Sugar Baby Âœ”ϸ fifteenth: naked

I couldn’t sleep that night.

I lay in my bed listlessly. Gazing up at the dark ceiling. My heart numb. This project was turning out to be more than I bargained for, and I wasn’t sure for how long I could handle it.

The night transcended into dawn as I lay. I watched my room gradually get shrouded under a dark shadow, but I couldn’t be bothered to switch on the lights. Perhaps so my room reflected the state of my mind which drifted in and out of rational thoughts. Reliving my conversation with Gray.

‘I’m not your client.’

The words made my heart lurch and stomach clench uncomfortably. My breath rushing out of me like something had run me over. I curled into a ball, playing aimlessly with a single thread that had escaped my bedsheet. My phone rang with a notification, breaking the deafening silence with what sounded like a catatonic din and I reached for it. I was a little surprised to see that it was almost nine. 

Scarlett: got into hs. thank u! (≧▽≦)

I almost threw the phone back. But I was still obliged to focus on the assignment. Why had I expected Grayson to text me? Who was I?

Mason: great job! I knew u could do it! Congratulations!

I put in the excessive exclamation marks to hide my utter disappointment that it was Scarlett who had texted me. She answered almost immediately.

Scarlett: would you mind getting bfast with me if you’re free? made lasagna (~‾▿‾)~

I sighed and texted back in affirmative.

Mason: sure! I’ll be there in an hour 😉

I added the winky face for unknown reasons and buried my face in the pillow, sighing. It took me a quarter of an hour to finally have the will to get to my feet and get dressed. I realized with a shock that I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. Which I had probably thrown up at Reznick’s place anyway.

I reached the Atkinson’s apartment after half an hour. Scarlett opened the door, beaming at me. She wore a sundress and had her hair in a ponytail. I was surprised to see that it looked like she had dressed up.

“Hey,” I smiled at her as her cheeks flushed.

“Come on in!” she said. She seemed to be bouncing on the balls of her feet, her frame quivering with joy. 

She led me into the kitchen as the smell of delicious cheese wafted to my nostrils, making my stomach grumble. “That smells amazing,” I remarked.

She turned to me and grinned. “It tastes amazing too.”

She put on mittens as I sat behind the counter and gazed at her. “Where’s Rosalie?” I asked. She took out the tray and put it on the counter in front of me, her brows furrowed. I gazed at the melted cheese and spoke, “That looks delicious.”

She smiled and removed the mittens from her hand. “She had some business and had to leave for France. She’ll be back later tonight. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.” She handed me a fork and took one herself. “Dig in.”

I was surprised too. Was it possible that in spite of everything, Rosalie didn’t really trust me completely?

We ate quietly for a few minutes. The hot, melted cheese felt amazing on my starved tongue. “This is so damn good.”

She chuckled. “Thanks.” She took another bite and spoke, “By the way, thanks again for your help on the test thingy.”

I nodded. “No problem.”

I was acutely aware of her gaze on me. She sighed, “What happened?”

I gazed back at her and blinked at her surprised dexterity when it came to emotions. A massive disadvantage for my mission. “What?”

She grabbed my arm and pulled it towards herself, taking my hand in hers and studying it. “Your elbow. What happened?”

“Oh.” I didn’t answer. Somehow, I couldn’t get myself to lie to her. I sighed, trying to brush it off. “Nothing. I just fell.”

She gazed at me, her eyes narrowing. “Mason? What’s wrong?”

I stared at her, my heart wrenching. The only person who had ever looked at me with kindness had been Grayson. The thought of him emptied my chest. I gazed into her deep, dark irises. I knew she liked me. Was it possible, that if I were to tell her who I really was, she would still like me?

She might. The only thing I had faked was my name. My work. The rest of me was genuine. Was it not?

I wasn’t sure anymore.

I remembered Grayson with Annalise. Remembered his words which burnt a hole in my chest. Remembered Reznick’s hateful touch. I needed for someone to be kind to me. I was desperate. I needed validation. My vulnerability was pathetic. 

I took a deep breath, leaning forward slightly as I gazed at her. “Do you… remember your dad, Scarlett?”

She looked taken aback. She shook her head. “You know that already I expect. My mom and I left my birth dad ages ago. I don’t remember him. Why do you ask?”

I bit my lower lip, taking a deep breath. I was allowed to tell her this. It was my story. “Mine’s in jail. For assaulting mom.”

She sucked in a deep breath, placing her hand on mine and gently stroking her thumb over the back of it. “Oh my god, Mason. That is horrible.”

I took another deep breath. I gazed into her wide eyes. Warm. Like she would understand. “My mom…had this tiny shop. That…she left to me when she OD’d.”

I was ranting now. Unable to stop. I hadn’t told anyone about my life. I knew that Harold and Gray had some information, but it was surface. I gazed at her, biting my lip to keep it from trembling. “But it wasn’t enough. And…I got…this off-“

I sucked in a breath, wrenching my hand away from hers as my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket, my heart sinking at the contact name. I silenced it and put it back. I couldn’t bear to talk to Grayson.

His call, however, pulled me out of my reverie. I couldn’t divulge any information. It wasn’t mine to tell and would seriously jeopardize the case and undo everything I had done. But my stupid heart was yearning for compassion.

“So, I got this-” the phone rang again and I cursed under my breath. She gazed at me, her brows furrowed deeply in worry as I reached for my phone again.

I sighed, “I’ll have to get this. Sorry.” I placed the phone to my ear and spoke with as much confidence as I could muster, “What?”

“Where the fuck are you?”

I was shocked by his voice. It was laced with suppressed raged. Almost trembling with frightening anger. 

“Rosalie’s,” I said. “What happened?”

“Get to your apartment this instant.”

I scoffed indignantly. “I’m not-“

“Right now.”

He hung up the phone, leaving no room for arguments. I lowered the phone and gazed at the screen, my heart racing with trepidation.

I glanced at Scarlett and shook my head apologetically. “I’ll have to leave. Sorry. Let’s catch up later.”

She nodded and to my surprise, leaned over and kissed my cheek. My face warmed at the tenderness. When she leaned back, her face was red, her eyes shining. “Okay. Take care.”

I gazed at her for a while. I gave her a soft smile, feeling slightly lightened. “Thank you. I will.”

I reached my apartment in a sense of angst, half an hour later. I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car, making my way to my apartment. My heart leapt painfully when I saw Grayson, leaning against the wall at the top of the staircase. He glanced at me, his eyes unreadable.

I averted his gaze and walked towards the door, opening it and stepped inside. My stomach was clenched in anxiety. I could feel his rage radiating off him. Rage I couldn’t place. It scared me.

I had barely stepped in when I felt a painful blow on my back. The door closed violently behind me as I was slammed painfully on the wall, my face barely escaped hitting it.

“What the-?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Grayson grabbed my arm tightly, pinning it to the wall. Twisting my other arm behind my back as he held me painfully in place. He brought his mouth close to my ear, speaking menacingly. “What the fuck were you doing? Telling Scarlett Atkinson everything?”

“I wasn’t-” I grunted in pain as his grip hardened.

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

I was terrified, bewildered by the sudden rage in his voice.

I spluttered, “How…how did you know?”

“Because we fucking bugged you. Your phone. And thank god for that. Otherwise, you would have blown apart the entire case today.”

My heart lurched painfully. “Bugged…me?”

He didn’t respond to that, although I felt his firm hold loosen for a fraction of a second before tightening again. I let out another anguished wail as a sharp, stinging pain shot up my arm. “Stop! You’re hurting me!”

There was a sharp intake of breath and he seemed to soften. For a second it seemed like he was deliberating my words, but his hold didn’t loosen. I realized they must have done it after drugging me at the hospital. Disgust and anger flared up in a catastrophic storm in my chest. They had heard everything I had done over the past few weeks. Everything I had said. Every intimate moment. Everything was bared.

I felt hot tears prickling my eyeballs. Whether from the pain of my straining muscles or my humiliation, I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t believe they had exploited my vulnerability in such a vile manner.

Everything I had done. All those things I had said to get Reznick to bend to my will. Every time I had been with Rosalie. When I told Scarlett about my life. When I pleaded and begged for Grayson to touch me. Every weak moment.

“Her apartment was bugged as well. But we needed constant surveillance.”

He sounded nervous now, his voice was low. 

That was why it was so vital for them that I spent every waking moment with her. Go with her everywhere.

I let out a loud sob in spite of myself. I felt repulsed by everything. His grip loosened.

“Xa-” he began, his voice trembling with something other than rage. 

I took advantage of his momentary lapse and aimed a sharp, backward kick to his shin. He staggered back with a cry of pain. I took my phone out of my pocket and heaved it at the wall where it clattered to the floor violently. I made my way briskly to the bathroom, locking it behind me as I collapsed on the floor, my heart spiralling into an unending chasm.