. “I love you so, so much, baby. I just don’t know what I can do if you don’t want to talk to me. I can’t bear to see you sad. I will always love you no matter what. All of us will. You have so many people who love you more than I can put into words.”

“I love you too,” he said. He rolled onto his side and looked at his mother. Her eyes were pink, her cheeks wet.

“Are you happy?”

He couldn’t answer that honestly, not when he felt as though there was a weight inside his stomach. After a couple of seconds, too much time had passed for Sarah to be convinced if he said yes, and her tears flowed again. He couldn’t bear that, his heart breaking to see his mother cry, and he told himself that nothing he said could be worse than that.

“Mum?”

“What?”

He put his hand on her stomach again, feeling the baby kicking, and he stared at his fingers rather than at his mother. “I like Asher,” he mumbled. “I like Asher like Audrie likes Dylan. But Adler said that’s bad. She said that it hurts people.”

Sarah cried more, a fresh round of tears. “No it doesn’t, baby,” she wept, gripping him in a hug as tight as she could muster. “It doesn’t hurt anyone. The only person who gets hurt is you when you’re not happy. However you feel, yourself, is all that matters, Lucas. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

“You don’t think I’m wrong?”

“No, I don’t. I love you so, so, so much and nothing could ever change that.” She struggled to sit up when she couldn’t bend the way she was used to, having to roll onto her side first. “Now, how do you feel? Did Adler apologise?”

“Yes,” he said. “She asked if we can be friends.”

“And?”

“I’ll try,” he said. Sarah beamed at him, pulling him over to her.

“Thank you, baby. I think that’s good: it’s always good to try. Are you going to come down and have some supper?”

He nodded, letting her loop her arm around his shoulders. “What’re we eating?”

She smiled at him, blinking and drying her tears. “Whatever you want.”

+ – + – +

throwback to that time in year 5 i told a girl to get on a plane to australia and never come back and the teacher acted like i’d tried to murder the whole class.

i hope you liked this chapter! for characters like liliana, i will be posting their cast pics as and when it’s relevant – welcome liliana!