There was a pile of papers stacked on her desk. Her coffee was left untouched, gone cold as she left it sitting on her table for hours already. She was supposed to be tending paperworks, but the moment she stepped into her office that morning, it felt like her soul was left sleeping on her bed. It was already five in the afternoon and all she could remember was she, sitting in her office. Sandra could not even remember if she took patients that day, could not even remember if she had her lunch.
1 month. 30 days. 720 hours. 43200 minutes. That’s how long she had been waiting for her hospital visit or even for her a call. She wanted to know how her leg was doing, but the last time she’d seen her, it did not go well. She was telling herself she should blame her doctor mode – that she only wanted to know how her patient was doing -Â but deep down, Sandra knew that wasn’t the reason. She’s fucked up and doomed because no matter how hard she would try to flip the world, the reason why she was like that all day was because she missed her.
Since they broke up, she was okay. For years, she was fine. She had forgotten the feel of her skin and how she smelled and for Sandra, it was a goddamn victory. But that day, seeing Cate inside her office, she knew she was bound to sniff the soil of the earth, hoping to sniff a scent of her. Hope hurts. And waiting was a punishment. But that was her tragedy for ending things back then, for still putting up a wall now, for subtly doing things just to drive her away. Sandra was the one who dug her own grave and now that she was on the verge of getting buried, it was only when she realized she wanted to live.
“Still sad?”
She was taken aback when one of her close friends, Jennifer Aniston, a surgeon from another department barged into her office.
“Who says I’m sad?”
A roll from Jennifer’s eyes came to scene, “It’s written all over your face. And that coffee seems to look years old, by the way.” She added as she stepped into the office, taking the chair across Sandra’s desk, “Why don’t you call her?”
“Call who?”
“Tsk. That highest paid actress of all time. Your ex.” She muttered as she looked at her seriously, “And I may be from another department, but it’s all over the hospital. She visited you here once, you treated her leg. And?”
“And what?”
“There’s still something you haven’t told me, lady. You won’t be as devastated as you are today if there was nothing. So tell me, what happened?”
The brunette gave her a look before she shook her head, giggling, “You’re trying to fish a scandal. You’re not even sure why I’m sad.”
“Oh, I’m sure. It’s about her.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Jennifer did not give her an answer, but instead she handed Sandra her phone. Curiousity started to bang the brunette’s head as her friend handed her the phone with a little smirk. Sandra took the phone and looked at it: a series of entertainment news with Cate Blanchett as the subject.
What a pride: Cate Blanchett ‘pridely’ says she’s open to loving women romantically; says gender does not matter.
Hollywood A-lister Cate Blanchett comes out as gay.
Are you the one Cate Blanchett is looking for?
Fans have been speculating for years and finally Cate Blanchett is out.
Gay! Yay! Cate Blanchett comes out as gay and wants to date a woman asap!
Jennifer looked at Sandra, who at the moment, was silent as she held the phone tightly in her grasp. The brunette did not know what to say, yet she felt as if the world on her feet was slowly crumbling down. She did not know what should be the appropriate reaction for the news being plastered on different news agencies and tabloids: should she be happy now that her ex was out? Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t really be happy for her given the fact that Cate broadcasted it onto the world that she wants to date a woman. Now that the world knew who Cate Blanchett really was, Sandra knew women of different kind would strip down easily for her.
“You should call her.” Jennifer broke the ice silently as she held Sandra’s hands, who at the moment, was still holding the phone.
“And say what? Tell her that she should date me? Again?” The brunette laughed but Jennifer could see the tears silently dwelling into her eyes, “No.”
“But you want it to.”
“I saw her and took her home.” Sandra blurted out so suddenly, unable to breathe easily as she felt like her lungs were slowly constricting her, “She passed out on a bar like a month ago. I was on her speed dial. The staff called me. I went out to her and took her home.” The silent felt too melancholic and it didn’t help that Jennifer was too silent listening to her, “She’s been very vocal about wanting to try us again, but I was stupid enough to push her away.”
“You can still try. As of speaking, your ex is still single.”
“Can’t you read between the lines? I pushed her away. Her, broadcasting that she’s gay and wants to date a woman is her own way of telling me that she wants nothing to do with me anymore.”
Jennifer left out a sigh as she started walking out towards the door, but stopped just before she could get out to turn back at the brunette who also just stood up from her desk, “She wants to date another woman. And you’re going to let that happen?”
Sandra gave her a cold shrug, “I don’t know.”
“Call her.”
“She probably won’t answer.” A deep sigh escaped her lips as she closed her eyes and leaned onto her office’s wall.
“She will. And if she will, that means you and her should get back together.” Jennifer spoke before closing the door, leaving the brunette standing alone in her office.
Trapped between the white walls and her own desperate silent screams, Sandra bit her lower lip as she tried so hard not cry. She’s fucked up. At the moment, she knew how she did her wrong and how she just wished she didn’t because standing there all alone, she knew her heart knew no name more furiously than the blonde’s; Cate Blanchett was and would forever be the scripture burning on the end of her tongue and she knew there was no escaping it.
“This is foolish.” She muttered, pertaining to the pleas of her heart, yet despite the extreme urge to shut all her thoughts about her ex, she just found herself fishing out her phone from the pockets of her uniform, “You can’t call her.” She muttered to herself as she looked at her ex’s number on display, “She won’t answer.” Still, she dialled her number.
Sandra never liked hearing other people’s voices; she craved muted silence and the unspoken things. But the moment she heard that saccharine hello, the brunette just found her heart on the floor wrapped up in fire.
***
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