Ricky x Y/N
Angst/ Hurt
GOLDEN Series
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“Y/N, are you going to the reunion next Friday?” You got a message from one of your close college friends, Matthew, the other day. “I heard that Ricky would be bringing someone along. Don’t feel like you have to go.”
You stared at the name mentioned in the message. It has been at least half a year since you’ve last heard this name. The last time you heard his name, people were telling you that he was seeing a girl. You two were a campus couple, so you had a lot of close mutuals, which made things much harder after you two broke up.
Seven years. You were with Ricky for a whole seven years. You two met at university and fell in love almost immediately. Just as you thought you would stay with this man forever, you started to feel that he was drifting away for no apparent reason. And one day, he asked to break up with you.
He didn’t shy away from a proper conversation; he sat you down at his home and came clean about everything that was on his mind. He told you that he had fallen out of love with you. He tried to rekindle the spark, but it didn’t work. The number of times he said sorry was uncountable, but no matter how sorry he was, he was determined to end the relationship.
You stayed quiet for the entire conversation with your head down. What else could you have said? He had come to a verdict without giving you any space for negotiation. It was a notice, not a discussion.
.
We weren’t perfect, but we came close
Until I put all of our pain under the microscope
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You let him go because you knew there was no use keeping someone who no longer loved you, but your heart shattered because you still loved him. Seven years wasn’t a short amount of time. You wouldn’t be able to change a seven-year habit easily, so how could you suddenly stop loving someone you’d been loving for seven years?
A while after you heard from your friends, you received a message from him telling you that he was seeing someone else. Very courteous of him, maybe a bit too courteous.
You type and delete, type and delete, trying to find the right words.
‘As long as you’re happy, I wish you all the best, Rick.’ was what you came up with in the end.
And his ‘Thanks, Y/N.’ was the last message you two exchanged.
Whenever you missed him, you would go back and read your conversation, which dated back to more than seven years ago when you just met. The two of you would compete to come up with the best pickup lines, and his clumsy flirting would never fail to make you laugh.
He had the looks that could woo millions of girls, but from the moment he fell for you, he made sure you knew that you were the only one he could see, even though he wasn’t the expressive type. You loved him, and you knew he loved you too; that made you feel like you were on top of the world.
But the happier you were back then, the more heartbroken you are now.
You’re extremely hesitant about going to the reunion. You don’t think you’ll be able to handle seeing Ricky with another girl next to him, and you’re also afraid that things will become awkward because everyone there knows you two dated. You don’t want your friends to keep reading the room, minding your feelings while making sure Ricky’s new girlfriend feels welcomed.
But you want to see him. And so, nothing else matters. Your impulsive and emotional self has decided to go regardless of all your concerns.
You imagined the most gorgeous girl coming into the restaurant with him thousands of times, just to mentally prepare yourself for that moment. But when Ricky walked into the restaurant holding hands with his new girlfriend, your heart clenched like never before. You have always been the one next to him, yet now you’re sitting far away from him as a college acquaintance, barely even a friend. And his girlfriend is no longer you.
You felt your friends stealing glances at you, so you faked your brightest smile, pretending to be fine. Then he met eyes with you. You froze for a millisecond before flashing an even brighter smile at him. That was your only interaction of the night. You didn’t realise how forced your smile looked and that he saw right through it; he knew you too well. You felt your eyes getting teary, so you quickly looked away and pinched your thigh under the table. You turned to Matthew, who was next to you, and started chatting with him to distract yourself from the couple. Yet throughout the dinner, you couldn’t help but notice how Ricky looked at the girl and how he cared for her. You once received the same treatment from him.
As always, these gatherings never stop after one round. After dinner, you all stood outside the restaurant, and someone suggested you go somewhere else for a drink. You’d had enough for the day, so you, along with a few others, excused yourselves.
“Do you want me to drive you back?” Matthew kindly offered.
“No, it’s fine. You go ahead with them.”
“We’ll probably head home too.” You heard Ricky speak up from the other side of the bunch.
It was hard for you to hear how his ‘we’ no longer included you.
You waited until he left before going in the opposite direction to catch a cab. You felt tears rolling down your face once you walked away from the group. You felt useless because how were you still stuck in your love for him when he had clearly moved on?
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And I still can’t face it
I’m still in love, for what it’s worth
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Late into that evening, while you were still pathetically drowning in a sea of tears, your phone rang. You looked at the string of numbers on the screen; you may have deleted Ricky’s contact, but his phone number was already engraved in your brain. You almost thought you were hallucinating, but the non-stop ringing was letting you know it was real. Your trembling hands reached out to pick up the call.
“Hey.” He almost whispered.
Hearing his voice made you cry even harder. You covered your nose and mouth with your hand to muffle your sniffles.
“Are you crying?” He asked after a period of silence. “Sorry, I don’t know if I should have made this call. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know it could have been too much for you if I brought her, but she would get insecure if I didn’t, especially knowing you’d be there.”
It’s ‘sorry’ again; twice within just a few sentences.
You took a moment to readjust your breathing before finally speaking up.
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Ricky. Being too considerate is just a way of stabbing my heart again. My pain is no longer your responsibility, so from now on, please just turn a blind eye even if you notice I’m having a hard time. You should only think about her from now on.”
“Do you resent me, Y/N-ah?”
“I wish I could, Ricky. I really wish I could.”
You ended the call and with your shaking fingers, you scrolled to the bottom of the screen and hit the red button.
Are you sure you want to block this caller?
Yes Cancel
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Maybe hatin’ you’s the only way it doesn’t hurt
So I’m gonna hate you
I’m gonna hate you
Paint you like the villain that you never were
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