[Super]Hot À† Minsung 23 ; Nowhere Around .ᐟˎˊ

Into the thick of it!

“Jisungieeeeee~~~~!!!! Hiii!!!! This is such a coincidence~! Hahahaha!!!”

This is not a coincidence.

Felix was upside down on the benches along the side of the street to the local station. Feet kicking back and forth where his legs hung off the back rest, his head lax from the end of the seat as the river of gravity tugged down his fried blond hair. He didn’t have his lab coat or his backpack with him either. As if he hadn’t been at work, like Jisung had been the entirety of that day. Occupied with sucking on a cherry lollipop, he had bit it between his front teeth to wave at the teacher when he passed by. Didn’t… Didn’t Felix have anything better to do aside from harass Jisung on his way home from teaching? Wasn’t he a chemist… Didn’t he work…? Anyway, why couldn’t Jisung have one day pass by that something odd DIDN’T happen to him?

He didn’t have his taser or any weapons on him either. He never did going to work, what if one of his kids saw or found it? Maybe he would start regretting that decision if he kept running into a certain someone. A shudder crawled up and down Jisung’s spine as he grimaced at Felix, “What do you want?”

“To kill you. Obviously. You know that. One of these days, I’ll bash your head and have a look at that brain of yours~! I’ll dissect it, okay? Then, I’ll figure it out. I’ll cut out that part of you, I’ll solve it, I’ll cure it, and give your brain back,” Felix popped the lollipop out of his mouth, pointing the scarlet candy downward. Scrunching an eye up, he seemed to be lining Jisung up with the length of his sweet treat. For what reason, he wasn’t entirely sure. Only knowing that goosebumps riddled his arms when the other’s lips peeled into a twisted grin, “Otherwise, I heard from a little birdie you were in Lobos territory again. And so I thought, ‘Jisungie only goes there if there’s something major happening!’, so I asked around a bit more, and I found out you are looking for somethingー”

The teacher turned to walk away, attempting to dismiss himself from the conversation, “Yes, that’s very interesting Felix.”

“And I thought to myself, ‘its so strange you AND Cygne would be interested in knowing more about Hwang Hyunjin of all people, isn’t it’?”

Jisung paused.

Taking a moment to stare back at the deranged grin and testing gaze that dared him to turn away again.

He knows Hyunjin?

He reluctantly came back, crouching in front of the dangling Felix to entertain his nonsensical ramblings, “You know him?”

“Everyone does. In Lobos territory they do. He gets around if you understand me. I’ve heard he goes by Dahlia. Or, maybe it’s the name his clients gave him, I’m not sure,” Felix’s grin faded, ironing out to something more serious now that Jisung was within an arm’s reach of him. If he decided to grab him, or stab him, he easily could have at this range. Instead, Felix’s unstable eyes steadied as he looked up at Jisung, “I’ve helped him. He was pretty beat up a few months ago, outside a seedy hotel. So I took him home, I offered him a place to stay, figured that any bed was better than sleeping on the street like he was. I taught him to make brownies too. He’s so cute~ It’s not hard to imagine why he’s so popular~! I hear he’s sleeping with Cygne now too, is that true? I’m so curious, Jisungie… Can’t you tell me too?”

“Sleeping together? No. They’re… Dating?” Jisung guessed, “Probably. I think.”

“It doesn’t matter either way,” Felix returned the lollipop he was working away at between his lips. The visceral sound of his teeth crunching on the hard candy disturbing something inside of Jisung’s heart.

His miserable grin lit up his face.

“But to live vulnerably, means to live ruined by sin~! Hahaha~~!”

Forewarning: This section of the chapter discusses

🎀✨ 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓽𝓾𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 ✨🎀

Slowly.

Gently. Where his hands rested on the Barista’s lower back, the arms that had looped underneath his own to grip the back of his shirt and the cheek rested against his shoulder. Embracing them closely as they rocked together.

Quietly. The low volume of his phone tucked up in the sheets of his bed as it played a soothing song for them to hear throughout the open space of Seungmin’s bedroom. Some playlist that Hyunjin had put on what felt like seconds ago, when he clicked a serene jazz song to play and pulled Seungmin up by his hands to slow dance with him there. Underneath the setting twilight of the moonlight, the city streetlights like eyes glimmering in the dark, witnessing what few words were passed between them in the security of one another’s arms. For Hyunjin, this moment of connection must’ve brought a serenity to his heart he didn’t want to rip himself away from. For Seungmin, he didn’t want to let go, knowing this might have been one of the last times he will be in Hyunjin’s hands.

If Hyunjin was connected to Lobos. If it was that he was involved with them. In any way. In any shape, or form, then it was better to end their little dates and their little evenings together before they could become too serious. But, that might’ve been just what Seungmin deserved. For being too hasty when he thought someone else might love him for a moment, for not taking enough caution to begin with, for not double checking who Hyunjin was before he became involved with him. But how could he even begin? From the hickeys he wasn’t supposed to see? From looking into Hyunjin’s debt when he tried to play it off so Seungmin didn’t involve himself in it. But from what he and Jisung found, was there even a debt to begin with…?

But, how selfish of him was it? To know the only reason he wanted to push Hyunjin away was to rescue his own hide from behind skinned.

How selfish was he, to not dare to tread too close to Lobos’ territory, to their property, to their acquaintances, to save his own skin from being caught by their bullsets? Or, how selfish was he, to entertain the idea of pushing Hyunjin away when he seemed to be a peace for him, when his hands pressed their chests together to keep their bodies locked lulling in tandem when another song played on his speakers; How selfish must he be to want Hyunjin to stay like this with him? To stay so close. To stay within his arms, within his hands for a moment longer, when these frayed feathers of his were stained with blood. Was he selfish to want Hyunjin’s warmth, his sunlight, when he himself belonged to the darkest tunnels of the freeway underpasses, was he wrong to just want… Him?

Since when were his own feelings so muddled together? Since when could he not decipher which thoughts of his were laced with sensation and which were laced with reasoning, why couldn’t he locate where he was feeling when he had always been so good at knowing? Why couldn’t he tell, if it was in his head or his chest, his heart or his lungs, why couldn’t he locate it? Why did it become a clumped mess of too many messages at once underneath Hyunjin’s touch? Why did it writhe, as if some magnet tugged wherever the other’s hands touched him, why couldn’t he tell when it came to Hyunjin? Since when, did his sound mind become so combative, since when did he act so recklessly and irrationally just for another person?

As another song finished off, Hyunjin unwillingly uprooted himself from Seungmin. With these slow, drawn-out motions almost as if he didn’t want to leave him behind just yet, his delicate hands that loosened their clutch around him to lay against his chest and gently peel away. Though he reached to grab his phone tossed onto the sheets to pause their music, staying wedged against him as closely as he could, was he regretful to cut their time off? When he set his phone back onto the bed and proceeded to squish their bodies together again, was he as unsure as Seungmin was about this? About whether or not he could stay bundled up in one another’s arms for longer? Was he as unsure as Seungmin was, about where their relationship was supposed to go next? Was it even supposed to be? Was it allowed to be?

To his uncertainty, his questions upon questions without an answer to ease him, Hyunjin’s fragile fingers danced atop his chest. As if he was attempting to iron out the few wrinkles he had put in the fabric by feathering his fingertips over their warped shadows. The other became enamored with these movements, with these moments of silence without a noise to break them apart aide from the pounding in their chests. Could Hyunjin hear his heartbeat? Could he hear how it was burning up? Was that why his gaze trailed downward, why it fixed out onto his chest instead of meeting his eyes, while he wanted to know why Hyunjin chewed on his bottom lip, or why his breath darted in and out of his throat.

To his uncertainty, Hyunjin’s anxious voice confessed, “I think I’m falling for you.”

Before he could answer,

Or even begin to process how hearing those words from him made his heart suffocate with relief inside his chest,

Hyunjin’s shaky hands softly shoved him away. Forcing a distance between them as he kept his gaze trained to the floor of Seungmin’s bedroom, “But I have to tell you something. Before I let myself. And I know you will hate me for it.”

Million-dollar city lights reflected through the large windows. While they celebrated the near future, the night was selfishly ripped apart. There’s paradise, somewhere out there. In the buildings busy destroying and building themselves again, in the iron beams shaping themselves into someone else’s desires, in the skeleton freeways and glasses filling up for another hour. In Seungmin’s lips as he pressed them quiet, in Hyunjin’s sharp breath as his eyes darted helplessly for an answer to be found in the floors, in the tug of his lip beneath his teeth, in Seungmin’s own apprehension as he could only wait while the luminescence from those selfish lights disrupted the dimness of the room around them.

As if he was searching for the words to say. What could possibly explain him, his thoughts, why he was fidgeting with his finger as if he was twisting a ring around it, why he couldn’t seem to find the words to speak to Seungmin.

Then, Hyunjin turned his head away. Turned his head down. Scrunching his eyes up as his fists clenched up by his sides. As if he was attempting to brace himself against a punch thrown at him or a car barreling toward him on the open road. As if he was attempting to brace himself against what was to come.

Weakly, he admitted, “I’m sleeping with other people.”

There it was again, that painful feeling, that swarmed inside of him until he couldn’t locate where it was coming from.

There it was again, as Hyunjin winced up in preparing for an impact that would never be laid into him, a feeling so foul and bitter it almost made him choke on its viscous taste.

“What? What do you mean by that?” Seungmin stepped back from him. What was this feeling? Why couldn’t he locate where it was? Why did it crush him underneath the weight of the city lights? Why couldn’t he tell anymore? He bit, “Are you being serious? You lied to me?”

Knowing if Jisung was here, that asshole would just laugh at him for being more upset he was lied to.

“No! No, I never lied. Iー” The barista, if he could even still call him a barista anymore, just panicked for an answer. Like he couldn’t decide which words to use next to squirm out of the situation; Like he couldn’t decide if he was supposed to run or if he was supposed to defend himself and hide; Like he didn’t know if he should cross his arms over his chest or if he should continue fidgeting with his hands, after all, at least something was between them; Like he couldn’t decide what to do, Hyunjin just resigned himself. Delicately sitting down at the edge of the mattress, he buried his face into his hands, “I’m in a really bad situation, Min.”

He wasn’t sure. Since when had he never been so uncertain about himself? Was it when he spotted the hickeys on Hyunjin’s neck (While that suddenly made so much sense to him now, for how long has this been going on), or was it when Hyunjin came to him at an odd hour of the morning seeking his help? Was it during their first date, when Hyunjin asked him what flavor of ice cream he wanted or whether he liked pizza, and he couldn’t make a decision? Was it when Hyunjin met him at the beef bowl shop to give him his homemade brownies? Was it when Hyunjin yelled at him at the cafe, was it the first time he poorly flirted with the barista? When was it, that his logic collapsed to the deceit of feeling within his heart? When was it, that he had become such an emotional creature? Was he supposed to listen? Was he supposed to hear him out? Or not?

Was it selfish of him to want there to be a reason? Was he as selfish as the city lights outside, so selfish he would break apart the starlight once hung over their heads? Was he as selfish as the night itself, so selfish he would encroach on the daylight humanity kept so closely to their hearts? Was he so selfish to gingerly set himself beside Hyunjin on the end of the bed sheets, so selfish to press his lips thin together and try to keep a careful eye on the side of Hyunjin’s buried face? Was he so selfish to want to know if there was a point to it all, a meaning to it all, if there was some greater purpose to Hyunjin’s nervousness, his flinching, his timid mannerism, was there a higher tale behind it all?

Or was he selfish because he knew the only reason he wanted to hear Hyunjin fully was to pacify his heart before it shattered beneath the weight of his rationale. This meant nothing at all to Hyunjin. Didn’t it? He was just another person.

Yet Hyunjin dropped his hands from covering his face. Delicately, uncertain if he was still allowed to do so, Hyunjin gently reached his hand out to Seungmin’s on the sheets. First, his fingertips brushed against his knuckles; when Seungmin loosened d up the clenching of his fists in response to him, the barista gently intertwined their fingers together. The barista’s hand enveloped his. Though he didn’t dare to look at him, holding onto Seungmin tightly as he shakily explained,  “I met a man a while ago. I’m from a small town in the countryside, and I wanted to study pediatrics in the city, I want to, you know, IーI wanted to help people, but I didn’t have the money. And, because I was a runaway… When I met him, he…”

“He offered to pay?” Seungmin finished for him. Just because Hyunjin couldn’t met his eyes, for shame or for the guilt of the situation he was explaining, that didn’t mean Seungmin didn’t. That didn’t mean Seungmin didn’t watch his every flinch or his every hunch shrouding himself away. However, the situation was starting to become clearer.

Slowly, coming into focus.

Hyunjin’s hand clutched tighter around his, “I was so stupid back then. If I knew what I know now, I should’ve just ran when I met him.”

Loan sharks. A debt. Sleeping with other people, did he do it for their money?

He’s a fucking prostitute, isn’t he?

“So now you owe the money you borrowed back,” Seungmin realized, how much sense did it all make? The hickeys, the jumpy behavior, even his showing up at an odd hour with bruises, his ranting at Seungmin when he first flaunted his money at him, how could this all have made so much sense now? Why didn’t he notice before? Why did this blindside him as badly as it did, why did it feel as if Hyunjin’s hands had torn his heart out? When Hyunjin didn’t speak up or try to defend himself, Seungmin just finished, “You sleep with him and anyone else with some cash to blow to pay your debt.”

“I work too… I have two jobs but…” He tightened the clasp he had on their intertwined fingers, but he didn’t deny anything Seungmin said. How could he? That was the truth. Hyunjin was a prostitute, and Seungmin had been strung along by him too. By his delicate demeanor, by his timid personality and his gentle smile, was he just another person to toy with too? What was the reason behind it all? Was there ever one? Even if his heart churned with these turmoil feelings, Hyunjin talked so calmly despite holding back his own tears, “I’m at the end of my rope. I either do this, or I join his gang, and I don’t have the heart to hurt anyone like they do. I would rather put myself through this before I willingly take someone’s life.”

“Just a street gang?” Seungmin wondered, already delving into his own thoughts.

If it’s just a street gang he owes a debt to, then I could help him.

Or was he being selfish again?

“I don’t know if you know the name. Maybe you do if you work for the government but… Loboー”

No fucking way.

“You’re a prostitute for Lobos?! You’re indebted to the Don of Lobos?” Seungmin interrupted him before he could even finish his thought. That seemed to be enough to startle Hyunjin out of his own head, however, seeing as how his interjection finally pulled the barista’s eyes off of the ground and onto the one beside him. If anything, this revelation somehow made everything worse, didn’t it? If Hyunjin was in a bad situation because of them, if Hyunjin was chained to them, doesn’t that mean he has to cut him off? But how could he? When Hyunjin looked at him with his eyes brimming with tears, their hands were so tightly bound together. Gently, Seungmin pulled the other’s hand to his chest, pulling him a little bit closer as he had to ask, “Is he the one that hit you?”

Gently, Hyunjin readjusted how he was sitting; Pulling his legs up to tuuck underneath him until he was sitting on top of his scrunched legs. But the change in position made it easier for them to face one another, it made it easier for Hyunjin to lean closely to him, to speak earnestly without a hint of deception or feigns on the corners of his lips or the edge of his eyes, “Honestly? No. Not once. He’s nice to me. He can get rough. But he’s never hurt me. Or threatened me. It’s never been him. I hate that asshole either way, though. He’s heartless, cruel, and a jerk. I really did fall down a flight of stairs, but I got pushed by another client I was with, so…”

Was it so selfish of him, if he wanted to know? Was it so selfish of him, if he just wanted to understand what this meant to Hyunjin? The dates, spending nights at his apartment, texting him, talking with him over the phone, what did any of that mean to him?

Seungmin loosened the grip on their hands, gently trying to pull his hand away from Hyunjin’s even if he knew he truly didn’t want to, “And what about me? Am I just another client to you?”

The… barista. His hand suddenly squeezed into his, stopping him from letting go, “NO! No, no, noonono, Seungmin, Iー  I never lied about how I feel. My feelings are real. They are. I have never, not once, even considered you only for your money.”

Delicately, Hyunjin scooted closer to him. Inching as they kept their hands tightly wound together against Seungmin’s chest. Could he feel how painfully his heart was beating? Was this pain he felt even for himself? No, it couldn’t have been. He hadn’t felt this way for anyone, much less himself, for much longer than he ever would’ve cared to remember. These sensations were in his chest as if someone had taken a bite out of his wings as if he was nothing more than a defenseless little swan floating aimlessly in a pond again, and yet he wanted nothing more than to keep Hyunjin bundled up under his wing. Was it selfish of him to want that? Or did Hyunjin know it too? Did he understand it, too, when the barista gently set his forehead against Seungmin’s shoulder? Could he understand how badly he was hurting for him? Was he trying to reassure him? Which was it? What was it? Since when could he no longer tell?

“My heart… I feel as if it’s being eaten away. I feel as if I’m stuck in a pit with rabid, wild dogs. They are tearing me down to my bones, and I am left to pick the pieces of myself back up. And yet, you see me pulled apart, and you wonder how your hands can avoid hurting what they’ve left,” Hyunjin’s wavy hair gently brushed against his skin. He could feel the warmth of his words trailing down his bicep and the hand that tangled up with his released to comb against his collar. While Hyunjin confessed every honest word to him, “I really, really like you. I want to be with you. I want to call you my boyfriend; I want to cuddle with you on your bed; I want to go on dates with you and eat pancakes in the morning with you; I want to come back to you even if my nights are hard to get through. But if you hate me, if you never want to see me again, I understand. And I will let you be.”

What did he even want? Did he really want Hyunjin to leave him? Did he truly think that what Hyunjin did was worth being hated for? Did he truly think that his choices were worth being despised for? Or was he, someone who had made a living off of selling orders for people to be killed, someone who made money off of selling information to the seediest of hands and the worse of the worse in the undercity, was he truly someone who could even begin to judge Hyunjin for choosing to earn back his debt? Much less for doing it in a manner that spared other people, even if that meant sacrificing him night after night, time after time? Was it truly worth it to hate him? Or was Seungmin just being selfish again? Because he wanted to keep Hyunjin as close to him as he could. Because he wanted to keep him as close to him as he was allowed to.

Or should he not even begin to go down that path? If he chose to keep Hyunjin by his side, he was connected to Lobos. To the Don of Lobos. To Limbo. What was going to happen to him? What would they do to Hyunjin if they knew he was with their sworn enemy? What would happen to Hyunjin when they found out he was with Cygne? Of all the people for him to have picked, would they even care at all? And what about him? If Lobos found out that Cygne had been touching an asset of theirs, if Limbo found out that he was disrupting Hyunjin’s work and was delaying his ability to pay back his debt, what would they do now that they had a connection to him? And his debt… would he never be able to help him with his debt? He could never help Hyunjin repay his debt because he owed it to Lobos.

It had been so long. Longer than he could remember, that his heart and his mind wouldn’t cooperate and make a decision. He knew what he wanted, but he knew what had to be done, why couldn’t he just agree on one or the other?

He needed to cut all ties to Hyunjin off. Before either of them would be hunted.

Underneath his breath, he uttered, “Even if what you’re doing is right, there’s no guarantee that those who don’t know the circumstances will understand that it is right.”

But he wanted something entirely different, didn’t he?

“I’m not innocent either, Hyunjin, I’m not someone who can say whether you are in the right or wrong. I just know nothing you have done is worse than me,” Tenderly, Seungmin cupped the other’s cheek with his unoccupied hand and lifted his head to look at him in their close proximity, “I’m… so sorry, Hyunjin. Someone like you doesn’t deserve to be dragged into our world like that.”

I need to tell him my circumstances too. Then, he can decide if it’s worth it for him too.

“I…”

He hesitated. For once, as unsure of what words to say as Hyunjin was. Stumbling and locking up with words lodged in his throat. He was still so pathetic, wasn’t he?

“I know,” Hyunjin whispered softly, leaning closer to Seungmin until their lips brushed together as he spoke softly to him, “I’ve heard enough rumors about you from the people I’ve met. I’ve known since I saw the butterfly tattoo on your arm. You have a swan tattoo on your chest, too, right? One day, I want to see it.”

The next thing he knew was the softest lips pressed against his. Softer than anything Seungmin had ever known, like the first snowfall in December, or snowflakes melting and floating away weightless in the water. Flower petals that fall off in the first rains of spring are washed down the riverways. Hyunjin’s kisses were the sweetest thing he had ever tasted. So, effortlessly, sweet.

The lights in this city cost millions of dollars. Each, and every one of them was selfishly flickering that night.

But as his aching heart pressed close to Hyunjin’s and their kiss deepened ever so gently, he doubted there was a single one around who was more selfish than them.

▄︻デ  ══━一ᝰ.ᐟˎˊ

Anyway this means Seungmin and Hyunjin are together (?)