(Hockey Bxb) Whistle In The Wind -𝐈𝐗-

╔══《”I’ll feel like throwing up,》══╗
you’ll sit and stare like a goddamn machine.”

       The first time Váli was shoved, he was three. He was playing in the sandbox at the local park. He was alone, and minding his business. Suddenly, a boy–around his age–with a shaved head, a red t-shirt, basketball shorts, and light up sketchers, came over.

       Váli was smiling and laughing as he waved his arm around while holding a toy airplane. “Crash landing!” he cheered as he steered the plane into a pile of sand. The pile exploded, launching sand all over Váli. It was stuck to his face, caught in his hair, and caked on his clothes.

       Váli paid no mind to the mess, instead reaching for a bulldozer toy once he had gotten bored of the airplane. “Is this yours?” the boy with the shaved blonde hair spoke up. He held up the toy airplane. It was bright red, with blue wings.

       “Yes!” Váli replied, reaching to grab it out of the boy’s hand. As he reached though, the older boy dodged. Váli came tumbling to the sand, losing balance. When he looked up at the boy again, Váli saw the smirk on his face. 

       He held the toy over the smaller boy’s head, taunting him. Every time Váli reached for it, the boy in the red t-shirt would avoid his grasp.

       “I was just asking because it’s a pretty cool toy.” Váli paused, nodding slowly, unsure of what to do. “I was just thinking, since it’s such a cool toy, that I could just have it!” he thrilled.

       Immediately, Váli paled. Shaking his head no rapidly, Váli rose on his feet. His legs trembled on the uneven ground. “Come on, just give it to me. It’ll be easier if you do.” Standing his ground, Váli faced the scary boy.

       However, at his full height, it was obvious that Váli stood no chance. Not only was the shaven headed kid obviously older, but he was larger too. Váli had yet to respond, as if his voice had been stolen right out of his throat.

       Every time he opened his mouth to speak, his throat turned dry, not letting a single word pass through. “Cat got your tongue?” the boy taunted once more. At that moment, when he had let his guard down, Váli grabbed for the toy.

       In the blink of an eye, Váli was holding the plastic plane again. Yay! He thought, looking at the toy with a smile. Suddenly, a heavy force shoved him to the ground. Sharp pain cpursed through his hands, his eyes closing shut and the toy being ripped from his prying fingers.

       It wasn’t until he opened his eyes, the boy in the light up sketchers long gone, that Váli realized he landed on the bulldozer toy he was previously playing with. The sharp plastic edges had broken the skin on his hands.

       In a daze, Váli stared at the wound. Not once did he make a sound. He didn’t cry, didn’t scream out. He didn’t yell for help. Instead, he stood up, brushed the sand off his pants, and walked out of the pit.

       He walked, and walked. No supervising parents seemed to notice him walking. He continued to walk. He walked for what felt like miles to him, but in reality wasn’t more than the distance across the park with his short legs. After he had grown tired from the marathon he imagined he walked, Váli laid down by a secluded tree.

       The wispy willow branches swung in the wind, and he watched with wide eyes in mesmerization. Here, he sat, awe-struck under the swaying branches, that filtered the sunlight to speckles of gold, for the rest of the afternoon. When he awoke much later, he was back in his room, snuggled under the covers.

…

       By the time Aksel had gotten home, the sun had long set. It was well into the night, so he quietly walked up stairs to avoid waking anybody up. Luckily for him, Váli knew he would get little sleep regardless of whether Aksel tip-toed or stomped up the stairs.

       As he passed Váli door, laughter followed him. Bubbly and warm, the sound forced the corners of Váli’s mouth to turn up. Currently, he was curled up in bed under three blankets, paying no mind to his throbbing head. 

       His gaze was fixated on his phone in front of him. On it, he intently watched season 7, episode 14 of Criminal Minds. Engrossed in the episode, he swiped any notification away without a second glance. Only the sound of his mothers voice broke his trance, causing him to sit up in bed and pause the episode.

       In a desperate attempt to eavesdrop, Váli pressed his ear to the hallway wall. “Hello dear! How was your play-date?” she asked happily.

       “Mom! I didn’t know you were still awake,” Aksel replied, his voice upbeat.

       “I was just staying up until you returned home, just in case.”

       “I see! And it was fun! We mainly played video games and hung out. You gotta see Luc again while you’re still in town,” Aksel commented. Vál knew his brother was smiling, even if he could not see his face. 

       “I’ll try to make time for it, dear. How about you head to bed now,” she requested.

       “Okay! Goodnight mom! Love ya,” Aksel stated.

       “Sleep tight. Love you too sønn (son).” The sound of footsteps followed. Váli listened, hearing the quiet closing of Aksel’s door, and the loud shut of his mothers.

       Rolling over in bed, Váli discarded his phone. He pulled the blankets over his head. His hands trembled, but he refused to give in, to let her win. His body, weak with exhaustion, couldn’t resist the drowsiness of sleep. But even in his slumber, Váli could not escape…

…

       “Ugh!” Váli groaned, falling again. His ankle had worsened to the point where even simple spins or jumps left him in a heap on the ice. His hands were red and tender, and his chest heaved. He was tired, exhausted to the brink of collapse. The last of his energy being spent on his frustration, Váli slapped his hands against the ice over and over again.

       The hoodie he was wearing felt too hot, and sweat drenched the hair at the nape of his neck. To make matters worse, Luc still wasn’t allowed to skate. Because of this, no laughter filled the rink. With no laughter for Váli to ground himself with, his mind slipped further and further into a dysfunctional state. 

       His arms shook, and he involuntarily began blinking rapidly. Stop it! You’re stronger than this. You’re overreacting, don’t cry over nothing.

       Slapping both hands on both his cheeks one final time, Váli gathered the strength to stand. His skates wobbled, and he felt unsteady on the blades. His heart thumped. Despite how many years had passed, he felt like a little boy again, learning to skate for the first time.

       As he slowly made his way to the wall, Váli shivered with every glide of his blades. He could imagine it, his mothers presence watching over him skate. He could see it, the stern look on her face, the chill in her voice.

       Collapsing onto the wall, Váli scooted over to the door. His body felt frail, like he could be picked up and tossed around as easy as a child. He knew he had gotten stronger, but he still felt powerless.

       The cold bathroom floor welcomed Vál as he laid down, finally losing all feeling in his limbs. His visions blackened, if only for a second before the bright fluorescent light blinded him again. Dirtied was the floor he sat on, but he couldn’t find it in his pathetic mind to care as he placed his cheek against the tile. 

       When Váli awoke again, he was in a moving car. It was obvious that Aksel must’ve found him passed out. But, as he looked around and readjusted, his brother made no move to question him. His eyes remained ahead, and his jaw remained tensed.

       Váli didn’t mind though, appreciating the silence from his typically chatty brother. Aksel wouldn’t have passed out on a bathroom floor. He thought. I am weak. Weak enough to faint over nothing. It was stupid, and Váli knew it.

       Sighing, the blond placed his head back on the window, listening to the rattle of the car. The images of houses and trees blurred by as they sped down the streets of town. The town in which Váli had spent his whole life in, despite it never quite feeling like home. As he looked around, Váli recognized all the street names and all the buildings.

       He knew this place. But it didn’t know him. This town wasn’t comforting, not to him. Where the average person might see any building and have fond memories of it, Váli had torments of opposite proportion.

       Váli considered the rink to be one of the only places where he felt he fit in. But after today, he knew he would shudder each time he drove past it. A new memory replacing the happy ones. Happy. The word felt wrong for Váli to use. 

       The rink didn’t make him happy. It made him frustrated when he couldn’t get a skill down. It made him sad when he didn’t win competitions. He was happy when he won, he supposed. He was happy because winning meant he succeeded in something. Winning meant he had something to show for his efforts, something to tell his mom that would make her like him.

       Is that what happiness is? He questioned to himself. He labeled it as happiness in his mind, because that was what he believed happiness to be. While glancing over at his brother once more, Váli furrowed his brow. 

       Aksel always laughs, he always smiles. Váli frowned. Is that what being happy is? To smile and laugh? Váli tried it, putting a smile on his face. But instead of serotonin, he only felt the dull ache in his cheeks as he stretched his mouth. 

       Smiling kinda hurts. Why do people do it anyway? Váli gave up, shaking his head in frustration. He supposed, that if he was Aksel, he would smile and laugh too. Váli felt jealous, and the feeling left a sour taste of guilt behind whenever the thought lingered in his mind for a second too long. 

       Whenever he saw Aksel with his friends, he wished it were him. He often finds himself wishing he was born first, though he would never wish his life onto Aksel in exchange. Maybe if I was born into a different family I would understand. A family where I was the only kid…He pondered, figuring the issue had to have been due to parents universally wanting only one kid.

       Aksel pulled into their driveway, the sound of the car engine shutting off awakening Váli from his daydream. Before Váli could consider starting a conversation, Aksel was gone. His car door had slammed, and the front door had already been swung open.

       Rushing after him, Váli found the energy to run inside. “How was practice?” a voice called from the couch.

       “Mine was fine,” Aksel replied dully, the energy in his voice non-existent. “Váli pa–“

       “Mine was fine too,” Vál interrupted in a hurry. Upon being cut off, Aksel swung his head around to stare at his brother. His gaze was one of confusion, and anger.

        Before Aksel could say another word, his mother responded, “That’s good to hear. I had a good day at work too.” When saying this, she stared at Váli. It was as if she were indirectly saying you’re lucky I had a good day. Váli nodded slowly, not registering that Aksel was still staring at his face.

       When their mother, who had turned her body to speak to the boys, returned her gaze to the television, Váli wasted no time in scampering toward the stairs. Aksel followed behind, keeping up with his rushing brother.

       At the top of the stairs, Aksel grabbed his brother’s wrist, forcing Váli to look him in the eyes. “What was that all about?” Aksel whisper-yelled, his voice trailing off as he noticed Váli’s teeth pulling his trembling bottom lip into his mouth.

       Without saying a word in response, Váli yanked his arm out of his brother’s harsh grasp. His door slammed behind him, leaving Aksel alone and confused in the hallway. What just happened?

Question of the chapter: What’s your favorite sport to play or watch? 

╚══《Word count- 2,093》══╝

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