“Hello, baby. How’s my baby doing?” I say softly, placing the basket of fruit gently on the table beside her bed. There’s a mixture of hope and guilt in my voice, hoping for forgiveness but weighed down by regret.
“I’m s-sorry I hurt you so much, and you end up here at the hospital lying, f-fighting for your life. If God will me a second chance, I will explain my situation to you before you ask for it. K-kung pwede lang na ako nalang sana ang nakaratay diyan sa bed na yan, baby ko.” I speak with a tremble in my voice, the weight of my words heavy with remorse, wishing for a chance to make things right.
“What are you doing here? Hindi pa ba sapat sayo na nakaratay na rito ang anak ko? You’re so selfish!” Elyse voice cracks with anger and pain, accusing me of selfishness, her emotions raw and unfiltered, echoing the hurt and betrayal she feels. Hindi ko siya masisisi, nalagay ang anak niya sa gantong sitwasyon ng dahil sakin.
“I’m begging you, g-gusto ko siyang alagaan, gusto kong bumawi sa kanya.” I plead, desperation evident in my tone as I express my desire to care for her, to make amends for the pain I’ve caused.
“What for? Nilagay mo na nga ang buhay niya sa alanganin, can you stop acting like you care? Pinatawad na kita noong nawala ang kapatid ko pero kapag nawala ang anak ko hinding hindi na kita mapapatawad!” Her words cut deep, filled with the wounds of betrayal and loss, refusing to forgive me for the harm I’ve caused, her pain and anger palpable in the air.
“L-let me stay, please!” I plead once more, my voice cracking with desperation and sorrow, hoping against hope for a chance to make things right, to be there for her in her time of need. I kneeled, “Nagmakaawa na payagan mo akong bantayan ang anak mo.”
“Isa pang pagkakamali mo, you will never see her again.” Pagkatapos ng usap namin ni Elyse ay umalis na ito. Pumupunta ako sa hospital na lihis sa oras ng pagdalaw nila.
“Baby gising ka na, one week ka na diyan. Look what i did. This is a video of us. Alam ko curious ka why I have videos kahit di naman tayo nagtatake kapag magkasama tayo.” Pinanood ko ulit yung videos namin.
“You know what? the first time I saw you was not in your house. I saw you outside the mall, you gave foods and toys to those kids. You’re so kind and sweet. Look, I have a picture of you, oh!” Pinakita ko ang litrato na kinuha ko dati pa as if nakikita at naririnig niya ako.
“But the first encounter natin ay sa bahay niyo na, I didn’t know that you’re my best friend’s daughter. I remember what they said before na ang hilig ko sa bata and hindi ko narealize na grabe pala ang gap natin.” Natawa ako sa sinabi ko dahil dati ay sinabi ko ring never ako magjojowa ng bata and I end up here, I am so inlove with you.
“When I laid my eyes on you, I found you attractive. I love your “taklesa” personality and your cringe banats. I am so excited na magpakilala ka sa akin, and after that happened, I even kissed the side of your lips. Do you remember that?” Because I remember it all.
“I tried to seduce you every day expecting you to like me back because I already liked you when I first saw you. Ang tagal mo mainlove sakin, alam mo ba I am so desperate na mapansin mo pero parang hindi effective eh! I start doubting na mapapansin mo ako. Alam mo ba? Muntik na ako sumuko sayo pero nung nalaman ko na may gusto ka sa pinsan ko, nabwisit ako sayo and i know, gustong gusto na kita kasi ayoko na may lumapit na iba sayo” Sino ka diyan gurl? Obsessed ako be!
“I need to go na, I have a lot of work to do pa e. I love you baby, wake up na po. Dalaw ulit ako bukas, ‘wag ka masasawa sa maganda kong mukha.” I kiss her forehead, nose, and lips.
I decided na ituloy ang pagtuturo ko sa eskwelahan upang hindi mafull ang utak kong pag-alala dahil baka mabaliw ako kapag binantayan lang kita dahil hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin mapatawad sarili ko.
“Good morning,” sambit ko sa buong klase. Bumati rin sila pabalik. Nagturo lang ako hanggang matapos ang time. “Class Dismissed.” Nakita kong nagpaiwan ang dalawang matalik na kaibigan ng mahal ko.
“Kumusta siya?” Hindi rin kasi nakakapunta ang dalawang ‘to madalas kay Soliel dahil malapit na rin ang finals. Nagalit din sila sa akin dahil alam nilang dahil sakin kaya naaksidente si Soliel at alam kong it takes time para mapatawad ako ng lahat.
“She’s still unconscious,” I said and left them there. I’m being aloof to everyone, ayokong kumausap ng iba, ayokong pinapakielam ang space ko at alam kong mas naging serious ako.
Pumunta ako sa office upang magprepare sa pag uwi, tatlong section din ang tinuruan ko ngayon at nakakapagod.
“Hey Alessia, bar later.” Sabi ni Ma’am Cheska. Bagong guro sa University. “No, thanks.” I’m about to leave nang hinatak niya ang braso ko. “Come on! You have no fun!” Gustong gusto ko siyang irapan kaso baka may issue pa itong ipagkalat sa ibang propesor sa campus. “Fine!”
Para siyang batang tatalon-talon sa harapan ko. “Give me your number,” sambit nito. “For what reason?”
Umirap siya at tumawa, “Of course, imessage ko sayo saang location mamaya. Hindi ko talaga alam kung lutang o sabog ka”
I gave her my number. “Yey! See ya later!” sabi niya pa.
Akala mo talaga sasama ako, hard pass. I’m gonna go to my baby later. I miss her.
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