Random Kny One Shots [Requests Closed] I thought you loved me pt.3 | {SaneGiyuu/SaneKana}

Theme: Angst!!!

Note: …I forgot most of what happened in the first 2 parts so it might not be completely accurate 😭

the ending was supposed to be diff but honestly I couldn’t bother

Tags: @Raexlyn2Mo0n I’MSORRYFORPROCRASTINATING

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Previously:

Shock filtered through Giyuu’s expression and he hovered behind the other two as they crowded around the fallen Hashira

×××

Kanae was dead. The news had drifted to the other Hashira in a sort of numb daze. Many Hashira in the past had died before, there wasn’t a doubt about it. But this was the first Hashira of recent to have died since Gyomei had become a Hashira and it came as a shock.

Nevertheless, they had to keep going. And they had to move on.

Sanemi and Shinobu, however, were apt on not moving on. They couldn’t do it. They didn’t know how. And Giyuu felt like they were his responsibility now. Because he had been there when they had found Kanae, because he, Sanemi, and Kanae had been in some sort of relationship crisis right before, because Shinobu was young and Sanemi was also suffering, because he felt the need to be helpful. So he followed them around, offering to help at any chance he got and trying his best to keep them up and going. 

Then there was the question of their relationship. Whenever he thought about it, Giyuu felt guilty. For thinking about stupid things like that admist the post-death grieving. Yet his mind was somehow stuck on it and it was incredibly selfish of him to be fretting about whether or not Sanemi liked him when both Sanemi and Shinobu had lost someone so dear to them. Stupid, that’s what he was. Giyuu was an idiot. So he didn’t bring the topic up again, not for a while. Not until months later when Shinobu could finally flash an actual smile, though brief it was. Not until Sanemi could talk about Kanae without sounding like he was going to break that very second.

Giyuu had waited. For so long. And he hated thinking like this, thinking as if he was the victim here. But his mind refused to put it any other way. He longed to know if Sanemi could chance him a glimpse of affection once more. He longed for it, though he knew his chance was slim. There wasn’t any way Sanemi could be caught up with Giyuu after the death of his girlfriend—after openly saying that he hated Giyuu, be it true or naught. But he couldn’t resist asking—couldn’t resist seeing if there was maybe a small part of Sanemi ready to let Giyuu in.

He asked it casually. Brought up the topic of Obanai distinctly obvious crushing and steered the conversation towards their own relationship status. But Sanemi didn’t seem to get the hint, or was just pretending he didn’t understand. Eventually, Giyuu opted to just outright ask, though it pained him to think back on how rude he was probably being. He couldn’t help it, though. He couldn’t stay in suspense for much longer. It didn’t matter if he already knew he’d have little to no way of getting with Sanemi. He just needed confirmation.

In the end, he was blunt. “Do you still (still? do you, at all?) like me, Shinazugawa?” Giyuu asked.

Sanemi actually recoiled, as if the question had hit him. Giyuu couldn’t tell if he should be offended or not. Then again, it was still quite random, despite the conversation’s topic.

“I… In what way?” Sanemi asked tentatively. “If you mean, am I your friend, then ye-“

Giyuu wasn’t one to interrupt too much, mostly because he rarely spoke, but he couldn’t wait any longer. “Romantically,” he corrected. “Do you?”

He sounded impatient. Childish. God, he was so pathetic. No doubt he would try not to cry if Sanemi delivered a ‘no,’ despite knowing that it was the obvious answer. This was stupid.

But there was no answer. Sanemi only blinked, as if trying to figure something out. They stared at each other for a couple minutes until Giyuu grew increasingly worried he’d said something wrong. 

“Should I leave?” he mumbled. He would leave anyway. “I’m sorry.”

“No- No, don’t be sorry,” Sanemi said quickly. They had been sitting across from each other after training, deciding they would eat lunch in a little. He stood now, as if trying to stop Giyuu from leaving. Then he paused and sat back down, realizing Giyuu hadn’t moved yet. “You don’t have to leave.”

No? Giyuu frowned. “Then can you answer my question?” he asked. 

Sanemi hesitated, biting his lip. “What was it again?”

“Do you like me romantically? I’m sorry for bringing it up again, but before Kanae’s… ah… her passing, we spoke of you deciding whether you would stay with her or date me. I realize I’m being unfair, given she’s not here to… be much of a choice, anymore, so if you’re prefer putting it all behind us and ignoring that it ever happened, that’s alright. I’m aware of the probable chance you’ll decide to stay loyal to her or just not like me at all, which I fully understand. I do not mind if you decide it,” Giyuu said. He spoke quickly, trying to get over it. He wanted Sanemi to make sure to know that he wasn’t going to throw a tantrum if he was rejected. In fact, he fully expected rejection and was quite perplexed by not being given an immediate no.

Following his speech, Sanemi simply stared at the ground as if rethinking his life choices. Which he was, in fact, doing. On one hand, he was set on not pursueing anyone else so soon after Kanae’s death, or even at all. On the other hand, he so dearly wanted someone to hold him as a lover, to just be there with and for him. And he did, really, love Giyuu. Or like. He wasn’t sure. But he did find himself drawn to the mysterious quiet guy whom he’d kissed. He just didn’t know what he should do. What if he messed things up again? His last times with Kanae hadn’t been as enjoyable knowing that she thought he loved another man more than her. And it had been his fault. What were to happen if he fucked things up for Giyuu, too? In fact, he believed himself worse than his own father in some ways. At least Kyogo had never went and kissed another woman. Though he was certainly not a good example, he had never strayed from the family—as much as he harmed them. So what the fuck was wrong with Sanemi?

Minutes ticked by in silence as Giyuu waited and Sanemi’s mulled over his thoughts, going around and around in circles without progress. Eventually, Giyuu took the silence as brutal rejection and started to stand.

“I apologize for taking up your time, Shinazugawa,” he murmured. “I’ll take my leave now.”

Sanemi, who had been deep in thought, was startled out of his mind. He jolted, looking up. “Wait, Tomioka, no-” he hurried, grabbing Giyuu’s wrist. 

Giyuu gazed at him. “If you don’t wish to be in my presence, I don’t take it personally. Just tell me no, Shinazugawa. I don’t want to think there’s any hope left. Please.” There was a touch of desperation in his voice, though he kept it at level as best he could. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” Sanemi repeated. 

Giyuu tilted his head. “Hm?”

“I mean, don’t leave. And don’t be sorry,” Sanemi clarified, letting out a breath. “I’m sorry, I… Can I have some time to think about this?”

Giyuu paused, then nodded. “Of course.” Think about it? What did he have to think about? Couldn’t he just say no? Or was he trying to be a gentleman and let him down gently? 

Sanemi let go of his arm, nodding back and offering him a tentative smile. “Thanks.”

×××

Nobody would blame him if he said no. Nobody would blame him if he said that he preferred to keep Kanae in mind, though she wasn’t coming back. Nobody would blame him if he said he wasn’t interested in relationships anymore. Nobody but himself.

Honestly, Sanemi wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wanted nothing; he wanted everything. But he felt that if he turned down Giyuu’s offer (which had been quite vague, really, and he might’ve been reading it wrong, but it seemed to be an ask to date?) he could never forgive himself. He felt like he would regret it if he let Giyuu go, too. That Giyuu would disappear from his life if he say no. And he didn’t want that. Yes, he wanted Giyuu. But he needed a little space. In a way that wouldn’t make Giyuu completely reject the idea of being with him ever again. He knew that saying no would do that, it would. That’s the kind of person Giyuu was.

So he waited a couple days until he could get his thoughts under control. He made sure he was certain with his response, made sure he wouldn’t regret it as far as he could control. Then he found Giyuu again.

It wasn’t hard to find him, somehow. As if Sanemi had somehow learned Giyuu’s daily life in the brief times he got a glimpse of it. 

He caught Giyuu as the latter left a store around noon. 

“Hey- Uhm, Tomioka!” Sanemi called out, rushing up to him the second he spotted the mismatched haori.

Giyuu turned, surprised though his expression scarcely changed. “Ah. Shinazugawa?”

Sanemi fell into step with him as they made their way down a road. “Hey.”

“Do you need anything?”

Sanemi nodded slowly. “Yeah. Uh… A couple days ago? When you asked me that, did you mean you still like me and would be willing to be in a… relationship with me?”

Giyuu gave a short nod, keeping his gaze ahead.

“Right. So, I said I would think about it, and I did. I don’t really know how to, uh, say it, so… Let’s put it like this,” Sanemi rambled. God, he sounded like an absolute idiot. “I am… also willing to… yeah. Be in a relationship. With… you.”

Giyuu actually froze and Sanemi almost ran into him.

“Oi- What the hell?” Sanemi grumbled, righting himself.

Giyuu turned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” It sounded more appropriate than ‘yeah.’ As if it finalized things. Less casual. “I’m sure. I thought about it, and I’m… sure. Now.”

“Oh.”

“As long as you’re still alright with it—for all I know, you changed you mind,” Sanemi rushed to add, feeling heat flicker at his cheeks. Oh god, what if Giyuu had changed his mind and this was all for nought?

Giyuu nodded slowly. “Yes, I am. Oh—I still want to date you, I mean,” he explained at Sanemi’s horror-stricken expression.

“Oh. Okay. Good,” Sanemi said, sighing. “So… so are we dating now?”

“If you want.”

“Ye- Yes. Yes, I do,” he agreed. “I do.”

Giyuu paused. “Can I ask about Kanae?”

“…Okay.”

“I’m sure you have feelings for her, too, still. And I don’t want you dating me only because I’m the only option left, because she’s… gone,” Giyuu said quietly. He sounded uncertain now, as if it had just hit him.

Sanemi’s eyes physically widened, as if he had never thought about this. “What?”

“Before, when she was alive, it was clear you favored her. Anyone could tell. You two were actually dating, we only had… a fleeting kiss. And maybe what I felt was worth more than the one kiss, but I don’t want you dating me just because I’m the only one willing to.” He turned away, staring at the ground.

“Oh.” The words echoes in Sanemi’s mind. Was that why he wanted to be with Giyuu? It could make sense. But he had wanted to be with Giyuu before, right? Right??

Neither spoke for a long time and they just stood there, unsure what to do. Then Giyuu let out a breath.

“Think about it,” he mumbled. “I’ll go now.”

Sanemi was too lost in thought to answer, though he gave a quick nod in farewell. Giyuu was gone before he started walking again. He didn’t really know what to think of it. On one hand, he doubted this was the case. On the other, what if it was and he was simply trying to deny it? It wouldn’t be far-fetched, anyhow. Before Kanae’s death, he had considered Giyuu more than a one-time thing. But it could’ve been experimentation. And now that Kanae was gone, he was using Giyuu as a shoulder to lean on. For comfort or love? What was it?

It had to be love. It had to.

It was. Right?

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« Word count: 2077 »

y’all if you actually want a pt.4 i can write one but i’m honestly done with having this in my drafts for months.