Sugar Baby Âœ”ϸ #twenty-fourth: script*

I sat nervously on the floor, my mind wandering.

I stared at the laptop screen in front of me. I was watching Madagascar for the hundredth time. Unseeing. If my suspicions were right, then this case was over. If not, then I was back to square one.

I fished out my phone and started searching for the numerology application on the app store. I installed a few, none of them seemed to have a layout similar to the ones the Atkinsons had. After digging deeper, I finally found a similar one and installed it. Some obscure company with a name in some foreign language was the developer. I input her date of birth and saw that on my phone as well, the number for today showed eight. Why had it been six for Rosalie?

I gazed at the time, it was eleven-thirty. I wondered if I should call Black again but decided against it. I took a sip of the tea, now cold from hours of negligence. I lay my head on the desk, drumming my fingers impatiently on it.

At once, images of Grayson with the faceless woman burned into my brain. I sighed. I couldn’t ever see myself getting over it.

The doorbell rang after a quarter of an hour. I rose to my feet and walked over to the door, my heart thundering. I opened the door.

Vertigo.

I gripped the wall, placing my palm on it to keep myself upright.

His familiar green eyes. His dark hair. His lips.

Fuck.

Grayson Shelby stood in front of me, looking every bit as stunning as I remembered him. His eyes seemed weary, tired but still inhumanly beautiful as ever. Standing as far away from me as he had always been. I almost bent over and clutched my chest in agony. I took a ragged breath, holding my hand out wordlessly. He gazed at me, his eyes swimming with some unsaid pain.

“Can I come inside?” he asked softly, the tremours from his voice alone still enough to set my core on fire.

Yes. I love you.

“No,” I said firmly. Thrusting my hand insistently in front of his face. “Just give me the transcripts.”

“The first one is Rosalie’s room, the second is her daughter’s.” He sighed softly, placing them in my open palm as he spoke, “You can’t go through all of them alone. There is a lot.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” I snapped at him and tucked the thick envelope under my arm. I started to shut the door.

“I love you too, Xavier.”

I stopped dead in my tracks, every nerve sizing up at his empty words. The words had rushed out of his mouth. Like they had always been at the tip of his tongue. Like he was afraid of my reaction. I felt a turmoil of emotions ravaging my chest. A sucker punch to my gut, the air rushing out. The words that I had dreamt about hearing. But I felt anger that his lies were blotching the words I held so pure. Hatred at myself that even though I knew they were empty, my heart still lurched happily. Hopefully. Painfully.

“Gray,” I spoke, my voice trembling with suppressed emotions, “I…have nothing. Please…just leave.”

My voice broke and I struggled to look into his eyes. The earth dissolving into the twinkling pinpricks in the enigmatic emerald irises.

“I don’t know if you’ll forgive me but you deserve an explanation. Please… let me.”

His words ended in a pleading whisper.

There wasn’t a single thing that he would ask me to do and I wouldn’t. I sighed and took a step back as he entered, shutting the door behind him.

“Let’s just get this over with.”

He nodded, looking relieved as we made our way inside and sat on the floor against the couch. I took out the thick stack of papers and realized he was right. There was no way I could go through them alone. I handed the upper envelope to Gray, without looking at him. I couldn’t handle the proximity.

“I asked Harold for the soft copy.” I mused, not really expecting him to answer.

I heard the sound of rustling as he started going through his stack. For an hour we worked silently.

“So…why did you need these?” Gray’s voice was hesitant, almost afraid.

“Scar and I-” he flinched, “I mean- she’s the same zodiac as her but I saw today that her number wasn’t the same as Rosalie’s even though it was supposed to be.” Amassing every ounce of courage I owned, I looked at him. “My theory is that those numbers hold some significance. We are going to look for numbers which are different. We need to chalk out all the digits their alarms have rung with over as long as their homes have been bugged.”

He sighed softly, “One and a half month. That is a whole lot of stuff to go through.”

“Yes.”

“There’s some gibberish here,” he said, leafing through the papers. “Some symbols.” He half-smiled. “Mason, an awful lot of times.”

I felt my face getting hot. “The voice to text thing doesn’t catch everything. However, it is likely to catch a computerized voice.”

His eyes seemed to cloud slightly in realization. I looked for the sign of disgust, but he simply looked neutral, almost sad.

I stole secret glances at him as I forced myself to go through the stacks and stacks of words. His eyes were focussed, his irises shifting as he read the paper. In spite of myself, I marvelled at the way the soft glow of the yellow bulb speckled in golden shimmers along the green. The way his full lips were accentuated by the semi-darkness of the room. The way his dark hair cast shadows, his eyelashes framing his intoxicating eyes.

An icy shard impaled my heart and I forced myself to look away.

I marked the numbers that I came across. Highlighting and noting them down. After we had written down the numbers, we would have to cross-reference them to see on how many instances were they different. I didn’t quite know what I was looking for, but hoped I was on to something. The room was silent apart from the sound of pen on paper and rustling of sheets. And his gentle, soothing breaths which I could feel somehow warming my core.

The silence was broken by the sound of his phone ringing. 

“Sorry.” He apologized before reaching for his pocket and fishing out his phone. His eyes darkened as he saw the screen and silenced it, resuming his work. I gazed at him curiously before fixing my eyes back on the drab letters. The phone rang again and he sighed. He reached for it and silenced it again.

We worked quietly for a few more minutes before the phone rang yet again. Injecting as much mirth as I could, I drawled, “Maybe you should get that.”

He glanced at me, his eyes agonizingly dark. He finally placed the phone to his ear as he spoke softly, “I’m working.” An incoherent voice answered from the other side. He bit his lip. It seemed like whoever it was, was telling him off. He sighed, “I’ll…I’ll talk to you-“

The voice trudged on, as he looked increasingly distressed. His brows furrowed and face paled as if he was struggling with something. I placed the sheets down, gazing at him. My heart raced in trepidation.

“Yeah. Alright. Okay,” he said and finally hung up. His unwavering gaze remained fixed on the screen like it had caused him personal harm.

“Gray?” I spoke, my stomach clenching nervously. 

“You could leave right now, Xavier,” he said, his voice low. Uncharacteristically weak. “You said you’re sick of being stuck here. You said you could leave.” He bit his lower lip and I was shocked to see it trembling. “But I can’t. I want out of this so fucking bad and I can’t.”

He placed the phone on the table, gripping his hair like a madman. 

“Gray?” I whispered, my heart breaking at his sadness.

“She won’t fucking leave me alone. She won’t fucking let me leave her. It’s killing me every fucking day.”

A dagger plunged into my heart. “Gray?”

I stared in shock as tears started streaming down his face. His emerald eyes glistening as his shoulders trembled. When he gazed at me, I felt like someone had impaled me mercilessly. He looked agonized. Spiritless. No sparkle in his eyes. No colour in his cheeks. 

“I’ve wanted to apply for a fucking divorce three years ago but I still can’t get it.”

I moved closer to him, my heart hammering so loud I could hear it in my ears. “What…what happened, Gray?”

I couldn’t believe Grayson Shelby was crying in my apartment. My entire body seemed shocked. My blood running cold. My heart shattering at his words. Each of his tears like a bullet to my chest.

He blinked, taking in a sharp breath. “I don’t-“

“Gray, tell me.” I crawled over to him and took his warm hand in mine, clasping it firmly with a promise to never to let go.

He shuddered, his eyes fixed on our joined hands as he finally spoke. “I married her really early. I thought I was in love. But now…I know what if really fucking feels like.” He gazed at me, his eyes glistening. I stroked my thumb on the back of his hand. I felt like something was repeatedly pushing be fatally onto concrete. I couldn’t take his anguish.

“Right out of high school. Everything was perfect for a while and then…” He shook his head. “We were immature. Things started spiralling out of control. Financially. Health wise. And then she had a miscarriage.”

My heart broke. “Gray…” I moved closer to him, straddling him, burying my face in his neck. “Talk to me, Gray.”

He was quiet again, sobbing. I stroked his hair, his back, trying to comfort him. His agony was ripping me apart. Despite my humiliation, despite my anger at the world, I gave in to his pain more easily than I would to my own.

“I tried to be supportive. But I had my job. The academy. Her health was failing, she couldn’t continue her education. I couldn’t be around all the time and…she blamed me for the baby. For a while, I blamed myself too.”

He buried his face on my shoulder, his voice muffled. “Then she started drinking. A lot. I fucking came back to strange men in our house she had picked from the local bar. But she blamed me. Telling me how inadequate I was. I couldn’t provide financially. Physically. Emotionally. She started getting violent fits of rage.”

He stopped and my blood ran cold in trepidation. “Three years ago, she lost it when she thought I was having an affair. She stabbed me and I was terrified. I couldn’t be with her, Xavier.” My heart seized painfully. The stab wound I had seen. I couldn’t believe someone would try to hurt him. “But I can’t…fucking…” he took a shuddering breath. “I just can’t…she just won’t…leave.”

He leaned back from me. “It was really hard to prove anything against her. Especially a case of domestic violence. My line of job. And then…” He bit his lip. “She..found my gun and shot herself in the stomach. She survived…but she threatened she would sue me if I tried to apply for a divorce. Even got a fucking witness. The guy she had been screwing.”

He gasped for breath, his eyes shut. I sat helplessly in his lap, my heart thundering. Infidelity laws were fucked up. If the guy testified, he would refuse to have had slept with her, turning the tables on Grayson for attacking her on false suspicions. I couldn’t believe he was going through all this and I had no idea. That someone like him would have to walk through such hell.

“It would be a fucking mess. I’d lose my job. Everything I worked for.” He was barely coherent now. I could feel the agony in each of his words, seeping into my chest till my heart was ablaze with his pain. “It’s not easy…to get a divorce on infidelity grounds. And…” He bit his lip. “I sort of hoped she would come around. Or at least, let me out of it. And now I have this noose around my fucking throat, strangling me every fucking day.”

“Gray…” I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.” He bit his trembling lip as I trailed kisses to his temple. “You’re so brave.” I let my mouth travel to his ear. “So, so kind.” I kissed his ear. “So wonderful.” I trailed kisses to the corner of his mouth, just like he had so many days ago. When I was broken, and he had fixed me. “Grayson…I love you. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

He leaned back, looking at me. His eyes dark as he whispered, “I love you too, Xavier. So much. And it’s making me hope. And…”

He stroked my arm, biting his lip and looking away as if engaged in some silent battle with his own demons that I had failed to see. I shattered at how pained he looked. How tender the words had sounded.

“Gray…we’ll get through this.”

“How?” he whispered.

“I don’t know yet,” I whispered back. “But we’ll find something.”

He was quiet for a while. “I don’t know, Xavier. With all this shit…I pulled you in with me. I’m sorry. I didn’t…mean for this to happen. I’ve tried to hold back so fucking hard all these years.” He shook his head, his voice laced with anguish. “But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stay away from you. From your love.” He caressed my face gently. I melted into his touch.

“Hey…” I kissed his forehead, “I’m here because I want to be here. Let me in, Gray. I know we’ll find something. Come on…we bust fucking billionaires. What’s one deranged chick?”

He laughed softly. “Maybe.”

I knew there had to be something I could do. I couldn’t breathe in a world where he was in such agony. Grayson, in spite of his tough exterior, was a mellow guy. I couldn’t imagine him ever threatening anyone. Trying to intimidate anyone. Or even trying to get revenge.

But I could.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” he said softly after a while. “I was ashamed. I still am.” He laughed humourlessly, sniffing. “I’m a fucking police officer and I can’t even stand up for myself.”

“You stand up for others, Gray. Let me stand up for you.” He gazed at me, tenderly. His eyes full of love. Like he had always looked at me. Like he had always loved me.

“I don’t know why I believe in that when you say…that maybe everything will be alright, Xavier.”

I kissed his cheeks, wiping his tears. “It will be, Gray. I promise you.”

“Okay,” he said softly.

“Okay,” I echoed.

I pulled him close to me, burying his face in my chest and stroking his back. “I’m right here.”

We remained like that for a long time. Grayson’s phone rang again, but he didn’t attempt to pick it up. He pulled me tighter against him, securely. As if afraid I’d leave. Burying his face into my chest.

“You’re the only thing which has been keeping me sane these past few years, Xavier,” he whispered, his voice muffled. “Thank you for existing, Xavier. Thank you for being…Xavier.”

“Thank you for telling me.” I leaned back, my heart fluttering as if finally breathing again. “We’ll get through this. I promise. I won’t let that bitch torture you anymore.”

I leaned forward and kissed him. His hands held me in place, his mouth opening desperately against mine. The kiss became hot, wild.

“How much longer do we have…” he gasped breathlessly. “To catch… Rosalie?”

“Enough,” I whispered back, grinding on him, slowly giving in to my feral desires.

“I don’t think that’s true,” he spoke, slightly amused.

“I don’t think I care anymore,” I whispered hoarsely. 

He gave a watery chuckle, pulling me flush against him. His mouth moved to my ear, nibbling at it. My jaw. My neck. Sucking. Licking. “Ride me.”

I nodded breathlessly, leaning back to remove my t-shirt. We undressed quickly, finding each other again. “Wait here,” I whispered against his mouth.

I walked over to the bedside drawer and returned to him. I straddled onto his lap and kissed him. “You better make up for ghosting me like a bitch.”

He chuckled softly as I applied the liquid onto him. He leaned back, his eyes fixed on me. He pulled me onto him again and slid inside me without warning. Hungrily. Desperately. I let out a strangled cry as he started grinding into me.

He thrust slow, deep, as if making up for the lost time. His movements were making me crazy, turning my brain into mulch. I couldn’t think. The room around me disappearing into a haze.

“Gray…” I whispered, “the fucking…transcripts.”

He didn’t stop moving, writhing against me. His mouth found my neck and sucked eagerly. Little tingles of pain shooting up my body. “What?” he whispered hoarsely.

“The transcripts…we need them…” I slurred, my body blazing with lust. 

“Okay,” he whispered back, not making any attempts to move.

I laughed. “Gray-“

“Shut up, Xavier.”

And I did.

I leaned back, letting him ravage me passionately. He pushed me onto the stack of transcripts, grinding deep inside me. My back arched, his mouth dipping to meet my chest. I felt his teeth graze, bite, nip my skin as he devoured me hungrily.

He gripped me close. Moaning breathily in my ear. “Shit, you’re so fucking tight.”

He grazed his teeth on my ear. I bit my lip as he gyrated his hips. I joined in his movements. Our bodies hungry. As if this was a forbidden night where we were just allowed to be lovers. We were just allowed to drown into each other.

“We…should probably…get new…transcripts…”

He squeezed my ass possessively, nuzzling my neck. “Did you not hear when I asked you to shut up?” he growled. “Just shut up and let me fuck you.”

Fire burst in my stomach at his words.

He turned me around so I was on all fours, his hands gripping my waist. I was acutely aware of the stacks of paper under my body, but I couldn’t care less.

He spread my legs apart as I obliged, placing my hands on the table, giving him everything I had. My stomach knotted in anticipation. I cried out viciously at the unfamiliar sensation. He growled softly before entering me.

“Fuck…fuck…” he grunted, biting my neck in fiery passion. “I’m not going to be gentle with you tonight, Xavier.”

I gasped breathlessly, joining in his movements as I whispered. “Make me sore, Gray.”

He started grinding into me. His thrusts were deep. Slow. Fast. Shallow. Drawing out my pleasure. Drawing out desperate moans. My body having a mind of its own as it moved rhythmically to his commands. My fingernails tearing into the pages below. His fingers knotting in my hair, pushing me down, pulling me. Controlling me. Ravishing me.

“Come here.” He pulled me back so I was arching backwards, our mouths engaged in fiery passion as our tongues fought for dominance. I felt overwhelmed. I couldn’t ever get used to the feeling of his naked body pressing into mine.

“I fucking missed you, Xavier…” he whispered hoarsely, placing his hand on my neck, choking me gently so I struggled to breathe, while his other hand travelled between my legs. “Fucking missed you so much.”

I kissed him back fervently. Trying to memorize the taste. The texture of his tongue. The warmth and softness of his mouth.

He turned me around, pushing me on the ground as there was the sound of ripping papers. “Shi-“

Before I could react, his mouth was on mine. His hips grinding into me. And with him inside me, there wasn’t anything I could think about.

My back arched as I shut my eyes in ecstasy. I could feel every inch of him buried deep inside me. Throbbing. Yearning. So fucking hard for me. My hands dug into his abdomen desperately as I screamed out his name, losing myself. “Gray…Gray! Ah!”

“It’s so fucking sexy when you say my name like that.” His tongue waded into my mouth as I was buried under a deluge of pleasure, never wanting to surface.

“Gray…fuck…you’re so fucking good…shit!” I squirmed desperately, holding on to him for dear life. “Don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.”

The knot in my stomach started tightening pleasurably. He urged me on, pulling my legs onto his shoulder as he leaned over me, his eyes burning into mine.

He bit his lower lip hard. “You drive me fucking wild.”

He held my legs in place, thrusting fast inside me. Moving in and out. Making me squirm against him. My body quivering with the building pleasure. One of my hands held him close, another grabbing my hair, raking it. The room around me dissolving in writhing tongues of flames as he pushed me further and further.

“Fuck…fuck! I’m gonna come…fuck!” He moaned in desperation, leaning over me.

I gazed into his eyes, raw desire coursing through me as I growled softly. “Come inside me.”

It was maddeningly erotic. Like I was begging for something forbidden.

As if on cue, his mouth opened in a sexy, ecstatic moan. His chest spasming, his eyes shut as he grimaced as if in pain. His neck and face flushed. His hair dishevelled.

I gazed mesmerized as he unravelled inside me. I bit my lip at the unfamiliar feeling. I had never trusted anyone as much as him. Never starved for anyone like for him. Never loved anyone like him. I shut my eyes, my heart ceasing to beat. I could feel the hot, hot fluid deep inside me. It was sinful. Addictive. Blasphemously sexy.

I looked at him in awe as he shuddered, his eyes finally fluttering open to meet mine. He smirked. “You’re right. We do need new transcripts.”

I laughed as he leaned over, burying his face in the crook of my neck.

“Cum in my mouth, Xavier.”

I barely registered his words before I felt his hot tongue between my legs, stroking my straining arousal. The slightest touch was enough to send me over the edge. I sighed deeply, pulling his head lower as I released in his mouth. Drunk on the texture of his lips. His tongue. His mouth.

I was terrified, never having experienced something so animalistic. So intimate. He straddled me, gazing down, his eyes dark. My body froze in terror and amazement as he opened his mouth slightly. His lips glistening as they parted deliciously. I saw a glimpse of the glistening white fluid before he swallowed it.

I was on fire.

He smirked as my face burnt. He licked his lower lip as if he liked the taste. He leaned over me, caressing my face as he whispered in my ear. “You’re my favourite fucking delicacy.”

I wanted to shrink away in embarrassment. I had never had someone cherish me like that. Taste me like that. Love me like that.

He lay down beside me as I became acutely aware of the sheets of paper under our sweaty, naked bodies. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing my bare shoulder. He whispered, “I love you.”

I turned sideways to gaze at him. His flushed face, his messy hair, dark, emerald eyes I could look into till my last breath, the way the gentle lights in the room reflected off his skin, the way his lips glistened, slightly parted when he breathed. I lifted a hand and stroked a few strands of hair off his forehead, my heart wrenching painfully at his beauty. And I uttered the only surety in the infinity of the moment.

“I love you.”

He smiled softly, kissing the tip of my nose before pulling me closer so he was hugging me from behind. I shut my eyes, floating in the bliss. His lips were close to my ear as he breathed gently into it. His hands caressing my body. Possessively. As if marking territory. I took his hand and placed it on my chest where he would be able to feel my heartbeat. And know that it beats for him.