Half an hour after Taylor’s worrying call, Andrea arrived at the Target parking lot where she was supposed to meet her daughter. Luckily, it was still early and there were barely any people around. Even in her worst times, Taylor worried about people spotting and taking pictures of her. Taylor was really relieved when she saw her mom and rushed to the car as fast as possible, her only wish was to disappear. As Taylor climbed into the passenger seat, she looked as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and Andrea immediately immediately saw the tear streaks on her daughter’s face and the redness of her eyes.
“Hey, honey,” Andrea greeted her gently, instinctively reaching out to touch Taylor’s shoulder as she pulled away from the driveway. “What happened? Are you alright?” Taylor merely nodded, bit her lip and stared out the window. Usually, Taylor had always been Andreas open book, a storyteller, someone who shared even the smallest details of her life. This uncharacteristic silence was deafening, but Andrea didn’t push any further at first.They drove for a few minutes in silence, the only sound the steady hum of the engine.
“Sweetheart,” she began, her voice soft, “you know you can tell me anything, right?” Taylor’s shoulders tensed even more, and she gripped the seatbelt tightly in her hands. Her throat tightening as she tried to find the words. She needed to open up to her mom about this, she knew that. Finally, Taylor’s voice came, barely a whisper. “Mom…I don’t know how to tell you this.” Andrea’s hand reached over to Taylor’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Tell me whatever you need to, honey. I’m here, and it’s okay.”
Taylor took a deep, shuddering breath, her voice wavering. “It’s just…what if…what if I’m not just friends with Evie?” The words hung heavy in the air, and Andrea looked at her daughter in confusion. She frowned. “Not just friends?” Taylor’s hands trembled as she wrung her fingers together, her eyes welling with fresh tears. She was so afraid of what her mom might think, but there was no going back now. She had to say it out loud. “God, Mom, what if I really like her? And we’re dating? Mom…I think I like women as well.” Her voice cracked, and she looked away, unable to meet her mother’s gaze. Andrea’s breath caught in her throat. Her eyes widened slightly as the meaning of Taylor’s words sank in. She blinked, and clearly looked surprised for a short second.
“Oh, Taylor…” she whispered, her voice breaking as she took in the vulnerability in her daughter’s face. Taylor looked so fragile, so small, as though admitting this truth had taken everything out of her. Taylor continued, her voice filled with pain. “I told Dad, and he…he just freaked out. He couldn’t understand. He kept saying it wasn’t right, that it wasn’t who I was supposed to be, and he said…he said some really hurtful things.” She looked down, her hands clenched tightly in her lap. “I didn’t know it would feel like this, Mom. I…I thought he’d understand. I thought he’d at least still love me, but now…I don’t even know.” There was so much hurt in Taylor’s eyes and in her heart, she didn’t know how to handle it. Her mom pulled the car to the side of the road and turned off the engine to give her daughter her full attention. She turned to face Taylor, reaching out to gently pull her into a hug. Taylor melted into her mother’s arms, the hurt and confusion spilling over as tears she’d been holding back. “Oh, baby…I had no idea you were dealing with all of this,” Andrea murmured, rubbing Taylor’s back gently. “I didn’t expect this, but that doesn’t change anything. I love you, Taylor and I am here for you.” Taylor looked up, relief and vulnerability flickering across her face, though tears still spilled down her cheeks.
She let out a shaky breath, as if her mother’s words had taken away a small part of the burden weighing on her heart. But the relief was quickly followed by something else. She felt panic rise inside her, an overpowering wave that made her chest feel tight and her breath quicken. Andrea’s expression changed as she noticed Taylor’s face, her daughter’s breathing becoming shallow and rapid. Taylor clutched at her seatbelt, her whole body trembling as her breaths grew quick and shallow. “Taylor? Sweetheart?” Andrea’s voice took on a panicked edge as she realized Taylor was having a full-blown panic attack. “Breathe, honey, slow down…I need you to breathe with me, okay?” Taylor shook her head, gasping as the walls seemed to close in around her. Her vision blurred, her chest felt tight, and she could feel the weight of everything pressing down on her. This was all too much and she suddenly felt really small. “Okay, okay, look at me,” Andrea said, her voice soft but firm, trying to keep Taylor grounded. She took a deep breath, making sure Taylor could see her doing it. “Just breathe with me. In…one…two…three…” She inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, watching Taylor’s face, willing her to follow. It seemed like ages but gradually, Taylor began to match her mother’s breathing. Andrea counted each breath softly, keeping her voice calm and steady. Little by little, Taylor’s breathing slowed, and her shoulders relaxed. The world no longer felt as though it was spinning out of control. After a few more moments, Andrea kept her arm around Taylor, rubbing her back soothingly. “You’re okay, sweetheart. You can relax here.” Taylor let out a shuddering breath, finally able to relax into the comfort of her moms’s arms.
After a long while of deep breathing and her mom trying to calm her down, Taylor’s voice was barely more than a whisper when she finally spoke. “Thank you, Mom…I…I didn’t know how to tell you. And Dad’s reaction only made it worse…” “Oh, honey…” Andrea pulled her closer. “I am so sorry for what happened. Let’s drive home first and then talk calmly about it.” Taylor looked into her mom’s warm eye and was only able to nod. She only wanted to feel the comfort of her mother’s home now.
An hour later, Taylor and her mom sat on the living room couch. Taylor was wrapped in her cardigan and clutched her hands to her coffee mug. She noticed Andrea’s worried face and her unease as if she was ready for her next panic-attack. But Taylor felt calm in her mom’s presence, at least calmer than she had felt on their drive home. “So…how long has this been going with Evie?”, her mom asked her curiously but also clearly unsure if Taylor was ready to talk about it. Taylor took a deep breath. “I think I started to really like her by the end of October…we hung out a lot and she was already a close friend then…and for a long time I thought that we were just that…really close.”, Taylor stopped for a moment to check her mom’s face. She was scared to find the same expression in her eye’s that she had seen in her fathers earlier this day. But she couldn’t. Her mom only waited for her to continue with the story and looked at her with kind eyes. Taylor took another deep breath to find the courage to go on. After her conversation with her dad, it felt as if her words were able to cause an explosion at any second. “I tried to ignore my feelings but then we drunkenly kissed each other one night and that’s when I finally knew how I felt for her…and It was all a huge surprise for me too…but I’ve never felt this strongly for anyone before after a quite short amount of time.”. There was a short moment of silence between them, a silence Taylor didn’t like as she was scared of what was to come. “I obviously had no idea what went on between you guys but I already noticed how important she was for you.”, Andrea told Taylor and softly smiled at her. “Why?”. “Well, you came home for Christmas and I expected you to probably have a lot to tell from the tour and the traveling. But all I know is what Evie likes to do in her free time, what Evie’s favorite food is and how amazing Evie’s set is…”. Andrea laughed and took a sip from her coffee while Taylor tried her hardest not to turn red. “I didn’t realize I talked so much about her…”. “You did and that’s normal when you really like someone. She seems nice and you can keep on talking about her if you need that.” Suddenly, her mom’s face hardened and she took a deep breath. “I am just really sad that you’re dad seems to think differently. Seeing you this devastated after being at his house shocked me.”
Taylor swallowed hard. The thought of her dad was too much to bare and she wasn’t able to forget his face of disgust when he had told her how he had felt about it all. She had only told him about her feelings, of something beautiful and he had reacted with so much negative energy towards her. “Mom?”, Taylor asked and tried to ignore the image of her dad’s face in her mind. “All of my stuff is still at his house. Can you get it for me? I don’t want to go there again before I leave.”. She needed a break from her dad, she was not in a position to face him again very soon and that was her right. “Of course honey. You don’t need to go there.”
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