AIDAN
It has been three days since what happened in the forest and Sergeant Chase was no where in sight. I have been losing my mind and I needed her.
Earlier, a bunch of people in suits showed up at the camp. I had no idea who they were but they disappeared to that cabin the agents were staying at. I never got to see what they were doing because we were called in for assembly in the tent they set up for graduation day.
But all the agents were gone.
I had a feeling something was going on but Sergeant Chase was keeping me in the dark about everything. I had no idea what was happening with the dead trainees or the ones we left unconscious.
I was scared I would not graduate. Any moment, agents could walk in and arrest my team and I for the murder of those trainees we killed.
On top of my anxiety, my concience was killing me. I killed someone.
I took away his life.
“What’s going on with you?” Dawn moved from her bunk to mine then sat facing me with her legs crossed.
“Uh nothing” I mumbled, tired.
“You are not sleeping. Everytime I wake up, you are always awake. You look so tired, are you even eating?” Dawn frowned looking at my face.
“Do I look so horrible?”
“You are pale and you have bags under your eyes. Tell me what’s keeping you up” Dawn gently took my hands in hers.
“I killed a person Dawn.” I whispered, even the words made my tongue swell.
“A bad person. He was a bad person. We are soldiers and it’s our job to protect people. If he lived, graduated and officially became a soldier. How do you think he would have used that power to his advantage. He was a monster”
“I can’t justify what I did. I could have beat him up and reported him…he had a chance to change. To be punished the right way. I split his skull open and stabbed his throat. What makes me different from him. I’m a monster”
I couldn’t lie and say, I was fine. These thoughts were in my head every second.
“That’s not true. That’s not true and you know it. Report him, then what. You think those girls he assaulted didn’t Report?. I heard them talking, those boys molested so many girls since training began. Maybe over 20 girls. And the horrible part, they were forced to keep training. They were forced to be silent with no justice. He got what he deserved and I don’t regret killing his friend either”
Dawn fumed staring in my eyes to make sure I understood. But I didn’t feel any better. I needed one person to tell me I was not a monster. I killed a man in cold blood.
“Thank you Dawn. Umm you should go to sleep, I’m going for some fresh air outside” I shuffled down the bed then got down.
“Be safe and I hope you don’t mind me sleeping in your bed because I’m not moving” Dawn laid down and hugged my pillow.
She was adorable. But stronger than me because she was sleeping and eating and nothing about her changed. I was struggling, horribly.
I stumbled out of the bay and felt the fresh hair hit my face. I was strong enough to defend myself but I was not about to test my luck so I stayed close to the bay.
I wished I had a cigarette.
“What are you doing outside?” A voice came from my right.
I jumped a little but calmed down when I saw who it was.
“Private Black”
“You dissappeared” was the first thing u said breaking eye contact.
I didn’t want her to notice how weak I felt.
“I was taking care of things” She stepped closer.
“You don’t have to avoid saying you were cleaning up my mess” I looked at the dark sky with blurry eyes.
“Aidan…”
“I keep messing up. This time I took someone’s life. I can’t close my eyes, I see hemis dead body. The blood, what I had done. I can’t make it stop” Tears ran down my face.
Sergeant Chase had that effect that made me open up and show her my wounds before she even asked. Like I knew she would take care of them. Of me.
“Tell me something, let’s assume we are back to that night. When you caught him hurting Jamie like that… what do you wish to have done differently?” Her raspy voice. Was so soft that i knew she was not using her authority on me.
“I wish I knocked him out but kept him alive.” I spoke barely above a whisper.
“I did that, remember?”
“What?”
“The day at the lake when those boys attacked you. I knocked them out, didn’t I?” She moved closer to me until she was standing so close to my back.
“Y..yes”
“But they woke up and what happened?. They did it again. I know you think that if they managed to survive they would have changed. But they didn’t. I know you think you took away their lives, they were human too but what type of a human holds another human down and rip away their soul. Because that’s what they were doing, they took away so much from all those girls.” Sergeant Chase slipped her cold hand in mine still standing behind me.
I never turned around.
“That doesn’t make me a hero Chase”
“Hero?. What’s that?” She asked so quietly, this moment felt more intimate than sex.
“A person who saves other people”
“Heros are chosen by people. But not everyone will see them as a hero. Because sometimes heroes destroy other people to save other people. So heroes are only heroes to some people but they are also villains to others”
I swallowed down, processing her words.
“You don’t have to see yourself as a bad person. Just, remember how I see you and stop wondering how everyone else will see it because you took a step in a moment to protect someone close to you. I’m proud of you as long as you know deep down in your gut that you did something good”
Tears ran down my face. I needed to cry. I just wanted her to say that. She just removed the weight of the world from my shoulders and I could breath again.
“You are a good person Aidan. You are my good person”
I turned around and threw my arms around her neck and buried my face in her neck as I cried. I took a few steps back with me still clinging on her then she wrapped her arms around me.
I felt so safe. Like nothing could ever touch me or harm me. When I calmed down and looked around, I noticed she moved back to the dark corner of the bay where nobody had eyes on us.
“Where were you?” I asked with an attitude.
“Fix that, now”
“Where have you been Sergeant Chase” I politely stated my question.
Ugh why can’t I be more brave around Sergeant Chase?
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