The Last Time I Saw Your Stars Shine are you sure about this

“are you sure about this?” he held the others boy hand tight, hoping he won’t vanish in the big dark forest. They’ve been here twice. Only twice, before he left. Leaving the other in full regret and guilt.

no answer.

he turns his head, seeing nothing else then the few fireflies, roaming in the air.

he’s gone. again, wishing he never left in the first place. but the hatred he had for him grew so big, he also wished he never met him in the first place.

“you’re the reason why i turned out the way i am right now.” that’s what he said.

“take your own words to heart, choi san. you’re the reason why i turned out the way i am right now too.”

he was surrounded by icy cold lake water, centered in the middle of the big forest. can he feel any pain anymore? probably not. he was numb. too numb.

“i really thought i could be with him.”

–

what happens to a relationship after ‘the honeymoon’ phase is over? the first few months seem perfect but it won’t last forever. it shouldn’t last forever. relationships are made to have flaws.

wooyoung was too blinded by it, he clearly missed the red flags. he hoped them to be flawless, to be perfect.

exactly, it was perfectly wrong.

why does only hate flow into his mind when he thinks about him? wooyoung hates san. He hates the fact that he’s still so in love with him.

what went wrong?

–

“are you sure about this?” he held the others boy hand tight, knowing he doesn’t wanna leave him. he was sure, he even left his family just to be with the choi san. It’s the first time wooyoung has been here. It’s san his favorite escape. the little lake centered in the middle of the dark forest. wooyoung used to be afraid to come to the forest. but san took his fear and turned it into courage.

he looked at san, which already looked at him with the shining stars he always had in his eyes when he was around wooyoung. he felt the other caress the back of his hand with his thumb. a sign of reassurance.

the icy cold water wasn’t cold. the stinging pain of the cold temperature was bearable because he was also surrounded by his arms. the feeling of warmth. was it real or was he just being distracted by the shining stars, he saw right infront of him?

“see, it’s nice.” he said, which made wooyoung smile. it really wasn’t bad.

“it is.”

san knows wooyoung is scared but he had to distract him. distraction from the the outside. it was cruel. it still is.

the ‘outside’

–

“you cannot be with him?”

“why are you so against me being in a relationship with him? mom, you know i am gay. what’s the problem?”

“wooyoung the problem is that boy.” the angry woman said to wooyoung.

“san? you said you liked him. why? what’s the matter?” he fought back. why was his mother in such denial? she doesn’t even really know san.

“wooyoung why do you have to make it so hard.”

“mom what do you mean?”

his mother stayed silent for a while.

“its either us or him, wooyoung.”

–

wooyoung hasn’t seen his parents after it. he chose san. because he loved him and he thought they were meant to be. was it worth it? wooyoung never had much friends. he was there but also not. nobody really noticed him. but wooyoung likes it that way, but that doesn’t mean he was completely forgotten. there was this one time he had a whole ass fight with some hallway dude. despite that he doesn’t wanna talk to anyone, a lot of people had a little crush on him. understandable, he is fucking gorgeous. even with only seeing his eyes. he always wears a black mask to hide his face.

everyone looking at him but only someone that has caught wooyoungs attention.

choi san.

also the ‘dont talk to me’ kid in the back of the whole classroom. the boy with dark black leather jacket and a bad reputation.

his parents? in his world that doesn’t exist. he had to grow up at a young age, having to know how to get thru the world without much help. Nowadays tall, muscular and mature boy who actually never grew up. he lives in a little room in the very back of a gas station, one of his old dad’s friend rent him. he knew about san’s issues, so he let him have the space or else he would be on the streets. he didn’t have a real goal in life. not until he met wooyoung.

soon he realizes he wanted to do better.

he wanted to do better for wooyoung.

–

“are you sure about this?” san said, holding wooyoung by his waist, inches away from each other, feeling each others breath on their skin. the euphoric feeling that spread thru wooyoungs whole body and butterflies in both’s stomach.

“we can stop if you want to?” san said while removing a strand of hair out of the others face. the stars in his eyes shine the brightest right now. wooyoung knows san wants to do it but he also knows if he wasn’t ready, san would immediately stop and wait.

wooyoung shakes his head and pulls the others head down for both their lips to collide.

the first time.

–

“did you know i can basically attend college if i want to.” san said looking down to wooyoung who has his head rest on his chest.

“of course you can. i know you’re a good student.” it made san smile. he never had someone who had faith in him with his studies.

“so if i graduate collage, will you run away with me?” the shining stars again. they only shine for him. suddenly san was ready to attend collage. a few months ago he was ready to quit high school.

“what happened to ‘bad reputation san’?”

he looked at the ceiling, trying to find an answer. why did he have a bad reputation in the first place? only because he grew up without parents or what?

“I guess ‘bad reputation san’ is trying to turn into good.” wooyoung let a little smile grow on his face. he loved that san was going to try to do better.

“will you run away with me after collage?”

“why wait til after collage when we can run away right now?”

–

“are you sure about this?” he held the others boy hand tight, breaking down in front of him, hoping he wouldn’t vanish from his life. wooyoung holds san’s hand, trying to convince him to stay. the shining stars had turned into the darkest shade, they were no longer shining. there was no expression to read on san’s face. not until he saw a tear roll down the others face.

vulnerability. san has never shown any of it. it never existed, not even in his vocabulary.

“you’re the reason why i turned out the way i am right now.”