Theme:Â light angst + fluff
Note: i wasnt gonna post this on wattpad so it has intentional lowercase thru the whole thing 😠but i didnt like this as much so i wasnt gonna bother posting on tumblr ahsjdj
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it wasn’t ideal, of course. but the only way sanemi seemed able to sleep was to work himself past exhaustion. let himself pass out. and this included crying himself to sleep. what better way to fall asleep with aching muscles and dehydrated body?
he didn’t know when, exactly, it had become a habit. but it held no sign of ceasing so that it became so natural for him that he forgot it wasn’t normal. he forgot about it for as long as he let obanai into his home and trained with him and ate a small meal with him. he forgot when they soaked in the bath and he forgot when they changed. he forgot up until he was slipping into the bed on the opposite side of the room as obanai’s. until the thoughts that liked pushing him over the edge came in their daily cue of falling into the sheets arrived. and then he couldn’t even stop himself from the scorching tears that burned rivulets into his skin. it was all he could to do keep himself silent, his shoulders shaking from the effort as he buried his face into the blanket, breathing heavier than it had been during training.
he felt momentarily comforted when the room remained empty, with only him pouring his nightly emotions into his bed. maybe he could fall asleep before obanai came?
almost rushed, he let the memories and berating thoughts surge into his head, proving reliable as the tears fell much more quickly. but, perhaps because he’d been so relaxed while bathing, exhaustion took its sweet time to swoop down on him. he was all but mentally beating himself, trying to let sleep overtake him, wondering if he could knock himself unconscious when obanai entered the room, the slide door opening with his arrival.
he didn’t seem to register the turmoil going on in sanemi’s head yet, murmuring something like appreciation for laying out a futon when his footsteps paused, a few feet short from the extra futon.
“shinazugawa?” he murmured, taking a tentative step towards sanemi.
apparently sanemi was a bad actor because obanai didn’t buy his already-asleep-act and only moved closer, kneeling behind him. even so, sanemi kept his eyes shut, battling the tears the continued building on his lash line, ready to tumble down his cheeks.
“a… are you okay?” obanai asked uncertainly. he placed a hand on sanemi’s shoulders, drawing back when he felt them shaking. “shinazugawa? what happened?”
he moved around the futon to sit on the other side. he must’ve seen sanemi’s state because a small, sharp inhale made its way to his ears. he peeked through his lashes, wincing internally when immediately the salty buildup slipped down his face. obanai was sitting beside him, looking taken aback and unsure what he should do. sanemi couldn’t blame him.
“‘m fine,” sanemi said, unconvincingly. his voice was caught in his throat, forced out. he sat up, too quickly, and scrubbed at his eyes furiously. “fine.”
“right,” obanai huffed. he bent down slightly. “can i help?”
“how do you expect to do that?”
obanai hesitated. “scoot over.”
“what?”
obanai raised an eyebrow. sanemi scoot aside. then, to his surprise, obanai slipped beside him in the futon, tugging the blanket over both of them.
“im not gonna ask what happened, but this seems normal to you so im going to try and help you sleep as properly as you can,” obanai hummed, laying down and staring at sanemi until he settled beside him.
“why?”
“dumbass.” obanai flicked him right before taking him into an embrace, wrapping his arms around sanemi so tenderly that he was sure this must be different person.
even so, sanemi relaxed slightly. but he did turn away from obanai, not wanting to seem so vulnerable again. obanai didn’t mind, however, pulling sanemi closer until sanemi grumbled about not being able to breathe.
“just close your eyes,” obanai murmured against sanemi’s hair. “and sleep.”
“okay, mother,” sanemi huffed, though he complied with the commands. he didn’t know where the pillow had gone, but obanai’s arm was under his head and he settled against it, letting out a shaky breath. “you really don’t have to do this.”
“im not leaving unless you hate this.” obanai tightened his arms around sanemi slightly, just enough to hold him closer. just enough so that sanemi could feel obanai’s chest rising and falling rhythmically against his back. “do you?”
it would be a lie if sanemi said yes. so he kept quiet instead, not wanting to lengthen his humiliation in admitting this was strangely peaceful. obanai hummed at the lack of response, undoubtedly taking the silence as affirmation. then he relaxed, snuggling comfortably against sanemi.
at one point, sanemi’s mind blanked. he was trying to ignore how much he liked this position, the stupid feelings stirring in his chest. he wondered, briefly, where kaburamaru was. perhaps the snake had taken the other futon and was basking in the openness or whatever.
sanemi snapped back to the present when obanai’s head lulled slightly against his. he must’ve fallen asleep.
vaguely comforted by this, sanemi let himself relax a bit more. he opened his eyes for a moment, just wanting to see if kaburamaru had really taken his place in the bed intended for obanai. but whether or not he was there would be impossible to tell without getting up, especially from this vantage point, so sanemi’s gaze flicked down. to the arms wrapped around his torso, holding him close. he gazed at them for a long moment before placing his hands over obanai’s and closing his eyes again. his heart was racing. hopefully obanai was too asleep to notice.
he figured he wouldn’t fall asleep now so, when he realized the heavy feeling in his eyes and the sort of unawareness that he was sinking into was. in fact, some telltale that sleep was creeping up on him. a flicker of a thought hit him before he fell asleep, his breathing steadying into total concentration.
he should ask obanai to do this more often.
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« Word count: 1027 »
hahashdf halfassed but i dont post here enoughÂ
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