The four brief words left Shang Can bewildered; it took her quite some time to fully understand what Yun Duan had said.
Even now, as events had already unfolded beyond her control, any further inquiries would be futile. Yet, Shang Can still grasped Yun Duan’s shoulders, gently pushing her away, her hands trembling uncontrollably. With a mix of confusion and stubbornness, she asked, “…Why?”
Yun Duan, her gaze slightly dazed, looked at her and suddenly broke into a smile, countering the question, “What else could it be?”
The answer was painfully obvious to both of them. Shang Can felt her breath grow heavy, unsure of what to say next. Yun Duan had no intention of pursuing the matter further; she simply brushed past it, straightening her swaying body with a calm demeanor. Her eyes briefly swept over Shang Can’s hesitant hand, which seemed poised to support her, before she diverted her gaze.
“If you want to discuss this matter further, feel free,” Yun Duan continued, her tone seemingly unchanged except for the heat radiating from her body and her unsteady breathing. “But the effects of the drug are coming on strong; it’s been almost half an hour since I ingested it. If we delay any longer, there may be complications.”
She spoke as if it were a trivial matter, making it hard for Shang Can to perceive that she was discussing her own condition. Alarmed, Shang Can lost her train of thought; the urgency of the situation eclipsed any desire to ask other questions. Although she knew hope was slim, she clenched her teeth and asked, “…The antidote? Since you took the drug yourself, there must be…”
Shang Can’s anxiety intensified, but the person in question remained unperturbed, her gaze full of innocence, a faint smile lingering at her lips. The mere curve of her mouth was captivating.
“This kind of drug…” Yun Duan spoke slowly, as if holding back a sigh, “What is the antidote? Doesn’t Senior Sister know?”
Shang Can was flustered by the sudden, soft address of “Senior Sister.” She could hardly focus on Yun Duan’s words; her instincts told her that they should not remain alone in the same room any longer. Steeling herself, she resumed her determination to break the chains. However, just as her gaze dropped, Yun Duan effortlessly remarked, “You promised me just a few days ago; are you really going to go back on your word?”
Feeling trapped on both ends, Shang Can had no choice but to crouch down in front of Yun Duan again, desperately trying to reason with her, stammering, “You… don’t do anything foolish. You can’t just take this kind of drug recklessly; your health isn’t good to begin with. How can you withstand such a potent drug? I’ll take you to the pharmacy and come back by myself, and we—”
“Shang Can.”
Yun Duan interrupted her mid-sentence, and the look in her eyes turned serious, though her tone remained soft and weak. “If you don’t want to, I’ll leave.”
Shang Can was taken aback and instinctively asked, “…Leave? Where will you go?”
“…”
Yun Duan’s gaze deepened, as if suppressing some restless emotion. She glanced at Shang Can before quickly averting her eyes, casually saying, “Anywhere is fine.”
As she spoke, she lowered her eyelids and quietly added, “If you don’t want me, then someone else will…”
Yun Duan didn’t get to finish her sentence before Shang Can suddenly gripped her wrist with an urgency that caught her off guard. Their eyes met, and Yun Duan found herself looking into Shang Can’s astonished and angry face, her heart, which had been forced to calm down, began to race erratically again.
“Do you even know what you’re saying?” Shang Can could hardly believe what she had just heard. She managed to restrain her emotions and the strength in her hands, pressing her voice low and angrily saying, “Even if you’re trying to provoke me, you shouldn’t say things like that! What do you mean someone else… you, you…”
In her frustration, words failed her. Shang Can held tightly onto Yun Duan’s wrist, terrified that she might actually leave, just as she had mentioned. Yun Duan looked at her with those beautiful, misty eyes, unwaveringly focused, unwilling to blink. After a moment, she slowly spoke, “You don’t want me, and you won’t let me look for someone else… Do you just want to watch me burn like this?”
“…”
All of Shang Can’s pent-up anger was forced back down. Her mind was a chaotic whirl, unable to comprehend how things had unraveled to this point. Her gaze instinctively shifted away, the sound of her heartbeat drowning out her thoughts, leaving her words fragmented: “…Why, Yun Duan… why… why between us…”
Her voice trailed off, as Yun Duan didn’t truly understand what Shang Can was trying to express. Why did it have to be like this? Why had they come to this point? Why couldn’t they coexist peacefully without forcing each other to choose?
But no matter what Shang Can wanted to say, Yun Duan’s answer remained the same; she had already made up her mind when she poured the drug down her throat.
“Shang Can.”
Yun Duan softly called her name, and when she saw the girl squatting in front of her raise her head in a daze, her eyes filled with confusion and a hint of helplessness.
But Yun Duan had no intention of giving her any way out.
“Whether it’s you or someone else,” Yun Duan stated, her voice calm to the point of being heartless, “You decide.”
What was happening?
Her neat white garment was crumpled by trembling hands, sliding off her shoulders. The fabric was haphazardly piled in her arms, resembling a handful of snow clumsily grasped.
What am I doing?
Listening to the erratic heartbeat that seemed to belong to no one, Shang Can didn’t dare lift her head. Her body felt stiff, like a puppet, and even the slightest glance made her dizzy, as if she were gazing upon eternal snow that wouldn’t melt under the moonlight.
She possessed an astonishing lack of knowledge in this regard, and Shang Can acted purely on instinct. She felt that no matter where she looked, it was wrong; every touch felt like a mistake. She wished she could cover her eyes and eliminate all her senses. Meanwhile, the person half-reclining on the edge of the bed suddenly grasped the chain, producing a crisp clink.
The chain lay at the bedside, not pulling her in, yet Shang Can unconsciously leaned toward the force she felt, her voice hoarse and raspy, startling even herself, as she asked, “…What’s wrong?”
“I want to touch something cool,” the person before her murmured, biting her lower lip. Her gaze sparkled like shattered stars, her voice trailing off in a soft lilt, “So hot.”
Wherever she looked, everything was a blinding white. Shang Can could only meet Yun Duan’s eyes, asking hesitantly, “Then… can I go get some water?”
It was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, but the person in front of her frowned in discontent, lazily lifting her hand to brush lightly against the side of Shang Can’s face, murmuring as if in a dream.
“I think… you would feel nice and cool in my arms.”
You’re lying.
Shang Can, in a daze, leaned in and embraced her, enchanted as she watched Yun Duan’s soft black hair entwine around her fingers. She felt a heat rising throughout her body, more intense than during a blazing fire, as if the very air around her was scorched and thinned out. She struggled to breathe, gasping for a bit of clarity, yet found herself helplessly engulfed in the elegant fragrance emanating from Yun Duan, unable to break free.
What to do?
No matter how much she thought about how wrong it was to be doing this in such a muddled state, she couldn’t suppress the overwhelming emotions surging from deep within. Her arms began to move of their own accord, every point of contact was soft and scorching, as if touching a cloud warmed by sunlight, making her unable to resist the urge to taste it.
The faint moans echoing in her ears seemed to urge Shang Can further along the path of losing control. After all, this was something one could easily understand without any guidance, especially when facing Yun Duan. It became increasingly reckless and uncontrollable; Shang Can felt her rationality nearly evaporate in this lavish, intoxicating dream, remembering only to kiss Yun Duan, her eyes tinged with a blush, not sure if it was from desire or something else.
What should I do? Shang Can thought fuzzily, why is she crying no matter where I touch?
No matter how gentle her movements were, she couldn’t stop Yun Duan from making a sound like she was about to cry. Shang Can gradually realized she was hopelessly drawn to such sounds, softly coaxing her while asking why she was crying. Yet her hands showed no sign of stopping, igniting shivers in Yun Duan, whose dark hair clung messily to her pale neck as Shang Can lovingly kissed it.
“…Please don’t say such things anymore…”
It was as if a long-closed door in her heart had been opened, giving Shang Can more courage. She spoke in a voice tinged with grievance, murmuring in Yun Duan’s ear: “You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t demean yourself. Not even in words.”
With no strength left in her body, Yun Duan could only bite her lip to suppress her voice. She didn’t understand how this person could do such things while speaking in such a hurt tone, but she couldn’t find the words to respond, merely shooting a glance at Shang Can. But her gaze was too soft to carry any real threat.
“Don’t do things like taking medicine on your own,” Shang Can continued, pretending not to see, growing increasingly fearful, tightening her hold on Yun Duan. “…Please don’t do anything so dangerous again, okay?”
This time, she remembered to stop her movements first. After a moment of silence, Yun Duan finally spoke: “If you’re holding me this tightly, why didn’t you say that earlier?”
Shang Can’s throat tightened. Yun Duan, restless, broke free from her embrace. Even though she quickly pulled the thin blanket over herself, Shang Can was still momentarily dazzled by the flash of snow-white skin, and she swallowed hard, unable to resist. Yun Duan, seemingly oblivious, took a deep breath and whispered, “…I’m going to do it anyway.”
Before Shang Can could say anything, Yun Duan leaned over, propping herself up with one hand on the bed, drawing close to Shang Can. Her bright, dark eyes held a complex array of emotions as she continued: “If I don’t come looking for you, do you really plan to never come looking for me?”
Yun Duan knew her words made no sense. She was the one who had tied Shang Can here, not allowing her to leave, yet now she wanted to provoke Shang Can for not taking the initiative to seek her out. She had said she hated Shang Can, and now she was forcing her to love her.
So what? It didn’t matter. In matters concerning Shang Can, Yun Duan was never one to be reasonable.
She could gamble everything, as long as she finally got what she wanted the most.
Whether it was hate or love—it could only be Shang Can. Only her.
Fortunately, Yun Duan won the bet.
She saw the guilt and anxiety quickly wash over Shang Can’s face. This person was oblivious, probably having long forgotten about how Yun Duan had chained her up, and was now helplessly attributing all the responsibility to herself, awkwardly saying it was her fault.
After repeatedly trying to explain herself, flustered and mixed up, Shang Can finally said, “I just… I thought you didn’t like it.”
Seeing Yun Duan raise an eyebrow, Shang Can belatedly realized what she had just said. In that moment, she feared Yun Duan would ask something like “What don’t you like?”—after all, they had just done that, and it would be easy for the conversation to drift in a strange direction.
After this experience, Shang Can’s mind began to clear a bit. How could she not realize Yun Duan was just saying these things out of spite? Now that she was more aware, she felt a mix of embarrassment and worry, as Yun Duan’s tearful moans seemed to linger in her ears, causing her cheeks to flush. Just as she was pondering whether asking Yun Duan if the effects of the medicine had worn off would be too forward, she suddenly found herself pulled away, and Yun Duan’s warm body pressed against her once more.
“There are many things I don’t like.”
Yun Duan’s voice floated softly by her ear, her tone distinctly proper, yet Shang Can inexplicably sensed the atmosphere thickening with a hint of intimacy.
“Just remember this one thing for today.”
Shang Can’s hand was suddenly grasped, fingers intertwining at a slow pace. The friction of their skin sent a shiver through her, causing Shang Can to stiffen involuntarily. She heard Yun Duan casually say, “I don’t like… when you’re distracted at a time like this.”
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