“Should I… or shouldn’t I?”
You mumbled to yourself as you were fighting with your own feeling.
You had been staring at your phone, staring at the very name, the specific one.
It was no other than Haewon.
You and Haewon.
Both of you had been a best friend for years. The way you two get along so well that sometimes people tend to misunderstood you as a couple.
People had been saying that it’s impossible for men to be best friend with women. Either of you would end up catching feelings for the other.
As for you and Haewon, well, that seemed to be the case.
You lost to your own feelings. You couldn’t keep your heart from not falling for her. Well, who wouldn’t? It was the Oh Haewon afterall.
You had been keeping it as a secret for a long time. The thoughts of you might ruin everything had been haunting you.
It was until the moment you just couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore that you decided to tell her everything about your respective feelings towards her.
You were scared, so much. You were scared of the thoughts that she didn’t have the same feelings, the thoughts of her rejecting you and might as well cut ties with you.
Well, it was right. The moment you decided to confess everything to her, the moment you learnt that she didn’t share the mutual feelings. Your feelings were rejected.
But thanks to her, she didn’t cut ties with you. Well, she was surprised as hell when she heard about it and she did find it awkward. But, that didn’t make her hate you whatsoever. In fact, she rejected you, but at the same time she didn’t want to lose you as her best friend. She wanted everything to stay as the way they were.
You, on the other hand were glad about it. But as the time went by, you realised that you couldn’t be the same man you were. It hurted you so much to keep on seing a girl that you love but didn’t have the same feelings, the one who rejected you.
“I’m so sorry Haewon-ah”
Mumbling slowly, you gathered all the courage, landing your finger on the call button.
You waited for quite some time. Realising she might not pick it up, you started to think of ending it.
Just when you were about to hang up, a soft voice of a woman could be heard through your phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Haewon”
“What up, Y/N?”
“Nothing, just wanted to check up on you. I thought you slept already”
“Well, I was a bit sleepy but I don’t wanna sleep yet, so…”
“Well, I see…”
You and her fell into silence for a few seconds. Until Haewon finally broke the silence.
“What is it, Y/N?”
“Haewon, I…” you tried to say something as your voice started to get shaky.
“What happened Y/N? Were you having a rough day? Did something bad happen?”
You froze for a few seconds. The fact that she was still this nice and care for you even after everything you said to her completely mixed up your feelings.
“Y/N?”
“Ah yea, s-sorry…”
“What happened?”
“Haewon-ah, how do I?”
“How do you what?”
“How do I… stop everything?”
Haewon fell silent as she could catch on what you were trying to say.
“How do I stop myself from falling for you?”
“How do I… unlearn all the memories we shared together? All the memories of you?”
“Y/N, you don’t really have to…”
“But how? The fact that we’ve been close for years, we did so many things together as a friend. There’s just so much”
“But you don’t have to forget about everything, Y/N”
“I-I’m so sorry… I can’t return your feelings. I truly am”
“And I’m sorry for loving you, Haewon. I know it was wrong in the first place, I should never fall for you”
“I’m trying so hard to get over you. That’s why I try to get rid of everything that could remind me of you”
“Y/N…”
“But the more I try, it just leads me back to why I fell for you in the first place”
“So, the real question is how do I stop myself from falling for you?”
“You don’t really have to, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you in any way. It’s just… the feeling isn’t there”
“Don’t be. It was all on me, I should be the one who apologize”
“But really, Y/N. You don’t have to force yourself to get over it. I’m sure one day it will fade away. You don’t need to force yourself to move on. I’m okay with you having a crush on me. It’s just, I’m sorry I can’t return the feelings”
“But I don’t wanna keep going with me loving my own best friend”
“No it’s okay Y/N, really. I don’t mind at all. In fact, I was afraid you would avoid or leave me because I couldn’t return your feelings and be the girl you wanted me to be”
“But I can’t, Haewon. I can’t keep going like this. Everytime I see you, everything that reminds me of you, it’s just… hurting me so much”
“I’m so sorry, Y/N…”
You could hear Haewon’s voice started to get shaky, might as well had her eyes teary.
“I don’t wanna lose you as my best friend”
“And I actually wanted you to be more than my best friend”
The two of you fell silent. It was like both of you were selfish.
“I think, we shouldn’t see each other again, at least for now”
“Y/N, no p-please don’t…”
Haewon begged with her shaky voice, trying so hard not to cry while saying it.
“B-but I can’t Haewon. I tried everything to get over that feeling but nothing worked out”
You couldn’t hold your emotion as well. You said to her with your shaky voice and your eyes which was wet already.
“Then just don’t. Don’t fight your feeling and force yourself”
“But I don’t want to!”
“I think we shouldn’t really see each other again for now”
“But I… really don’t wanna lose you. We’ve been together for years. I don’t even mind with you loving me. All I want is for us to stay like the way we were. I might sound selfish, but… I don’t know Y/N”
“Then I think we both agree that we were selfish. I was selfish for wanting you to be more than my best friend. So for now, I think it’s just best for us to be selfless”
You couldn’t hear any answer from her. All you heard was a crying voice.
“I’m sorry, Haewon. It also hurts me a lot. The moment I realised I fell in love with you, the moment I knew I’d get hurt. Because I really shouldn’t be in the first place”
“But… Promise we will see each other again someday”
“I will. When everything’s fine, we can be like what we used to again”
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. You really deserve someone better”
“And I’m also sorry for loving you. Good night, Haewon”
Phone ends.
Comment