Dedicated to IlamMalik who’s comments always make me smile and inspire me.
This chapter is a really long one. But I needed to put in my very best to do Xavier and Grayson justice. I needed it to be tender and loving but also sexy and sweltering. It took a lot of edits and thinking. Finally something good is happening for Xavier and I wanted it to be worth something. Please feel free to leave any suggestions below 🙂
You already know what’s gonna happen 😉
Found this song and fits well (â—•ᴗ•â—)â¤
His kiss set my entire body alight. As if each inch of it was yearning to feel his lips. He traced my lower lip with his tongue before letting it wade into my mouth. It opened against his eagerly as our hot breaths morphed into each other. Intoxicating me. Burning me.
His hands travelled to my t-shirt, sliding into it as I growled softly at the feel of his touch on my bare skin. I straddled him, pushing closer.
“Fuck…” I sighed softly as he pushed me onto the couch, hovering over me. He took my hand, entwining his fingers and kissing the tips of them gently. He licked my fingertips. I gazed at him, mesmerized. Shivering at the feel of his tongue. All my senses enraptured by him.
He leaned over and I immediately opened my mouth in anticipation. My tongue reaching out to meet his as fire burst in the pit of my stomach.
“Tell me what feels good,” he whispered, reaching for his shirt and unbuttoning it. I drank in the sight of his naked torso. My stomach clenching with desire. He was everything I had dreamt of.
I let my eyes devour each of his perfect imperfections. I placed a hand on his chest, sliding it lower just below his right rib. I could see the dark outline of a formerly ghastly gash now faded into a scar.
“What happened?” I whispered breathlessly, brushing my fingers gently over it.
He gazed at where my hand rested on his body. His eyes seemed to cloud over for a moment before he shook his head. “A stab wound. A particularly adventurous case.”
For a second, I felt bewildered by the sudden stinging pain in my heart. As if someone had impaled it as well. Mirroring Gray’s injury. The thought of him getting hurt made my heart squeeze in anguish.
Before I could ask anything else, he leaned over and kissed my neck, nuzzling it gently. His mouth opened against my skin, sucking my flesh, marking me. The intoxicating gesture made my knees weak.
“Won’t…he hear us?” I whispered. I didn’t want to be snooped on when he made love to me.
He smirked against my neck. “I switched it off before I came here.”
“Did you plan this or something?”
He chuckled softly. The soft tremors of his laughter travelled up my body, awakening a ravenous desire. Unhinging the fantasies I had harboured for so long as my body hardened in response.
I wished I could bottle his laughter and get drunk on it every night. He spoke softly, “No. I was just really mad at you and didn’t want Black to know I was telling you off.”
“Why…were you mad at me?” I whispered, closing my eyes as he reached for my t-shirt, tugging it off me. He straddled me, gazing down. His eyes were dark, hungry, but tender somehow. I marvelled at the way the sunlight reflected off his skin. Jealous of its closeness to him.
He leaned forward, kissing my jaw. “You were telling Scarlett all that about you. You never told me.”
I was stunned. “You…you were jealous?”
His arms encircled me protectively. He nuzzled my neck as he whispered, “Yes.”
I started laughing. My entire body shaking with dizzying laughter. He leaned back and gazed at me, an eyebrow raised in question. “What’s so funny?”
“You’re not so smart, Gray.”
His eyes twinkled. “I think you need to work on your dirty talk.”
I laughed harder. Relieved. “You rejected me in the car.”
He sighed, biting his lip. His cheeks suddenly blazed. “I…didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were so vulnerable.”
I gazed at him. Only his words could have this effect on me. “You weren’t…I threw myself at you.”
“Because you were sad and needed validation,” he sighed. “I was really stupid. I saw how sad you were. I should’ve held you…but…” He sucked in a deep breath, his voice was so low that I could barely hear it. “I didn’t want our first time to be like that.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “You thought about it? Our first time?” My heart melted at the thought.
He bit his bottom lip, the sexy gesture almost making me rip his pants off and suck him off till he came in my mouth. “Multiple times.”
“How would that g-“
He silenced me with a searing kiss. His hands moved between my legs, cupping my growing arousal. “Why don’t I just show you?”
I gulped nervously as he unbuttoned my jeans, unzipping it and pulling them off together with my underwear. I gasped softly. I had been naked before strangers hundreds of times before. I had got used to them. I was used to their admiration. Seeing the hunger in their eyes. I didn’t require validation when it came to my body. I worked hard for it. I loved to flaunt it. It had made a lot of my projects successful.
Everything was different when it came to Grayson Shelby.
It was him. The man who had known me for what I was. Raw. And still treated me like a person.
I gulped nervously as he leaned back to look at me, his eyes somehow darkening further. I bit my lip, breathless by his intense, sweltering gaze.
He gave me a soft smile, his cheeks pink. He stroked my bare chest, my abdomen. I struggled to breathe as his hands reached my thighs. Squeezing possessively. His fingers trailing ever so slightly on the inside of my thighs. His eyes feasting on my bare skin. Lingering between my legs, his mouth slightly open.
It was too much. I shut my eyes and looked away. I couldn’t understand where my confidence had evaporated. I bit my lip hard. What if he didn’t like how I looked? Why was it so difficult to breathe? Why could I hear my heart hammering in my own ears?
“You’re even sexier than I imagined.” I took deep breaths at his assuring words. I felt his lips on my cheek, my nose, my eyelids. “Look at me, Xavier.”
I was hypnotized. I opened my eyes and gazed at him, my heart swelling. I took a deep breath. I just needed confidence.
He had told me I was beautiful. That the scars on my heart didn’t matter. That I was still worthy.
I tugged my fingers into the loops of his jeans and pulled him flush against me. I hooked my legs around his waist, holding him close. “What…what did you imagine?”
I was shocked by how strained my voice sounded. His simple touch unravelled me. All my inhibitions slowly coming undone. I was used to being confident. Used to taking charge. All I wanted with Grayson was to submit to him. Let him have me whatever way he wanted. Let him ruin me.
He smirked, taking my hand and sucking the tip of my finger gently as I quivered in anticipation. He leaned forward and his mouth found my lips as his hands travelled between my legs and started stroking me slowly.
I shuddered, gasping as his deep voice whispered in my ear. “I imagined kissing every inch of you. Touching you. You screaming my name when I fuck you.” He gritted his teeth, growling as he bit my ear, sending shock waves through my body. “You cumming for me.”
And just like that, I surrendered.
I kissed him desperately, his words turning me on. “Fuck…fuck me, Gray,” I growled. “Fuck me hard. Fuck me till I’m screaming your name. Make me fucking sore.”
He leaned backwards, undoing his pants and discarding them unceremoniously. His eyes blazing with hunger which scared and excited me in equal measures. I feasted my eyes over his naked form. His taut body. The sexy v of his abdomen. The thin trail of hair travelling down to between his legs. I bit my lip in anticipation. I could see how bad he wanted me.
I reached for his throbbing member and stroked it. A scintillating pleasure tingled up my spine. “Fuck, Gray…fuck…you’re so damn hard for me.”
He leaned over me, kissing my lips. My jaw. My neck. Trailing his open mouth down my body. He trailed light kisses from the inside of my thigh. He kissed every part of me except where I wanted him. I groaned in frustration. The gnawing hunger ripping me from the inside.
“Patience, Xavier.”
I bit my lip, knotting my fingers in his hair. Gazing at his soft, perfect lips. My need mounting to almost physical pain. I needed to feel his mouth. His tongue. I had imagined it countless times. And yet, it felt surreal.
I closed my eyes, throwing my head back as his lips finally, mercifully reached where I was craving for them. I cursed aloud, intoxicated. His mouth was soft, hot, wet. He sucked gently. Caressing tenderly with his tongue. Kissing. Stroking. Teasing.
I was breathless with need. I couldn’t believe the effect he was having on me. I had never yearned for anyone with such consuming desperation.
“Gray…Gray…” I whispered his name. Reciting it like an enchanting poem on my tongue. I could feel the texture of his mouth. So fucking wet.
It took all my strength to not push his head lower. I was aching for more. My lust overpowering all of my senses. His mouth was hot. So fucking hot.
I was begging. Pleading. Imploring for more of him. All of him. His lips clasped the tip of my member hungrily. Moving along its length. So fucking soft.
My eyes fluttered shut as I moaned softly, sighing with ecstasy. I gave in to my cravings, knotting my fingers in his soft hair and thrusting into his mouth. He increased his pace, pleasuring me fervently.
“Fuck…you’re so fucking sexy.”
The tremors from his words sent a tingle of pleasure through my body. “Gray…that feels so good…” I gazed down at him, our eyes meeting in an electrifying gaze. “Shit…”
I saw his eyes fixed on mine, hunger swirling beneath the drunken emerald. His soft lips enclosing my straining arousal. He opened his mouth, licking, never losing eye contact. He smiled softly, biting his lip. Instinctively, I exposed more of myself to him. Begging. He obliged, pleasuring me with renewed fervour. The tip of his tongue teased me, swirling around the engorged tip. In all my life, I had never seen anything sexier.
He kissed me everywhere. Open-mouthed, craving kisses. Like he wanted my taste.
I couldn’t go on. I wanted him to take me over the edge. “Fuck…Gray…if you keep doing that I’ll fucking come.”
He kissed his way back to my mouth, finding it with an insatiable hunger. Our tongues entangled, tasting each other ferally. He cajoled me, opening my legs wider and moving between them. I pressed against him. Feeling his heat. “Gray…” I whispered. “Make love to me.”
He nodded, his mouth slightly open. He leaned forward, thrusting his hips. Teasing me. I bit my lip, digging my fingers into his hard abdomen. “Fuck…”
The anticipation made my stomach clench nervously. I was overcome with doubts I hadn’t faced in years. I shut my eyes, waiting for him. Slowly, gently, he eased inside me.
I let out a grunt of pain. Agony ripping through my body. “Shit.” I flinched, shutting my eyes tightly.
“Xavier?”
He sounded scared. The hesitation in his voice warmed my heart. He did care about me.
“Did I hurt you?”
I gasped breathlessly, trying to keep a straight face as I opened my eyes to gaze at him. “No. Come with me.”
I stood up and led him over to the bed. I lay down on the mattress, gazing up at him reverently. “Check my drawer. There’s some lube and condoms.”
He nodded, opening the drawer and taking out a plastic bottle and the smaller plastic wrapper.
“Let me,” I whispered, climbing to my knees and taking the condom from him. I ripped the wrapper off, putting the crinkly plastic on top of his considerable length. He kissed me, pushing me back down and hovering on top of me.
I gazed at him as he reached for the bottle, applying a liberal amount on both of us. I bit my lip as he leaned over again. “Xavier,” he whispered, touching his forehead to mine, “are you nervous?”
I was quiet. I was bewildered that sex would ever make me nervous. There had been times when I had been scared, but I had never felt this nervous, beautiful trepidation. I was yearning, but still flustered. It was something I had never experienced. Could never experience without him.
I chuckled. “You sound awfully happy about that.”
He smiled, leaning back. “It’s so weird to think that the Xavier would be nervous about this.”
I grinned up at him, pulling him close and biting his lip. “It’s just… it’s you.”
My heart fluttered when he nuzzled his nose with mine. “And it’s you.“
“Are you nervous as well?”
“Well…I’ve never done it with a guy before.”
“You could just say yes.”
He laughed gently, nuzzling my neck. “Yes,” he whispered in a breathy voice. His fingers intertwined with mine, pinning my arms on either side of my head as he slowly grinded against me. “Tell me to stop and I will, okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
I bit my lower lip and nodded. No one had ever said that to me. No one had ever cared for me. No one had ever held me so tenderly. No one had ever made me feel like Grayson Shelby.
The realization crashed over me with the force of an avalanche, crushing me under the catatonic debris. I was in love with him. So completely and irrefutably. I was unsalvageable.
He held me close, gently easing into me. I screamed, my eyes shutting of their own accord. My back arched. I threw my head back as I squirmed. Drowning under the ravaging waves of pain and pleasure.
I was barely aware of his lips on my neck. Caressing. Tender.
Loving.
I gasped breathlessly, my fingers digging into his naked skin. My entire body was ablaze. I was consumed by my craving. He kissed me gently, peering at me as I opened my eyes. Our eyes met and I felt my heart burning. A beautiful pain spreading through my chest.
“Does it hurt?”
His eyes glistened under the dim light. Like a beautiful, timeless enigma I could lose myself in.
I shifted slightly, trying to get used to him as he bit his lip and swore. I struggled to keep my voice even. “A little.”
He nuzzled my neck. “I’m sorry.”
“Just go slow. I…” I sighed deeply as he shifted slightly. “It’s because I’m nervous.”
I finished in a small voice and he laughed softly again. “You’re adorable, Xavier. Did you know that?” I gasped as he kissed my cheek. “How did you get to be so damn cute and sexy at the same time?”
I gazed at him before I burst out laughing. “Apparently you’re not so good at the dirty talk either.”
Just our laughs were enough to dispel my nervousness. It was him. Grayson. He wouldn’t leave me. I was secure. It was so natural with him. Our bodies connected intimately in smouldering heat, and yet our conversation flowed like best friends. It was comfortable.
He understood me. Accepted me. Maybe he could love me as helplessly as I love him.
We caught our breaths as I slowly moved, the overwhelming feeling of him inside me ripping my heart. “Fuck… fuck…. fuck…”
“Fuck…when you move like that…” he grunted softly. He leaned over me, biting my ear as more tingles of pleasure travelled down my body.
“You feel so fucking good…” he spoke hoarsely. “Damn it.”
I moved against him, getting used to the intoxicating feeling. Nothing I had ever experienced could rival what I felt. Like each nerve in my body was craving for release. Urging me on. He was my only need. My only virtue.
And I wanted to submerge.
I held him close, increasing my pace slowly. He grunted as he joined in my movements. Our moans and grunts of inexplicable pleasure filling the air with infectious lust. Raw, animal desire coursed through me.
I increased my pace, digging my nails into his back as I held him close. I knew I would be ruined if he stopped. I needed him to douse the destructive flames raging in my body.
“Gray… Gray...fuck…”
“Say my name, Xavier,” he whispered. “Say my name when you come.“
I bit my lip as he increased his speed. Thrusting harder. Deeper inside me. Our bodies writhed together in burning passion. The world spiralling into an insignificant abyss as he became my solitary, absolute truth.
I placed my fingers on his parted lips, marvelling at his beauty. Marvelling at the feeling of him inside me.
I choked out, barely coherent. “You say mine too, Grayson.”
The fiery flames of desire danced catastrophically in my stomach. Urging to push me over the edge. Annihilate me. His hands wrapped around my waist, holding me in place. I was already imprisoned by my fiery lust. His nails dug into my back, scraping against my skin.
“Xavier…” he whispered, his voice barely legible. “I’m…I’m gonna come.”
I sped up, losing myself completely as he reached between my legs. Coaxing me towards my razing climax. “Come for me, Gray,” I whispered, holding him close and grinding harder. “Come inside me.”
He buried his face in the crook of my neck. One of his hands gripped mine and our fingers intertwined. His other hand holding my body desperately, bruising me. As if he was afraid I would stop. Leave. He bit into my neck hard. Moaning with reckless abandon.
“Fuck…Xavier…Xavier! Xavier!“
I shut my eyes in pain and inexplicable pleasure. He grinded deep inside me when he came. I bit my lip to keep from screaming, whimpering softly instead. I squirmed, my toes curling.
He unravelled. I could feel him spasm. His entire body shuddering as he revelled in his orgasm. He moaned, quivering with pleasure.
He leaned back, his mouth open as he gasped for breath. I held him close. He looked so vulnerable. So unbelievably sexy. His hair haywire. His lips swollen and glistening. His face and neck flushed with soft pink like the colour of the cherry blossoms. He gazed at me in awe before smirking. “Fuck…that was insane.”
He was stunning. I couldn’t get enough. I bit my lip, smiling at him. “You’re welcome.”
He sniggered and leaned over me, lowering his voice huskily. “I want to taste your cum.”
His words sent electricity jolting through my veins. His orgasm set mine off, wiping my brain blissfully blank for half a second. I floated in a timeless warp of naked ecstasy.
My back arched as I threw my head back. He was so deep inside me that I couldn’t tell where his body ended and mine began. The tangle of pleasure in the pit of my stomach twisted and turned in almost painful knots. Incinerated. Ruined. Splintered with the heat of his love. I couldn’t fathom the separation. How could we not remain like this forever? It was such a perfect paradise.
“Gray… Gray! Oh…Gray….ah…!“
My desperate moans ended in a slew of expletives. I was suspended in a sea of pleasure. Gravity losing its fickle hold on me. The world stood still for a second. For us.
We clung on to each other desperately. As if we were each other’s air.
Our shuddering, quivering, climaxing bodies finally came down from their high. Usually, when I was done, I would turn the other way with a surging sense of guilt.
But everything was different with Grayson Shelby.
We gazed at each other. His eyes burning with a lingering question. “Xavier,” he whispered. My stomach clenched in nervousness. “Xavier-” he repeated as I gasped, my heart exploding when he trailed a finger on my abdomen.
“Gray…”
I could only watch mesmerized, ashamed as he stroked my stomach and held his now glistening finger in front of me. He licked the tip of his finger before devouring it clean.
My breath caught in my throat.
Shit.
He lowered his face to my stomach. I felt his tongue licking. Wiping. Cleaning me up of my own seed.
I thought I would pass out from the incredible ecstasy. He licked hungrily. Sucking. Draining each drop. The flick of his tongue. His lips. His breath.
And then I started giggling like an idiot.
He leaned back and gazed at me, a soft amused smile on his face. I groaned, my face burning. “I’m ticklish there.”
His shoulders shook as he laughed, his eyes twinkling. He lowered his face again and nuzzled my stomach with his nose, tickling me harder as I trembled with laughter. I felt light-headed. Happy. Something I had never experienced in the aftermath of sex.
“Shit…you’re so fucking beautiful, Xavier,” he whispered, trailing his mouth back to mine. He kissed me deeply. “You’re the sexiest, most infuriatingly adorable, most beautiful person I could ever fucking see.”
I was quiet. I stroked his lower lip with my thumb. In the years that I had been sexually active, I had never felt so taken.
I gazed into his sincere eyes and realized with a jolt that he had meant what he said. “You…said my name,” I whispered, fascinated at the way he had called for me when he was most vulnerable.
He leaned back, his eyes tender. “You said mine.”
No one had ever said my real name. I was broke and practically on the streets already by the time I got into the dating spectrum. And then I used sex for business. To get my way. It had never attached to any feelings in my mind.
But he had moaned my name. Called it with such intense desperation. Like he was begging me to fly with him over the edge. Pleading for me to not stop. Yearning for me.
He kissed my cheek tenderly. He removed the condom and discarded it. He held me close as he lay down beside me. I snuggled into his warm chest. Taking in his scent. He wrapped his arms possessively around my waist and kissed my bare shoulder. Trailing his lips to my ear and biting my earlobe. “I’ve never felt so fucking amazing.”
I bit my lip but didn’t answer. My realization had scared me. It was strangely liberating, but also terrifying. I took his hand that he had placed on my stomach and entwined my fingers with it, bringing it to my lips and kissing it.
He pulled me closer. “You’re amazing, Xavier.”
I was quiet, my heart a turmoil of bewildering emotions. I couldn’t comprehend the fact that I would have to let someone else touch me. Not after this. Maybe I was overthinking. It didn’t necessarily mean to him what it meant for me. Maybe it was just an outlet for him. Maybe he was just desperate for me to remain on the case. Maybe he just pitied me.
I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath. I could feel his erratic heart gradually slowing down. Each beat syncing with mine. Weaving a natural, ethereal symphony just for us to feel. I wasn’t going to let any doubts ruin this moment.
I wished I could tell him. I wished he could hear. But I was too afraid.
His breathing gradually became slow as he disentangled from the intoxicating web of pleasure that was binding us together in a vice-like grip. I remained in the ecstatic warp for a little longer, yearning for him even though he was just a few centimetres away.
It was too far. I shut my eyes, chanting the words I wished he would hear by some miracle.
‘I love you, Gray. So much that it fucking hurts.’
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