It seemed she saw the lotus.
When that figure appeared in her field of vision, Yu Jiu initially thought it was just another dream, like the countless nights spent with her.
It took her a long time to sluggishly realize that it seemed to be something else; everything she saw with her eyes was an accessible reality. Although the scene looked as if it were veiled in soft light, creating a hazy, dreamlike beauty, that person was actually there, existing in reality.
Her heart began to beat with a terrifying intensity, as if the blood that had stagnated for years finally surged beneath her skin, giving rise to a burning heat. But it was quickly followed by a sudden, abrupt stop.
“Wait, don’t…”
Yu Jiu instinctively let out a sound, desperately reaching for the lotus beside her. However, the moment her fingers touched the petals, they turned to ashes, resolutely falling through her fingers.
She didn’t even know when she had taken a step forward; it was only when she noticed that she was already standing on the shore. The surrounding cultivators erupted in an incoherent flurry of gasps, as if they had suddenly fallen from the quiet depths of the lake into the world of mortals. It felt immensely out of place.
“It’s really the Sect Master from the Celestial Realm…”
“…It’s a demon cultivator; everyone be careful—”
“The lotus has withered, and the spiritual energy is flowing smoothly. Could it be…”
“Were we unable to move just now because the Celestial Realm was up to something?”
Fear, doubt, and curses came from all directions, causing Yu Jiu’s head to throb painfully. For many years, she had never found herself amidst such chaotic voices. The growing irritation and murderous intent within her accumulated gradually, fueling her desire to silence these mundane souls. When she couldn’t help but channel her spiritual energy, a sharp pain shot through her.
Before she could react, she could no longer support her body. Her legs felt heavy as if they had lost all strength, and she sank to one knee. The metallic, sweet taste rising in her throat turned into a momentary act of vomiting, waves after waves, unable to stop. She looked at the large pool of dark blood before her, dazed, not realizing it was her own.
“…”
The surroundings fell into an incredible silence, as if everyone was awestruck by her transformation and dared not make a sound. Only one person’s footsteps slowly approached her, followed by a cold voice, as clear and cutting as ice.
“Yu Jiu.” The emotion in Yunduan’s heart was difficult to articulate. She thought herself to be somewhat indifferent, and when she spoke, there was a hint of relief in her tone. “You’re about to die.”
It took Yu Jiu some time to understand what Yunduan was saying. She wanted to muster a laugh at the absurdity of it all, but it didn’t come. She quickly realized that Yunduan spoke the truth; it was not anyone’s doing. The severing of her arm had nothing to do with Yunduan either; no one had done anything to her. Yu Jiu was merely deteriorating at an astonishing rate, her body like a bag torn wide open, with spiritual energy leaking out, and her meridians tangled into chaos.
Yu Jiu did not look up. She kept her head bowed, glancing around. Her eyes seemed to have lost their vibrancy, ultimately landing on the ground in front of her.
There was nowhere to be found. That swath of red skirt was nowhere to be seen.
Uncertain if she had concluded that Yu Jiu posed no threat, Yunduan stood before her without making a move. She didn’t draw her sword to take her life, nor did she reprimand her for her actions. Yunduan simply stood there quietly, as if waiting for her to speak.
For reasons unknown, Yu Jiu couldn’t help but ask, “Aren’t you going to stab me again?”
“…” Yunduan didn’t respond directly, but countered, “You look like you know why you suddenly became this way.”
It could hardly be called knowing, Yu Jiu thought. She just felt it was inconsequential.
Just like many things in this world, the reasons were often trivial, regardless of how sudden or illogical they were. People only saw the final results, like the last domino falling, and by the time they saw it, it was already too late to do anything.
“Where is Shang Can?” Yu Jiu suddenly asked, as if they were playing a game of charades, neither answering the questions posed by the other, only throwing out new ones. “Did she really leave you standing here so unguarded?”
“She doesn’t trust you.” Surprisingly, Yunduan answered calmly this time. Her formerly indifferent tone softened when mentioning her lover’s name. “That’s why A Can didn’t retreat too far. Don’t move recklessly; otherwise, her attack will come swiftly.”
It sounded like a threat, but Yu Jiu could tell that Yunduan meant no harm. She was merely stating facts. The one being protected was open and at ease, making Yu Jiu unable to suppress a few dry laughs.
“…How long do you think you two can be together?”
The unspeakable darkness crept forth again. Yu Jiu knew she must look like a lost dog barking randomly, yet she couldn’t stop herself from blurt-ing out, “After today, my matters can no longer be concealed. Shang Can’s identity will also be revealed to the world. Within half a day, rumors about the Celestial Monarch and the demon cultivator Shang Can will spread through the streets and alleys. Such vile words will only multiply!”
She fought through the intense pain coursing through her body and looked up. However, the young cultivator she saw speaking of that foreseeable future remained indifferent, like a jade statue untouched by worldly matters. The cold gaze from her dark eyes held none of the fear or hesitation Yu Jiu had imagined, only igniting her anger even further.
“Immaculate Celestial Body, why…” Yu Jiu’s voice involuntarily rose. “Why! You should know this is a path full of thorns, a matter of right and wrong, an unachievable task! Just one step, it’s only one step! You could clearly walk a more comfortable road, becoming a revered leader in the entire cultivation world! Why…!”
The person before her remained unmoved, standing straight like green bamboo. She opened her lips slightly and said, “You know why.”
Nearly overwhelmed by dark emotions, Yu Jiu shouted back hoarsely, “I don’t know!”
“You do know.” The tone finally changed, and Yunduan’s indifferent gaze bore down on her. “Just like no matter how you insist that you want to eliminate the rising star cultivators from other sects for the Celestial Realm, deep down, you should understand that even if the reasons for acting against others are like that, your reasons for wanting to kill me and Shang Can are far from it.”
“Self-interest. It’s merely your self-interest.” With an icy tone, Yunduan continued, “It’s just that you’re unwilling to realize that there is indeed another path at this moment, unwilling to see others, who behave differently from you, find joy, and unwilling to admit that I did what you failed to do back then, while the ones who are heartbroken now aren’t me.”
The hand supporting her body unconsciously pressed harder into the ground, her fingers digging deep into the earth. Yu Jiu’s chest heaved violently, her eyes bloodshot as she hissed, “You…”
“The Sect Master of the Celestial Realm.”
Just as she uttered a syllable, she was interrupted. Yunduan showed no inclination to hear her continue; she lightly inhaled, her gaze lowered as she said, “Is Qin Yi completely under your control? Whose idea was it to place the Heart Lotus into the sealing barrier of the Ghost Realm before confronting Shang Can?”
“Is it truly just the selfish desires of the temporary Sect Master, Jun Yu, that have allowed the barrier of the Ghost Realm to be broken and the passage opened for so many years without sealing?”
“Creating such a puppet while not daring to face her directly, fooling herself into having her wear a mask, and insisting everyone call her Qing Lian Jun—”
To see such an expression on Yunduan’s face was rare; it was cold and fierce, laced with anger, and utterly merciless. Her words dripped with a chilling tone as she slowly enunciated, “If I were to ask you the reason for these matters, would you also say, you don’t know?”
“——”
All the pent-up violence and killing intent peaked at this moment, only to suddenly deflate like a balloon with a hole in it. Yu Jiu’s strained gaze fell limply to the ground as she stared blankly, murmuring to herself.
“…I don’t know, I just don’t know.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing; I just feel like…”
She slowly pulled her fingers out of the ground, which were now stained with blood, and in a daze, she suddenly recalled the woman in the red dress whose fingers became transparent under the sunlight.
“…If she is really just Qinglian Jun,” Yu Jiu murmured as if in a dream, “then I could…”
This feeling of being on the brink of death was one she had experienced over thirty years ago.
Not long ago, she was still the esteemed leader of the Tianwaitian sect, renowned as the first cultivator in the world, but one day, she returned to the sect in a woeful state, covered in injuries, and within days, she weakened at an alarming rate.
The entire Tianwaitian sect was shaken, with many respected cultivators and physicians arriving one after another. Looking back now, a large part of the reason must have been the serious injuries she sustained during a recent conflict, compounded by her refusal to accept treatment from Jilian. Instead of asking for help, she stubbornly undid the bandages Jilian had carefully applied, making a mess of her wounds once more, and it was only natural that her condition worsened.
But it wasn’t just that. When Yu Jiu lay in bed, dazed and feverish, she vaguely heard some cultivators saying that it seemed she had developed a heart demon.
A heart demon, where could such a thing come from? Yu Jiu thought blankly, ah, where else could it come from?
She couldn’t remember much about what happened afterward. Her wounds healed quickly, and she acted as if everything was fine while coexisting with the heart demon. How long did this last? A few months? Half a year? A year or even more? She never mentioned it to anyone, nor did she see Jilian again.
After all, the former “Qinglian Jun” only interacted with her privately; no one would bring her up in front of Yu Jiu. Sometimes, she thought this was quite good. It was just sleepless nights, just mental exhaustion, just the fear of looking at the lotus that she personally offered as a symbol of Tianwaitian; it was all quite good, very good. After all, she was the leader of Tianwaitian.
But the heart demon truly existed, gnawing away at her during every unguarded night. Yu Jiu finally began to feel powerless, just like that night years ago when she stumbled back to the sect, injured by the heart demon, feeling as if she was on the brink of death. In a daze, she thought that the shadow she saw in the daytime was merely a woman in a red dress; how could she have mistaken it?
And the real person suddenly appeared that night. She was just as she always was. She was radiant.
In that moment, Yu Jiu sadly realized that this was her heart demon.
After getting to know Jilian, Yu Jiu found she disliked Jilian in the red dress. The vibrant red was too dazzling, blending seamlessly with the same color blood, making it hard for her to realize she had done such a thing. It felt as if everything could still be salvaged, but the warmth in her arms unambiguously dissipated.
Having clearly eliminated the heart demon, yet even breathing felt excruciating. Yu Jiu stumbled towards Qinglian Lake, initially wanting to ask about her heart. She was struggling to discern whether her Dao heart still truly existed. Clumsily, she landed on a lotus leaf, just as she took a deep breath, only to suddenly see the water’s surface bloom with lotus flowers in an instant.
She was trapped here, unable to take another step.
“Though she never said it, I guess…” Yun Duan’s voice rang out again, softly sighing, “…the medicine she made at the end was meant for you, right?”
Yu Jiu blankly lifted her head. She wanted to ask what medicine it was, but the words caught in her throat and she couldn’t make a sound. She realized that true death was drawing near, yet her mind remained muddled.
This should be a continuation of that death from years ago. After all, her body had returned to normal after her “closed-door retreat.” Except for her inability to move freely, she was no different from her peak state. Yu Jiu always thought this was because she had eliminated the heart demon, but if that were the case, then why was she suddenly collapsing like this?
Those lotus flowers, those lotus flowers that hadn’t wilted for decades—what were they for? Where did they come from?
Without reason, Yu Jiu suddenly laughed. The scene before her blurred into a haze, with only that figure, which no longer existed anywhere, remaining clear—dressed in red, with snow-white skin, stunningly beautiful, reminiscent of every past encounter that always made her heart race.
Yet this time, until the very end, Jilian never once looked her way.
“…I see.” Yu Jiu smiled faintly, quietly saying, “Yun Duan, I truly… envy you.”
Yu Jiu closed her eyes. Just before her thoughts vanished, she clearly and deeply realized that she would become a lost soul wandering by the river of oblivion, not knowing how many days and nights she would waste away. Yet, she would never have the chance to see her again.
Like a line that only crossed once, she took with her all the flowers and brilliant spring days from Yu Jiu’s memories, never looking back again.
Comment