september, age 11
Tomorrow was a big day. It felt bigger than big, an enormous weight on Lucas’s shoulders that grew heavier each time he thought about it. All summer, it had been sitting on his mind like the elephant in the room that he couldn’t shake: it was unavoidable that August would slip into September, that the first day of high school would swing around long before he was ready to take that step.
His vision seemed to cloud over each time he remembered that he would never spend another day at St Mary’s again, that he would have to get used to an entirely new atmosphere; new people; new teachers. Instead of walking across the playground with Liliana, he would walk across the quad with Audrie: instead of being forced outside to play during lunchtime, there would be clubs and activities and the library. He felt as though he was embarking on a whole new life, but no part of him felt good about the transition.
“Lucas?” Truman asked as he served up supper on Sunday evening, the sky still bright outside at seven o’clock. “Do you want any more peas?”
Lucas stared blankly at the plate his stepfather held out to him. They were having a slightly pared-down vegetarian Sunday roast, a treat before school was due to start again, and his plate was piled with slices of nut roast and potatoes, an assortment of vegetables adding a splash of colour.
“Lucas, hun, don’t be rude,” Sarah said, balancing Felicity on her hip as she served herself with one hand. She added an extra dollop of mashed potato for her daughter, who was taking after her sister with her love for the food.
“I’m not hungry,” Lucas said, his voice dull. He couldn’t bear the thought of eating when his stomach was tied in knots, his nerves twisting themselves round and round so tightly that he didn’t even know what to do with himself.
“Come on, adeul, you’ve got to eat something,” Sarah said, shifting Felicity on her waist so she could pick up both her glass of wine and her plate. “You’ve got a big day tomorrow – you need plenty of energy.”
“This looks amazing, Dad,” Audrie said, licking her lips like a cat as she poured homemade gravy over her food. “I’m absolutely ravenous.”
“Thanks, peanut,” Truman said with a smile.
“I don’t want to eat,” Lucas said. “I feel sick.”
Truman gave him an encouraging smile and handed him his plate. “That’s just nerves, Lucas. That’s totally normal. But you need to eat else you’ll feel worse tomorrow. Come on, come in.” He doled out a smaller plate for Liliana, carrying it for her along with his own food. “Can you bring my wine in?”
Lucas did as he was told, gripping his plate and his stepfather’s glass of wine, and he followed his family to the dining table in the conservatory where they ate almost all of their meals. When he sat down, he stared at his plate with no inclination to eat anything in front of him. Audrie hungrily devoured her food and Liliana messily shovelled roast potatoes into her mouth; even Felicity giggled as her mother spoon fed her mash.
“Lucas,” Sarah said, the slightest warning tone finding its way into her voice. “You’ll only be hungry later if you don’t eat now and you need to get an early night tonight. I want you in bed before nine and you still need to have a bath.”
“I don’t want to go,” he said, his voice quiet. He could feel weeks’ worth of panic building up inside, on the edge of breaking point.
“What do you mean? Go where?”
“High school,” he said, shaking his head. He had to grit his teeth and press his tongue hard against the roof of his mouth to stop himself from crying, the effort making his lungs ache. His appetite had completely gone, the thought of food only making him feel more sick. “I can’t go.”
“Of course you can,” Sarah said, narrowly missing a flying lump of potato when Felicity got hold of the spoon. “You’re moving on up, hun. It’s exciting – you get to be in the same school as Audrie. And Asher’s going to be in your year.”
“What if he’s not in my class?” The thought had plagued him, the possibility that he would be split up from his best friend. That would be a double whammy, thrown into a new school without even having his best friend to lean on. “I don’t want to go, Mum.”
She sighed. She had been dreading this all summer, the inevitable breakdown when it all got too much for him. To his credit, he had coped well until now: he hadn’t bawled on his last day of primary school, even when his grandmother had shed a tear, and he hadn’t worked himself into a state over the summer. It was only now, his last day of freedom, that the realisation had come crashing down on top of him.
“It’s ok to be nervous,” Truman said. “You’re going to be absolutely fine, Lucas: you’re smart. Maybe you’ll make some new friends tomorrow.”
Lucas very much doubted that. His friendship circle was exclusively small. Asher had been the only member for a long time; Mika had eventually wound up there too. Tom had been there by default since birth. Though Adler had wheedled her way into the clique, he still didn’t count her as a friend or anything close. For the entirety of Year Six, she had hung out with him, Asher and Mika as though she belonged but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she didn’t. He still didn’t like her, and she still didn’t watch her mouth as much as he wished she would.
“I don’t want new friends,” he said. “I just want to go back to hammy’s class.”
“Well, you can’t do that,” Audrie said between mouthfuls. “That’d be so boring, Lucas: you’ve done Year Six. Now you get to move on to a whole new challenge and yeah, you get to be at my school.” She grinned at him though Lucas didn’t feel like smiling. He felt like crying, like lying down and wailing into his pillow until he couldn’t make another sound.
“School’s fun!” Liliana cried out. “I like school.”
Sarah smiled and stroked her hair. “Remember how nervous Liliana was last year?” she asked Lucas. “She was scared about starting nursery and it was a bit scary at first, wasn’t it, baby?”
Liliana nodded. “But I like it now.”
“You’ll get used to high school,” Audrie said, finishing off her mother’s point. “Yeah, it can be a bit weird but at least you know Asher’s there and you know I’m there. You can come and find me at break time if you want.”
Nothing they said was helping. Lucas could feel himself spiralling down to the depths of an anxiety attack, his heart rate speeding up and his breaths shallowing.
“Please, hun, just eat something,” his mother said, pushing his plate towards him. “You’ll feel better once you’ve had a nice supper and a good night’s sleep. Dad’s worked really hard putting this all together for us.” She put her hand on her husband’s knee, giving him a smile. “It really is delicious.”
“Thank you, darling,” he said, slicing a floret of cauliflower in half. Lucas looked down at the vegetables on his plate. The potatoes looked good – he ordinarily loved potatoes – but he couldn’t will his stomach to feel anything other than sick.
“I’m not hungry,” he said again.
“Just eat!” Liliana cried out, stabbing a piece of broccoli with her fork and giving him a faux menacing stare. “Your tummy will rumble.”
Lucas reluctantly picked up his fork and used it to cut a potato in half that he brought to his mouth, slowly chewing as though it was the most arduous task there was. His throat was dry and he couldn’t swallow, almost choking when he tried. Tears pricked his eyes and he spat the semi-masticated lump into his napkin, washing his mouth out with a sip of his water.
“That’s kinda gross, Lucas,” Audrie said, turning her nose up.
“I can’t eat it.”
“It’s potato!” Liliana said, as though she couldn’t believe any kind of potato would be inedible.
“I don’t want it.”
“You need to eat something, hun, and you need to have a bath and go to bed,” Sarah said. “You’re going to be absolutely fine, I’m sure. It’s normal to feel a bit funny the day before you start high school.”
“I’m not normal!” Lucas cried out, an implosion forcing everything out after he had tried to keep it in. “It’s not fine and I’m not fine and it’s going to be horrible. I won’t make any friends because Asher’s my friend but he might not even be in my class and everyone will think I’m a freak because I am a freak!” He pushed away from the table, his chair scraping across the floor before it tipped over backwards and he raced out of the room.
He left his family in shocked silence. Sarah clasped her hand over her mouth, horrified eyes staring after him. Audrie was bright red, anger boiling inside her.
“I bet that’s all that little twat Adler’s fucking fault,” she snapped, her eyes turning to saucers when she realised what she had just said.
“Language!” Truman stared at her, shocked to hear such words from his docile daughter. He had never heard her swear: she had always been careful with her language around her family, especially her sisters. “Audrie. Don’t talk like that.”
“Sorry,” she meekly muttered. “But it’s true.”
Sarah was speechless, tears in her eyes. She abandoned her food and stood, following her son even when Truman told her to give him space: she couldn’t let him storm out like that and not follow him, even if her food would get cold.
Audrie looked from her plate to her father, then down to Liliana, who seemed a little stunned. The little girl looked up at her sister, huge brown eyes turning to her father.
“What’s a twat?” she asked. Audrie had to suppress a laugh, covering her mouth and masking it with a cough. Her father gave her a sideways glare.
“A bad word,” he said. “Finish your supper, tater.”
She pierced a slice of carrot and under her breath she muttered, “Audrie said a bad word.”
“Yes, she did,” Truman said. “And Audrie’s going to apologise, aren’t you?”
“Sorry for swearing,” Audrie said, though she struggled not to laugh to hear her little sister mimic what she had said. “Pretend you didn’t hear that, Lils.”
“Hear what?”
She grinned. “Exactly,” she said, though Liliana’s confusion was honest. She had lost track of the conversation, no idea what it was she wasn’t supposed to have heard.
Upstairs, Sarah pushed open the door to Lucas’s room when he didn’t respond to her knocks. She could hear him crying, his tears muffled by his pillow, and the sound broke her heart into a thousand piece. Stepping across his immaculate room, not a single piece of paper out of place, she gingerly sat down on the edge of his bed and placed her hand on his back.
“Hey, baby,” she said quietly. “You’re not a freak, Lucas. You’re smart and you’re sensitive and you’re caring. You’re an amazing boy and I’m so proud of you, baby. You’re going to be ok.” She rubbed his back in a repetitive pattern, shushing him as he cried.
“No I’m not,” he sobbed.
“Yes you are. You’ve got Asher and Mika, haven’t you? I know Mika’s your friend too, hun. Hammy told me how close you all are, and Adler too.”
“I hate Adler,” he said. Sarah wished she hadn’t mentioned her: she had thought the water had flowed under the bridge but Lucas didn’t seem to have got the memo. She wondered if her mother had anything to do with that: Maddie didn’t seem to be able to forgive the girl who had hurt her grandson.
“But you like Mika, don’t you? She’s your friend.”
Lucas nodded. He did like Mika. She was clever too, and she liked the same books as him. And she had got Tom to talk to her, easing words out of him at playtimes and lunchtimes. Lucas automatically liked anyone Tom liked when the number of people in that list was so tiny.
“See, so you already have two friends at high school. That’s great, hun. And Audrie’s still there, and Aaron and Dylan too, right? So you’ve got five people you like, and plenty more that you know.”
“I don’t want to go,” he murmured again, his voice cracking.
“I know, hun. I know. I didn’t want to go either but you know what?”
“What?”
“I had Auntie Phoebe with me. We weren’t in the same class but we saw each other all the time, and we would go over to each other’s houses after school. It was fine.”
“I’m scared.”
“What of, hun?”
“Everything,” he said, beginning to snivel again. He dragged the back of his hand across his nose. Sarah didn’t know what to say that could help, and she felt like she had been stung when he shifted away from her hand. Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath. “Are you going to come and have something to eat?”
He shook his head, hiding his face in his pillow.
“Please, Lucas.”
“No,” he said. “Go away.”
Sarah recoiled, the words hitting her hard. She wasn’t sure he had ever said them before. “Lucas, I-“
“Leave me alone.”
After a couple of seconds, she stood on uncertain feet and covered her face as she left. She didn’t want him to hear her cry: she didn’t want him to know that his words had hurt her. Rather than head back downstairs to eat, she stayed in the hallway for a moment to try to compose herself before she rejoined the family. The last thing she wanted was to upset Liliana, who couldn’t bear to see her mother cry.
A moment later, Audrie came up the stairs with Felicity on her hip and a plate in her hand.
“What’re you doing?” Sarah asked.
“I’m a Lucas whisperer,” Audrie said. “Trust me.”
Sarah did. She had never doubted that Audrie had a way with her little brother: she was better at getting on his level, and it was only four years ago that she had been in a similar position. She held open the door for Audrie, who carried Felicity over to the bed and put Lucas’s plate down on his bedside table.
“Hey,” she said, plopping down onto the bed. She held Felicity on her lap and touched Lucas’s shoulder. “I brought you some food. I know you say you’re not hungry but you will be. Fliss and I just came to say hi. Say hi, Fliss.”
Felicity gurgled on cue. She couldn’t speak yet, though she always seemed to be right on the cusp of her first word. Audrie stroked her soft, wispy hair and tucked it behind the little girl’s ears, bouncing her on her lap.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said, “but if you don’t then I will just keep talking. Look, Lucas, it’s a big deal. I’m not gonna pretend it’s not scary as hell when you first start high school. Everything’s new and strange and suddenly you have a whole bunch of different teachers and classrooms, and there are a hundred other kids in your year. It’s totally normal to be scared.” She snuggled Felicity, her face buried in her hair, and let her down onto the bed. Felicity crawled over to Lucas and pulled at his arm, giggling as she burrowed under the crook of his elbow.
“What’re you more scared of, Lucas? The fact that it’s a new school or the fact that you might not be in every lesson with Asher?”
“I want to be with Asher,” he said, his voice tiny. He moved his hand to stroke Felicity’s hair.
“You know, even if you’re not in the same class, you’re not going to lose him,” she said. “He’s your best friend – he’s going to stick around.” She smiled and squeezed his shoulder. “Dylan and I aren’t even in the same year and I see him all the time! And it’s good, it gives you something to look forward to. It’s easier to get through lessons if you know you get to see Asher at break time, or at lunch, or after school.”
“I can’t be without him,” Lucas muttered. He couldn’t put his feelings into words, the ache in his chest at the possibility alone of the next seven years without his best friend there every step of the way. “He makes me feel better.”
“I know,” Audrie said. She knew how important Asher had been for her little brother, who seemed to let loose a little more when he was with his best friend. “He makes you feel safe.”
Lucas nodded. He sat up at last and pulled Felicity onto his lap, holding onto his baby sister as though she could save his life. Sometimes all he needed was a hug from one of his sisters, all of whom had an instant calming effect on him. “He’s my best friend,” he said into Felicity’s hair. “I feel sick when he’s not in school.”
Audrie went quiet for a moment as she took in everything he was saying and she read between the lines, putting together the snapshots she had saved after six years of knowing her brother. “Lucas?”
He looked up at her.
“Can I ask you a question? You don’t have to answer me,” she said, her words coming out slowly as she pieced them together before she spoke. Lucas nodded and she toyed with her words. “Are you gay?” she asked. “Do you like Asher? Like, you like like him?”
Lucas hesitated. He held onto Felicity and she let him squeeze her.
“Yes,” he said at last, so quietly that Audrie almost missed his admission. She felt her heart swell with even more love for her little brother: she had suspected for a while that he might like Asher as more than a friend, though she had at first chalked it down to his dependency and told herself that he was just a kid.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly. “You’re really awesome, Lucas. You know that, right? You’re going to be absolutely fine. I promise you. I’m still there for another three years, anyway. Though you won’t want to see me anymore after the first week, I bet.”
“I always want to see you,” Lucas said. “And you,” he added, kissing Felicity’s head. She clapped her hands and struggled against his arms to turn around in his lap, throwing her pudgy arms around his neck.
“Now, are you gonna eat? I promised Mum and Dad I’d get you to eat something and I don’t want to have to tell them I failed. Dad’s already mad that I swore in front of the girls.”
“You swore?” Lucas lifted his head, his eyebrows raising.
“I called Adler a twat,” she said with a laugh, “and then Liliana asked what a twat is.”
Lucas couldn’t help but smile. “That’s really bad,” he said, a laugh finding its way into his voice. He reached for the plate he had abandoned downstairs,
“But it’s true.”
He nodded. “Adler’s a twat.”
*
After an emotional morning with as few nervous tears as possible, Lucas had managed to finish his cereal before he had to get in the car in his new uniform. The blazer was stiff and the trousers were itchy but he tried to focus on everything Audrie had spent all morning telling him. His mother had hugged him when she had seen him off at the gate and his sister had walked him all the way to the hall where the new Year Sevens were supposed to meet. She waited with him until Asher showed up before she left him with a hug and a whisper of good luck.
The first day wasn’t a proper day, more of an orientation when the children would receive their timetables and meet their form. Lucas’s heart was in his throat as he waited for names to be called out in alphabetical order. It felt like forever passed before they got to F, his stomach churning when he heard the teacher at the front call out, “Lucas Flores!”
He took the two sheets of paper he was handed. His schedule and his form. Asher was still waiting for his but they weren’t sitting together: they had been shovelled into random places for the first assembly, and he was a few rows ahead.
He looked down at the first sheet in his head. The timetable meant nothing to him. Every child had the same set of classes in different orders: the majority would be taken with the rest of their form, though maths and English had been setted after a few tests before the summer holiday. According to the note at the top, he was in set one for both subjects. The top.
“Mika Tanaka,” called the teacher after a long list of children before her. Mika was sitting next to Lucas and she stuck up her hand with a beam to receive her papers.
“Who’s your form teacher?” she whispered to Lucas.
“Mr Finney,” he said.
“Me too!” She grinned, scanning her timetable. “Oh my gosh, we’re in the same classes.”
“All of them?”
She nodded, pointing to the top of her sheet. She was in set one too: that was no surprise, when she would probably be ready to sit her Year Eleven exams by the time Year Seven was over. “We’re both in 7CF,” she said, tapping Lucas’s sheet with her own. “That’s Mr Finney. Who else…” She read down the list of children in that form and Lucas held his breath as he did the same, scanning the page for Asher’s name.
It wasn’t there.
“Asher’s not with us,” he said, his stomach dropping. He felt sick again, though he tried not to cry. Perhaps he would have other classes with Asher.
“It’ll be ok,” Mika said. She zipped her mouth when she got a glare from one of the teachers though she couldn’t keep quiet for too long, waiting for the teacher to turn away before she continued in her hushed tone. “At least we’re together! I didn’t want to be on my own. We get to share every class.”
Lucas nodded. That was a sliver of solace to hold onto, that at least he had Mika. Mika understood him, and he had learnt to enjoy spending time with her. They had seen each other quite a bit over the holidays: Mika’s mother was best friends with Asher’s mother so she was often over at Asher’s house, Lucas joining them when he could. Even Tom came along sometimes as his deeply hidden confidence began to unfurl itself, allowing himself to speak up when the four of them were alone.
“Do you know anyone else?” he asked, staring at the form list. Mika pursed her lips.
“Nope,” she said. From their class of twenty-five at St Mary’s, thirteen had moved on up to St Matthew’s with other children either moving away or heading to other schools in the area. With five different Year Seven forms, there were only two or three children from Lucas’s school in each class and as much as it hurt that Asher wasn’t with him, he found a way to thank his lucky stars that he had Mika.
At the end of the assembly, Lucas ignored instructions to head to his classroom: he made a beeline for Asher, whose face fell when he spotted his friend.
“Hey,” he said. “You’re not in my class. That sucks.”
Lucas nodded. He was well aware of how rubbish the situation was. “Who’s class are you in?” he asked. “Where’s your timetable?”
“I’m in 7MM,” Asher said. “Set three for maths and set four for English.”
Lucas’s heart deflated a little more. “We don’t have anything together,” he said, the corners of his mouth dropping down. “Are you with anyone?”
“Adler,” Asher said. “She’s in my form, and she’s set two for maths and English, I think.”
Lucas gritted his jaw and tried not to let his raging jealousy take over. At least he wouldn’t have any lessons with her, he thought, though Asher would share all but two. “Who’s MM?” he asked, pointing at the form sheet.
“I don’t know.” Asher frowned, squinting at the sheet for a moment. “Oh. Mrs Martin. I don’t know who that is.”
“Oh, that’s my auntie!” Lucas cried out, scanning the room. He caught a glimpse of the back of his aunt’s head, black hair swishing over her shoulders as she walked. “My aunt, Martha.”
Asher’s face lit up. “Woah, seriously? I didn’t realise.”
Lucas wished he could switch places with Adler, that he could be in a form with his best friend and his aunt rather than a teacher he had never even heard of, but he couldn’t wallow in pity for too long before he was told to head to his new classroom. He reluctantly dragged himself away from Asher, watching as he caught up with Adler, and he returned to Mika.
“We have to find room A32,” she said, looking at the map of the school on the inside cover of the school journal they had all been given. Everyone had scampered out of the hall to find their teachers and classrooms, the two of them the only ones left.
“Where is it?”
She looked up at him and she laughed. “I have no idea.”
*
There were no proper lessons all day. The morning had kicked off with a long form period when Lucas’s new form tutor, Mr Finney, had gone through all of the school rules and played a few name games with the students. With ten primary schools in the catchment area, most of the children only knew one or two others in the class and although Lucas had hated having to go round in a circle and say his name, he liked being able to put the names on his sheet to the faces in his class. He hadn’t, however, liked having to give a fact.
Lucas had a lot of facts. His brain was a fountain of useless knowledge, but when he was put on the spot, everything remotely interesting fell out. He had sat there and muttered that his name was Lucas Flores, having adopted Langley as an extra middle name when his mother had married – though he would answer to Lucas Song – and he had five sisters. Mika had no such trouble, a bubbling ray of sunshine beside him who had introduced herself as Sumika Tanaka-Nakamara and laughed at people’s bewilderment before telling them to just call her Mika. That was me-ka not my-ka, she had specified when Mr Finney had added her name to the board, and she spoke fluent Japanese.
After the awkward morning of introductions and the odd game, the teacher had taken them on a tour of the school before beginning a round of scheduled talks from various heads of department. Lucas had struggled to focus in those sessions, his mind wandering to what the next seven years would be like. He had suffered through lunch time when they’d had to stay with their form groups, talking to Mika to take his mind off the fact that he felt completely out of his depth.
Sarah had arranged to be outside the school gates at ten past four, the usual arrangement she and Truman had with Audrie when she didn’t have any after school activities. Lucas was counting down the minutes until that time, willing the clock to hit four. The seconds dragged, his mind overwhelmed with the bombardment of information, and all he wanted to do was sling his bag over his shoulder and run home. But when the final bell rang and the other students in 7CF started to disperse, a tap on his shoulder stopped him. He flinched at the unexpected contact, whipping around to see Mr Finney smiling down at him. He had a kind face, his features vaguely familiar.
“Lucas,” he said once everyone else had disappeared. Mika left with a wave and a grin for Lucas, her ponytail bobbing against her bag as she had headed off. “Do you have a minute?”
Lucas looked up at the clock. He had nineteen minutes. He nodded.
“Here, take a seat.” Mr Finney pulled out a seat and he perched on the edge of his desk, his feet tapping on the floor and his hands clasped in front of himself. “You’re Audrie’s brother, right?”
“Yes, Sir.” He sat on the edge of his seat, paranoid that he was somehow in trouble on his very first day.
“You can relax,” Mr Finney said with a smile. He had a nice tone to his voice. It matched his woolly hair and his stubble. “I just wanted to make sure you know that I’m here to help you, whatever you need. My job is to make sure you’re doing well and you’re feeling well. I want to be able to do whatever I can to help you with your transition to high school – I know it can be a difficult time but I’ve worked her for … ooh, coming up for thirty years now, and I know it can be pretty fabulous too.”
Lucas sat on his hands and nodded. He didn’t need to wonder why he had been pulled aside, of all the children in his class. His school record had him down as a special-measures child, a student with special needs, and he wondered if Audrie had said something too. Maybe even Maddie had added something to his file.
“How did you find today?”
“Scary,” he said. “It’s … big.”
“It’s a big school, yeah,” Mr Finney said. “You went to St Mary’s, didn’t you? That’s a pretty small school. But don’t worry, you’ll figure it out before you know it, and I’m sure Audrie can give you a hand.” He reached behind himself, pulling out the drawer of his desk and taking out a couple of stress balls. He squeezed one and raised his eyebrows at Lucas. “Want one?”
Lucas caught it when Mr Finney threw it to him. After a couple of seconds, he realised it was oddly satisfying to squeeze the ball that was emblazoned with the school logo. “Can I keep this?”
“Oh yeah, of course,” his teacher said. “I find it can really help sometimes, especially if you feel like you need to just take five and recentre yourself. My daughter always has one on her – she told me to keep a supply here, actually.”
“Does she go here?”
“No, no, not anymore. She’s twenty-three now; she just got her master’s,” he said. “I don’t mean to keep you hanging around, Lucas, I just wanted to check in and make sure you know that I have your best interests at heart and I’m here if you ever have any questions. You’ve got your school planner now, haven’t you? And your school email address?”
Lucas took the planner out of his bag and nodded. He passed it over when the teacher beckoned for him to do so.
“That’s my school email,” he said, writing it in big, clear writing in the journal page dedicated to important contacts. “You can email me there any time you need and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible, even if you just have a little question. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me – or any of your teachers – whenever you need to. I’m always either in here or in the staff room at lunch and break.” He gave Lucas a warm, encouraging smile. “I want us to work together to make this a really awesome time for you, Lucas. Do you think we can do that?”
Lucas nodded. He wanted to believe his teacher, who seemed so confident. “I think so.”
“Fantastic. Have you got a lift home?”
“My mum’s picking me up at the gates,” he said.
“Great. Listen, I’m heading down that way so I’ll walk you down.” He dropped down from the desk and pulled on his jacket, slinging his satchel over his shoulder. He wasn’t as scary as Lucas had feared high school teachers might be, some of his fears smoothed over by the smiling man. “So, five sisters, huh? Your house must be pretty crazy.”
“We don’t all live together,” Lucas said. “Issy and Tilly are my half sisters who live with my dad and my step-mum and I live with Fliss, Liliana and Audrie most of the time. And my mum and my step-dad.” He didn’t ordinarily speak so much but he felt as though he was unblocking a plug, even just by discussing minutiae with his new teacher.
“Ah, ok, I’ve got you.” Mr Finney pushed open the heavy front door, leading Lucas to the quad and the gates beyond it. “I take it it’s just you and Audrie here, is it? Your other sisters are younger?”
“Yes. Issy’s five; Tilly and Liliana are four and Felicity is one.” He lifted his head and when he spotted his mother standing outside her car with Felicity on her hip, he had to fight down the urge to run over to her. He was in high school now: he didn’t want to seem like a baby, but he couldn’t wait to get home. Sarah broke into a grin when she saw him, shifting Felicity over to her other hip to welcome Lucas into a hug.
“Hey, baby! How was your first day?”
“Ok,” he said. He couldn’t say otherwise when his teacher was standing right behind him. Sarah held out her hand to him before she laughed.
“Oh! Kit! Hi,” she said, stretching up to hug Mr Finney. Lucas frowned as he watched the embrace.
“Hey, Sarah,” the teacher said. “I’m … well, I’m ashamed that I’m only just making the connection. God, as if you have a son in high school.”
“Lucas is in your class?” Sarah asked. Mr Finney nodded, raking his hand through his hair.
“He is indeed. I think we had a pretty good start to the year, don’t you, Lucas?”
Lucas nodded and turned to his mother. “You know Mr Finney?”
Sarah laughed and nodded, swaying her daughter. “He used to babysit me, way back when I was Liliana’s age. Wow. Time flies.”
Mr Finney shook his head to himself. “Bree and I literally had lunch with your parents last week – your mum even told me to keep an eye out for her grandson. First day of term and my brain’s already fried.”
“Who’s Bree?” Lucas asked, the question directed at his mother though it was his teacher who answered.
“My wife,” he said. “She and your granny are best friends.” He cocked his head at Sarah. “I can’t believe how out of the loop I am. I didn’t even realise you were Audrie’s mum.”
Sarah smiled, letting Felicity down to the floor and holding onto her hand. She had just learned to walk and she liked to wander. “Her dad and I got married … five years ago, now. He usually does pick-up though.”
Lucas took Felicity’s hand, diverting his attention to his little sister while his mother and his teacher played catch-up. A few minutes later, Audrie raced over to the car with a huff, panting when she came to a stop.
“Hey!” she said, hauling her bag into the boot. “I was worried you’d gone without me, oh my goodness, I’m so late.”
“Mum’s talking to Mr Finney,” Lucas said. Audrie glanced over. “He’s my form tutor.”
“He is? That’s awesome!” she said. “He’s one of my all-time favourite teachers. Oh, I’m so glad you’ve got him. And what about Asher?”
Lucas shook his head. “We don’t have anything together at all.”
Audrie sighed. “Damn. That sucks. I’m sorry,” she said with a wince. “Do you know anyone in your class at least?”
“Mika. We have everything together.”
“There you go! That’s great. And you’re not crying, which is a bonus. It was ok?”
“It was ok. But Asher and Adler are in the same class.”
She snorted, shaking her head. “Maybe he can whip her into shape,” she said, slamming the boot. “Don’t worry about it. And this class is only for two years anyway. Everyone gets moved around before Year Nine and you can put down a couple of friends you want to be with.”
Lucas’s heart lifted, his interest piqued. “Really?”
“Yeah! That’s not that long, really. You’re gonna be fine.”
After a few minutes, Mr Finney waved to both Lucas and Audrie before he jogged across the road to a car that was waiting for him, his wife waving to Sarah as she drove away. Sarah turned to Lucas, pulling him into the tightest hug.
“I’m so proud of you, Lucas,” she said. “How was it?”
He recounted his day as they got into the car, sitting next to Felicity and playing with her hands as he talked. He spared no detail, giving an account of every minute of the day until he ran out of words and dropped his head back against the headrest.
“That’s wonderful, hun,” Sarah said. “I know you wanted to be with Asher but I think this will be really good for you – you get to meet some new people and you’ve got Mika too, and Kit is such a lovely man.”
“Mr Finney,” Lucas corrected. Sarah chuckled.
“I’m so glad it went ok, baby. I really am so proud of you. Are you excited for tomorrow?”
“No,” he said. Excited was far too optimistic a word, but he wasn’t dreading having to get up in the morning as much as he had been last night. His worst case scenario had come true – he didn’t share a single lesson with Asher – but Audrie was right. It wasn’t the end of the world. It just meant that the moments they did share meant even more.
+ – + – +
throwback to my first day of high school when i didn’t know a single person and managed to get locked out of the school because no-one told me the door codes (also shoutout to the sixth formers who gave me the wrong directions when i got lost again and made me hella late for p.e.).
also, hello to felicity (who isn’t quite as old as her cast pic in this chapter, but she will be soon and she’s too cute for me not to share) fun fact – she and the cast for liliana are sisters in real life!
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