*****
*Jayden*
“Jayden!” I cursed in my head. Why had Corey told him?! Joe was never going to let it go! He was never going to stop until I talked to him about what happened and told him who it was. I did not want to, I just wanted to pretend it never happened. The nightmares would stop eventually as they had previously.
“Alpha?” I had literally been hiding from him for two days straight, Corey got mad about that when we hung out yesterday but he realised I didn’t have to obey his orders and shut up about it after some arguing. At the current moment, I was cornered and wouldn’t be able to hide from or sneak by Joe anymore.
He walked into my room with eyes narrowed in annoyance and I offered him a smile while shutting my laptop. He obviously wasn’t too happy about my running from him for the past couple of days.
“Is it true?” He asked, his face instantly softening and my smile dropped. I don’t know if I expected him to drop it when he saw that I was fine or if I was hoping he would forget about it if I looked happy enough.
“No,” I answered looking down because it felt wrong to lie to him.
“Jayden, do not lie to me. Did someone in this pack –”
“No!” I cut him off. I felt my chest begin to heave and tried to hold my breath to calm down. I shut my eyes as they began to sting. I wasn’t going to cry.
“Jay –”
“No one –” I froze when hands grabbed hold of my shoulders but quickly realised it was just Joe, although I still shook my head while backing into the corner of my bed to get away from him as it became exceptionally hard to release the breath I was holding, “No one. No one did anything. No one –”
“Alright, alright, no one did anything. Calm down, Jayden. Calm down.” I felt a sob escape my lips and I realised I was crying and not breathing. I could not seem to get a hold of it and just gasped for air while my head became light, the lack of oxygen only caused more panic, “Jayden.” I felt Joe’s hands on my shoulders again, “Breathe. Listen, follow me,” I nodded trying to take his advice and follow the loud, calm breathing he was doing until my breathing returned to pretty much normal and I wiped my eyes, “You okay, Son?” His voice was concerned but calm as he watched me.
I stared back at him for a few seconds before feeling more tears well my eyes as I shook my head.
“No…” I whispered finally. I shut my eyes as he moved to hug me for a few seconds before leaning against the headboard beside me.
“Talk to me.”
I sighed. “What Corey probably told you… I… It’s true…” My shoulders sank, “I can’t sleep… Every time I close my eyes, I…” I gave a dry chuckle. “I’d rather see my father, Joe… I’d rather I got beat up… I don’t feel like…” A man, or human for that matter. I felt weak and empty. Like a shell always on the verge of cracking and fading into nothing, and I wanted to. I had until recently, but even though Corey seemed like a reason not to want to disappear, it still felt like I was supposed to. I was still the same cracked, weak, empty shell that no one would want or have any use for, that was too fragile to contribute to or offer anything to anyone.
“When… when did it happen?” He whispered. I swallowed trying not to think about it, hoping to explain it without having to go back but that was impossible as my mind immediately began flashing through the memories that haunted me every time I closed my eyes.
“When I was eleven, a few weeks before my birthday actually… a few months later… Four more times after that… It stopped about a year ago. He said he’d kill me if I told, but he didn’t need to. I didn’t want anyone to know… I didn’t want to act like something was wrong with me, I didn’t want to talk – to talk about it or have to… I didn’t want questions so I tried to fix myself up. I forced myself to eat even though I never had the appetite to. You don’t know but I never slept…” He seemed a little surprised, “I stayed up all night so I wouldn’t have those nightmares anymore, so no one would ask about it because of the reactions in my sleep, the only sleep I got was at school… I pretended to be doing fine. It worked because no one noticed the change…” I sighed shutting my eyes as a slight, heavy dizziness coursed through my head, “I don’t want to feel like this.” I muttered leaning my head down into my arms, “I can’t deal with it anymore.”
“What do you mean you can’t…? Deal… with what exactly?” He asked sounding afraid of the answer before even hearing it.
“Everything. The pack… I don’t want to be everyone’s doormat. I don’t want to be the weak, helpless kid anymore… The Omega. I don’t want to be a burden to you… the pack… to Corey… especially Corey. I’m tired of being the pathetic one no one wants around because he’s just a liability… I’m tired of pretending… I’m tired of letting him down…” I swallowed, “I can’t do this anymore, Joe… I told Corey I wouldn’t leave him for my own sake, but I’d be helping him if I just left him alone… he doesn’t need this… It’d be better for everyone if I just…” Disappeared. Died.
“Jay, you can’t leave Corey. You’ll regret it, I know you.” He said, “And that stupid boy doesn’t seem to realise just how much he likes you. If he lost you, he will never fully be a Beta, he’d be too broken to continue his duties anyway and since you can’t reject him, he’ll always feel your pull. You might not realise it but this pack loves you a lot more than you think, Jayden. You pretend to be this lone wolf, but if you think about it, who does everyone call when they need help with their English poetry homework? You forgive everyone even when they constantly mess with you, you’re practically a saint.” He chuckled and I felt tears run from my eyes, “And who do the kids want to hang out with when they’re angry at everyone else? You, Jayden. Because you make everyone feel safe, even though you can’t fight to save your life – or anyone else’s, they trust you – we all do. You’re nobody’s doormat… And you’re the closest thing I have to a son so don’t you dare think about going rogue or doing anything worse because I will find you and drag you back here by your tail, I will bring you back to life.” He said. I laughed as my wolf growled in my head at the last part. “I know this hasn’t been easy, I’m so sorry we couldn’t be there for you… You’re so much stronger than you know. There’s more to it than muscle, Jayden. We all need you. I love you. So much. I’m not the only one, don’t you ever forget that.”
I looked up as he ran his hand along my head gently and was immediately pulled back into a hug. I lifted my hands to his back trying to stop crying. After what felt like forever but was just a few minutes, just when I was beginning to feel like dozing off he pulled back and stared into my eyes seriously.
“Now… about what happened… We need to get you some help.”
“No, I don’t want –” I began.
“It’s for your own good, Jayden. You’re always going to feel the same way if you keep trying to ignore that it happened. Please, just give it a try, just a few weeks.” He said. I sighed really not wanting to speak to anyone. “If you don’t like it, we’ll stop and find something else.”
“Fine…” I said softly, more to please him because he looked so worried. He smiled.
“Is Lance alright? I could have Kelly join you too.” He asked. I nodded. Lance and Kelly were two of our pack’s psychologists. I was happy with the idea of a female in the room as well. “One more thing.” I knew what it was as soon as his eyes began to lose their brown in favour of an angry yellow glow, “Who was it?”
“Mike,” I replied softly. Joe’s eyes returned to normal as he looked disgruntled. “It’s okay.” I knew he was angry because Mike had already left the pack. Just disappeared a year ago after…
“I should have…”
“It’s okay. Um… don’t tell my Mom. I will.” I said. He nodded still looking unhappy.
“Okay, I’ll get it set up. Get some rest.” He got up and began to make his way towards the door.
“Joe?” He turned back when I spoke.
“Yes?” He asked looking a little concerned.
“I love you too… and you’re a pretty good father,” I said.
“I thought I was great, the best.” He joked making me laugh, “Goodnight, Jay.” He grinned before he left.
I smiled staring at the door as it closed behind him. Although my eyes felt heavy from crying and my body completely drained, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Corey? What is that?” Joe’s voice came from the hall.
“Uh… Just a box for Jayden.” Corey’s voice made me feel weird… and happy… Very happy.
“A box?” Joe asked.
“Yup. I’m just gonna go… give it to him…” Corey spoke awkwardly and I chuckled.
“As long as it isn’t filled with drugs,” Joe said.
“Or junk food.” I smiled hearing my mother.
“No, Mrs Danfort. I swear it isn’t.” Corey said to my mom, “I can’t promise it isn’t drugs though.” I heard him mumble.
“What did you say?” Joe asked.
“Nothing!” Corey burst into my room and shut the door locking it behind him.
“I’m going to kill you, Corey.” I heard Joe call jokingly. We laughed.
“Hey, Jay.” Corey smiled as he walked across the room. I took in his physical appearance and frowned when I noticed that for once his hair was neat. I didn’t like it.
“You brushed your hair?” I asked.
“Weird, I know. My mom forced me to. She always does that.” He ruffled his hair making it a mess again and I chuckled.
“What’s that?” I asked seeing the big brown box he held in his arms. It wasn’t fancy, it was a typical… well, ugly, brown box.
“Oh, I can’t tell you yet.” He smirked sitting on my bed.
“Why not?” I narrowed my eyes.
“You haven’t greeted me properly.” He said. I rolled my eyes chuckling as I leaned forward towards him. He reacted immediately moving towards me but right before our lips could touch I grabbed the box from his hands. He gave me a death glare as I moved as far away from him as possible while celebrating how easily I had managed to take the box from him. “Ass.” He muttered.
“Sorry, I just really hate not knowing what is in boxes, especially when they’re for me. Ask Kade and Bentley, I never let them keep my birthday presents long.” I said. It was why they kept those securely hidden until the exact time they wanted me to open them. Corey laughed.
“Fine then, open it.” He said. I opened the box before looking at what was inside shocked, “I wasn’t sure what kind you used so I let Bentley choose and he said you’d like that one.”
“Like?” I uttered in disbelief. “I could never afford this one! Why would you pay so much for it…?” I mumbled running my finger along the wood of the brand new guitar.
“Well, since yours got blown up, I figured you’d need a new one and since I had the money, why not get the best one? I mean, it is for my mate.” He said.
I smiled at him. “It’s the best present I’ve ever gotten and it’s not even my birthday. Thank you, Corey.” I said. “I won’t be able to match it.” I frowned.
“You don’t have to.” He said, “All you have to do is sing whenever I tell you to.” He added.
“No way –” I began but was cut off by his lips brushing mine when he swiftly moved over to where I was.
“Shut up or I’ll take it back to the store.” He muttered. I opened my mouth but shut it and he smirked while I glared at him. “I’m joking, you idiot. You still have to sing sometimes though.” I didn’t have time to respond as he kissed me again. I smiled responding to the movement of his lips as I lifted my hand to his waist.
Yeah, Joe was right. I couldn’t leave Corey. He was a huge asshole, but he was an amazing asshole and I adored him.
*****
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