*****
*Corey*
I tilted onto my back before letting out a frustrated growl. Again, I couldn’t doze off. It felt like the lack of rest should have caught up with me but the amount of worry I felt overshadowed any need for sleep. I wasn’t just going to drop it. Something told me not to, it ate at me. The extreme fear, the pain I felt, the constant worry that the pull made me feel, all of it was impossible to ignore because it came from him. I could not just brush by it knowing he felt such turmoil but he would not speak to me. If only I had not been so rude to him since we met, he may have trusted me enough to tell me what was going on.
“Corey?” The soft whisper made me look over at the door confused. It was closed, but from the little bit of light that the bottom opening let in from the hallway, I could see that Jayden was standing on the other side.
I got up out of bed not bothering to put anything over my boxers or throw on a shirt before I pulled the door open as quietly as possible. Zeke was not like Kaden and Jayden, he was an incredibly light sleeper although a little less grumpy than Trent when he woke up.
‘Why are you up?’ I linked to Jayden as I stepped into the hallway and softly shut the door behind me. He opened his mouth but stopped when I answered for him, ‘You can’t sleep.’ He nodded and grabbed my hand. I smiled looking down at our hands and squeezing his quite happy that he had made contact between us because I had been uncertain of whether he would have wanted me to touch him. “Come on,” I said softly while beginning to lead the way down towards the living room.
Once there, I laid down on the longest couch and he sat down on the one-person seat closest to me. My hand felt empty without his, but I let it go seeing as he didn’t really make a move to sit beside me.
We were silent for a few minutes as I wondered why he had come to my room while he just stared into the dark not making a move to speak until I could not take the silence anymore.
“I lied.”
“Lied?” His eyes moved to mine. I licked my lip glancing away from him a little hesitant to admit what I was about to.
“Earlier… When we were… Yeah. I wanted to go further. I was planning to.”
“But you said we wouldn’t.” He said.
“I know. I was going to try to mark you…” He was shocked, I would have been able to tell without looking at it but his face made it all the more clear. I was reluctant to continue speaking but what made me continue was the overwhelming fear that filled me, his fear. “I thought… I wanted to mark you because I was afraid you would… Well… dump me – sort of… for Finn… or someone else, it doesn’t matter.” I sighed shutting my eyes. “I don’t want to reject you, I won’t… But even though you can’t reject me, I…” I bit my lip, “If I mark you, you won’t be able to just leave. After everything, after how we started out… I just…” I drifted. It was so hard to admit. Me. Afraid. I deserved it, I guess after everything I had done to him.
“I won’t leave you, Corey… At least not for my own sake.” Jayden said honestly, “I like you too much for that.” He admitted, “Even when you’re an ass.” The addition almost made me smile but his words caught me by surprise.
“Not for your own sake?” I sat up. What was that supposed to mean?
I watched as he fidgeted with his cell phone, twisting it in his hands but never making the screen light up as he chewed on his lower lip nervously. Eventually, he let out a deep sigh and didn’t look my way from the phone as he cleared his throat.
“After my father left, or died as everyone thought, Joe wasn’t the only person that supported my mom and me. One of my father’s best friends stayed with us, helped us. I liked him a lot. He was nice, he tried to teach me how to play sports – you know how that turned out,” I chuckled but it died seeing that he hadn’t the slightest reaction to what he had said, “He wasn’t anything like my father… At least that’s what I thought…” I watched him closely as he took in a deep breath and let it out unsteadily. Whatever he was about to tell me, he was having a very hard time doing it. It must be a pretty serious story. His mood was making me uneasy. “About a year after my father left… I had gotten incredibly close to him, my mom had too so she didn’t mind that he hung out as much as he did, thought of him as a replacement father figure, I guess. I spent a lot of time with him. We both trusted him.”
I opened my mouth but then shut it deciding not to interrupt him in case that caused him to retreat back into silence. He still stared down at the twisting phone, his face emotionless. My chest felt tight and I was hoping, no praying that this wouldn’t lead up to where I thought it would. Though, given his earlier behaviour, it was hard to be hopeful.
“It was summer, I was ten, my birthday about a month away… Most of the pack had travelled, everyone else was doing something in town, working, I don’t know. There were only about five people left in the packhouse at the time. I remember being happy when he walked into my room, my mom was at work so I was bored. I thought he was there to talk or play or something, I had a new game to show him… I-I didn’t expect anything bad from him. I… He was… I didn’t… I was excited to hang out with him… I didn’t know.” Jayden gave a sour smile as he shook his head, “I was pretty stupid.” He muttered.
I moved from my couch and knelt on the floor in front of him before taking hold of his hands. I didn’t want him to recoil, but I couldn’t just sit there watching him anymore. He sounded like his mind was so clouded, his eyes stared into nothing. I wanted to talk about what had him so scared. I felt like I knew where the story was going, but I couldn’t be sure. I couldn’t assume something like that… Though, it seemed obvious.
“I never knew him to be anything but nice to me, but that day… He turned into my father… No, he was worse. So much worse… I thought he was…”
“Jay…” I whispered slowly noticing his eyes fill with tears. He pulled his hand from mine and wrapped his arms around his knees after lifting them to his chest before dropping his head into his arms. “Jayden…” I did not know what else to say.
“He beat me, worse than my dad ever did… and just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, it couldn’t-couldn’t be more painful… he…” Jayden’s hands trembled as he held onto his legs tightly when his voice cracked, “I had never felt more helpless in my life… I couldn’t… he was stronger and-and heavy… I felt so weak, so sc-scared… I couldn’t – I tried, I-I think I did – I did. I know I… but he was strong… I –” My chest felt crushed as a panicked, clogged sob seemed to rip from his chest. His crying sounded so painful. I was frozen for a few seconds before I snapped out of it and ran my eyes over him.
“Jayden… He…?” I drifted. This couldn’t be real, it couldn’t have happened, but it made sense… Why hadn’t I realised earlier? “Jay –”
“I can’t – I can’t talk ab-about it –” His voice broke as more sobbing filled the empty room we were in. I quickly moved to sit on the arm of the seat so I could pull him into a tight hug, burying his head in my chest as I leaned my chin onto his head.
“It-it’s okay. You don’t have to.” I assured.
“I’m so sorry.” The whisper made me angry. I clenched my jaw tightly feeling his muffled sobbing against my chest. Why would he apologise?
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Jayden.”
“Yes-yes, I do. I’m your mate… Mates aren’t supposed to… I-I understand if you didn’t want to do this anymore.” He said, “I lied to you a-and I keep… I had sex with someone other than my mate. I’m so sorry –” He sobbed.
“No, you didn’t. Stop apologising. It wasn’t you. You didn’t have sex with him – he fucking raped you!” I hissed. I regretted saying that when he shrunk away from me like the word held heat. I sighed wrapping my arms around him again and pulling him back against me. “Jayden, you have nothing – nothing to apologise for. I’m always going to want to do this, I promise… even if I act like I hate you sometimes.” I added the last sentence trying to lighten the mood a little, it did not help at all. He was still crying, I could still feel his guilt. Why did he have guilt? It made me livid knowing that he felt like he held any blame for what happened. I pushed him away just a little in order to cup his face in my hands so that he would look at me, “Listen to me, you did nothing wrong, okay?” I whispered running my thumbs along his cheeks to remove some of the tears before my jaw clenched at the fear and remorse in his eyes, my chest burning. “Who is he, Jayden? Tell me. I’ll make him pay. I’ll fucking kill him.” I promised. I had no doubt about it, I was going to kill the person that did that to him. I was going to hurt him as much as he had hurt Jayden. He shook his head. “Jayden,” I began to plead.
“I-I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna talk about it. I don’t want to remember it. Please.” I glared at the tears running down his face and I wiped them away quickly.
“Fine… We don’t have to talk about it anymore. Not right now.”
I stood up and pulled him to the longer couch that I had laid on earlier. I watched his face slowly as I pushed him onto it before laying down beside him. We just laid together for a while as his crying slowly turned into sniffling before he spoke again.
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled. “About-about earlier a-and –”
“Stop that or I’ll punch you.” He gave a strained chuckle at my empty threat, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to with me, alright?”
“But then we won’t be able to mark each other or… and-and you’ll eventually get bored or angry –” He was saying.
“Maybe one day I’ll get frustrated, but I will never want you to regret something we’ve done. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable with me and I will never hurt you again. I’ll wait. Besides, this is still pretty new to me, I don’t want to move that fast either. It’s still weird kissing you… but… I like… I love kissing you.” He chuckled as I planted a kiss on his lips, they tasted salty and reminded me of his crying, “I’m not going anywhere, Jayden. You’re my mate and we can’t make Bianca grant more wishes so…” I smiled. He laughed and it made me ecstatic seeing that I could make him feel better, even very slightly. “And I wouldn’t want her to, I’m happy with you.” I slid my arms around his waist as I shut my eyes and pulled him closer to me.
“Corey?” He whispered.
“If you’re going to say sorry again I’m going to shove a bucket of ice on you,” I warned earning a breathy laugh from him.
“Nah… Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me either. I should be thankful you’ve forgiven me for all my crap.” I replied. It was true.
His face broke into a small grin as his arms snaked around me while he nudged his face into my neck, planting a light kiss against my skin before resting his head onto the cushion as he closed his eyes. I watched as his breathing calmed down and became was soft and even showcasing that he had fallen asleep before my fists clenched behind him as I finally let myself feel the pulsing anger that I had been desperately trying to suppress in order not to scare him.
I was going to find out who hurt him, I was not going to let it go. I was going to kill them.
*****
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