(A/N: I’ve never watched the movie discussed in this chapter so please don’t use any of my comments as fact.)
The restaurant Hunter chose was bigger than most. Crystal chandeliers hung over all the available seating. Waiters had to peruse two levels of seating to serve corporate groups and boujee couples. River and Hunter sat in the center, surrounded by people on all sides. The sound of other conversations helped to fill the silence from their own.
It had been a month since Nia came back and River still refused to say a word about what was happening. The shift from her presence was immediate and strong.
“Is the wine good?” River asked, taking a sip of it himself. Hunter nodded quickly, meeting the older man’s eyes. River’s smile was tense but polite. Hunter tried to return the favor and smiled too.
“Very,” Hunter replied.
He wanted to say more, keep the conversation flowing. But all the questions he had were ones River wouldn’t answer.
At first, Melodie struggled to accept the new figure in her life. She was confused and hesitant. But these days, Nia was someone she brought up constantly. Melodie loved to boast about their shopping trips and visits to the park. Like any new guest, Nia was shown plenty of Melodie’s drawings. Any criticism or critique Nia had for a piece was quickly rectified and the piece was presented once more.
Hunter never saw the dynamic, only heard about it through Melodie’s storytelling. Selfishly, Hunter used his time with Melodie to get more information since her father was tight-lipped.
“How’s Cassie doing?” Hunter added. It was a weak question but it gave him something to say.
“Good.” His glass clinked softly when he set it down on the table. “Her and my other manager are becoming close. They’re begging me to give them more overlapping shifts.”
The two laughed. The sound was so different from the silence that followed moments later. Hunter could have spoken about a lot of things. With so much more free time these days, he was really exploring his hobbies. Getting back into the gym again was nice. And he finally could get started on the shows all his friends raved about.
But he only had that free time because River didn’t need him. Nowadays, if Hunter asks to watch Melodie, the offer is rejected.
“It’s covered,” he’d say. “Nia’s watching her.”
Hunter hadn’t seen the woman since that first night but her presence constantly affected him. Nia being back in Toronto affected the decisions he made every single day. And he still knew so little about her. His curiosity was getting out of hand.
With it, came the most dangerous thought. What if Nia was coming back for more than her child? What if she came back for her family? Late at night, Hunter would replay the story River told him about his ex-wife. He’d sounded hurt and betrayed but never spiteful. If Nia had come back to fully re-enter their lives, what chance did Hunter have to stop her? The idea had been taking root, a persistent seed that refused to stop until it broke through and reached daylight.
“Hunter?”
The younger man blinked, registering pain in his palm. His fork was shaking, vibrating from the force he squeezed it with. Hunter opened his hand, dislodging the metal from his skin. Leaning over the table, River pulled the hand towards him, gently pressing into the marks.
“Does it hurt?”
His calloused fingers created little tingles where they scraped against Hunter’s skin, but he loved it. Hunter didn’t respond for a while. Each second he didn’t speak was another second River touched him. The tingling from his touch felt so good. Hunter reveled in it. He didn’t realize how much he missed that feeling.
Hunter looked up from their joint hands, finding River watching him in concern. Brown eyes scanned Hunter’s face. The trail they left behind was as real as the one created by his hands. Hunter relaxed under their intensity. This was what he wanted. This felt like home.
“How are things going?” Hunter breathed. He turned their hands over, brushing his thumbs over the lines on River’s palms. ” . . . between Melodie and Nia? Are you okay?”
“Yeah!” River jumped back, pulled his hand away. “Yeah, we’re fine. We’re good.”
River ate his last slice of steak and swallowed the piece frantically. He needed to speak and get Hunter to move on.
“So dessert?”
River’s question spelled the beginning of the end. Hunter was regretful for asking. With a few words, he broke the peace they’d created in the middle of a restaurant.
For the rest of their date, he couldn’t get over the hurdle that question created. River was closed off and Hunter was exhausted. Half an hour later, they stood outside of the restaurant. River hugged him, arms hooking themselves around Hunter’s shoulders. But they didn’t kiss. Hunter went to his car and was unsurprised that River didn’t follow.
—————
Melodie’s hold on River’s hand was tight. All the force in her little body was used at that connection point, tugging the much larger man inside. For a child, a movie theater must have looked like a magical place. Large sweeping ceilings covered in famous characters and quotes. Drones of people moving in and out of the theaters. An overwhelming scent of popcorn floated across the air. And one beautiful black woman on the phone standing just inside the door. She wore a short black bob today, a sleek cut accentuating round cheeks and her smooth skin. Melodie shrieked at the sight of her.
“Mommy!”
She released River’s hand and ran up to Nia’s side. Nia’s eyes widened and she went back to her phone in a rush.
“Hey- I’m going to have to call you back.”
She tucked the device away just in time to catch Melodie when she jumped into her arms.
“Hi baby. Are you excited to watch the movie?”
Melodie nodded excitedly, the two pompoms River made on her head following the movements. River watched, conflicted as mother and daughter chatted away. He’d been there on the days when Melodie got comfortable. He agreed when Nia asked to take her out alone sometimes. But hearing Melodie yell “mommy” was still jarring.
It reminded him of introducing Hunter into their lives. The fear then the adjustment then the feeling of family. But this time around, Melodie was speeding through the levels while River struggled to just trust her. Hunter made him feel safe in all the ways possible. But Nia . . .
His ex-wife carried Melodie further into the theater. The 7-year-old was a bit big to be carried but Melodie was soaking up all the extra attention. Nia scanned the tickets on her phone–2 adult, 1 child–and they were let in.
For once, River was joining them for the bonding. It was Melodie’s idea since she insisted that “daddy needs to watch it too.” Selfishly, RIver was glad Nia got the reminder of who had been taking Melodie to every Disney release while she was gone.
For the next hour and 30 minutes, Melodie acted like a buffer for her parents. It was easier to exist in the same space with your ex when a sweet little girl separated you from them. Halfway through, River had grown a little bored. The plot, the music, the scenery, everything was made for children. Trying to find anything for himself felt quite pointless. He glanced down at Melodie, curious to see her reaction and saw Nia speaking by her ear.
” . . . has beautiful brown skin just like you.”
Confused, River looked back at the screen and saw Asha walking across. River knew the main character was black–of course he did. But he didn’t expect the expression of wonder on Melodie’s face as she looked back and forth between her skin and Asha’s. Then, she looked at her mother.
In seconds, River was shown his limitations as Melodie’s parent. He could love her and care for her all he wanted, but he would never be able to do that. He could never relate to Melodie’s experience being black. He could never personally bring her into the folds of the culture. He didn’t have the power. But Nia did.
Nia was Melodie’s connection to a world River doesn’t understand. But one he truly wanted Melodie to feel a part of.
Minutes after the movie finished, Melodie pranced out of the theater. She was singing Asha’s solo with a wide smile. Suddenly, Nia jogged forward, grabbing Melodie’s shoulder to keep her still.
“Wow, you lost a tooth!” Nia gasped comically. Melodie’s head bobbled with her nod and she gave Nia a big smile to show off the gap. Nia crossed her arms over her chest, an amused smile on her face. “Did the tooth fairy give you another twenty?”
Melodie went on to explain that no, it was only ten dollars, with a pout on her little face. Nia sent a brisk glance River’s way and the man paused. The only way she would know that Melodie got a twenty for the last tooth was . . . the emails.
—————
River Conyers (conyersr@adonisbusiness.com)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Jan 3, 2020, 3:09PM
to: Nia Benjamin (NiaBenjamin2017@gmail.com)
Hey. I hope you’re doing well in Montreal. This may be against the rules of getting divorced but I thought you should know Melodie’s quoting movies now. She keeps repeating this line from Spiderman and it’s hilarious. If you want, I can send you a video. Or you can come back and see it yourself.
She misses you.
        -River
River Conyers (conyersr@adonisbusiness.com)           Dec 26, 2020, 7:18PM
to: Nia Benjamin (NiaBenjamin2017@gmail.com)
I don’t know if you’re reading these anymore. I don’t know if you were ever reading them in the first place. But it’s been almost a year since I first started writing these emails and this was Melodie’s first Christmas without you. I know you need to make it out on your own and you’re probably super busy in Quebec but please come back. One day, Melodie’s going to want to meet her other parent and I hope you’ll be there.
        -River
River Conyers (conyersr@adonisbusiness.com)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Sep 9, 2021, 1:26AM
to: Nia Benjamin (NiaBenjamin2017@gmail.com)
Melodie’s starting her first day of preschool tomorrow. Actually, she’s starting today because I stayed up so late, LOL. I don’t know if she’ll be the kid who just runs inside or the kid who screams for Mommy. Or I guess Daddy in this case. I used to tell her about you so she wouldn’t forget, but I stopped doing that. I think I’m a bad parent for not trying anymore.
Please respond if you agree. Or disagree. Or anything. It would be nice for her to talk to you on her first day of school.
        -River
River Conyers (conyersr@adonisbusiness.com)Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Mar 27, 2024, 10:42PM
to: Nia Benjamin (NiaBenjamin2017@gmail.com)
Melodie lost a tooth last night. She was a little insecure about how it would look but she was really happy this morning when she saw what the “tooth fairy” left for her. I left her $20 because that was the only bill in my wallet. She’ll never be satisfied with anything the tooth fairy leaves her again.
        -River
—————
She didn’t just know River was sending them, she was reading each one. Sending those emails had become cathartic. It was a ritual River just did. He didn’t even care about Nia’s responses anymore because he assumed she never gave them a glance. River’s emotions were all over the place knowing that she saw every word. Every plea.
Every time he asked her to come back.
Late at night, River’s fears came to life. In his dreams, Nia stole Melodie from him over and over and over again.
But during the day, he could see better. What he saw was a woman genuinely trying to fix her mistakes. Nia must have noticed him staring because she looked up. When their eyes met, River gave her a smile. It wasn’t a lot compared to all the hostility from before. But Nia smiled too.
Nia was Melodie’s mother. River didn’t want to change that.
They left the building, heading for their cars. Melodie was reenacting the movie with such vigor, she twirled and danced her way five steps ahead of her parents. Nia and River were left to walk back alone, the crunching of their shoes against concrete the noisiest thing between them. The taller man glanced Nia’s way again, trying to find something for them to talk about. He was out of practice in making conversation with her, but he could try.
“Am I doing her hair right?” he asked, gesturing to Melodie’s pompoms. “I’ve watched videos and tried to moisturize it like you did but I might be doing it wrong.”
“It looks good,” she assured him, chuckling when he released an exaggerated sigh. “But as she gets older, she might want to try some protective styles.”
“Oh.”
He paused, blinking stupidly at the floor.
“What are those?”
Nia laughed, stumbling a little more into River’s space.
“I’ll send you some videos on braiding. That’s a good start.”
———————————
Thoughts???
So much changed in a short amount of time.
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