If You Devour Poison / Doku Wo Kurawaba Sara Made Chapter 20: Gardenia

Jolga opened his eyes wide in shock.

“Wh… th…”

“Why?” That’s all he wanted to ask.
Yet, all that came out of his mouth was unintelligible gibberish.
I took another deep breath. My fingers interlaced as I placed my hand on my thigh, and. slowly opened my eyes. I saw Jolga staring down at me as if I were prey.

“Yurikano hated me.”

I deliberately muttered while blurring the boundaries between true and false of the past.
As if it were a sign of my regret and atonement.
As if I were a man that had accepted even her sins.

“That’s why I wanted to wait. I wanted to wait till the day her heart opened up to mine and I would make her happy. She and I were still young and it would have been fine even if we had children a little late.”
“…”
“I came to know of her pregnancy from the doctor who examined her when she fell sick. Even my mind had gone blank. Before I could even question her, she confessed that the father of the child in her belly was yours. ’I don’t care if you imprison me. I only want you to save this child; I want him to be born. Please, I beg of you,’ she said.”
“Th-That…”

As Jolga spoke, I let out a low, self-deprecating laugh.

“Looking back…Yurikano did have the advantage. I loved her and thus treasured her. Because she said that she did not want to go out with me, I didn’t force her to show her face in high society either. I gave her everything she wished for. I wanted Yurikano… to love me.”
“…”
“She must have known that me being like that would never hurt a child birthed by her, even if it were from another man’s seed. Well, she certainly got that right.”
“Did… you…”

With the words stuck in his throat, Jolga clenched his hand into a fist and struck himself hard on his sternum. Glaring at me as if I were the one at fault, he spat out the words in his heart.

“If… you loved Yurikano…that much…! Why did you… tear us apart!? You knew… that Yurikano and I were deeply in love!”
“…”
“We had planned our wedding the next year and didn’t doubt our future one bit. Just how much did you want us to despair… !? We even thought of eloping. We even thought of a double suicide. But when we thought of our family and the people under us, we were unable to go through with the final step…!”
“It didn’t hold any particularly deep meaning.”
“What!?”

Seeing Jolga subconsciously reach for his sword, Morino panicked and grabbed his sleeve.

“When I saw Yurikano for the first time at the ball, I wanted her. I had the power to get her. That’s all it was.”
“You bastard…!”
“Sir Jolga! Cease your actions!”

Enraged, Jolga stood up to grab me by my collar when my butler, Thomas, came between the two of us.

“Thomas…!?”
“Please, calm down, Sir Jolga. He had his reasons. By marrying her, Master saved Lady Yurikano from the clutches of the devil.”
“Wha…?”

In front of the surprised gazes Jolga and I, who skillfully made myself appear stiff, Thomas took out a single sheet of paper. The sealed letter had been opened with a paper-knife, and its paper crumpled, betraying the countless times its contents had been repeatedly read. It was an old letter and I held my breath, and keeping an air of nonchalance, glared at Thomas with loathing.

“I told you to burn it!”
“Forgive me, Master. Please leave the scolding for later. You can punish me however you want.”
“What… is that…?”
“It’s a personal letter! It has nothing to do with you!”
“Please do not lie, Master. Sir Jolga isn’t that weak to have Master take all the bad reputation just to protect him.”
“What… do you… mean?”

Powerlessly letting go of Jolga’s arm, Morino took the sealed letter from Thomas.
He began to run his eyes over the sheets of paper he pulled out from the envelope. After reading through it, he could only say ‘No way.’ with a trembling voice.
What a useful butler and Prime Minister for [Me].

“Morino…?”

It’s a letter addressed to Lord Anderheim from Yurikano’s father, the late Count Lisette. It’s a plea from him to make Lady Yurikano his wife, to protect her.

“What…!?”
“Sir Jolga… while it is true that Master saw Lady Yurikano for the first time at the ball, and she already had you, Master had no intentions of tearing apart a pair of true lovers.”
“No… way. Then… why…?”
“Muslo the Vile.”

The one Morino named was the former Finance Minister, who abruptly died ten years ago. He shared the reputation of being wicked together with Prime Minister Anderheim, and was called ‘The Vile One’. He succeeded the seat of the Finance Minister from his father. Making use of his power, he illegally amassed a fortune and would forcibly take away any young maiden that caught his eye. He would bring them his territory, only to defile them and toy with them as he liked, only to later throw them away like a used piece of cloth.

“Master wasn’t the only one who saw Lady Yurikano for the first time at the ball. The Vile Muslo had also been enraptured by Lady Yurikano’s beauty and wished to make her his.”
“Tsk.”

Jolga was at a loss for words, while I quietly clicked my tongue, as if to say I did not want Jolga to know of this.
In the letter from Count Lisette, he wrote that he was accused of crimes he did not commit and was burdened with a huge debt. Muslo was forcing him to offer his daughter as a mistress in return for taking care of his territory.

“Muslo had an enormous influence at that time. The only one superior in power and social status, other than the King himself, was Lord Anderheim.”

The letter from Count Lisette was the real deal and was not tampered with.
To outsiders, Muslo and I, who were the then Finance Minister and Prime Minister respectively, must have seemed like hostile enemies both vying for absolute power in the kingdom. The truth was that we were complicit. We hid each other’s wrongdoings and mutually used each other. In other words, it was a win-win situation.
The plan to corner the Lisettes was something I had requested of Muslo. As a result, Count Lisette never noticed when he turned to the Osweins for help. He lamented that Muslo got them into trouble too and finally came to Prime Minister Anderheim for aid. I painted a scenario where, even though I knew of the secret longing she held in her heart… and even though I knew I would be the one hurt in the end, I reluctantly married her to protect her.
I felt like roaring with laughter.
The truth was that I simply married Yurikano out of spite for Jolga. But Yurikano, her father, and Muslo had already left this world. There was no one else who knew of the truth manipulated behind the curtains.
All those who were left were only I and these two comical buffoons.

“Why?”

Jolga grabbed my shoulders.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me your reasons? I always… always hated you…!”
“It would be hard if I didn’t have someone who hated me.”
“…”
“What would have happened if you knew of my reasons? Nothing. You would have resigned yourself to your fate and watched Yurikano become my wife. All you could have done was send her off with a smile. She would have given birth to my children and raised them, and you would look back on your memories with a calm heart, right?”
“Lord… Anderheim…”
“That’s impossible, right? Seeing how much you loved Yurikano, you would have been overwhelmed by your own powerlessness. Jolga Von Oswein, you are vital to Palcemith. From your younger days, the Knight Commander has boasted of your abilities, saying that you were blessed by the war god. I couldn’t let such a promising talent be crushed.”
“That’s why you chose…! You didn’t fear being hated by me… just to protect me…!”
“I was a little jealous too.”

My shoulders were still being grabbed as I let out a chuckle.

“The one that Yurikano loved was you and she only loved you till the very end. My feelings never reached her till she died. That’s why I decided to raise Sigurd at the very least as a memento from her. If he had resembled her more then maybe I would have been able to easily hide it. The more I resented the fact, the more he resembled you.”

Crash! Something collapsed behind the bookshelf that was lined along the wall as the noise sounded.

‘“Older Brother!?”

At the same time, Julieta’s shriek from the room beside could also be heard through the wall.

“That fool. Did he hear…!?”
“Sigurd…!?”

Getting up just a step before the pacing Jolga, Malacia shouted that he’ll go and gallantly dashed out of the room.
Inside the study that had plunged into silence.
With my shoulders drooped, I turned my gaze towards the stack of documents on the table that Morino had brought in.

“Then…Your Excellency Morino. What is this?”

Seeing my attempts at trying to change the topic, Morino hurried untied the stack of documents and opened the part that he had bookmarked. Each looked like a venture of great importance to the state. Even if I were mistaken, it was definitely not something that should be shown to the one who had given up the post of the Prime Minister.

“The adjustments did not quite meet the requirements and it’s a situation where I cannot keep going with the plan… I’d like your opinions on this.”
“Hire a few scholars. I have decided to no longer participate in state affairs.”
“I understand what you mean. But, Lord Anderheim, you love this kingdom more than anyone else.”
“…”
“I know that I still lack the resolve.”
“…”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be like you. I have no confidence…!”
“Huh?”

The lines that escaped his mouth were shockingly low and filled with contempt.

“Ah…um…”
“Oi, you brat. Don’t kid around. You are saying that you lack resolve? That you don’t have confidence? Do you intend to carry the country with that attitude?”
“…!”

As I got up, Morino’s face tensed up due to terror and then I grabbed his idiosyncratic blonde hair with one hand. Not minding that Morino was wailing in pain, I dragged his narrow body towards the window that faced the courtyard. Brushing aside Jolga’s hand as he tried to stop my sudden barbaric act, I forcefully lifted up Morino’s face and made him look at the scene full of energy outside.
In the verdant courtyard stood two youths.
The young man crouched under the shade of the tree was gritting his teeth and sobbing with his muscular back all curled up.
The young girl was kneeling in front of him and had placed her palms on his tear-stained cheeks and was imparting warmth to him, not minding the fact that her dress was all soiled.
The two were the knight, Sigurd, who was heartbroken on knowing the truth of his birth and the Sacrificial Priestess, who was passing her remaining days in peace before she was offered to the dragon, Julieta.
One word, two words, they exchanged countless words.
Sigurd stretched out his hands, wrapping his arms around Julieta’s slender body, and hugged her tightly.

“Get it together, Your Excellency.”
“Ah…yeah…”
“That’s the first girl you will kill. Even though she stands in the light now, what awaits her is a fate of death.”
“Ugh…”
“By being in the light, what can you see? What do you understand? It is by being in the dark that you learn to protect the light. Don’t detest dirtying your own hands. Do not hesitate… to claim victims.”
“…!”
“If you say you cannot do that then you do not possess the qualifications to be a Prime Minister. You might as well go home and suckle on your mother’s teats.”

I flung Morino onto the wooden floor and left the study with rough footsteps without turning back once.

“Lord Anderheim!”

The one who caught my arm was Jolga, who had left his son Lutora and Prime Minister Morino in the room to chase after me.

“Do you still need me for something, Knight Commander?”

When I glared at him angrily, for some reason Jolga broke into a grin.

“So that’s your true self. This way you’re much easier to talk to.”
“What’s with that?”
“I too understood something, Lord Anderheim.”

Hazel colored eyes gazed at me as I was lost in thought.

“Lord Anderheim. Are you planning to follow after Lady Julieta?”