When Shang Can woke up, she was startled by the warm body nestled in her arms.
The sky was still dimly lit, and for some reason, she had woken up earlier than usual, even though she had stayed up late the previous night.
As her brain slowly powered up, Shang Can suddenly recalled all that had happened last night. The ambiguous and indescribable images flooded her mind, and she could almost feel her face flush with heat.
What on earth had she done?
Even though an indescribable scream echoed in her heart, Shang Can didn’t dare to move an inch. After all, the person sleeping in her arms seemed to be in deep slumber, clutching tightly at her collar. From Shang Can’s angle, she could only see a small part of Yun Duan’s face, but she could clearly feel the warmth radiating from her and the steady rhythm of her breathing against her collarbone.
Shang Can held her breath, her mind blank. Whatever had happened last night had progressed far too quickly; she and Yun Duan should not have, should not have done this. At least, they shouldn’t have acted this way at such a time, especially when so much remained unspoken between them.
She found it difficult to decipher her own emotions. There was frustration over her own lack of self-control, fear about Yun Duan’s condition after taking the medicine, and an overwhelming embarrassment that kept her from recalling the events of last night in detail. All these emotions mingled together, making Shang Can feel restless, as if she were lying on the mouth of a volcano, unable to find peace.
But in the end… she didn’t feel any regret.
After pondering for quite a while, Shang Can suddenly heard a soft murmur from the person in her arms, startling her into a tense state, and indeed, she saw Yun Duan stir slightly and then slowly open her eyes. The moisture lingering in Yun Duan’s eyes as she first woke up caught the early morning light, making them sparkle as if they contained tiny stars, reflecting Shang Can’s somewhat tense face.
Yun Duan seemed still to be waking up. She blinked slowly, confusion apparent on her features, and then suddenly leaned closer to Shang Can, as if she wanted to scrutinize her. Shang Can felt her neck stiffen, her mind racing with alarms at the invasion of her personal space. After last night, she no longer had the confidence to tease Yun Duan and was forced to break the silence first: “…You, you’re awake?”
“——”
The moment she spoke, Yun Duan halted her movement, no longer leaning closer. Shang Can’s gaze darted around, stealing glances at Yun Duan, whose eyes were slowly becoming clearer. She felt like a prisoner on death row, waiting for her sentence.
“…”
To her surprise, Yun Duan didn’t react much. After a moment, she regained her calm demeanor and softly replied, “Mm, I’m awake.”
As she spoke, Yun Duan released the grip she had on Shang Can’s collar and shifted slightly, pulling the covers aside to sit up. Dressed in a neat, white nightgown, Yun Duan raised an eyebrow in slight confusion. Before she could ponder this further, she heard Shang Can’s timid voice from beside her: “I found a change of clothes for you from what you left me last night. The one you wore… well, it’s just not really wearable anymore.”
Yun Duan froze, her ears turning crimson as she averted her gaze, her hair falling to cover her face.
Suppressing her own feelings of loss at having Yun Duan no longer in her arms, Shang Can didn’t have the luxury to pay attention to Yun Duan’s subtle reactions. Seeing Yun Duan appear so calm made her heart race; she had completely forgotten that it had initially been Yun Duan who had made advances last night. Now, she felt like she had committed a wrongdoing.
How could she have been so careless! She had torn Yun Duan’s clothes!
Yet the one whose clothes were torn seemed indifferent, merely responding with a vague “mm” as she prepared to get out of bed, leaving Shang Can perplexed about Yun Duan’s emotions. As Yun Duan stood up, Shang Can noticed a brief hesitation in her movements, followed by a slight bite of her lip in a flustered manner, before she continued to stand and walked over to the washbasin to freshen up.
Although Shang Can’s mind was still in a haze, she quickly realized the reason for Yun Duan’s hesitation. Blushing deeply, she hurriedly climbed out of bed, taking a few steps toward Yun Duan, clearing her throat awkwardly as she asked, “Are you… okay? Does it hurt?”
Even the outwardly composed Yun Duan almost dropped the towel at this question. Shang Can eagerly took it, wetting it with water and wringing it out before handing it over. It was then that she finally faced Yun Duan directly for the first time since waking up, and she clearly saw the rosy blush spreading across Yun Duan’s pale face, the originally porcelain-like ears now a vibrant red, looking quite enticing.
Realizing that her thoughts were wandering again, Shang Can hurriedly shook off her inappropriate notions, not daring to look at Yun Duan’s face. Instead, her gaze flitted to the side, only to catch a glimpse of the area near Yun Duan’s collar, which was barely concealed by the fabric—
Shang Can’s hand trembled, and she clumsily dropped the towel with a splash into the basin.
Her entire body felt hot, as if she were about to ignite. Yun Duan, evidently aware of the unusual tension, glanced over at the copper mirror before falling silent for a long moment.
Shang Can watched as Yun Duan silently tried again and again, eventually realizing that simply raising her collar wasn’t enough to hide the marks, leading her to abandon the attempt altogether. It felt as though there was irrefutable evidence against her, leaving Shang Can at a loss for words.
After a long pause, she finally heard Yun Duan let out a soft sigh. In front of the mirror, Yun Duan slowly reached up to touch the obvious marks on her pale neck. Though her tone was slightly restrained with embarrassment, there was a hint of laughter in her voice.
“…Wasn’t I the phoenix? Why does it sound like a little dog that likes to bite?”
Yun Duan’s voice was gentle and soft. Shang Can blinked in surprise, suddenly coming to her senses, her eyes widening in shock as she blurted out, “How did you know I’m a phoenix?”
Her mind was a blank; she couldn’t fathom how she had revealed anything of the sort, while Yun Duan seemed unfazed by her confusion, saying nothing further. It wasn’t until she finished grooming that Yun Duan looked at Shang Can and casually remarked, “Shouldn’t I know about your matters?”
This statement was so reasonable that Shang Can momentarily didn’t know how to respond, her thoughts a jumble. She nodded blankly, quickly feeling that there was ambiguity in her response, so she shook her head and finally said, “…You should know.”
However, it appeared that Yun Duan had no intention of revealing how she came to this knowledge. Shang Can watched as Yun Duan put on a clean outer garment and then realized that she was still just wearing a nightgown, quickly picking up the clothes she had scattered on the floor the previous night. Before she could check if they were still wearable, Yun Duan, blushing, snatched the clothes from her hands and softly said, “Don’t wear that; I’ll take it to wash.”
Shang Can nodded obediently and took the clean outfit Yun Duan handed her, putting it on hurriedly. Once again, she was wearing Yun Duan’s clothes, and the faint scent that lingered in the fabric made it hard for Shang Can to keep her composure, prompting an unexpected thought: it seemed that her entire body now carried Yun Duan’s fragrance.
Having just tasted the flavor of intimacy, Shang Can felt utterly defenseless against her chaotic thoughts. Fortunately, she still remembered her worries and cautiously moved closer to Yun Duan, asking once more, “…Is there anywhere you feel uncomfortable? Not just physically, but about the medicine you took last night… Has the effect worn off properly?”
Previously, she had deliberately avoided this topic, and now being pressed on it, Yun Duan exerted considerable effort to suppress her embarrassment, not wanting to reveal anything to the person scrutinizing her. After a long silence, she finally replied in a calm tone, “It’s been resolved, thanks to my senior sister’s help.”
“…”
The sudden mention of “senior sister” made Shang Can shudder. The politeness in Yun Duan’s words created an inexplicable distance, leaving Shang Can feeling flustered. Inappropriately, she thought to herself how fortunate it was that Yun Duan hadn’t addressed her like that last night; otherwise, she might have been so startled by the guilty feeling that her hands would shake.
Yun Duan felt like an entirely different person last night compared to this morning. Shang Can didn’t know how to respond and decided not to dwell on the issue of the address. Instead, she simply said, “…Then we should go see a doctor? I’ve heard that such medicines are potent and harmful; it’s better to be cautious.”
“…” Yun Duan pursed her lips, finally turning her head away, and spoke in a very soft voice, “In my current situation, if I show my face in front of others, it’s likely that rumors will start circulating the next day.”
Shang Can was momentarily at a loss for words, her gaze unconsciously lingering on the disaster zone at Yun Duan’s neck and collarbone. Then, trembling, she averted her eyes and awkwardly apologized, “…It’s my fault.”
She had intended to hastily brush past this ambiguous topic, but Yun Duan had no intention of letting her off the hook. She immediately pressed further, asking, “What’s wrong?”
…Naturally, it was the matter of liking to bite, but was it too inappropriate to say that aloud?
Shang Can dared not voice that thought, but she suddenly had a moment of clarity, realizing that Yun Duan seemed to imply something deeper in her question, as if she wasn’t just deliberately making things difficult for her. After hesitating for a moment, Shang Can mustered her courage and looked up, meeting Yun Duan’s cool, focused gaze that held her unwaveringly. Upon catching her eye, Yun Duan instinctively wanted to lower her gaze but stopped herself, her thin lips parting as she repeated, “Tell me, what do you think is wrong with you?”
The words carried a hint of ambiguity, but for some reason, Shang Can suddenly understood the implication behind Yun Duan’s question. She stared at Yun Duan, feeling the situation unexpectedly shift, pushing her into a place of discomfort.
Yun Duan was likely waiting for her to mention the “past.” Those events Shang Can had planned alone and the reason for her sudden departure.
To be honest, at this point, even Shang Can, despite her usual cluelessness, had realized that Yun Duan still held deep feelings for her.
So no matter how much she had wanted to persuade Yun Duan to detox last night, she had never said, “You can only do this with someone you like.” Shang Can knew that Yun Duan’s extreme behavior was a result of someone’s influence. She didn’t want Yun Duan to think she was acting out of desperation or simply going with the flow. Thus, after making up her mind, she stopped hesitating and clumsily but actively expressed her desires. After all, this was their first experience together; it shouldn’t leave Yun Duan with any painful memories.
But Shang Can also understood that Yun Duan’s feelings for her were more complex than simple love.
Last night, Shang Can was consumed by intense affection, dizzy and overwhelmed, with the person she had yearned for over the years softly leaning against her. No one could maintain any semblance of composure in such a situation. Her heart raced as if it would explode, and her gaze hazily fell on Yun Duan’s slightly parted lips, filled with a deep yearning to taste their sweetness. She finally couldn’t suppress her loving words and, in a husky voice, said, “I… actually, I—”
However, she couldn’t finish her sentence. As she leaned closer to Yun Duan, her mouth was suddenly covered by a hand, leaving her kissing the warm palm of Yun Duan. She stared in shock at those eyes that were trying to look away.
“Don’t say it.” Despite her unsteady breath, Yun Duan insisted, slightly flustered as she turned her gaze away, “…Don’t say it.”
Shang Can said nothing. She gently pulled away the trembling hand that covered her lips and softly kissed Yun Duan’s pulse.
She didn’t ask why Yun Duan couldn’t speak because Shang Can vaguely understood. In that moment, no matter what she said, it would be seen as taking advantage of the situation.
Don’t say it. Don’t say anything that would make me uncontrollably weak. Don’t let me easily think that what I lost has returned. Don’t let me forget that there are still thorns left. Don’t say it.
What should she do?
The clearer Shang Can’s thoughts became, the less she knew how to speak.
Since Yun Duan had already used this method to test her feelings, she knew that with Yun Duan’s intelligence, she would realize that Shang Can’s past actions had their reasons. Should she reveal everything? Those unspoken past events, the entangled fate, the unilateral choices—should all of it be disclosed?
Shang Can quietly tightened her hands under her sleeves, lowering her gaze to the icy cold chains extending from her ankles, silently highlighting her current predicament.
At this point in their journey, the relationship between the two had spiraled out of control. Yun Duan was clearly more exhausted than she was, like a tightly strung bowstring, at risk of snapping at any moment. Shang Can found it suddenly difficult to discern whether the answer she held was a remedy or an overdose of poison, or perhaps both.
…What should she do?
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