Secret Chapter 6
*****
*Corey*
I started at the pan wobbling it in my hand and then flipped the pancake to send it pretty high into the air before catching it successfully. Hearing clapping from Jayden made me laugh as I turned around and slid the food into his plate. He put his phone on the table to reach for a fork as I began to turn back to the stove but I paused noticing the tab on his phone.
“What’s that?” I asked stepping closer towards him.
“What’s –? Oh, nothing – Corey!” I had already grabbed his phone and was scrolling through the article holding him back by keeping my hand on his chest as he tried to grab his phone back from me. It was too late to keep me from noticing some of the more bold letters displayed on the screen. Jayden huffed and sat back glaring at me annoyed as I gave him a glance before my eyes moved back to the screen.
“You’re reading about surrogates?” My voice was surprised as I skimmed through a few of the paragraphs before looking at him again, his eyes immediately moved to avoid mine and focus on his breakfast.
“Uh… Yeah, you know since mom and –” I watched him stuff his mouth purposely so I couldn’t hear a thing he was saying as he mumbled through his chewing. I gave him a flat look and kept quiet, patiently waiting for him to swallow his food because he was not going to mumble his way out of the conversation. Eventually, he stopped chewing and smiled at me, “These are really great.” He said before immediately stuffing his mouth some more.
I shook my head moving to sit next to him and continued to watch my mate chew, his jaw movements getting more awkward as seconds of my just staring at him passed by. We had been living together for a year and Jayden did the same thing every time he got nervous about speaking while there was food in front of him. It never got him out of any conversations so I really had no idea why he still thought it would work.
“You want to have children?” He bit his lip shaking his head and I nodded biting my lip before sighing, “I do…” His chewing paused as his brown eyes shifted to me and I nodded to confirm that he had heard correctly, “Seriously, all jokes aside. I’ve thought about it and I want to.” He stared at me surprised and I smiled, “I think one of our sons is going to be a beta. I can feel it; they’re going to be leaders.”
“Sons?” He asked.
“Yeah.”
“Wait,” He dropped his hand onto the table, “We have not even decided if we even want children yet and you’re already stuck on one gender?”
“Well…” Yes – the word did not need to be said out loud, from the look on his face he could read my answer instantly and looked unhappy about it, “Jay, have you been around Izabella and the others for more than a few hours? I grew up with them. What a handful.” I frowned, “Nope, we’re having sons.” I shook my head.
“You’re joking.” He said seriously.
“Jayden. Did you know that when we were nine Hayley and I got into a huge fight?” I asked. He chuckled but stopped when he realised I was serious and then waited for me to continue while his eyes narrowed, “Because she wanted to tie my hair with these girly little twisty things and I refused.” I said, “We didn’t speak for a month, mostly her not speaking to me – by the way, how are you gonna start a fight and then be the one ignoring me? How does that make sense? And she still does that to this day! – anyway, the point is, I did not hear a word from her until I beat some kid up that stole and threatened to draw on her favourite plushie.” Jayden’s face softened into a smile.
“That’s sweet. I hope our girl has a friend like you.” I snorted.
“We’re having sons. I know it.” He sighed.
“Corey… I can’t with you…” He mumbled.
“You’re stuck with me,” I replied pulling his plate away so I could eat some of the pancakes I had made for him.
We chuckled before he looked at me seriously again. “So… when do you want children? How many?” He asked.
“As soon as possible. One should suffice.” I said. He stared at me and I tried not to react to how the look of disapproval on his face made me want to apologise or shrink back. When had he become so scary-looking? It seemed like his glares got more threatening every day.
“Why does it sound like you’re ordering some sort of product?” He asked. I decided to ignore the question while reaching for some syrup.
“Okay, here’s how it works: I know, I know Jayden, that our child – or one of them – is going to be either an Alpha or a Beta. I can feel it. So, have the child soon, Beta’s born sooner, Sean and I can retire sooner. Sean will be having kids soon too; we’ve got this figured out.”
“Oh my God.” Jayden sounded hopeless as he dropped his head towards the table with a groan. I laughed reaching to tuck my hand under his forehead before it could bang against the counter. “Corey, you don’t have children to give them a job before they’re even born.” His voice was muffled as his arms circled his head.
“When do you want children?”
“Never if you’re just going to use them.” He replied.
“Babe, come on.” I chuckled taking his wrist to pull him back into sitting position.
He shrugged looking nervous. “I don’t know… soon.”
“Soon?” I asked.
“I want to be with them for a while and I want to be able to get stronger while they’re around, not weaker…” He replied.
“Soon?” I repeated raising my brows.
“The… next two years…” He mumbled quickly.
“The next two years?” His face told me he really had not wanted me to hear what was said. It made me want to laugh but I spoke seriously, “Sounds good.” He stared at me sceptically and then shook his head.
“No,” he said.
“Jayden, I want children too. I’m not saying this to use them.” I rolled my eyes.
“I know you, Corey, you’re terrified, only knowing that their existence would benefit you would make you do this.” He replied.
“Right, I am. I’ll admit that, but I’m serious. Our kids don’t even have to be Deltas I’ll love them no matter what, I’m ready and I’m not just saying this because I know you want children now.”
“You… promise? This isn’t something we can mess around with, Corey.”
“I know. I promise that I want this too, Babe.” I looked down seeing movement between us and stared at the pinkie figure he held up. Was he serious? Of course, being Jayden. I chuckled linking our fingers knowing he would not believe me otherwise.
He chuckled and I laughed as he hugged me.
***A few months later****
*Jayden*
“I what if she smokes?” I asked.
“She won’t.” He replied.
“What if she does?”
“Jayden, she does not. Never has.”
“How would you know if she never has…?” I muttered before speaking up again as I looked at him. “What if being pregnant is so stressful, she starts to?” I challenged.
“Babe, relax.” Corey’s chuckling made me frown as I crossed my arms and leaned my head back against the headrest of the passenger seat I was seated in.
The entire process had been so tiring, we’d spent so much time meeting so many surrogates that Corey and I always found something wrong with. Eventually, we settled for a really nice rogue wolf. I was terrified that after a few months, she would be too attached to let go. We had contracts and agreements about everything but what if… What if she wanted to keep being their mother and Corey and I had to create a family with someone we barely knew? What if there were complications before they were even born, with the babies or with her? What if she was not as nice as we thought and decided to make a run for it with our kids? It did not seem like a far-fetched fantasy thought, Galaxy was a strong pack and Corey, their beta. I was probably just letting my anxiety get to me though.
“Babe.” Corey’s voice had me turning to look at him. He chuckled reaching over to grab my hand. “Everything will work out just fine, I swear.”
“You can’t swear on something that you can’t control.” I frowned.
“You’re always so hard to comfort.” I laughed holding his hand tighter as he tried to pull it away before he grinned back at me.
“Fine… So… what if we have a girl?” His reply was a simple snort before he let my hand go to change the gears. I chuckled shaking my head. He was really holding onto that ‘certainty’ in his mind that we would be having twin boys. “How about Kara? No… Vanessa –”
“How about Vic, because you know, it will be a boy.” Corey gave me a flat look. I rolled my eyes looking towards the windshield just as we drove into the hospital’s yard.
Spotting our surrogate immediately made me smile in both relief and excitement, Tiana was in her and we parked right beside it. I looked at Corey when no sound came from him to indicate that he was climbing out of the car and raised my brows at his rigid form.
“Tell me you’re not breathing because you’re excited.” He looked at me, his eyes slightly wider than usual clearly showcasing him unease.
“Yeah, of course.” I laughed at the blatant lie grabbing his hand to kiss it. “Jayden…” He grinned and I smiled meeting him halfway as he leaned to kiss me. “Let’s go get pregnant.”
***A few months later***
“Jayden, we can’t have children. Do you even know how to take care of those things?” Wait. Did he really just call them things? We didn’t know their genders yet, we were keeping that a surprise (according to Corey, it was only a surprise for me) but that didn’t mean he could call them things. “You know, I’ve spent time with Izabella’s nephew and Hayley’s daughter, and it’s not fun. They poop and cry and are always hungry or something, really, it’s impossible to guess what they want but that doesn’t make them scream any less. They’re a lot of work Jayden, it’s like a live Tamagotchi or Sim for the rest of our lives – two of them and they can actually die!” ‘Things’, ‘Tamagotchi’s and ‘Sim’s. What else was he going to call them? I watched mostly amused as Corey paced back and forth while I ate my breakfast calmly.
He had some paperwork to do so I decided to eat in his study despite his protesting, turned out he wasn’t much focused on work anyway. Tiana was three months and one week pregnant. Corey did this at least once a day now. “Not to mention that you’re completely anti-social, they’ll be worse. And me – I had a fish once. I tried to train it using some magic. It… it burnt…” Corey’s voice dropped into a fragile whisper as he stared into nowhere before mumbling, “I didn’t mean to do that… I’m sorry, Johnny.”
“You’re right…” He looked at me and I stared back at him seriously. I swallowed. “How am I ever going to trust you to take them swinging?” I whispered in obviously faked, dramatic shock. “And forget magic.”
“This isn’t funny!” Corey snapped. I got off my seat and tried desperately to hide my laugh as I grabbed his arms while smiling.
“This is new.”
“No, they’ve always been like this.” I laughed. He was referring to his arm muscles.
“Calm down.” I chuckled lifting my hand to hold his rough chin. Why hadn’t he shaved? My mouth gaped open in surprise as he pushed my hand away and stepped back a few paces. All my amusement disappeared and I felt bad for my earlier reaction to watching him freak out. “Corey, you do just fine with Bonnie, you have nothing to worry about,” I said referring to Hayley’s daughter who was almost a year old.
“She’s not my child.” He replied. I chuckled but it cut off when he shook his head at me seriously. “Jayden. Seriously, we can’t do this. We have to give them to someone else.”
“No.” I said lowering my brows, “These are children, Corey, not toys. We talked about this before moving ahead. You can’t just give them away when you’re scared.”
“It’s more than that and exactly, they’re children. Do you really think we –” He stopped and shook his head again, “Jayden, do you really think I should raise someone?”
“What…?” I mumbled confusedly.
I watched as he leaned his hands onto his desk and looked down shutting his eyes. I could his feel tight, suffocating panic in my own chest as he tried to breathe calmly and bit my lip walking over to him before I slid my arms around his shoulders leaning my head against his back.
“I’ll just mess them up, I’ll make them bad people.” Hearing that whisper hurt.
“No, you won’t,” I mumbled. “You’re a lot different, Corey. We’ve both grown up a lot.”
“Grown-up?” He turned around in my arms but didn’t attempt to move from my grip, “Jayden, we have Pizza almost every night.”
“Because it’s family time and it’s the only thing we both agree on, food-wise,” I replied. It was the only junk food Corey seemed to tolerate. He laughed and I smiled sliding my hands to his face. “I’ve been with you long enough to know you’ll be an amazing father…”
He swallowed staring back at me uncertainly. “You think so…? After… after I treated someone the way I treated you, how could you say that?”
“Because I know you, and that wasn’t you. This is you. I love you, I know you love me and you’ll love them and you take care of everyone you love. You’re a beta, you have lots of practice taking care of people.” I smiled. His pack loved him.
He smiled. “Right… I do love you.” I chuckled as he kissed me lightly before we heard his phone begin to ring in his pocket. He grabbed it and checked it.
“Oh yeah, I was supposed to meet Jason ten minutes ago, completely forgot about that.” He mumbled.
“Well, see you later then.” I hugged him before shoving him towards the door.
“Did you just tell me that you love me to get our conversation over with or –?”
“Yes,” I smirked. He faked hurt before scrunching his nose at me and left. I laughed.
I finished my breakfast and the work I noticed Corey had left lying on the desk since it was just transferring some data from papers onto his PC before I left our home and drove my way to Inferno territory.
I didn’t knock before walking into the packhouse but was still immediately slammed into a hug that basically crushed my lungs. “I miss you so much. Move back in.” I laughed patting Bentley’s back. He said the same thing every time I came over, which wasn’t much lately with school and a part-time job.
“I miss you too. Wait, aren’t you supposed to be at work?” I asked.
“I took my break to fetch my wallet, I forgot it here. Speaking of which, I should go. We need to hang out.” He frowned at me.
“Yeah, this weekend?” I asked.
“Definitely. See you then.” We fist-bumped before he disappeared towards the front door.
Turning back to the hallway, I followed Joe’s scent through the ground floor to his office and was happy he wasn’t in his room. The door was wide open so I just walked in because he never left it open when he was busy. It was clear he was not as he sat on the couch reading a book while having coffee.
“Jay!” I chuckled as he got up to hug me, “Look at you. Where have you been?!” Why was he acting like we had not seen each other in forever?
“You saw me last week.”
“I used to see you every day.” He stared at me before he frowned. “I swear you get older every time I see you. Stop it. Since when do you wear suits?” He fixed my tie before leaning back against his desk. Was that older thing a compliment or…? I chuckled.
“I’m going to work, I was driving by.” I smiled.
“Oh yeah? How are the twins?”
“They’re still not born,” I said. He gave me a flat look and I laughed, “Healthy, we don’t know their genders yet.”
“Really?” His brows rose in confusion, “Corey said they’re boys.”
“Corey is being weird, he wants them to be; thinks boys are easier.” I rolled my eyes and Joe chuckled.
“You weren’t just driving by, Jayden.” He said tilting his head.
“I wasn’t?” I faked confusion. He stared at me and I sighed. “Yes, I was not…” I mumbled.
“If it’s not the twins… Is it Corey? You guys having problems?” He asked.
“No, no.” I sighed, “It’s not the twins, it’s just about them…” He didn’t speak and I knew it was because he wanted me to elaborate, “Corey has these small moments of panic or freaking out, it’s really funny to watch. It’s easy for me to calm him down.” I said.
“But you’re not calm.” He said nodding to himself. “Are you scared?” I looked down and heard his feet shuffle before he sat down in front of me, “You don’t need to be, you guys have done the classes, tons of research and preparation and whatever you need, you have me, your mom and Corey’s parents to help you guys with anything you don’t get right.” he said.
“It’s not that.”
I was pretending to be calm. For Corey. I was acting like I was so sure of all of it and I wasn’t. Not at all. Who was I to say that it was okay for us to have children when I had no idea how to handle it?
“I… I don’t think we should be doing this.” I whispered feeling tears burn my eyes suddenly. I wanted them, I really did, and saying that sounded so hypocritical considering what I had said to Corey earlier but…
“The… the twins?” He asked. I nodded swallowing the knot in my throat. “Jayden –”
“I can’t be a father, Joe.” I looked at him and saw him raise his brows, “I can’t. What if I hurt them? What if I… lose my temper and hurt them? What if – what if I like hu-hurting them? What if I’m exactly like him? He was my father, people are like their parents. I can’t do that to them or Corey. I shouldn’t have agreed to do this –”
“Jay, Jayden. Calm down, you’re nothing like him. You’ll never be.” I shook my head as Joe squeezed my shoulders lightly.
“You can’t know that, Joe.”
“I can and I do.” He said. “Trust me, you’re one of the most loving people I know and they are going to be so lucky to have you as their dad, Jayden.” I stared at him listening to the sincerity in his voice and letting it calm me down despite the thoughts reeling in my mind. “I know you, Jay and you know yourself. You’re not a bad person, have never been. I know you’re scared, they’re a huge deal but if anyone can do this – and help Corey do this –” We laughed at that, “You can. You’re absolutely nothing like that man. I knew him my entire life, I’ve known you your entire life and you couldn’t be more different.” I looked down and felt his hand pat my head gently as he gave a choked chuckle making my eyes snap back to his face because crying Joe was shocking. “I’m so proud of you, Jay. My grandkids are so lucky to have you, especially since they are cursed with Corey.”
“Joe.” I groaned through my laughter.
“Yeah, yeah, ‘stop making fun of Corey’.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s visit Tiana, you’re way too early for work.” He said.
“Right.” I chuckled.
*****
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