Reject (Mxm) Chapter Twenty-Three: Ciaran

pix of Bran —–>

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I know the exact moment Ruari stepped in the workshop. How could I not when my whole body throbbed with the intense need to get close to him?

I missed him so damn much I feel like I’m dying.

I admit, I purposely stayed away. I don’t sleep in my room or go back when I know he’d be there and I stayed out of the pack house as much as I could. I kept myself busy with pack duties and devoted all my remaining time trying to solve the issues about the raiders. I even went as far as asking Lorcan to keep Ruari away.

I don’t know how to face him or what else I’m supposed to say. I’m so confused I feel like I’m going insane. When I finally decided to try and talk to him Bran informed me he went out, alone, to pick up Jean at the airport.

My first instinct was to follow him. How dare he leave without my permission? And going alone, what the hell was he thinking? And I realized I didn’t give him a chance to tell or ask me anything since I’ve been avoiding him like the plague these past days.

Then fear started to snake through me. What if he doesn’t come back? What if Jean convinces him to leave for good? In order to get my mind off that paralyzing thought, I ran for hours to burn off the anger, fear and frustration.

Once my mind was clear enough to work properly I remembered the fact that Ruari wouldn’t just leave without telling me. Not this time. No matter what he decides, about our future, if we have one, and us, he would come to me and tell it to my face. Cale was still in the pack house and although its not official, I know that Ruari treats the boy like a son. He wouldn’t just leave him here. If he did think of leaving he would have taken Cale with him.

But even if I know he’d come back to the compound the truth that he left, alone, to go and see Jean cut deep wounds inside me. I feel like someone took a carving knife on my heart and sliced it to tiny, uneven pieces.

When he came in the workshop I was happy that he seek me out. But when he didn’t say or do anything to get my attention and allowed me to continue working, I got scared that he’d leave without talking to me and I didn’t want that. I really wanted to hear his voice.

“What do you want Ruari?” I asked removing my welding helmet and mask.

It wasn’t what I wanted to say.

I wanted to ask if he was alright, if he didn’t have problems when he went out alone. I wanted to know why he came home late, what he’d been doing all this time. But none of those questions formed inside my head when I turned to face him. My mind just went blank and I said the first thing that formed in my mouth.

I seemed to have taken him by surprise because he kept quiet and looked like he wanted to run away again.

I tried to recover the conversation.

 “You left the compound alone,” another wrong thing to say. Damn it!

“I had to pick up Jean from the airport,”  he answered and I felt my jaws clenched.

I wanted to grab him, to demand an explanation as to who Jean is and why he would choose him over me. But the last time we had that kind of conversation it ended up a like a bomb exploding in my face. As much as I want answers to my questions, I don’t think I’m capable of handling any form of repercussions right now. So even if it felt like I was swallowing my own bloody guts, I remained quiet.

“I left Jean on a hotel for tonight but I think it’d be safer if she stays here.” He said conversationally. “Of course, if that’s alright with you.”

Of course, it’s not fucking alright! Is he kidding me?

But I’d rather have them here rather than someplace that I don’t know. Honestly, I’d rather kill Jean than have him hanging close to Ruari but Ruari would hate me for that. My only consolation is I could keep my eyes on them and I could intervene in their affair if needed.

“We have plenty of room,” I shrugged.

I wanted to look unaffected but I could feel my eye changing color and Keiron stirring inside me. I grabbed a sheet of metal to keep my hands occupied.

Calm down goddamnit! I scolded Keiron but he can’t seem to hear me. He’s royally pissed and I don’t know how long I could hold him off.

“Don’t leave the compound alone. It’s not safe,” I said to end the conversation on a neutral note. We’ve been at odds for days now and I really want to patch things up soon.

I don’t want Ruari to think I don’t care about him anymore. I want to remind him that I value his safety now more than ever. I don’t want him to do anything reckless, not even for his beloved Jean.

I felt him hesitating by the doorway but Keiron was already on the surface and I’m barely holding on, trying to keep him at bay. When I was sure Ruari was safely inside the house I allowed Keiron free and the first thing he did was put a huge dent on the body of the car I’m restoring. Exactly on the spot I was welding earlier. Asshole! After that, he went outside to run half of the night away.

By morning I was feeling physically and mentally drained.

Ruari left early with Prior to fetch Jean and they’re on their way back. Call me a coward with no self-restraint, whatever, but I don’t want to be here when Ruari arrives with his alleged lover. I’m not so mature to accept all that in good grace. I could probably tolerate the situation if I don’t see them together for now. But I don’t know what I’d do, or what Keiron would do, once I caught sight of them being intimate with my mind still unable to wrap around the idea that Ruari isn’t wholly mine.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to go right now?” Lorcan asked as I packed my bag.

“I don’t think Ruari would appreciate it if I tear Jean into shreds just because I can’t control my wolf. Keiron blacks out at the mention of Jean’s name what do you think he’d do once he caught sight of him?” I answered. “I’d be gone for two or three days just get my strength back. You know where the cabin is, you could easily come and find me if anything happens here.”

“That’s not problem,” he said. “I think we’re blowing this whole Jean issue out of proportion. Bran said something to me yesterday about what Ruari said, how all of us are jumping into conclusions. I think we should see this person first and ask Ruari outright what the real deal is.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” I snapped. “All these shit could easily be resolved if we just talk to Ruari, as you said on a mature and normal way. But I can’t hold myself back anymore! I had an opportunity to ask and talk to him last night but Keiron wouldn’t calm down. Ruari mentioned Jean and he just snapped! It took all I had to hold him back and keep him from jumping Ruari.”

“Look you don’t need to do this alone. We could…”

He couldn’t finish what he was about to say because a loud yell pierced the air. Lorcan and I hurried outside prepared for a fight, thinking it was another surprise attack on the pack.

But what greeted us outside of the pack house was an entirely different assault.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself you mangy mutt!” A petite woman with long dark brown hair and blazing green eyes screamed as she sat over Bran who was, for some reason, lying face down on the ground with both his arms locked behind his back. “The next time you growl and approach me without permission, I’d break both your arms!”

“Jean! Let him go!” Ruari said handing a crying Cale over to a shocked Prior before approaching the two.

“He started it!” Jean answered back. “Maybe I should break an arm now so he won’t think I’m messing around.” She twisted her body to one side and Bran let out a painful grunt.

Ruari shook his head. He crouched down and placed a hand on Jean’s back smoothly running it up and down her spine in a soothing gesture.

“Let him go sweetheart,” Ruari said in a surprisingly gentle voice. “Forgive him ‘kay? Just this once, for me. He’s sorry so just let him go. Bran’s at his limit and he might pass out. You don’t really want that do you?”

Jean let out an irritated shriek before letting go of Bran and taking a few cautious steps back. Ruari leaned over Bran and whispered something on his ear. Bran nodded and didn’t make any sudden moves. Ruari straightened to his full height and took Cale back in his arms.

“See what your tantrum did? You made Cale cry.” Ruari chided Jean bringing Cale closer to the woman.

Jean blushed and immediately cooed at the crying child like she haven’t been pinning a six foot werewolf on the ground and threatening to break both his arms just mere seconds ago.

“Do you still think you should leave?” Lorcan whispered beside me.

“Fuck no!” I whispered back my eyes still on the scene before me.

What the hell is going on?

Prior seemed to have gotten over his initial shock and was now helping Bran to his feet.

Bran looked properly beaten up, his lower lip was cut and his left eye was already swollen shut. He’s grabbing his right side and murmuring something about having a cracked rib or two. I expected him to look enraged, maybe indignant that a woman almost half his build managed to rough him up pretty good. But Bran looked positively ecstatic, like he’d seen a revelation and received divine enlightenment. Honestly, it was bit painful to look at him.

Lorcan moved before I could and walked towards Jean and Ruari.

“Hello,” he greeted in a friendly enough tone. “You must be Jean? Lorcan Burnell, I’m the…”

Lorcan didn’t get a chance to finish what he was about to say because Jean’s fist shot out and collided with Lorcan’s face, bloodying his nose.

“Pack beta,” Jean snarled flexing and massaging her now bruised fingers. “I don’t know what kind of discipline you have around here but your people have been very rude and have been making my Ruari feel miserable. Now, where the fuck is your alpha?”

Lorcan looked at the woman like she was crazy for suddenly attacking him without cause. He had a hand over his nose as he turned his head towards my direction.

“That would be me,” I said stepping forward and slowly traced my way towards them.

Ruari immediately moved to block off Jean. Jean started to protest but Ruari just half-turned to her.

“Could you please take Cale upstairs?” He said to handing Cale over. “It’s time for his nap and he’s had enough excitement for one morning. I’m sure Lorcan wouldn’t mind showing you where my room is.”

From the murderous look on Lorcan’s face it’s clear that he does mind. He was shooting daggers at Ruari with his eyes, silently telling him that he’d rather eat shit than go near the crazy woman again.

Jean gently took Cale in her arms but before Ruari could step away she pulled his head down and touched her lips to his. A feral growl escaped from me and the bitch wasn’t even fazed. She just smiled triumphantly at me and arched one arrogant brow.

“Don’t be mad at me Ruari,” she pouted resting her forehead on Ruari’s chest. And I wanted to tear his face off. “I don’t like it when you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad but we have to talk about your behavior later.” Ruari said brushing his fingers on her cheeks and I had to restrain myself from pulling him to me. “Now go take Cale upstairs.”

Jean smiled brightly before giving Ruari another swift kiss on the cheek earning another angry growl from me. She glared in my direction and followed Lorcan inside the house.

“I think you have a lot of explaining to do,” I said once we’re alone.

Ruari followed their progress into the house before looking back at me and sighed tiredly.

“Where do you want me to start?”