We’ve won every game we’ve played so far. It feels almost too easy at this point. But my team’s dynamic is unmatched. We have been playing with each other for years now. It’s just natural.
Today is our last sectionals game. Against some tiny team from Illinois which, they seem nice enough. Maybe we won’t have to use physical force with them.
Or maybe they’ll just hog call us or something. Round us all up Dwayne Robertson style.
That’s obviously a joke but I assume Illinois is rural too. Farms and shit.
I woke up thirty minutes ago. But I hate moving because then I wake up Scarlett when I do. So usually, every morning, I wake up at 6. I lay in bed until 6:45 when her alarm goes off just so she can get all her sleep in.
And then I ‘wake up’ with her.
I looked down as she slept on my chest. Her blonde hair was draped over her face and her left arm was draped over me. Her left leg was also on me.
I played with the ends of her hair while staring at the window.
The sun was just starting to peak out leaving streaks of pink and orange across her white curtains.
I stared and stared at the sky until it was just bright enough for me to realize her alarm is about to go off.
And there it was.
Ispy at 6:45 every single morning.
She sighed and slammed her hand on the alarm clock.
I held in my giggle and kissed the top of her head, “Good morning.”
She buried her head into my chest and sighed. A deep, tired sigh.
I rubbed her back, “You know we have to go to school today?”
She looked up with me with her puppy dog eyes, “I know.” She kissed me quickly then sat up, lifting her arms over her head as she stretched. “I just hate how much time I’m spending away from you with all this cheer stuff.” She stood up off the bed.
I sighed, “I know and hopefully that’ll change soon.” I put my arm over my face as she flipped on the bathroom light, “I am so nervous about this game.”
She came back into her bedroom and kissed my forehead, “You’re gonna win and we both know it.” Then she pulled the blanket off of me, “And the first step is getting out of bed.”
I sat up slowly and just stared at the blanket in front of me.
“If you get up now, I’ll shower with you.”
I jumped out of the bed.
She smirked and pecked my cheek, “I don’t shower in the mornings, babe.” Then she went into the bathroom, “Get dressed.”
Asshole.
________
Scarlett left earlier than me to take Angelina to school since Mr and Mrs. Santoro are still out of town. Chip wants to throw a party but I let him know, I would not be helping. Then he called me lame and I decided to just give him my alcohol guy’s number. Then he informed Scarlett and I both that he was going to throw it at Jersey’s lake house and we should come.
Then I called Sydney because why the fuck did Jonathan Santoro invite me to his party.
Now I’m waiting outside of Mobius’ house because his car is still at Milo’s getting his transmission fixed.
Just as I pulled my phone out to text him, the passenger door swung open and Mobius jumped in the car.
“Holy shit.” He leaned his head back and put his seatbelt on.
“What’s wrong?” I put my car in first and pulled away from his house.
He sighed, “My dad is up my ass about this scholarship to Duke and I don’t even want to go to that school.” He leaned forward a bit, “Then he started grilling me about getting a ride from you and was asking every question he could think of about Sydney because he’s met her once.“
I nodded as I listened to him, “That’s a lot. Your dad scares me but I know he just cares, you know? Duke is an excellent school and if I told any of the adults in my life I was getting a ride with a girl I used to have a crush on instead of Scarlett, they’d react the same way.”
“I know it just threw my head off for the day.”
“Which I get completely, you know?”
He nodded, “Course I know you get it.” He looked at me, “How are you?’
I shrugged, “Last sectionals game today, I am pumped.”
“Natalie.”
I glanced at him and he had that Mobius face on, “What?”
“You know that’s not at all what I meant.”
I smiled, “Dude. You’re a dude.”
“A dude with strong feelings and a highly intelligent emotional understanding of other people. Lay it on me.”
I shrugged, “I have no idea what I’m doing. I am going to Minnesota State. That’s all I’ve got set for myself.”
“I know all this stuff, you know? Because I know you. I wanna know how you are right now.”
I sighed and pulled into the playgrounds parking lot down the road from school. Then I looked at him, “I’m a mess, Mo. I’m in love with Scarlett and I don’t know how to tell her. I have to pretend like everything is okay for my team. And quite frankly, I miss my mom. That’s my biggest issue. Her dying was like a domino effect. My dad became a dick, Melly got sent away, I got kicked out. I have no idea what the fuck to do because, obviously, I have amazing women in my life but none of them will ever give me what I wanted her to. Like, I’m a teenage girl without a mom. I had to learn how to deal with my period from my 7th grade English teacher.”
“TMI but continue.”
I shrugged, “I just don’t know what to do. It’s like I know I’m really fucking sad but I’m just running from it.”
“I think your feelings are obviously valid. I can’t imagine not having my dad around when I first started dealing with my… Manly issues.” He nodded to himself. “I don’t think there is anything anyone could ever say or do to fill that hole in your heart because a mother-daughter bond is like, a really special thing. I see the way my mom loves my sister so I think I can almost understand. But, you never know. You don’t really remember your childhood and maybe your dad was always a little bit of a dick. Maybe if your mom was here, they’d be separated and you’d still be in the same boat. I mean, there are endless universes. There are endless results to your life. But your mom, maybe that had to happen to make you who you are. Screw your dad. Literally if you gave me the okay, I’d kill him. I know Yoda and Sydney and Scarlett would help. It’s okay to be a mess. You’re a 17 year old girl in the middle of Minnesota. We live on a floating rock. Think about that.”
I felt the tears in my eyes and realized the only other people to talk to me like this were Sydney and Scarlett. Hearing this from Mobius Tucker really has me in my feels.
“You know Mo, I love you.” I smiled at him.
And he smiled wider, “Well I love you.” He held his hand out for me to shake.
Instead, I pulled him into a hug.
When he pulled away, he took my aux cord away from me and sighed, “Now go tell your girlfriend how you feel because it’s very obvious.”
“What’s obvious?” I turned the car back on and started back towards school.
He rolled his eyes, “That you guys are in love.” He shrugged, “Or maybe that’s just the sexual tension. Either way, get both things out of your system.”
“Too much truth for one morning, Tucker.”
He laughed, “You’re mad I’m so good at advice.”
“I’d rather kill you than admit that.”
________
“Welcome back to class. As you know, I am going on Maternity leave!” The class clapped a bit when Mrs. Moreno re-announced that but everyone loves her too much to see her actually leave. “Anywho, I am being lenient and only giving you all one assignment.” Everyone actually clapped. She smiled, “A five page essay on your opinions of love. Due February 15th.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought every fiber of my being when my head started to turn towards Scarlett.
I know some people in this class are in very open relationships.Mobius and Sydney are pretty open about whatever the fuck is happening with them. Karlie Smith and Peter Wright. Tabbie and Wilma. They’re weird but at least they’re in love.
I thought about Scarlett and I. It’s January 19. We’ve been dating since October 26th. So almost three months. I mean, in lesbian years, we should’ve said I love you within a month but I wanted to do this one right.
“Are you okay?” Scarlett poked my arm with her pencil and I realized class was definitely over at that point.
I shook the weird vibe off and smiled at her, “I was just thinking about the game.”
She raised her eyebrows, “You know you have it in the bag.” She squeezed my thigh and started putting all her things in her backpack.Then she smiled at me, “We gotta get to English, silly.” She started putting my stuff in my bag for me.
I stood up and just stared at her. I could feel the words in my throat and realized I was gonna say them before I could stop myself in the same way I throw up at parties when I have too much to drink. “I actually have to talk to coach before I go.”
She frowned and handed me my bag, “That’s okay. I have the cheerleader lunch-in today.”
Now I frowned, “And I have to practice with V and Allie during our study period.”
We walked out of Mrs. Moreno’s room after everyone else.
She looped her arm through mine as we walked down the south stairs, “I would say I could sit in there and watch but Yoda already asked me to help him with the Physics homework.”
Damn it! She’s helping my friends with homework. I am so in love with her.
“Okay so we’ll see each other in Physics then.”
She nodded once and glanced at my lips. Then she unhooked our arms, a frown settled on her lips, “I’ll miss you.”
I smiled harder at her, “You’re a dork.”
She glared at me.
I squeezed her wrist, “I’ll miss you too.” I will miss her. But I need this bubbling in my stomach to subside just a smidge.
________
Coach knows about my current home situation so of course he called Mr. Jacobsen and told him I had a hockey thing that couldn’t really wait.
And with our game this evening, it worked.
I sat in his office for 10 minutes before I decided that was way too fucking boring.
So I headed to the locker room and changed into my practice pads. I skated by myself for a whole hour before V finally came into the arena.
And she looked worried.
“Coach said you’ve been down here since second period.” She sat on the bench and adjusted her skates. It’s her pre-skating ritual. Says it helps her ankles.
I took my helmet off and flipped my sweaty bangs out of my face Justin Bieber style, “Eh. Since the middle of third, I wanna say.”
“I’m getting flashes of sophomore year, Natalie.” She looked up at me, that same worried look still on her face. “You know I love you so spill. We all know something’s up.”
I looked around the arena and blew out a huge breath. Talking to V does always help. And she’s not in the inner inner circle so she can give a fresh perspective. “Buckle up.”
We sat on the bench all through study hall just talking about everything I’ve been keeping personal from the rest of the team.
By the end, I cried. She cried. She got really mad and knocked the bucket of pucks over. I got nervous and she called me out about blushing. And we hugged with pads on which is actually really fun.
“Wow.” She nodded, “So you and Scarlett really are…” She raised her eyebrows.
“Yeah since October.”
She nodded, “Allison owes me $50.”
I glared at her, “You and Allison made a bet?’
She shrugged, “Kitty was in on it too but she didn’t bet anything.” She shrugged, “Speak of the devil.” She pointed to the hallway.
I turned around and saw Allie coming in.
V smirked at her, “You owe me $50 youngin.”
Allie frowned, “When?”
“October.”
The freshman threw her stick on the ground, “Damn it!”
“What was the bet?” I looked between the blonde girls.
V shrugged, “I bet you and Scarlett were gonna get together before Christmas break and Allie bet after.”
I rolled my eyes, “I hate you both.”
V pat my back as she passed me to go onto the ice, “Hate us while you practice because your slapshot was bad last game.”
“You realize I have the fastest high school level girls slapshot in all of Minnesota?”
Allie skated next to us, “If we compared you to the boys, you’d be 7th.”
I looked at her, “I moved up?”
V glared at the freshman as we did another lap, “You’re boosting her ego, Winsmark.”
Allie laughed and skated ahead of us. Then she turned back and looked at me, “You did kinda miss three times last game, captain. I think that’s kinda really shitty for you.”
I skated forward to catch her but she spun around and skated away.
“Hey! No chasing the underclassmen without me!” V flew towards us and I realized we weren’t gonna make any progress.
________
We didn’t make any progress. We played tag then had a puck juggling contest. Then we did one drill. That was it.
Now we’re on the way to the cafeteria to get salads because we have a pre-game ritual of only greens. That’s how we win, I’m telling you.
We were almost all the way to the cafeteria when I saw that familiar, fading blonde boy walking with Jenny.
I turned to V and Allie, “I will see you guys in like 10 minutes.”
V looked past me and saw Melly too, “Sure. We’ll wait for you to go back to coach’s office?”
I looked at Melly again, “Don’t wait. I’ll be up there though.”
Allie nodded and followed V into the cafeteria.
I turned back towards my brother, “Malachi!”
He turned to me, whispered something to Jenny, and then started walking towards me, “I swear to God I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“Since when did you have this lunch?’
He stood right in front of me, “Since Monday. It was my first day back and I had to have my schedule changed because I got in a fight with Ryan.”
“Ryan Wilcox?”
He shook his head, “Davidson.”
“The Junior?”
He nodded then eyed me, “Where are you staying?”
I shrugged, “You already know the answer.”
He nodded again, “Dad took my phone.”
I nodded and looked at my feet, “Why?”
“Cause I yelled at him about being a dick. And he got mad so I let him know Mom wouldn’t have done this. I mean, I didn’t get to know her but you did and everything you told me about her… She would hate him too.”
I hugged him, “I thought you hated me.”
He wrapped his arms around me as well, “Don’t cry in the main hallway. You’re too popular to go down like this.”
I laughed, “You can’t take anything seriously.” I looked at him as if I hadn’t seen him in years. “I’m glad you don’t hate me.”
He scoffed, “Why would I? You’re my big sister.”
“I thought you had the same ideas as Dad.”
He laughed, “I knew about you two before you knew about you two.”
I punched his arm, “Shut up. You gotta eat lunch with me now that we have the same one.”
He rolled his eyes, “Only if you buy it for me sometimes.”
“Deal.”
He turned around and looked at Jenny, then back to me, “I gotta get going but I love you. Dad’s gonna change his mind but you just get the rest of your stuff and leave.”
I smiled at him, “That’s the plan.” I hugged him one last time, “I’ll see you later, Melly.”
He smiled at me, “I’m going by Malachi now.”
That made me smile wider, “I like that for you. Bye Malachi.”
“Bye Nat.”
And that was it.
My brother doesn’t hate me and all of a sudden, I don’t feel nervous anymore.
________
“I’m freaking the fuck out!” I’ve been pacing the locker room with my hands on my head for 6 minutes.
We’re 0-2 and it’s already the second half. Their defense is ridiculous.
“Calm down!” Kitty sat on me on the bench, “You are the captain. You can do this.”
“And we kinda need you to be okay so we can be okay.” Jenny smiled at me, “Cause you’re the one making the plays.”
I looked at my teammates standing by me. And I realized I have a lot of people counting on me.
And that made me more nervous.
V slapped me.
And it hurt.
I held my cheek. “What the fuck, Veronica!”
She shrugged, “You feel better, don’t you?” She smirked.
“I hate you.”
Before she could come up with a response, coach knocked on the door. We know it was coach because he absolutely banged on the door.
“Let’s go! You guys have 30 seconds to get out here or I’m just gonna forfeit the game for you all!”
I stood up and looked at my teammates, realizing I have to pull my shit together.
I sucked in a breath and threw my helmet on, “Let’s go Warriors. If this is the last game we play together, I wanna make it count.”
________
We’re tied 4-4.
Scarlett, Yoda, Mobius, and Sydney are in the very front row. Yoda and Mo are wearing matching red and white overalls. Sydney is wearing a red jumpsuit. And Scarlett is wearing her cheer costume. All of the cheerleaders are.
I don’t think we’ve ever actually had cheerleaders at a hockey game.
“Alright. We have 6 minutes left on the clock and I have seen you guys score a goal within seconds. I want the time to run down, Natalie passes the puck around without being off sides or getting a call for holding.” Coach looked around the group, “I know the captain usually has final say over the plays but I want to go for a fakie. Make them think something else is happening then do something completely opposite.”
We all nodded.
“Warriors are three. One. Two. Three.”
“Warriors.” All of our hands flew in the air.
V was fixing her laces again with a huge grin on her face.
Me on the other hand, I’m a mess. “Veronica, we’re about to lose the most important game.”
She shook her head, “State is our most important game. And have you ever thought about how funny it is that we’re the Warriors?”
I furrowed my eyebrows together, “No?” I think being a Warrior is cool.
“Like the Mighty Ducks. The third movie obviously. Hockey trilogy classics.”
I laughed, “I’ve never thought about it!”
She pat me on the back as she stepped on the ice, “Yeah Julie was my gay awakening. Third grade, watching Mighty Ducks two for the first time. That really got me. I knew.”
I giggled, “I think you’ve known since pre-K when Amanda shared that cot with you.”
She glared at me, “And you didn’t know? At least middle school. We aren’t blind.”
“We?”
The buzzer sounded and that left her with a huge smirk, “We.” Then she skated away.
I made my way to the face off circle and with my stick facing the air, only setting it down before I knew I was gonna get a penalty. That’s what I do every time we have a tied game and we always end up winning.
I leaned down and looked at the new girl I was facing off against.
And she looks so sweet, I feel bad.
But I pushed that away.
I pushed away everything.
Lock in. This is your future.
The ref held the puck up.
Blew his whistle.
Then dropped it.
I slammed into the girl as hard as I could and passed the puck to literally anyone behind me that could get it.
The girl, number 8, and I were still wrestling by the time Kitty skated past me but she wouldn’t let me get away.
How is she not getting a call for holding?
I pushed her off and skated around her.
Weirdo.
Kitty and Allie kept passing the puck back and forth to each other. Jenny had it a few times.
The other team had it.
Then I had it.
Then Kitty had it again.
And the time is 2 minutes.
And we need to score.
Kitty finally hit the puck to me again and I headed up the ice. Allie knows what she has to do. Jenny knows to protect her. My job is getting her the puck.
Easy.
I was halfway down the ice.
I looked up and saw Allie right open because why would I pass to a freshman?
Well I just did.
Then number 10 slammed into me.
I had to process what happened before I could move. The boo’s from the crowd were loud.
But I can’t let them see me writhing in pain.
Especially this fuck ass girl who knocked me down.
Oh my God! She’s just skating away.
I got up and knocked into her from behind, knocking her to the ground. “I didn’t even have the puck, fuck ass.”
She threw her gloves off and got up quickly.
I heard the buzzer sound and realized Allie made the fucking goal. And I’m too busy with this little girl who thinks illegal hits are fun.
And what the fuck is up with the refs this game?
Before I could think anything else, she was rushing at.
I threw my own gloves and stick down, getting ready to fight her because I have a lot of built up anger.
She threw her helmet off as soon as we collided which was an idiot move because I hit her in the face.
Somehow, she got my helmet off while we were wrestling and I felt her hit me, but I couldn’t feel the pain from it.
“Stupid bitch. We know about you in North Dakota.” She punched me in the cheek, “You’re obnoxious and cocky.”
I rolled her over and realized my mouth was bleeding so i spit to the side because spitting on people is ghetto, “You’re feeding it. I’m known in South Dakota.” I punched her eye. I pulled at her pads. I wanted to do as much damage as possible.
“We know you can’t resist a fight.” She leaned up and head butted me.
At that point, I could feel multiple hands trying to split us up.
But I couldn’t let that happen.
“You know who else knows about me?” I punched her in the face again, “Every D1 hockey team in the country, bitch.”
I was finally pulled off of her but not before she got one more good hit on my right eye.
And that one hurt.
Everything hurts now.
“Stop!” I was pulling away from whoever had their arms around me. “She deserves more.”
“You’re not angry about her!” V.
Kitty appeared in front of me with a rag, immediately putting it on my eyebrow which started to immediately sting, “All that over a rough hit? We won the game.”
I pulled away from V, took the rag from Kitty, and angrily pushed my way through the team and into the hallway.
I missed Allison scoring a winning goal just because I’m fucking upset.
I threw my skates into my locker (after I put the guards on them because I am very grateful for what I have) and then took the pads off slowly and angrily.
I’m an idiot.
Plain and simple.
We’re going to state, Natalie. Straighten the fuck up.
Right when I was getting out of the shower, everyone else entered the locker room.
The girls were giving me compliments on how well I did the other girl but I feel like shit about it. She didn’t deserve my anger to be taken out on her.
And everyone saw that side of me.
Again.
I’m glad we don’t have a dinner after this game since it’s a home game. I don’t think I could make it through two more hours of talking about it with them.
V handed me my bag and sat across from me in front of her locker, “Last home game ever. You went out with a bang and I know you feel bad about it because I know your hockey side but honestly, you looked like a badass and everyone in the stands thought so too.” She smiled lightly at me.
I shrugged, “I have an open wound through my eyebrow and I can still taste blood.”
She nodded and squinted at my eye, “But no black eyes. Just a bruised cheek and a little cut.”
I looked at her, “Did I actually look cool?”
She nodded, “Yeah you did, Cap.”
I smiled at her, “Wanna get a bite after?”
She snickered, “Yeah. Allie and Kitty are riding with me too.”
I shrugged, “I happen to love riding in the back seat.” I pulled out my phone and sent a text to the womp womp group chat (Mobius, Sydney, and Yoda) and thanked them for coming then told them to meet us at Waffle House. Then I texted Scarlett. She had to leave right after the game to get Wolf from her grandma’s house but she’ll be waiting for me at home.
That’s what she said.
At home.
I’m cooked.
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