Becca
‘I missed you babe.’ I said.
The first thing pop up in my mind when I woke up
bigla akong kinabahan
‘I missed you so much.’ freens voice while crying
My eyes are still closed afraid of waking up, no…not again.!
Nam promised me to not leaving me last night when I let myself drowned in alcohol..
labis labis ang kaba ko dahil si freen nanaman ang naaalala ko
I felt something rubbing my tummy gently and the warmness of that hand calming me down
but it suddenly goes up and start caressing and massaging my boobs, mapapabalikwas na sana ako ng bangon ng maramdaman kong may humihinga sa tainga ko
that breathing is familiar
I slowly open my eyes and realizing that this room is not familiar
I catches the hand who’s molesting me and it stop, I already know this person
lumingon ako at tama nga ako, it’s freen at ang gaga tulog pa, tapos ang likot likot ng kamay
did nam called her?
I remember what I did last night and I thought I was dreaming again
I am the one who make a first move..
oh shit!
I stalk her Facebook yesterday but she’s not fun of posting anything but I saw Ma’am Ana’s Fb account because she’s in her friends list
and I saw something, it was a party group of photos while freen is smiling Ma’am Ana is kissing her on the cheek while hugging her neck
hindi ko alam kung bakit sobrang nasasaktan ako, halos lahat ng picture nila together eh ang saya saya nila
dapat hindi nako nasasaktan
akala ko wala nakong pagmamahal sakanya
pero ng maramdaman ko ulit ang sakit, narealize ko na sobrang nag seselos ako
sa mga pictures nila hindi malabong hindi naging sila
she said last night that she missed me.. is she still loves me? minahal nya ba talaga ako noon? at umalis lang dahil kay papa? nam and natalia really want her to leave this place too, because they already know what is happening to her.
I tried to remove her hand slowly para maka alis but when I was about to get up she snake her hand again in my waist and pulled me closer to her
I felt my cheeks is burning
we’re both naked for goodness sake!
“where do you think you’re going?” she whispered in my ear
I felt my fur rose
inilayo ko yung mukha ko sakanya dahil alam na alam nito kung pano kontrolin ang katawan ko
she hugged me tight and pulled me closer as if there’s still a space between us
“Freen ano ba! let me go.” hampas ko sa braso nya
“why? malalagot kaba sa asawa mo?”
uminit ang ulo ko sa tanong nya
“ikaw? hindi kaba natatakot na malaman ng girlfriend mo na nakipagtalik ka sa ex mo?”
“ex? I don’t remember that I have one and yes I have a girlfriend.”
para akong sinapak ng dumbbell sa sinabi nya
so hindi ako counted?
hindi nya ba talaga ako tinuring na girlfriend noon?
“Ang sama mo!.” hampas ko ulit sa braso nya “Pinaglaruan mo lang talaga ako.”
“Bakit ba becca? nagseselos kaba?.”
“In your dreams, get off.. I will call my husband.”
nakita kong nagbago bigla yung mood nya at hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong natuwa
“Go call him.”
nawala ang ngiti ko dahil doon at napansin nya yun
“Bakit ka naglasing?” seryosong tanong nya
nang lumuwag ang yakap nya ay naitulak ko sya agad
“wala ka ng pake dun.”
sabi ko at dumaretso sa banyo
ayokong malaman nya na nagpakatanga ako nun ng dahil lang sya yung inakala kong kasama ko nung gabing yun
__________
Freen
“My God Freen.. you’re going to ruin her family.”
I’m here at Grandpas house since I need to comeback here once a week
Ana and I are watching TV but we’re not paying attention to it, I’m telling everything to her of what happened in my first 2weeks staying in Poblacion Malaya
sinermunan pako dahil hindi ako umuwi last week
“I don’t know what to do anymore, I still love becca.”
binato ako nito ng unan sa mukha
“Hindi mo ba naisip yung anak nya?”
“Freemo?”
tumango sya
Freemo likes me
“Hindi kaba makokonsensya pag sinira mo yung pamilya nya.?”
“Don’t worry becca hate me.. and I know she loves her husband.”
Hindi parin maalis sa isip ko yung nangyari samin
hindi ko man lang alam kung ano yung problema nya at hindi nya masabi
nung lumabas sya ng banyo ay galit na sya sakin at ayaw akong kausapin
nag sorry naman ako pero lalo syang nagalit sakin, bakit pa daw ako nagpadala kung may girlfriend daw ako
Wala naman talaga akong girlfriend dahil simula noon hanggang ngayon sya lang ang gusto ko
Nagseselos ba sya?
hays malabo talaga tuwing naiisip ko kung gaano nya kamahal si freemo baka ganun din nya kamahal asawa nya
Hindi ko na binawi na wala akong girlfriend since natutuwa akong naiinis sya, kahit imahinasyon ko nalang yung kunwari nag seselos lang sya
“you need to change your chemo drug, you lose your weight, are you cheating on your diet Freen Sarocha?”
“No I’m not, just a glass of wine last Sunday night.”
“Omy god freen are you fucking dumb? ako nalang papatay sayo.” singhal nito
“Sunday is my cheat day.”
she took a deep breath and shook her head
kung saan pwede ko ng bilhin lahat ng gusto ko saka pa ako nagkasakit
“you have a chemo session tomorrow and please talk to your doctor to change the drugs that she’s gaving you.”
“Yes boss..I will call glaiza tonight, chemo session nya rin bukas.”
“Good, because I still have a lot of works to do tomorrow hindi kita masasamahan.” she said and start eating popcorn
I have an acute lymphocytic leukemia, my sister died years ago because of the cancer the same as mine, that’s why Ana and Grandpa are making sure that I will survive this Cancer since 80% of adult ay gumagaling sa leukemia
dati kasi si ate bata pa sya nun nung nagka leukemia sya
namamana pala yung sakit na yun, I was 3rd year college when we discovered that I have a cancer akala ko nga makakahinto ako nun sa pag aaral
kaya ganito nalang ang pagka strikto ni Ana dahil kailangang mapanatiling malakas ang immune system ko, at sobrang daming bawal na kainin
I met Glaiza at the hospital, mas malala lang yung kanya dahil almost 6 years na syang nagpapa chemo to fight the cancer, sabi nya disiplina lang daw sa pagkain ang sekreto
Sabi ng doctor mataas ang tsansang makaka survive sya dahil disidido talaga syang gumaling
Freemo calling..
my eyes widened when I see freemos name, I get up and go upstairs
[Hello]
[Engineeeeerr I missed you.]
halos tumalon ang puso ko sa narinig
tumingin ako sa orasan at 7pm palang ng gabi
[Hmm talaga?]
[Yes, Can we go to your house? mommy bake lasagna]
[sama ako freemo] rinig ko na boses ni Natalia
[I missed you both] ngiting sabi ko
I took my med and drink it, before I slammed my body on the bed
[Can we go there?]
Napaisip ako kung alam ba ni becca toh
[your mom wants to go too?]
tumahimik bigla sa cellphone
[Hello freemo]
biglang may bumagsak sa background at rinig na rinig ko yung pag tawa ni freemo
[Hmm mommy said yes.]
[I’m in Manila right now freemo, pag uwi ko nalang okay ba yun?]
[hmp, I thought you already living here?]
ang lungkot ng boses nya
[uuwi rin naman ako freemo]
[but I really wanted to see you already, I missed you engineer, please come home] biglang iyak nito
yung excitement nya kanina biglang nawala
I felt a sharp pain in my chest
[hmm how about tomorrow night?]
[Yes, yes yes please..] biglang sumigla ang boses nya
buti nalang yung chemo time ko 7am baka mga hapon nako babalik sa poblacion bukas
[Freemo]
[Can you tell your mommy, I love her]
siguradong hampas nanaman ang aabutin ko dun bukas, iniimagine ko palang natatawa na ako
[You love mommy?] inosenteng tanong nya
[hmm Yes freemo.]
[love mommy? You’re Mommys girlfriend? Engineer you’re mine only]
Napasapo ako sa mukha ko
[Freemoo just say mommy I love her]
[hmm Okay]
______
Becca
“Mommyyy ”
I was putting the lasagna to the food storage when feemo called me
“Why is it baby?”
“Engineer is in manila.”
“How did you know?”
“I called her.”
ilang araw na kasi akong pinipilit ni freemo na puntahan namin si freen since he said he missed her so much
I prepared food but sad to know nandun nanaman sya sa malandi nyang girlfriend
hindi ko talaga maimagine na sila talaga ni Ma’am Ana
hays Hindi nya namang sinabi na si ma’am ana ang girlfriend nya ah? hayss nakakapikon
labas pasok si freemo sa kusina at sala ng bahay at tuwang tuwa na may kinakausap sa phone
minsan nga hindi ko nasasabayan ang energy ng batang toh, napaka taas
“Nung nakaraan nakita ka nanaman ng mga tao sa bar? hindi kana ba talaga nadadala?”
salubong ni papa pag pasok nya ng kusina
inilagay ko nalang sa Ref. yung dalawang Tupperware ng Lasagna para yun nalang ang Dadalhin namin ni freemo sa bahay ni freen bukas ng gabi
“Becca patricia kinakausap kita.” rinig kong pagalit na sabi ni papa
“Ano bang gusto mong marinig?”
“Gusto mo bang madisgrasya ulit? hindi kapa ba nahihiya na may anak kang walang ama tapos-“
“PAPA.. kayo ang may kasalanan kung bakit ganito ang sitwasyon ko, nang dahil sa punyetang desisyon mo na mag tiwala kila Nop, anong klase kang Ama huh? wala kang karapatang pagsabihan ako ng ganyan.”
lumapit sya sakin at hinawakan sa pisngi
“Pagkatapos ko kayong pag aralin at buhayin ganito igaganti nyo sakin?”
hinawakan ko yung kamay nya at pilit itong tinatanggal
tinulak ko sya at lumayo sakanya
“RESPONSIBILIDAD MO YUN, HINDI NAMIN HINILING NA BUHAYIN MO KAMI, EDI SANA HINDI KANALANG NAG-ANAK.” biglang bumuhos yung luha ko
“Wala kang modo!” singhal nito at aktong sasampalin ako ng biglang sumigaw si freemo
“Mommyy.”
biglang tumakbo si freemo papunta sakin at inakap ako sa bewang
nagmarcha paalis si papa ng kusina
“Mommyy are you okay?” iyak nito
Kinarga ko sya at pinatahan
“Anong narinig mo?”
“Not understand mommy.” hikbi nito
“Good..”
“stop crying mommy, freemo here upset here.” hawak nito sa dibdib nya
“We’re going to leave this place.” sabi ko at nag madali ng umakyat
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