The entire Dolby theatre kissed the silence, and when silence fell, a large flattering spotlight shone down on the giant screen in front of them. It was a monumental night, one in which success and dreams gradually merged into one. Cate, in the front seat, couldn’t help but clutched her own seat for support. Sure, she’d seen her face on the big screen before, but the scene she knew would be playing had her enthralled. Cate appeared on the television, dressed in a scarlet robe while holding a half-smoked cigarette. She was quite stunning, and she knew she did a fantastic job in her character as Brie Miller, a spy who fell in love with her target.
[ “Are you afraid?” Brie asked as she turned around, eyes pleading for the answer that she wanted.
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid of me.” She smoked the cigarette, inhaled its smoke and let it seeped into the insides of her nose, “Are you afraid?” She asked once more.
“Of you killing me?”
Brie’s intended victim, Leo, placed the empty bottle of scotch in his palm. He silently considered what to say as he tilted his head and gazed at the woman in front of him. Brie took the initiative when she thought he had lost his tongue. She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly before placing the cigarette on the table to put it out. With their eyes locked together, Brie stood in front of Leo while she removed her robe off her body, and the night officially began. ]
“Someday, that cigarette will kill you.”
Cate rolled her eyes, even though she knew it was true. Instead of arguing, she took her last exhale of smoke before she put it out. Cate was on the balcony, and she was standing against the balcony’s door looking at Cate as if she wanted to devour her alive.
“Got plans?” She asked.
Cate shook her head, “No, you?”
“Well, I’m trying to study tonight.” She chuckled, “I didn’t know wanting to be a doctor is such a chore.”
A darling smile curled upon the hem of Cate’s lips, “How about I make love to you before you study?” She wriggled her brows, “Just to energize you, you know.”
And the night kissed its beginning when Cate’s cigarette kisses pressed firmly on her skin; intoxicating, addicting, reverberating – not a spot missed, not a moment not spent licking for stars on her pores and lines. The brush of Cate’s teeth unraveled her secrets, and she dug deeper into her bones each time. The pressure, the pleasure, the resurfacing treasure. And there she was, bent beneath her feet, forever curved by the art of Cate’s fingers. The wild in style, the sweats all worthwhile. These champagne nights, the study sessions, the secret meet ups were training their demons, meeting the angels in a once in a night visit with their halo tickets. Unzipping each memory in a rainbow ride. Their oasis was a rose-bed and a love that’s more hushing than bromide. Magnet touches of Cate were caressing her skin; still so seductive, destructive, yet equally compulsive. Her smiles, her sighs silenced down Cate’s one hundred ‘why’s. And she was voluntarily there - drowned in Cate’s cigarette kisses; addicting, inebriating, reverberating.
“Catherine?”
Cate was pulled into reality when she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, “Yes?”
“Your award. The host has been calling you for a minute already.”
“Oh.” She smiled awkwardly before she stood up.
“And there she is, the ever-charming, the goddess and the most sought-actress of all time, Catherine Blanchett! A round of applause for our sixth-time Academy award winner!” The host jested and the spotlight shone upon her as she approached the stage.
Thousands of claps were heard as Cate trudged towards the stage. Smiles of people from the same industry and people whom she didn’t know beamed against her as she accepted the award. And she stepped into the podium with the built-in microphone standing on it, she felt so overwhelmed. In front of her were a thousands of people looking all the same and when she looked to the side where the dark corners were, it was all the same, with people standing still. And once again, her heart ached. Once again, she thought about the possibility of her attending the award’s night. Could it be that she was also there? Applauding her too? Would she be proud? But then again, she thought, did she even know that she won another award?
With a thousand apologies inside her heart, she scanned the whole theatre, hoping to see one familiar face; silently hoping to lock with a pair of familiar eyes, but she found none. The whole crowd was silent, surely waiting for her to speak and it was the moment Cate realized that no matter where she would be at life – how many wins she would be bagging, she would forever be a loser.
Cate smiled, “I’m dumbfounded as I watch you all in front of me and realize how fortunate I am. I shall be forever amazed by the love and support that you all have showered onto me with this honor.” She looked around and plastered a darling smile, “It feels great to be able to do something you’re passionate about and receive everyone’s support in return. I can’t express my gratitude to you all in words since it’s impossible for me to do so. But now that I’m here, I’ll give it my all. First and foremost, I’d like to express my gratitude to the Academy. Thank you for giving the role to me, Todd Haynes, my wonderful director. To my co-actors and co-nominees, you are all terrific, and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to work with you. Last but not least,..” She looked into the camera and raised her trophy, “I hope I have made you proud – you know who you are. Please know that I am also very proud of you and know that I already stopped smoking.”
The people inside applauded. It was a success, however, Cate didn’t feel like it was.
***
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