“And that’s the whole assignment?” That stupid brown haired boy always asks a damn question. Mrs Moreno explained it to us. She spent the entire class giving examples. And this kid asks if that’s all. As if it’s not a lot.
“Yes, Jordan. That’s the whole assignment.”
“But it’s clearly going to be short.”
I rolled my eyes and fought myself not to call this kid an idiot.
“It’s a detailed essay about your favorite musical artist, Jordan. It’s not going to be short.” She looked around the room, “Are there any volunteers to tell me why it won’t be short?”
I looked around as well. No one has their hand raised.
“If you answer, I will give you 5 extra credit points.”
I don’t need the extra points for my grade. No, I have a 105% in this class already. But I love music and I will give any excuse to talk about Billie Eilish or Ethel Cain.
So I raised my hand.
Mrs Moreno called on Reilly Puller and then me.
I cleared my throat, “Music is an art. It takes time and real talent to be able to create it in a way that makes people want to listen and dance or cry or be angry. It’s going to be a long essay because you need to describe why that person’s music makes you feel. Why they’re you’re favorite out of millions and millions of people out there trying to create.”
Moreno nodded, “Who would you pick?”
The classes attention was on me. Mobius and Yoda were grinning at me like idiots because they know I don’t want this much attention at one time.
“Well, Billie Eilish.” The class groaned, “Oh hold on.” I stood up, “Billie Eilish is like, the person right now. She’s a total girlboss and her lyrics really do make you feel. And she has different songs for every emotion. Grief, Sadness, Loneliness, Love, Longing, and, like, so many more. As of right now, she is the music industry.” I sat down, “That’s all.”
Moreno nodded her head, “I have no doubt yo will express all of that beautifully on paper, Ms Wilson.”
I nodded.
Then the bell rang.
Sydney wrapped her arm around me as we walked out of class, “You’re an absolute Billie Eilish meat rider.”
“That’s my tiktok handle, Syd. Of course I am.” I smiled at her as we walked into our English class.
English is my third favorite class of the day.
At least, it usually is. Because it’s my class with Scar. And I sit right next to her because of our last names. I like this class because I don’t get to see Scarlett till lunch and this is my 36 minutes of being with her.
But today is different.
Today, Bradley Henrichsen is sitting in my seat drooling over my girl.
And that’s not the worst part.
No, she’s giggling at him.
“Youch.” Syd pat my back, “You should sit with me today.”
“I should tell that meat head with chicken legs to get out of my seat-“
Syd shook her head and pulled me into the seat next to her desk, “That’s suspicious.”
I looked away from Scarlett and narrowed my eyes at Sydney, “What do you mean?”
She shrugged, “People are starting to… Catch on, I guess. You guys are close and spend every waking minute together. You defended her in the lunchroom too. It’ll just look sus if you get all butthurt about him sitting in your seat.”
“I’m not-” I groaned, “She’s giggling at him.” I laid my head down on the desk.
The bell rang before Sydney could say anything else.
“Alright class, happy Thurday.” Mr Jacobsen took out his MacBook and started going through attendance. He didn’t even care Bradley was in my fucking seat.
I wish I could say English went by quickly. But it was partner work. With your table mate.
Bradley and Scarlett.
He was totally flirting. That ugly smirk on his face.
And she was eating it up.
I tried really fucking hard not to think about it in Stats because Syd and I have a project due on Friday.
But it wouldn’t leave my head.
It didn’t make it any better when Scarlett was literally standing in his group of friends during passing.
I left school during study hall to clear my head and fight the urge to smoke. Because that’s how it gets you.
I ate lunch by myself in my bedroom because Dad is still out of town and Melly doesn’t have a car.
I was late for Physics.
I think that’s the first time all day Scarlett has paid any attention to me.
She looked almost confused when I sat next to Yoda instead of her.
Yoda was confused too but he caught on pretty quick.
Coach let me sit in his office during Government Science because I told him I was cramping really bad. That’s all he ever needs to hear.
Being a girl coach, he’s pretty good about girl problems. Even uses his own money to stock up the dispensers in the hockey locker room for us.
Gets the good tampons which we all really appreciate.
Sports performance is the best class of the day. I get to get all of my anger out.
“Hey Wilson.” Ollie set her water bottle down next to my bench, “Need a spotter?”
Sydney is at swim practice right now. And I really don’t want to wait for Mobius to get back inside to help make sure I don’t die. And Scarlett…
“Yeah, that’d be great.” I smiled at her and decided to load the bar up. I usually do 75 for warmups on a game day. But I need to push myself physically so I don’t break mentally. So I’m doing 100.
“New record to break?” She looked down at me as I adjusted myself under the bar.
I smiled up at her as I lifted the bar up, “Anger to release.”
She nodded, “Understandable.”
I did a rep, “Where do you want to go to college? I missed Senior night for the cheerleaders.”
She smirked, “I’ve been accepted into Stanford. Apparently, I’m a genius.”
“A genius?” I furrowed my eyebrows and did another rep, “Who would’ve thought you would be.” Sarcasm and she knows that. Olivia is the smartest kid in our class. Plus all of her extracurriculars, no doubt she’s going to an IVY league.
“Shut up.” She eyed the bar as I did a few more reps. “You really are upset today.”
I blew out a breath and continued lifting the bar up and down.
She nodded as I finished my last rep. “29.”
“Damn it.” I sat up and wiped my forehead on the towel sitting next to my own bottle of water, “Was going for 100.”
She laughed, “Yeah right.”
I wiped the bench off and took the weights off as well. “Have you benched before?”
She nodded, “But only small amounts.” She sat on the bench.
“50?”
She nodded, “That’s probably good.” She laid back and had her feet pointing inwards and back flat against the board.
“Point your feet out and arch your back.”
She snorted, “Got it.” And she did.
She only did 7 reps but I was still impressed.
Scarlett wasn’t.
No, as soon as she came through the outside doors, we made eye contact in the mirror. The only sort of communication we’ve had.
Her face was angry. Really fucking angry.
Olivia must’ve noticed it too, “I should, uh, get to the showers early.” She stood up and grabbed her water, “And I really like my spot on the squad so-” She smiled politely at me, “I need to go.”
I nodded and sat down next to the hand weights, needing to get air in my lungs immediately.
Today sucks. I hate Thursdays. And I hate how confusing my brain is.
<><><><>
The last five minutes of a game are always the worst. Not to mention, we’re down by a point.
Scarlett isn’t here. V has been joking with me that she’s our good luck charm. Every game she’s at, we win.
“Get your head’s in the fucking game!” Coach was as red as the crimson suit he was wearing. This is the game that qualifies us for regionals. So it’s important. “I don’t know who pissed in the gatorade or what kind of fight you have had, but cut the shit. This game is really fucking important for all of you. Stop pussying around and make the goals we need to fucking win.” He has never sworn this much. Probably because we’ve never lost to East.
I nodded, knowing I was one of the main reasons we aren’t playing like we should.
Seeing Scarlett giggle with that douche really ruined my day.
V hit the side of my helmet, “Fakie or red play?”
I widened my eyes, “I can’t red right now. I can’t play right.”
“Mystery woman has you fucked up, huh?” She looked me in the eyes.
I looked at the scoreboard. 1 minutes left of our 3 minute timeout.
“Look at me.” She turned my head towards her, “You are Natalie fucking Wilson. You have so many school out for you. Minnesota wants you to play on their starting lineup next year. Focus.” She pointed to the crowd, “Because they’re watching you.”
I looked at the crowd. Yoda, Mobius, and Sydney are in the front as always. Melly and his little girlfriend, Jenny are there. But no Scarlett.
“I can’t.” I looked back at her. “I can’t play, V.”
She looked at the crowd again. Then she nodded, putting the pieces together, “She’s at the top.”
“What?” I looked at the crowd, immediately scanning again.
“She’s- She is literally sitting next to Marshall and Riley.” She grabbed my shoulders, “Is that why you’re off?”
“We- We haven’t been on good terms today. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Is this… A friend’s thing?”
I looked at her again.
She nodded, “I get it. Purple play!” She shouted back to the girls who were putting their helmets on.
Coach pat my back as I put my mouthguard in and skated onto the ice.
We’re starting on our face-off circle.
I looked up at the girl from East. She has a scar over her lip. She probably thinks she’s so cool. Now I have to beat her.
The puck dropped and I immediately hit it to Kitty.
She slid past the penalty box and around their goal cage, passing to Anna.
Anna hit it to Rose.
Rose passed to Allie who slid up the middle towards the goalie.
I slid around the goal cage onto their left side and waited for Allie to pass to me.
She looked up, hit the puck, and I hit it right into the goal.
The buzzer sounded and I skated to Allie and wrapped her in a hug, “Great pass!”
“Thank you!” She hit my helmet, “Need one more to win.”
I looked at the scoreboard. 3-3. Only 2 minutes left on the clock.
“You got this?” V stopped in front of me, accidentally spraying Allie with bits of ice.
Allison glared at her.
“Red play.”
V smirked and nodded, “Got it.”
V is amazing at defense. Anna and Rose are amazing at getting out of hard positions. I’m good at scoring. Allie is completely unpredictable being a freshman. The other team doesn’t have a clue about her. And Kitty is Kitty.
“Red!” I yelled back to them before putting my mouthguard in.
We started in the center again. The same girl as our last face off. The same smug look on her face too.
She thinks she has this in the bag.
Bitch, I’m Natalie Wilson.
The ref dropped the puck and I slammed into the girl with all my force. She fell back and I hit the puck to Kitty.
She took it behind out goal and hit it to Anna.
Anna to Allie.
Allie to V who brought it down the ice to me.
Me back to V.
V back to me.
Me to Allie.
We have to run the clock down enough.
Allie hit it back to Anna who immediately got slammed into the wall.
Rose went over and slid the puck in my direction then helped Anna away from the two girls literally on her.
I slid down the ice faster than I ever have and realized it was just me, scar girl, and the goalie right now. This window with close in seconds.
I didn’t slow down as I raced towards them.
I hit the girls shoulder and she was knocked back again, this time falling onto the ground.
“Me and you goalie.” She can’t hear me but it’s for the effect.
I stopped quickly and positioned my hands on the stick for the slapshot.
And it went in the right corner.
And the buzzer went off right before the ending horn.
I jumped up and turned back to my girls.
“We did it!” I pulled them into a hug.
The rest of the girls on the bench joined in and it was a huge group hug on the ice.
Coach even came over. His all black skates almost looked good with his suit. He looks like a man.
Damn.
I just realized he’s grown up with me.
I’m about to be 18. And he was 18 the first time we met.
Once we made it to the locker room, I changed faster than I ever have. Took the world’s fastest shower (after cleaning every inch of my body) and hurried out of the locker room before half the girls got their pads off.
Sydney, Mobius, Melly, and Yoda were all standing next to the locker room, leaning against the wall.
“There she is!” Sydney pulled me in a hug, “First of all, you smell amazing.” She pulled away, “Second, 2 goals in less than 5 minutes.”
I shrugged, “What can I say? I’m just that guy.”
I looked around as they were all hyping me up, searching for her.
She has to come over here. She always does. After every game.
Maybe it’s because she realized Brad is better. Or because of Ollie.
“She’s here.” Mobius looked around the full lobby of the hockey arena. He looked back at me, “I just have no idea where.”
I nodded, “I need some sleep honestly guys.” I smiled gently at them, “In my own bed. So I’ll probably just head on out.”
Yoda crossed his arms over his chest, “You sure?”
I nodded, fighting the tears I could feel in my eyes, “Melly, you need a ride?”
He shook his head, “Jenny and I are gonna grab a bite after this if that’s okay?”
“‘Course it’s okay dude.” I punched his shoulder, “Don’t stay out too late or Dad’ll blame me.”
He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah.” He glanced Jenny’s way before pulling me into a hug. “I don’t know much about anything. But I know the way that cheerleader looks at you is infinite, okay?”
I pulled away, now really fighting my tears, “That boarding school taught you some shit, huh?”
He shrugged, “I never got below an A in philosophy.”
“Asshole.” I shoved his shoulder.
“Dickwad.” He smiled at me.
I looked at my friends, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
They said their goodbyes and went back to socializing with my teammates.
I walked out the back doors and into the staff parking lot. During the day, we can’t park here. But during games, we have to so that people have room to park in our ridiculously small parking lot.
I was walking to my car when I noticed Scarlett’s White Jeep Wrangler parked right next to the doors.
Scarlett was leaning against her hood, “Natalie.”
I groaned and wiped away my tears.
“Natalie!” She ran up and stood in front of me, “Dude.”
I looked in her eyes, “Don’t ‘dude’ me.” I started to walk past her.
“Can you just tell me why the fuck you’re so mad today?!” Scarlett grabbed my arm before I could, “I mean, you blew me off at lunch. You completely ignored me in all of our classes. And you talked to Olivia. She’s been telling literally everyone how much she likes you!”
“First of all Scarlett, Olivia tells people she likes me. She makes it very clear. And she doesn’t have a problem with that. Second, what the fuck are you talking about?” I yanked my arm away from her, “Bradley Henrichsen was all over you and you just let it happen! Multiple times!”
“And you couldn’t express that you weren’t okay with that!?” Her face was calm but the tips of her ears were tomato red. That’s how you know she’s really mad. “Bradley sat next to me in English and I asked him to move but then he started telling me about his cousin and Angie and how they’re like, basically married!” She folded her arms across her chest, “And I- I want to. Okay? I really want to tell people that I am head over heels for you! But-” She sighed and shook her head, “I don’t know how I would.”
“What do you mean?”
“We aren’t- We’re not official.” Her cheeks went bright red and she looked at the ground.
“Scar-“
She looked at anything but my face as she spoke, “I like you a lot, dude. I like you more than any person I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I don’t know what happened in your last relationship. I don’t know that much about your home life. But this pushing me away instead of talking is really-” She blew out an angry breath and looked at me, “It’s fucking annoying, okay? I have expressed to you how much I like you. And I try to give you reassurance, okay? But you have to talk to me.” She slid her fingers down my arm and grabbed my hand, “I just really need you to talk to me.”
I looked between her eyes, “I’m sorry.” I felt my eyes fill with tears again. I can’t date anyone because of what’s wrong with me. I’m too much. I will always be too much and she’ll realize that and leave. She’s realizing it now. You’re annoying and too much work and Scarlett Santoro will never love you-
“Natalie.” She wiped my cheeks and left her hands on my face, “Stop with all the doubt in your head. In your gorgeous mind. Stop.” She looked between my eyes, “I’m sorry for not making Bradley move as soon as you walked in.” She kissed my right cheek. “I am sorry for not trying to figure out what our issue was.” Kissed my left. “And I am so sorry for making you doubt yourself at all.” She kissed me. Gently. A slow and gentle and passionate kiss. She pulled away, “And I’m sorry for the lack of romance when it comes to this question,” She backed up a step, “I want you to be my girlfriend officially. And I want to let everyone know how much I really do like you.”
“Scarlett… You don’t have to say-“
She raised her eyebrows. Stop with the doubt in my head.
“I wanted to ask you.” I pouted.
She smiled wider, “Then ask.”
“You just did.”
She glared at me, “Ask me right now.”
“Scarlett Evangeline Santoro, will you be my girlfriend?”
She nodded, “Took you enough chapters.”
“Chapters?” I raised my eyebrows. She says it as if we’re in a book.
She narrowed her eyes at me, “It’s an expression. Are you gonna kiss me or not?”
I rolled my eyes and kissed her. I kissed her like my life depended on it.
Then I heard someone cheer.
And that’s when I remembered we’re in a public parking lot after a hockey game and all of my teammates parked back here.
I pulled away and turned to face the school.
Veronica, Allie, and Kitty were standing next to V’s Jeep. Grins on their faces. Allie was clapping. Kitty was almost stunned. And V was absolutely happy for me.
Scarlett grabbed my chin and made me look at her, “Don’t look at them. Look at me.”
I did exactly as I was told.
She smirked, “My parents aren’t home.”
I nodded.
“And they won’t be until tomorrow.”
I nodded again.
She looked at my lips, “I just think we should celebrate your win tonight.”
I nodded quickly and threw my bag into her jeep. “Bye guys!” I waved to my teammates and jumped right into Scarlett’s car.
She giggled as she got in, “Impatient.”
I glared at her, “You- We-” I faced the front and crossed my arms over my chest, “Jerk.”
“I don’t think you’re supposed to call your girlfriend a jerk.”
I couldn’t fight the smile that was tugging at my lips. Scarlett Santoro is my girlfriend.
13 year old me is screaming.
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