third person pov
y/n and kazuha have been dating for three years now. its been kept under wraps the entire time, none of her members even know.
y/n believes it’s time for kazuha and her to finally broadcast their relationship. in y/n’s mind, le sserafim is already a group who has established their place in the idol industry, making it the right time for them to announce it to the world.
kazuha on the other hand, is completely against this idea. y/n has yet to directly ask kazuha about it but kazuha has already understood the hints that y/n has given her.
kazuha is not ready.
and now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t know if she ever will be..
———
y/n finally decided it was time to share her thoughts with kazuha.
y/n knew what she was getting herself into when she started dating kazuha, she knew it was going to be a challenge. although she never imagined it was going to be this hard for her mentally. the thought of her keeping her entire relationship private for such a long time became sickening to her. she wanted to show the world what was hers.
“zuha can we talk,” y/n says as she enters the practice room where the younger had been practicing alone.
by the tone of y/n’s voice, kazuha knew what she wanted to talk about.
kazuha keeps looking straight, eyeing herself in the mirror while she answered y/n, “sure.”
“i didn’t want to bring this up now.. i know you’ve been busy with promotions but i couldn’t wait any longer.”
“i wanted to ask if we could finally announce we are dating, even your own members don’t know!”, y/n’s voice croaked at the end of her sentence.
kazuha couldn’t do anything but stay silent, she knew how much this meant to y/n, she knew how bad she wanted to tell everyone.
but she didn’t.
kazuha didn’t know if it was because she was scared the reactions were going to be sour or if it was because she needed more time, she didn’t know at all.
“y/n i’m sorry… but can we talk about this another time.”
“no we can’t! every time i briefly mention it you always push the thought away, that’s why i’ve been so scared to ask you out right!”
“i can’t wait anymore zuha, this literally eats me up inside. i don’t know how much longer you want me to wait..”
“y/n you knew what you were getting yourself into by dating me, i don’t see how any of this is fair for you to just spring this on me!”, kazuha finally broke.
“i don’t see how this is unfair at all? we are a couple after all aren’t we? aren’t we supposed to talk things out and figure it out together? do my feelings not matter to you at all?”
“you just don’t get it y/n,” kazuha murmurs.
“you’re right i don’t get it! i don’t understand why we can’t even tell your members, they are your closest friends, hell i would even say they are your family!”
“i get that you might want to hide it from the public but why do we have to hide it from our friends too? are you ashamed of me? make me understand!”, the older shouts.
kazuha didn’t like where this was headed but she knew she had to face the reality of it right here right now. there was no more running from this conversation, it needed to happen.
“y/n i’m not ready.. and frankly by the looks of it i don’t think i’ll ever be.”
“i just don’t get it, can we not make a compromise? what about me..”
“i’m sorry y/n i don’t know what to say, i just can’t do that.”
“it doesn’t mean i don’t love you y/n, i do.. i swear,” kazuha continues.
“but if you loved me wouldn’t you at least consider a compromise! i don’t understand why i have to look out for your feelings only? you won’t even listen to mine!”, y/n whimpered.
“i cant..”
y/n was already heartbroken by the words coming out of her lovers mouth. she had a feeling kazuha would be against it but never this much.
“how are we supposed to make this work then? we both want two different things and you aren’t willing to give a little at all.”
“we can’t..”
“y/n i’m sorry but the only thing i can do now is prioritize my career. don’t you understand that this can make or break my entire life? i’ve already been through so much, i had to leave my home for my career y/n. i can’t throw it all away for..”
“for what kazuha..? for me? it’s fine i understand completely now,” y/n cuts her off.
kazuha finally turned around to face her lover. she’s brought with tears streaming down y/n’s face and it was all because of her.
“i’m sorry..”
“it shouldn’t have ended like this kazuha, i really loved you,” y/n cried.
“i don’t want to be someone that only holds you back, something that’s only a burden to you. i wish you the best in life but i guess this is where we end.”
kazuha wanted to say something, she wanted to grab y/n and tell her to not leave.
but she couldn’t.
despite the argument and the different views between the two, kazuha loves y/n more than anything in this world. which is why it puzzles her that her heart and mind are so against the thought of going public.
with the silence from kazuha, y/n takes it has her cue to leave.
“i guess it’s goodbye then, kazuha,” y/n says under her breath, still loud enough for the younger to hear, while walking out the door.
as soon as the older left, kazuha couldn’t help but to fall to the floor. did she really just lose the love of her life because she couldn’t consider her feelings?
“i love you..”, kazuha let’s out before letting her tears take over.
*listened to stardust^ on repeat while writing this ^_^ really set the mood*
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