TW and sorry in advance
Scarlett and I are still going strong.
Dad was out of town for Thanksgiving. And will be gone for Christmas as well.
All that mumbo jumbo about wanting to be a Dad and loving us at my game was definitely false because Christmas is in 3 days and he definitely is not going to be here.
I wasn’t really here on Thanksgiving.
I mean, I was physically in WestHampton but I was not on this planet.
I’m saying I was really fucking high.
Grandma Iris came up from Florida and made all of our extended relatives eat with us.
I went on a cousin walk then bashed on some mashed potatoes.
Christmas training is over as well. I’m really sad about the season ending in February but then I realized that’s a bit of time away.
And there’s a plus side to having Dad out of town all the time…
“Can you please turn the light off?” Scarlett put her arm over her face and turned away from me, facing the inner corner of my room.
I sighed and set my journal on the ground, “I have to-“
“Remember.” She turned back towards me, “I know. Because you journal every morning as soon as you wake up.” She leaned up so we were on the same level, “And you wake up before the sun does to go run.”
I smiled at her, “You’re getting too personal with me, Santoro.”
She shrugged and kissed my lips gently. “I’m your girlfriend silly.” Then she laid back down, “Now lay back down so I can be warm again.”
I flipped the switch off and snuggled up against her back, wrapping my right arm over her.
Her breathing slowed and the beat of her heart grew stronger. I could feel it all over her body. Like a song only I could hear. One that I can never get tired of.
She sat up slightly and dragged my other arm under her, curling up against it.
“My arm’s going to fall asleep.”
“I’m going to fall asleep.” She let out a heavy breath.
I kissed her shoulder and leaned my forehead up in between her shoulder blades. She smells like me because of the shower she took here last night.
I like this. Everything about it. Having a good relationship. With Scarlett Santoro. Warm.
<><><><>
Scarlett’s mom needed her to take Wolf Christmas shopping.
And I needed to finish my Christmas break essay for Mrs. Moreno.
So we were apart for a total of 6 hours.
“I missed you.” She leaned into me more on the couch.
I sighed and squeezed her shoulder slightly, “I know.” I drew circles with my fingertips on the edge of her shirt, “Are you sure you want to watch this?”
She giggled, “I love Dance Moms! You know that, silly.”
I leaned into her, sighing into her shoulder, “We watch it every day.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, “And you’ve never complained until now.”
I rolled my eyes and kissed her cheek.
But quickly pulled away when I heard bags drop on the floor next to us.
“What is going on here?”
I jumped off the couch faster than I knew I could move and turned around to look at my dad. “Hi dad.”
He looked at Scarlett sitting on the couch, her face a mix of terror and confusion, “Do I need to repeat myself?”
“Scar…lett and I were having a movie night. I hadn’t expected you to be home so I didn’t ask and I’m sorry-“
“Why the fuck did you kiss her, Natalie? I’m not an idiot, so let me ask again, what the fuck is going on here?”
“Dad, I can explain.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, “Don’t spew any lies to me, girl. I know what I saw. If you’re brave enough to behave that way, own it. Answer my question.”
“We were just-“
“Are you a homosexual?” He looked at me and Scarlett, “Are you both homos?”
“She- I- Dad.” I felt the tears in my eyes. This isn’t how I wanted this to go at all and now here we are in my living room getting yelled at by my father. Who I think is intoxicated.
He laughed, “I have a faggot daughter! Great.” He looked down at me and shook his head, his face becoming immediately serious, “Do her parents know?” He asked as if she isn’t sitting right there. I wish she wasn’t sitting right there. This is a nightmare.
“Yes sir, they know.” Scarlett spoke up, standing. “I can leave-“
“Great! So not only is my daughter a faggot but Gordan Santoro knows she is!” He put his hands up and backed up, “I will have no fag in my house.”
“You don’t need to keep using that word, Dad.” That’s the only thing I could say. My chest was beginning to tighten and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“You don’t get to call me that. I don’t have a daughter anymore.”
My stomach filled with dread and I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore, “You can’t do this. You can’t do this right before state!”
He turned to Scarlett, “You need to leave. You will not step another foot inside this house.”
“You’re right about that.” She stood up and looked at me, “I’m gonna talk to my dad.” She looked at mine, “Goodnight Julius.” She disrespected him.
He watched her leave then turned back to me, “You are disgusting.”
“This will ruin me, Dad. You can not do this to me right now.” I waved my hands around as I spoke, the anger and sadness and built up hatred for this man finally boiling over.
“You’ve already ruined yourself! This isn’t what God intended for you!”
“God never said anything about being gay-“
“Leviticus 18:22. ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.’ You are an abomination. You are no daughter of mine.”
“You want to play this game!?” I shook my head and looked at him, “Leciticus 18 talked about incest you idiot. The whole chapter was about incest and beastiality. Historians verified that. Did you forget I went to a catholic school? Did you forget you made us read the bible? Study the bible?”
“I made you do that so you wouldn’t turn out this way. Leviticus talks about man on man. Woman on woman!”
“Man on man rape! Woman on woman rape! 18:6 ‘None of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness.'”
“You’re saying things you want to believe! You are a fag and that is wrong! I expect you to be gone in the morning!”
“No you wanted to play the bible game let’s play the fucking bible game! Leviticus. 18. 17 and 19. ‘Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, neither shalt thou take her son’s daughter, or her daughter’s daughter, to uncover her nakedness; for they are her near kinswomen: it is wickedness. Neither shalt thou take a wife to her sister, to vex her, to uncover her nakedness, beside the other in her lifetime.’ That’s what 22 means. ‘Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.’ Don’t fuck your family! That’s what it means, Dad.“
He just stared at me.
“Yeah, I’m using something you forced us to learn against you. Because when I read Leviticus, I realized that no where in the bible said anything about being gay.”
“You are wrong-“
“I’m not. Do you want to know some important things the bible does say that you might want to remember? Good. Psalm 127:3 ‘Children are God’s love-gift; they are heaven’s generous reward.'” I stared at him.
He stepped forward, “You will not speak of the lord in front of me. You will not recite the bible. You will get the fuck out of my house.”
“You’re mad now. Because you know I’m right? Because I am fucking right you piece of shit! I’ll leave. I’ll leave as soon as I get my shit from upstairs.”
“Make it quick. I want you gone tonight or I’ll drag you out myself.”
I stared at him for a moment longer before running up the stairs and leaning against the back of my door.
I’m not even that religious. I remember parts of the bible he made us study harder than the rest. He made us reread it for years. Every night before bed I would read a whole chapter. Once I finished the whole thing, he would make me read it again.
I just never thought I would have to use it against him.
I stood up off my floor and looked around my room.
It makes sense why he made me and Melly study Leviticus and Romans the hardest. He didn’t understand what it was.
I can get all of my stuff when he leaves. For now I just need my hockey stuff. My school backpack. All of my pictures off the walls. Some clothes probably. I have enough money from grandma to find a place but obviously not at 10 o’clock at night.
I grabbed my phone off the charger. 6 missed calls from Scarlett. 4 from Syd. 2 from Yoda. 2 from Mo.
I called Scarlett back.
“I already called my dad. You can stay with us as long as you need.”
God I could cry even harder right now.
“Where are you?”
“I’m leaving now.” I grabbed my bags without hanging up on her, “I- Thank you.”
She was quiet for a moment, “I’m so sorry Natalie.”
“It was bound to happen. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Okay. Be safe, love.”
“I will.” And I hung up.
I’ve lost my mom. I almost lost one of my best friends. And now I’ve lost my dad.Â
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