Cate had mourned for quite a long time for the things that she could have done better. She had spent countless days and nights regretting all the things she did. She had dug her own grave and wished that she could spend her whole life there, in isolation, in desperate solitude, in despair. She knew – in her mind and soul – that women like her weren’t deserving of all the good, the gentle, and the beautiful things in the world. But when she woke up on her bed, with the naked brunette sleeping quietly beside her, it altered her mind: maybe, sinners like her could be pulled out of hell and be sent to heaven too.
She, like a mouse, moved so slowly out of bed, afraid that the deep slumber of the brunette would be disturbed. As soon as she stood beside the bed, the fresh morning air wrapped around her bare skin as the air seeped into her room through the slightly opened glass wall from the balcony. The blonde then picked up her robe and wore it before she started picking up the scattered clothes on the floor. She didn’t really remember much about last night. All she remembered was their talk and how that led to kissing and making love.
Making love? Could it still be called making love if she really doesn’t know if the other woman still loves her? Shaking her head, Cate smiled. She did not care what the answer was. Making love? Sex? Fuck? People could call it however they wanted it too, what was important to her was the fact that they kissed and owned the night as if they two were lovers.
“Hey…” Cate pressed a soft kiss on Sandra’s head as she sat on the bed, “I’m gonna make breakfast. What do you want?”
The brunette softly groaned. Her eyes remained closed as she snuggled even deeper into the pillow on her side thinking that it was the blonde. Feeling how fluffy it was, Sandra opened her eyes, misfortune lingering on her face upon knowing that it was the pillow.
“You’re not in bed.” The brunette groggily complained, sleepiness hung heavily on her tongue as she rubbed her eyes, trying to shake herself out of it, “You should be lying here with me.”
Cate gave her a darling smile, the morning beauty could be traced from the hem of her lips that Sandra upon seeing it, wanted nothing but to pull her in for a kiss.
“I know, but I’m gonna make breakfast.”
“But you’re sick…” The brunette sat up on her, her left arm gathered the mattress as to cover her naked self, “I’ll make breakfast.”
“No, no.” The blonde chimed in as she held the brunette’s hand softly, “I’m no longer sick.” She replied, “Therefore I can…” Cate paused as the realization slowly hit her; she was well, therefore the brunette was no longer obliged to take care of her, thus, the glimpses of what would happen started to flood her system and it rendered Cate speechless.
“Hey…” Sandra did not fail to notice how Cate went silent all of a sudden, “You okay? You just went silent.”
Cate swallowed the lump that started forming on her throat, “Yeah.” She knew she shouldn’t cry for she knew she wasn’t the brunette’s responsibility anymore, “Yeah, I’m okay. I should…” She stood up, her lips went into a straight line, hands clutched together before she folded them against her chest, “I should start dinner. I mean, breakfast. You need to eat before you go.” And with that, the blonde trudged her way out hastily, afraid that her tears might fall, afraid that Sandra might see it.
—–
The sun was already up and the scattered clouds had already disappeared from the skies. Sandra wrapped a towel around her freshly washed hair before she started going downstairs. The aromatic smell of coffee and the sumptuous smell of bacons filled the air. The brunette smiled. It had been ages since she woke up to a morning beset with air smelling like great breakfast. Since she and Cate broke up, Sandra never really started her day cooking. For years, it was always the blonde who cooked her meals; she was never a good cook, Cate even used to bluff saying the brunette couldn’t even boil water. It somehow felt like a fresh start, a new chapter where they could paint a blank canvas with different colors and it made Sandra smile. Deep down in her, she was wishing it was the case.
As the brunette reached downstairs, she was welcomed by the sight of Cate cooking. The blonde had her back on her whilst she focused on buttering up toasts. The brunette sneakily walked towards the blonde on the kitchen and when she stood a few inches away from her, it was when she snaked her arms around the blonde.
“Hey…” Sandra placed her chin on the blonde’s shoulder blade as she took a peek of what she was doing, “Food morning. I mean, good morning.”
Cate didn’t reply. Instead, she continued toasting the bread, completely ignoring the brunette hugging her from behind. That did not go unnoticed by Sandra.
“Hey. What’s your problem?” Sandra backed away and stood beside the blonde, “You weren’t like that when you woke me up.”
“Nothing.” Cate got the buttered toasts and started putting it on a plate, “I just really want to finish this so you can eat breakfast because I know…” She started walking towards the table and placed the toasts down before she went back to the grill to get the bacons, “…I know that you would need to have breakfast before you get home. Now that I am well and am no longer sick, you can finally…” The blonde’s rambling was cut off as the brunette held her hand before turning the stove off, “What?”
Sandra took the plate of bacons and put it down on the kitchen island before she held the blonde’s hands, “Stop it.”
“What?”
The brunette held the blonde waist and pinned her against the kitchen island, “You were rambling.”
“I was not!”
“Yes.” The brunette jested as she fixed the blonde’s collar, “…you were.” She added softly before she went back to look at the blonde in her eyes, “I am happy. I am happy that you are well, but I…” She shook her head, lost for the words she needed, “Can you be honest with me? Why are you upset?”
Cate gave her a scoff before she attempted to walk out, but Sandra was so quick to pulled her waist and pinned her back again, “I’m not upset.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I am not.”
“Are you upset because you’re thinking that now I am gonna go home already?” Her nimble fingers reached the blonde’s collarbone before Sandra held the blonde’s chin and started caressing it, “Are you?” The brunette waited for the blonde’s reply, but all she got was a secretive sigh and a bent head, “Baby… look at me. Please, just look at me.”
The melancholy got sewn so deeply in Cate. On that very moment, she felt so much like a crumbled trainwreck and she wanted to smack herself for acting like that because she knew she did not have the rights anymore. The cold crept and trespassed into Cate’s bones that she felt so much like a lost child in a grocery aisle. Sandra was there, holding her tightly while her other hand kept on making their eyes met and Cate was afraid for it to happen. She was afraid Sandra might see through her, might know how vulnerable she was inside.
“Cate, please… look at me.” And finally, Cate did, “Cate…”
“Maybe in another life, Annette.” Sandra’s name easily rolled off her tongue, but what Sandra did not know was the pain Cate felt whilst spitting it out – the pain was a muscle memory, something so deep, something rooted in the insides of Cate’s bones.
“What?”
“Maybe…” With that attempt, Cate’s tears finally fell, “Maybe in another life, you wouldn’t have to go home because you and I are wiv…” And tragically, the word died somewhere in her throat and Sandra felt the sting, painful and sharp.
“Oh, baby.” The brunette wiped the blonde’s tears as she made their foreheads met, “I told you, I want to stay.”
“That was last night.”
“Then I’m gonna say it again.” The brunette cupped her face as she placed a soft kiss on her cheek before she looked at her softly, “Let me stay and I will.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“I’m not.” Sandra replied, all smiles before the brunette placed a sweet peck on her lips, “So will you?”
“Of course!”
That sweet melodious chuckle went out of the brunette’s lips, “Okay. Now hush and let’s eat.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Cate, without any word, flipped their positions. Sandra had her hip now against the kitchen island and Cate was in front of her, wearing a smug smile and she looked so damn handsome and pretty that Sandra could have sworn angel Gabriel was in front.
“Let me have my breakfast first.”
“It”s already 9 in the mor — oh.” The phrase went dead as Sandra felt Cate’s tongue on her neck, “Fuck me…”
***
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